Authors note.

Hello there, Bon jour, I'm very glad to meet you. I'm excited and rather nervous simply because this is my first M rated fan fic. So please tell me what you think I should change or how to improve. I'm so excited to share this with you I could just about explode! I have been here for about a year now and I figured it was time to break out of my comfort zone. I have already done a fic in which Katniss was taken by the Capitol, but in that one she was pregnant. That was a bit off-putting simply because there was no high jacking she just lost her memory and that story went off to be way more than I ever intended. Plus I didn't read Mockingjay and therefore didn't know Peeta was filled with drugs to hate her. I know what you're thinking, YOU DIDN'T EVEN READ THE BOOK AND YOU'RE WRITING A FAN FICTION?! STOP RIGHT NOW! Meanwhile back in reality my most popular story is the one about Katniss pregnant in the Capitol. Someone spoiled the book for me and I just had them tell me everything that happened, then I Wikipediaed it. So anyways I'm fairly sure that they would not have used the same methods of torture with Katniss as they would Peeta so I shall be throwing in a few surprises. The reasons for this M rating I'm ever so talkative of are as follows.


Sexual content

Drug use


Torture - including but not limited to - fire, electricity, flesh eaters, mutants, and tests of sanity.

A shit ton of blood


Suicide attempts

And attempted murder

I want you all to know how much I thank you for reading this dinky little thing and now let's get started.

Chapter 1 Brightest Darkness

"In the future, torture will once again become a recreational sport of the rich" Doug Coupland

I woke up once. I remember it distinctly. I felt my tired eyes flicker open for a moment. The whiteness of the room blinded me, the smell of blood and death clogged my senses. Then a faint eerie smell of roses over powered the scent of blood, and the wicked chuckle of a sinister man beside me entered my mind.

"Go back to sleep, my Little Lamb." I didn't see the person but I couldn't fight sleep.

It soon became unbearable to keep my eyes closed, once my tired eyelids had fallen. All I could see was brightness and I wondered why it wasn't dark like it always had been.

Like when everything went black in the arena, or when I would sleep after hunting. I wondered why the darkness left me. Why brightness had taken its place.

Though upon waking up I rather wished it bright.

Cold dark grey walls greet my waking body. I look now at the cracked decaying walls. Little light is present in what I have concluded is my cell.

There are no bars just a hardly noticeable door as far from me as possible. I look down at my hands which are bound to the bed (well alright more like a table) with rusty copper cuffs. I'm wearing a thin white dress that almost seems like it was made translucent, which makes me uncomfortable.

The hardly noticeable door opens breaking my trance of confusion. A peace keeper walks briskly towards me. He says nothing but takes my cuffs off of the bed and attaches them together.

He grips my bicep and tugs me to stand up. I stumble to my feet as he drags me out of my confinement.

These halls are white and excruciatingly bright. He shoves me down to the end of the hall, and promptly crams me through the door. I fall to my face.

"Hello Katniss." Feet appear in front of my eyes. I sit up to my heels and look into his cold blue eyes.

"Snow." I grumble. My eyes narrow as my instincts make entire body stiffen.

He chuckles at me "It's so adorable how you still think you're the girl on fire, Katniss. But take away those flames, my dear. Take them away and you're left with nothing more than an innocent Little Lamb."

"I'd hardly call myself innocent" I mumble.

"Neither would I, however, you have yet to see what true evil is, my dear. You're an innocent girl in the sense of what you have seen and done." He snickers at me reaching my eye level, "You think the Games were bad just you wait my dear." He grabs my face in a sudden rage and begins to shake my head, "You think I've never dealt with someone like you before? Oh my dear Little Lamb you have no clue." He thrusts me to the floor so I can listen to my blood pulsate through my shaken brain.

"What do you want from me?" I manage to ask sitting up again.

"I want you to beg." He cackles standing up, "I know you have no part in this rebellion and so I just want you to suffer."

