A/N: Since this is a sequel to Rebellion, you may want to read that first. This is a total crack AU where Harry 'pretends' to be insane to drive other people insane. This is that Harry's sixth year, though I haven't bothered to re-read it for this.
For those who have come from Rebellion already, follow this space for new updates. I hope that you enjoy this story as much as you did the first one.
Fun fact, 'They're Coming to Take Me Away' came on while I was preparing this.
Chapter One: Relevant to the Dark Lord's Needs
Draco Malfoy entered Borgin and Burkes, his presence so commanding that it took Borgin a minute to realize that someone else entered with him. The boy with the messy black hair looked around the shop nonstop as they made their way over to the counter. As he stepped in the dim light provided by the candle, Borgin caught sight of the lightning bolt making its jagged way down his forehead. "Harry Potter?"
"No," the Boy Who Lived said. "This is Draco Malfoy. I would have thought that you would recognize him, he screams creepy all over him."
"I do believe he was talking about you," Malfoy pointed out. He sniffed. "Of course he knows who I am."
"Oh. Yeah, you really don't look like Harry Potter at all," the Boy Who Lived said.
"Now why would a Malfoy be in the presence of Harry Potter?" Borgin asked. And without a curse to be seen.
"He's not?" the Boy Who Lived said. He gave Borgin a confused look. "I'm not Harry Potter. You can call me Harry."
"Look, would I really be traveling with Harry Potter?" Malfoy asked, looking bored by the whole thing. "We just happened to come across some genuine Harry Potter hair strands and we needed to test them out. Now he's stuck like that for as long as the Polyjuice lasts."
"It's really fun pretending to be Harry Potter, you know. People stare at you all the time and point and whisper about you. And sometimes they even give me free stuff." The boy who claimed that he wasn't the Boy Who Lived glanced around the shop once more. "Are you going to give me free stuff?"
"No," Borgin said.
"In any case, about the matter we talked about before," Malfoy said, bringing things back into focus. "Is it ready?"
"It's right over there," Borgin pointed off to the side where the Vanishing Cabinet stood in plain sight. "Now, about the topic of money."
"Yes," Malfoy said. They began to discuss the issue of payment, haggling over how much the Vanishing Cabinet was worth. It was an object that the Dark Lord wanted, so he couldn't go too expensive, but that didn't mean that he couldn't wring out every single knut he could out of his dear customer. While he chatted money with Malfoy, he kept watch on the boy who wasn't the Boy Who Lived out of the corner of his eye.
The boy wandered over to the Vanishing Cabinet and inspected it, sticking his head in and out a couple of times before nodding. He then pulled out his wand and started casting spells. Borgin really wasn't sure what some of them did, but others turned the Vanishing Cabinet a bright pink with yellow flowers. A healthy dose of glitter coated the Vanishing Cabinet - and about half of his shop.
"Oops," the boy said, blinking under a pile of glitter.
"What are you doing?" Malfoy asked. "Can't you control a simple spell like that?"
The boy shrugged, sending glitter flying. "I wanted to add as much glitter as I could. I guess I added a bit too much glitter."
"I'll say," Malfoy said. He turned back to Borgin. "Sorry about that."
"What is the boy doing to it?" Borgin asked, eyeing the creation.
Malfoy hesitated for one moment, barely noticeable. "It is relevant to the Dark Lord's needs."
"Well it's going to cost him," Borgin decided. The Dark Lord could do whatever he wanted, but coating half of his store in glitter - not to mention transportation of the object - was more than he bargained for. The haggling resumed immediately and the boy went back to decorating the Vanishing Cabinet. ...Was that a rubber duck he was making out of the glitter heaped on the top of the Cabinet?
All in all, Borgin was happy when the two boys finally left his shop. He stared at the glittery mass that the Vanishing Cabinet had turned into. "The Dark Lord's needs, eh? I've heard that he didn't come back quite the same, but I hadn't thought it was that bad. Maybe it would be better to disappear for a while. Or stock some better products." Muttering to himself, he headed to the back of the shop.
