On My Own
"Sometimes you have to be your own hero. Because at the end of the day, you'll only ever be stuck with one person. Yourself. Everyone can abandon you but you'll be left with your own heart. So I say, be your own hero and don't be afraid to be alone." ~Unknown
I am not quite awake. I can certainly hear the familiar beeping of the heart monitor, but my eyes remain closed.
Two familiar voices creep in on my ears. One is Peeta's he's says something about me.
The second is Gales, he says something that rings in my half conscious ears. "She'll choose the one she can't live without."
I think about this sentence for a while, leaving my confusion about my ever-closed eyes. What on Earth did he mean by that? That I had to choose one path in life or the other? How does one do such a thing?
Then it hits me, I don't have to choose. As I once heard a relationship that comes to ultimatums is not worth keeping. I'm not afraid and neither should you, neither should anyone for that matter.
When they say this... That I'll choose who I can't live without. I lay in silence for a moment pondering how best to respond. Maybe just to open my eyes, but then I think harder. I don't want to spend my life with either of them if they have to ask this question.
They figure I am asleep, but I am far from it. The two of them hold one of my hands as they say, "She'll choose the one person she can't live without." And once I've contemplated their words fully I take my hands away.
"Neither." I say simply, "I choose neither." And then I let them see me with open sane eyes. I look at them with the coldest eyes I can manage and say it again, "I choose to be on my own." I haven't been so sane in years.
I've heard a lot of things before. In books, in town, everywhere. Relationship advice is never in short supply, it's human nature.
But you know what? Leaving feels good. Choosing myself over someone else for once in my damned life feels good and right.
If I have to choose, it wouldn't be worth it. If I have to settle I wouldn't, simple as that.
I'm not afraid to be alone. I never have been, I found it inevitable. I'm perfectly alright with being alone because I know I'm really not.
I've heard that love keeps us alive. But in my life I've come to realize love would rather have me dead than alive. I think I'll be fine on my own. I'll travel around a bit I think.
I never had the desire to before but now that I know how powerful it feels to leave a place I want to do a lot more of it.
I want to feel free, and leaving something like this behind gives me wings. I am not afraid to find my own way.
People are always afraid to leave relationships behind, they are always hesitant and want to go back. But I can't go back, and it's not because they won't take me back. It's simply because I don't want to go back. I don't want to do anything dealing with them. They are part of a past with highs and lows, part of a past I want to forget but never truly will.
It's nice to be alone and not worry about anything else.
When the war ends I do not go home, instead I walk. I walk all through the country. I live on my own accord. I live for only myself and I feel whole.
I've fixed myself with nature, with the tender Earth and all its blessings. I don't need anyone. I know that I need no one. That my life is just beginning, and that here in nature I am free. I don't live by the society I grew up in I live in my own world. I am finally happy and free.
If I can give one last piece of advice it is this, never settle. Don't impress anyone but yourself, don't be afraid to be alone. I'm not alone anyway.
I see people in my travels. The only people I don't see are the people I avoid.
Don't lose yourself for someone else's sake, and don't be afraid to leave something or someone behind. What is more frightening to you, staying an endless rut of a life, or being on your own?
I'm on my own, I didn't choose, I didn't settle. And now I am a free Mockingjay.
"Two roads diverged in a wood, and I— I took the one less traveled by, And that has made all the difference." ~Robert Frost
So this was the original ending, I always felt Katniss was this strong stand alone woman who didn't need any old prince to save the day. She can save herself, and so can you. Save yourself because you're a kick ass woman and can do it! Or boy I guess, if you are a boy you can save yourself too!
However it can end in more than one way no? Why not check out the other two endings, once I post them?