"They have a name for people like that, psychopaths." I say rather defiantly.

"Oh my dear, don't worry about holding your tongue anymore. Your fate is already decided and nothing will change my plans."

I breathe a bit harder at his words, "Ladies and Gentlemen." Suddenly the room fills with people. In response to their sudden appearance, I close my eyes afraid of them. They snap photos of my indisposed body, they shout questions and my name. I want to cower from them, but they are everywhere, "I present to you Katniss Everdeen. Who as you know will now be fundraising for our war front." He waves before the people disappear. Just like that all of those people are now gone.

"Fundraise?" I ask.

"Yes. My Little Lamb, you do know what they use Lamb for right?" I shake my head no, "They parade it around as a show animal before shaving it's fur and sending it to the butcher."

"You're going to-"

"No, I'm not going to kill you. But I do hope you enjoy our hospitals for you will be seeing a lot of them."

He walks past me stepping on my foot. My eyes wander the room confused as to how those people were here and then gone.

Two Peacekeeper come into the room and pick me up by my arms. They place me on a wall and suddenly I'm stuck there. My arms spread to the side and my legs parted so I make an X with my body. Then there is a lock over my mouth so my speech becomes halted altogether.

A doctor walks in and the lights in the once dim room turn up, "Won't this be interesting class? I want you to pay very close attention now. This is a very expensive, and RARE procedure"

I begin to shake when I hear this, what will they do? "Now, to begin we'll start with the right side on the Arch Foot Artery." He pulls out a scalpel and begins to cut my foot. I want to scream in fear but my voice is nonexistent. I have no control over any part of my body.

"We move up to the Dorsalis Pedis Artery right about here." He says, it looks like he simply draws along my body with a red marker. "You see right there?" He asks opening my wound wider, "It's clear which means it's healthy."

"Now we move up to the Anterior Tibial Artery before we hit the major artery of the leg the Femoral Artery" My leg burns as blood oozes out of it onto the floor. I have donated my body to science even though I am still alive.

My muffled cries subdue as time passes and I some how do not faint from all the blood loss.

He cuts my veins on my left side, leaving the arteries cut up on the right to make a clear path way of blood. Up and down my legs and arms he draws along my body with his scalpel. I am a human map of the body. I can feel my tears mix with blood when he cuts my facial arteries. When my hair gets in the way he cuts it off so to better show my cut open arteries and veins.

He doesn't cut my neck because that would kill me. I hope he'll have a slip of his hand.

I don't think there is any way to describe this intense burning pain. I am still stuck to the wall crying bloody tears, I can feel sweat mixing with blood. I can feel the infections of uncleaned wounds crawl through my blood system as the doctor closes the lesson.

These doctors treat the Capitol soldiers. I am a training dummy for these sick people. They smile and find themselves interested in every cut in my body. These people will save the men and women who are killing, or trying to kill my friends and family. I can now understand, that I have just given them basic tools to do so.

They leave me alone and Snow renters the room. "Hello my Little Lamb." He laughs, "You've been sheared of your fur I see. No more flame for my girl on fire, you have no wings Mockingjay. So my dear all you will ever be is this. An innocent Little Lamb.

"Used by me, to train my doctors. Good work, now they shall save thousands of lives... Capitol lives. Isn't it wonderful?" He gets so close to my face I can feel his hot breath entering my wounds making them pulsate with excruciating heat and pain.

What a cruel sick man. I stare at him trying to seem angry, but my face will not contort for I still have no control over it. "Aw, my Little Lamb," Snow laughs, "Guards!" He shouts and two enter the room, "Take her to the surgical ward, she'll be seeing quite a lot of it I bet."

They take my body off the wall and I fall to the floor in a heaping pile of blood and anguish. I cannot physically scream as of now. So instead I cry, I cry until I cannot cry anymore.