Meanwhile, coming out of Knockturn Alley, Draco shook his head. "I can't believe you did that."
"I just lost control of it for a brief moment. It's hard when you can't even practice," Harry Potter, the actual Harry Potter despite his claims in the dark curio shop, said. "It worked out well enough."
"What part of that turned out well?" Draco asked. "Who knows what that storekeeper is thinking about us now."
"Who cares." Harry shrugged. "We did say that it was the Dark Lord's preference, right?"
"You know he's going to get into trouble when he goes to deliver something like that, don't you?" Draco asked.
"He's catering to the Dark Lord, he deserves whatever he gets," Harry replied. He wished that he could see Voldemort's face when the store showed up with the improved Vanishing Cabinet.
"I still can't believe we're doing this," Draco said. He shook his head. "Umbridge I could see. No one liked her and there wouldn't be any consequences for going against her."
"For you, maybe, but I was pretty sure that she was going to expel me at some point," Harry said.
"I was reluctant to join in on pranking Professor Snape because I do respect the man," Draco said. "But the Dark Lord? You really are crazy, aren't you?"
"There's been a lot of debate about that," Harry said. "Look, the way I see it, while I may have beaten the Dark Lord of Hypocrisy back, there's no way that he'll leave me alone for that long. We appear to have some sort of a ritual every year, I'm just reacting on the same scale that he is instead of waiting until the last minute."
"I suppose when you put it that way it makes sense," Draco said. "But, still, it's the Dark Lord."
"It's just like with Umbridge, I'm just striking before he does," Harry said. "Just think of it that way and it becomes less insane."
"No, it really doesn't," Draco said.
"Hey, there's Hermione and Ron," Harry said as he spotted them up ahead. He jogged over to where they were. "We're done."
"How'd the mission go?" Ron asked.
"I completed everything, just with a lot more glitter," Harry said. "You know, it's completely different when you actually cast it."
"That's why we're supposed to practice spells before adding them to our repertoire," Hermione said. She bit her lip. "Are you sure that we should be doing this?"
"It's only luck that we managed to hear that the Dark Lord of Hypocrisy was planning of waging an attack on Hogwarts through Vanishing Cabinets of all things. If he wants to sneak around then he needs to deal with the consequences," Harry said.
"Pranking the Dark Lord as he gears up for an attack on Hogwarts is not a consequence," Hermione said. "You've just found a new target, haven't you?"
"Well, you can't say that anyone would be really upset if I target him, right?" Harry asked. "Though, I suppose I could see Dumbledore trying to scold me for being mean to the Dark Lord of Hypocrisy."
"That's because no one would be stupid enough to prank a Dark Lord. Generally that sort of thing will get you killed," Hermione said.
"Lucky for me, he already wants me dead," Harry said. He rubbed his hands together. "I guess that means I have all the permission I need."
"I really wouldn't call that luck, mate," Ron said. "Unless you're talking of the bad kind. In any case, it's kind of funny, you know."
"I think his insanity has rubbed off on the lot of you," Draco said. "I should go before it rubs off on me any further."
"Not to mention that we really don't want to be seen together just yet," Hermione said. "We'll talk more about the project at Hogwarts."
"Stay alive until then," Draco said. "Remember that you can't fly without a broom, Potter."
"You mean my scar doesn't give me magic flying powers? Nuts," Harry said. He grinned at the dark look that Draco sent him and waved goodbye as the Slytherin faded into the crowd.
"We really should get back before they notice that we're gone," Hermione said. She stood on her tip toes and craned her head to try and spot their group.
"Over there," Ron said, pointing to a large spot of red hair.
"Away we go," Harry said. They made their way back to the rest of the Weasleys and tried to blend right in without attracting any attention. Sirius barking called it to them and Remus turned to look at them.
"I don't want to know what you've been up to, do I?" Remus asked.
"I've been up to good," Harry said, smiling innocently at Remus. He absolutely looked like he had been up to no good, but he was conspiring against a Dark Lord and that automatically meant that he was up to good, right?