Roderich blinked and looked at the fallen box in shock as the letters fell and scattered the floor when he was trying to reach for music. He picked up a letter and began to read.


I don't know why I write these letters, I'm never going to send them, but being with Ivan makes me want to try to reach out to you. I miss you and look forward to seeing your smiling face again.



Roderich gasped as he read the letter and reached for another.

Gilbert walked into the room, only in a towel, "Yo, Specs! Do you know where my flag boxers are?" He asked as he neared the other male and the albino's face began to blush as he looked at all the papers on the floor.

Roderich flushed as he tried to hide the letters behind his back, "How am I supposed to know?" He snapped. "I'm not an undergarment tracker."

"You did laundry last." He muttered as he walked over to the pile and grabbed the letters, "I was wondering where these were."

Roderich tried to grab them back only to stop at Gilbert's look.

Gilbert looked at him and shook his head, "These were never meant to be read." He stuffed most of them back into the box.

"Gilbert," Roderich muttered softly

"Wass?" He was shaking now as he saw the dates as he felt every scar from the Cold War burn like fire like a fresh wound.

Roderich placed a cool, soothing hand and took the letters away, setting them on the table as he led Gilbert to the couch.

Gilbert didn't say anything as he sat there. He looked at the floor in shame.

Roderich tilted his head up gently as he sat next to him. "Gilbert, please talk to me."

"I don't want to talk about the Cold War…I don't want to talk about what happened behind that wall."

Roderich's hand dropped to his side, disappointment and hurt suddenly flooding through him but he quickly covered it up by standing and gathering the letters.

"I don't want you to read them," he said. "You get to read them when I'm dead." He was stupid and weak for keeping those letters.

Roderich clenched his jaw. "Fine." He whispered before walking out of the room, hiding the tears from Gilbert.

Gilbert looked at the box of letters and grabbed them and let the tears fall, "I can't fake it now…It did happen." He shook and cried as he sat there.

Roderich leaned against the wall as tears fell from his eyes while he bit his lip, shaking from silent sobs.

Gilbert felt for the scar that was in his hair. It was from the well-known pipe that was Ivan's. He continued to cry as he held the spot.

Roderich swallowed before walking back into the room and found Gilbert clutching his head. Roderich winced. He knew what lay there. He walked over to the albino and wrapped him in his arms silently before kissing the scar.

"Fuck him…" Gilbert sobbed as he leaned against Roderick. "I wish I could just forget."

"I know darling. I do too." Roderich peppered gentle kisses all over Gilbert's head, face and neck.

Gilbert curled up next to him, "This is unawesome." He sobbed.

"It's fine, libe." Roderich soothed.

Gilbert looked up at him and tried to calm himself down. "I don't know why I kept them…Those stupid letters."

Roderich kissed his forehead. "I like the letters." He murmured.

"You won't like a lot of them…"

"I bet I would."

Gilbert looked in the box and pulled out a letter.


I wish I had Old Friz's flute…At least then, I would have some music, I miss listening to you play the piano. I miss music in general. I can't even listen to the radio. Ivan doesn't want me to know what's going on outside of Russia. I'm slowly learning how to speak it, Russian that is, so at least I understand some of this stupid shit that they are saying. I'm always thinking of you.

Love, Gil

Roderich kissed his forehead soothingly and nodded for him to continue.

Gilbert pulled out another letter and read.


I ran away again…I couldn't even get to the border. If I could at least get there, the soldiers would at least kill me and I would be free of this cold hell. I don't want to die yet though. I want to see you again. I want to see your smiling face before I die. I don't want to die here. If I'm here any longer it may actually happen.

I will always love you.

From, Gilbert.

Roderich swallowed but nodded, acknowledging him to continue.

"I cant…the memories hurt." Gilbert cleared his eyes of the tears.

"That's fine, libe. That was plenty for today." Roderich soothed him before pulling Gilbert onto his lap.

Gilbert nuzzled his neck, "If you want to read them…You can, some of them are bad though."

"It's fine, libe. I can wait until you're ready." Roderich kissed his temple gently as he rubbed his back.

"Danke," he said. He looked at the box and shook his head, "I wanted to send them to you."

"I wish you had too. Just as an assurance you were still alive-"

Roderich stopped speaking as tears choked him with his mouth against Gilbert's forehead.

"I'm so sorry." He replied.

"Fine, its fine." Rodierch managed to choke out.

"I thought about you every day while I was with Ivan."

Roderich's lip trembled. "I thought about you every day as well." He said hoarsely.

Gilbert got up and adjusted his towel and grabbed the box, putting it back on the shelf and looked back to Roderich, "Can we take a nap?"

Roderich gave a soft chuckle. "With you in the nude like that?"

"I sleep naked all the time." He shrugged.

"I'm aware. It doesn't make it any less lude." Roderich snorted.

Gilbert rubbed his own shoulder, "you gonna join me for a nap or not?"

"Of course, libe."

"Danke, I need a nap after all this." He gave a shaky laugh.

Roderich smiled and gave him a gentle kiss before following him.

"You know, I didn't believe it when the news came that said the wall was going to fall." He said.

"I ran all the way there." Roderich whispered.

"I was so happy to see you." Gilbert smiled.

"That was one time I dropped my dignified composure in public." Roderich smiled wryly.

Gilbert opened the bedroom door and nodded his head, "I know. Keskes."

Roderich smiled before shedding his clothes as well, although with a bit more shyness than the albino.

Gilbert climbed into bed and watched Roderich join him. "I'll keep you safe in your sleep if you do the same for me."

Roderich burrowed close. "Always, libe, always." He yawned and closed his violet eyes, log eyelashes fluttering against his soft cheeks.

Watching the other fall to sleep, Gilbert smiled, happy to have Roderich there and he too soon fell asleep.