Though I sit here and cry I know one thing. They will never break me and now as I am thinking this I can only see the brightness of the hospital.

I hardly know what has happened when I'm greeted by the blinding light of the hospital yet again. "Good morning my Little Lamb." Snow chuckles, "I'm so glad you're getting quicker at recovery my dear. That's very good. Very good indeed. We may be ahead of schedule."

"What do you mean?" I ask finding myself in restraints.

"My Little Lamb we mustn't spoil virgin ears." He sighs, "Patience you'll find out in good time, just what is in store for you."

I breathe a bit differently at these words. I breathe with more hesitation, I feel my body cringing with every venomous word he utters.

"I'll see you in a few hours my Little Lamb." He pats my shoulder before walking away. I've never been quite so terrified in my life. Just the chill he manages to send down my spine every time vague and cryptic words come out of his mouth.

How he does it, I will never know. I stare at the endless bright ceiling as he leaves, and feel comfort only because I know that this means safety. This means sanctuary if only for the few hours I have.

I refuse to let my mind wander to that despicable mans scheme. But I have nothing else to think about, and just as I think this.

What happened to the others? Peeta? Finnick? Johanna? Beetee? Ebonaira? What about the districts? Is Gale okay? Or mother? What about Prim?

Snow spoke of rebellion, does that mean they're a part of it? Is there really a rebellion? Are the others here being tortured?

Then I realize I may be a prisoner of war. Will Snow use me for leeway if there really is a rebellion?

Pondering what may have happened takes up my few hours. "Come my Little Lamb."

"I'm so ecstatic" I contradict. He leads me through the hospital and to underground tunnels eventually leading us to a room that looks like an underground arena.

The people in the stands are all in Capitol uniforms. Snow shoves me on an elevated platform where I stand crooked. My feet inverted, knees bent slightly, as if I'm prepared to run if need be. But then again where would I run?

"Welcome everyone, I know you are all very anxious for the show, but just to set the tone for this performance let us reflect.

"Katniss Everdeen. Victor of the seventy-four annual Hunger Games, has committed treason against the Capitol. She was once known as the girl on fire." Everyone cheered and Snow leads them on. "Now she will burn."

Suddenly where I now stand bursts into a glaring blaze, I scream on contact with the flame. It hungrily eats away at my thin dress. I fall to my knees feeling my entire body kissed and bit by fire.

I can feel my skin reach its melting point, I can feel every thread of clothing singe and disappear off my body. I can hear my fingernails crack in the heat.

My hair crackles like wood in a fire-place. I want to die, as my nerves fuse together, and my skin melts off my body.

The flame is ready to kill me, but Snow has promised not to let that happen. The flame is doused with a quick water fall.

The cool sears more than the flame. I can feel my once melting skin harden in the sudden temperature change, making the remains of my dress stick to my skin. I grip my arms as my skin crystallizes in the cold air. I begin to cry which also burns.

My soaking, singed hair sticks to my face, though there is hardly any left it covers my eyes.

"Get up!" Snow spits, "Up!" He kicks my ribs as if I am some animal he is tending

I manage to get onto my blistered and now bleeding feet. My muscles contract so tightly I want to fall back down. But I don't, I stand to face them.

"She was the spark that started this war, and now we will give her more than a spark!"

I am then shot with electricity, how much I can't be exactly sure. How I am still living, I am also dumbfounded.

It was like a quick snap of every nerve in my body. As if all my nerves and blood vessels splintered apart after being fused as one, and I find myself incapacitated. I can't move, nor do I want to ever again. I would be fine to just lay in this spot.

They are laughing and jeering, trying to infuriate me, wanting me to take a stand, even with singed uneven hair, with my violently shaking muscles that I can't stop even if I tried, with my bleeding melted skin. They edge me on, beg me to challenge their authority over me.

I want to die, but Snow has promised not to let that happen.

"Their Mockingjay, their spark, their girl on fire, has crumbled to her feet before us. Just as they all will!" They all shout honors for the Capitol, I cry silently shaking uncontrollably with bleeding melted skin, my muscles jolt with electricity still bouncing along the railways of my nervous system. I would never hope this pain on any other as long as I live. No one, not even Snow deserves this amount of excruciating pain.

When my mother would bring men to our house for healing, the first thing she would ask them is to rate their pain on a scale of one to ten. This pain was a nine and I fear the day I feel my ten, I fear the day I feel my ten is very near. I wonder if he'll really force me to keep living.

Even if he will I know only this, he will never break me. No matter what they do to me, I will not break. I'm still laying on the floor thinking about my resistance to his tortures.

I wonder if he'll just leave me here. I get my answer when the bright lights of the hospital blind me. I groan as the lights mean temporary safety before my next torture. Snow isn't by my side, I am grateful for this happening.

I am grateful to be alone. But I know it will not last. I look at my bound hands, they have shiny new red skin that still doesn't feel right.

It's not my skin, I don't even have my own skin. How do I keep going? I'm not even sure to what degree my sanity is at.

"Come Little Lamb we have some persuading to do." Snow smiles interupting my thoughts, as guards pull my limp body up.

I pretend my legs are not working but they just drag me to a small confined room anyway.

I'm left alone for a few minutes in the darkness before a light shines. I look and see Johanna, sitting and fighting the guards.

"Look Johanna at your little comrade." Snows voice pierces through the looking-glass he is using.

Johanna is being forced to look at my limp body. Her eyes still have fire, they still have hope, and it is strange because this prompts some hope to enter my own heart. I smile meekly at her.

"Brainless" She whispers just loud enough that Snow and I can hear her.

"You told a pretty little lie in the games didn't you? There is no one left I love! Well there is one person left, two really, sadly I only have your little fire friend and not that fish man."

He's talking about Finnick, so he's safe. That's good. He's safe at least someone is.

"Commander, whenever you're ready" Snow smiles slyly.

I feel strong arms lift me to stand. My cuffs become attached to a wall. I use my legs to stand slightly off balance and my skin pulls as it has yet to be used.

I hear the crack of the whip before I feel it on my skin. I will not cry, not at this, not in front of Johanna who clearly knows something. Whips do not scare me. They are used too often as threats in Twelve. She needs to stay silent for the sake of the rebellion I'm not so sure is even in effect.

But there is a twist, as I am finding everything in the Capitol to have, and this whip has spikes that I can feel embed into my skin. They latch on and with each whip I can feel them leaking something into my blood system.

"What are you doing?" She asks wearily.

"Making you care." He snickers.

I look at the window and lock eyes with Johanna, I mouth to her "They will never break me." and only pray she can read my lips. I cringe as he takes another whack at my back.

I had started to feel them break me, but her fire rekindled my own. I feel weak and weary but I know I'll get by. I know I won't break. She needs to know this too. That I will never give up.

I've counted twenty lashes now. I keep my eyes locked with Johanna's trying to keep her sane. She has hope and I need to hold on to her hope as well.

After forty lashes I am ripped off the wall and thrown to the ground. I still refuse to cry. I can feel the spikes in my back release some kind of liquid into my blood stream. I only hope it's poison.

It isn't of course, but one could wish. I feel my muscles contract and release. My eyes roll into the back of my head. I'm seizing, why? I don't know.

"Brainless!" I hear Johanna shout but nothing can be done. I'm seizing in a pool of my own blood. I realize don't have skin on my back anymore. That I know for sure.

My seizing assures me of that, as I can feel my skin tear away from the muscles it protects.

"She'll die you know." I hear Snow say, "If we don't treat her soon." I know I'm safe. I try to open my eyes to reassure Johanna I'm fine, that I will not break, but when I try to move another dosage of this seizure medicine courses through my veins.

I only feel the jostling of blood and skin until I can feel nothing at all.

The hospital fades into view. "You're late my dear Little Lamb." Snow yanks me to my feet. "You know Caesar doesn't like to be kept waiting."


"You have an interview in an hour. Don't worry I have an off-screen camera you'll be reading off of." He takes me to the old training center and through to a prep room.

My old team is there, they offer me condolences for the baby I apparently miscarried a few months ago. I've been locked up for months, they tell me, that I was recovering and healing from the Games.

They tell me Cinna died, they also tell me how thrilled they are that I am on the Capitol's side. How the Capitol is the side that will win.

They speak of war as if two children are fighting over a toy and that this has nothing to do with real lives. I guess they've always been this way. But it bothers me now more than ever.

They slip a wedding dress on to me. As if to mock me, as if to slap me in my pathetic state. But even like this they will not break me.

"Tell me do you know where Peeta is?" I ask upholding the Star-crossed lovers act as well as being afraid for all my family.

"Oh you poor dear." Vienna placed a hand on my cheek, "He's in District Thirteen."

"You poor kids! I can't believe war is tearing you two apart" Flavius bawls. I nod and look down at the fabric. The dress is too extravagant for anything I'd have ever picked. Or anything Peeta would like for that matter. Peeta wouldn't be repulsed by it but he wouldn't want me to wear it.

"Come along Dear, we are on a tight schedule to keep" I'm not sure who says this because of the trance I've placed myself in. I'm pushed on stage where I meet Caesar.

"Well don't you look stunning?" I smile and hope I don't wring his neck while the opertunity is prime. "You're not going to catch fire on us again are you?"

"No I promise I won't" I look slightly off stage to see yes there are lines for me to go off.

I am thankful for it. I wouldn't have lasted half of the interview without it. Two hours of sitting in a wedding dress talking about a boy I'm still not sure about my feelings for, about a baby I never carried, and about a war I knew nothing about until days prior. I'm dragged away from the place and back to my confinement.

"What next?" I ask wearily as Snow paces my cell. I'm not really asking him. I'm asking myself. I'm going crazy here, new skin every time I wake up. The ringing of the flames still hung in my ears but is now replaced with the sound of the whip cracking. And then cracking reminds me of when my fingernails cracked in the flames... Every time I run my hands along my arms I can remember how it felt when it was melting and I shiver to think about it.

What more can he possibly do? How much more of this can I handle? Will I ever be free again?

He chuckles and it chills my skin, "Oh my dear Little Lamb. So impatient." He takes my face in his hands. "Don't worry, we'll get to the fun soon. If we stay on schedule by the end of the week even." I have until the end of the week to live. I never thought I'd be given a time frame of when I can live and die.

I'm suddenly very afraid, and I want nothing more than to hide away.

"Well I'm sure they can take you early." He lifts me up to stand and guides me through the hall. I've been in three of these eight doors. I wonder if all my tortures lay behind these doors.

He throws me into one of the rooms before taking off my hand cuffs and leaving. I can feel the raw skin of my wrists breathe again. I want to cry but I don't even though this room is pitch black, I don't feel alone.

I hear something moving around the room many small somethings. I can't make out the exact sound but it sounds like it's scratching at the floor and walls in an attempt to escape.

The lights slowly turn on until I can hardly see what has been making the noise. Cockroaches, they don't faze me, being from District Twelve I'm used to them. I don't like them but I certainly am not afraid of them, "Thank you for testing our new mutants My dear"

"Mutants?" I whisper.

"Flesh eating insects. I think an attack of these will do well in your dear District Eleven."

My eyes widen at this news, the mutts look at me now. "Let's test them out now shall we?"

I scream, attacked from all sides, the bugs quickly crawl up my body devouring my flesh sucking the life out of me.

I collapse to the floor as the mutants rip my flesh. They creep along my now exposed arteries and muscles. I am afraid, I may be screaming in pain and fear but they will never break me.

Or at least that's what I'm telling myself. But I'm not sure. Telling myself I will not break makes me feel better. Though, I feel like I know I've cracked under these people.

I feel like I have let them get to me, but in telling myself I am strong they have not yet fully ripped me apart.

When I find the bright return of sanctuary I can still feel the lingering crawling feeling those mutts left on my skin. I look around tugging at my chains, in pure laziness. I know where I am, I just don't want to be here. Sure I can't say I want to be anywhere in particular. Well maybe in hell, at least there I might be left alone to my torture.

"I see your awake again my Little Lamb." Snow smirks knowingly at me. I'm not broken, I tell myself, He hasn't won. Though I'm still not sure if this is true. "How much water does it take to douse that fire in your eyes, Little Lamb?"

"There is not enough water on this earth." I respond though I am not confident in this answer.

His icy eyes flash with entertainment. "Still fiery I see. We'll just change that." He begins to leave the room before speaking again, "I hope you know this will be an immense pleasure for me."

With that he is gone. I'm angered by his words, I want to lash out. I want to rebel but I know I cannot.

I have hope since they questioned Johanna that maybe there is a rebellion maybe everyone is safe. Maybe, just maybe there is some hope in this dark place. This bright hospital room has never seemed so dismal before. Never so eerie before.

The Peacekeepers gently get me out of the bed. They change me into a lace white dress instead of the normal tattered blood stained one and into leather cuffs instead of copper.

"What is this?" I ask.

"Leather doesn't scar." One says simply, "We were told not to hurt you... Yet" He grins with pleasure.

The second jostles me down the hallway, "Now shut up we don't want to ruin the shoot."


"Shut up!"

I comply only because I'm their prisoner and they can do what ever they want to me.

We stand there waiting in a hallway for the longest time. I stare at my feet and contemplate what must be behind that door. I wonder what he'll do to me.

I'm afraid but not so afraid I'm paralyzed when I'm finally pushed into the room.

I'm shoved into a boxed area of the room and pushed to the ground.

"This," Snow gestures to me, "Is your Mockingjay. Your precious hope." I notice the camera crew filming him and following him with the camera.

"You can take those things off, she's not going anywhere." He snickers at me. The guards take off my leather bands.

"You think you're so pure? So innocent?"

"You stole all of that. I have nothing left of innocence to give you!" I snarl.

"That is where you're dead wrong my Little Lamb. That is where you are dead wrong."

Suddenly my hands and legs stick to the walls spreading my legs apart. "What?" I mutter.

"For you see there is but one ounce of innocence left in you." He crouches to my eye level. "And I plan to rip it out of you."

Before I know what's happening his puffed up lips have locked with mine. I scream behind my lips and clenched teeth. I scream and feel my shoulders pinned to the wall behind me like my hands and legs.

He pulls back and slaps me. "Shut up" He whispers I gasp in fear and disgust. He pulls my jaw to face him and the camera, "I want to enjoy this my Little Lamb." I feel him inch his hand up my right thigh as he presses his lips to mine again.

I muffle cries and pleas as my lace skirt falls to my hips. He bites my lower lip and strokes my thigh.

This can't be happening to me can it?

I close my eyes tightly and feel his lips travel down my jaw and to my neck. I presume he's taking off his pants when his hand leaves my thigh.

Once his lips return to mine, his hand gropes my breast with a raging hunger I have never known. I'm more than afraid, I'm petrified

His hands travel from fondling my breasts to holding the small of my back.

I can feel him nearing me and my skin crawls in anxiety, I've heard of erections before, I've never seen anyone with one before but I know of them. I know he has one and I know what comes after you get one and the reason for it is sitting nearly naked in front of you.

His lips lock with mine again. Tears stream down my cheeks, trailing my jaw and falling on to my collarbone.

He pushes into me and it takes all of those restraints to hold me back. I scream behind his lips, I scream for help though my voice does not exist in the air as I had hoped. I'm praying that if there is a god he'll end this now.

It hurts, as he moves inside me I can feel the skin rip. I know the science of this, from school courses. How when a woman is being raped she tenses up to keep the foreign object out of her. How the muscles are so tight they tear.

I can feel him take away all I have. He moves and moans in pleasure. I rasp cries of pain while he sighs in satisfaction.

It's not long before his lips smash into mine, before he goes rougher pushing farther into me. Before he's gasping for breath craving more of me.

My bated breath comes from my fear and the agonizing torture of these occurrences. He roughly grips my breasts again, squeezing and clawing at them. I lay incapacitated, exposed, and raw to him. I feel blood and semen sticking to my legs the more he pushes into me.

His tongue maneuvers in-between my teeth. In his vulgarity he rips my dress and for a second between thrusts, looks down at my chest.

He holds my bare breasts in his hands as he resumes pushing into me. As he tears away the last thread of childhood I held dear to my heart.

I feel myself tighten and tear while he continues his destruction of me. I feel only pain in his pleasure.

As his ragged breath intensifies I can feel him bite my tender new skin. He nibbles on my jaw and ear lobes. This is supposed to bring pleasure but only makes me cry. I can almost feel the skin bruise on contact with his teeth.

He is sweating, his skin boils against mine. In his last thrust I can feel him come.

It's over, I have crossed the barrier of child to adult. My breasts are sore and tender, surely to bruise like the rest of me. My skin feels raw and torn, just like my pride and dignity.

He pulls out of me and smirks. "My dear Little Lamb. No longer quite so innocent are we?"

He pulls his pants on so I can now open my eyes. I see blood pool around me. I'm still bleeding heavily too.

The wall releases me of my confinement. I take my arms and curl into a ball. I lean against the wall and cry. I don't care that I can feel the blood ooze around my feet, I don't care that I can feel the throbbing pain of forced fornication. I need to have strong sure arms surround me in confort, and I am the only one who can offer this.

"Are the rebels really telling me that THIS is their hope? This is their symbol? Well I guess that explains that." He laughs at me, and then his hateful breath is in my ear, "Show them your face my Little Lamb." He seethes with anger.

He rips my head from my hold and smashes it into the wall. "Show. Them. What. The. Face. Of. The. Rebellion. Looks. Like!" With each word I get my face smashed into the wall.

So much blood pours down my face I cannot see. I feel like I'm looking at camera but I can't be sure.

He laughs again, "Your girl on fire? Her flame has died out." He throws me back to the ground.

He's right, my flame has died. I'm broken and I cannot lie to myself any longer. I cannot hide the simple fact, that I have nothing left. I have been torn open and exposed for all the world to see. These sick people have broadcasted me loosing my virginity, and there isn't a damn thing I can do about it. I am and probably always will be broken.

He grabs me by my neck and throws me across the room. "She is nothing now." I would grip the ground if blood loss were not hindering my stability.

"Stand up!" He demands. "Up!"

I weakly get on my knees and push up on to wobbly arms. My head spins so violently I use all my remaining energy to vomit. Blood is all that comes up.

Though as weak as I am I stand up, on vibrating legs and unsure feet, I stand to face my enemy.

"I have cut your wings Mockingjay, you are nailed into the ground. Your flame has been doused. I have sold you my Little Lamb. And at a hefty cost too."

He slaps me so hard, I fall to the ground and inevitably into unconsciousness. My last thoughts before succumbing to the darkness are consumed by the realization of my body being violated.

I'm no longer a virgin, I have nothing left to give. So what will he take next?

"Soil a woman, no one understands what that means. Not all woman are pure, I cannot truthfully admit this. But what is that saying to the rapist? That it is okay if she sleeps around. I came sadly to realize this meager point. Rape means nothing anymore. Just so long as you leave a mess of a woman you're doing it right" ~Unknown