Sit down, children, for I'm going to tell you a story.Its a story of a girl, trekking a land unknown with a group of criminal misfits... And how I completely ruined their lives.

It was a completely normal Saturday. I was enjoying a cup of orange blossom tea, lounging around my apartment and basking in the mid-morning sun. Suddenly, I heard a knock at my door.

The next few minutes were a blur, but I recall a terrible Selina Kyle cosplay, and an ominous warning that rang in my head. 30 minutes.

I closed the door and sat myself on the couch to ease the sudden bout of dizziness. I swear I had taken my medicine this morning. Once I was satisfied I could stand, I retrieved my copy of Deathly Hallows and tried to lose myself in the realm of magic once again.

That warning kept pinging in my ears. 5 minutes left. Prepare yourself.

I stood and stretched my legs, deciding a jog would help me clear my head.

Making sure my apartment was locked and I had my keys, wallet and phone, I stretched my legs and set off at a slow trot. I made it a few steps before the dizziness returned.

I stumbled to an alleyway and steadied myself against the wall, but my hand slipped and I was suddenly falling.

I finally hit the ground, but I couldn't move- I couldn't see.

All I could hear was a faint whisper before my consciousness faded, "Right on time."

~~~It's a rewriiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiteeee whoooohooooooooooo!~~~

My eyes opened, and I blinked a few times to focus my sight. Everything looked so much larger... and unfamiliar. Was I not just in an alley?

It was dark, and I seemed to be in a giant bedroom. I called out, "Hello?" but nobody replied.

I sighed and shoved my face into my hands, immediately noticing that both my hand and face were completely covered in fluffy fur.

I screamed, my voice warbling and quiet.

Suddenly the door opened and light spilled into the room. "Another one?" A big, mysteriously blue hand picked me up. "You sure are cute."

"Thanks, I guess." The giant blue man immediately dropped me. I prepared for the worst, but I somehow landed upright.

"Y-you talked!" he exclaimed, squatting down to look at me. "None of the others talk..."

I stare at him. "What do you mean others?"

His deep voice sounded unsure. "Other, uh... cats. Kittens, rather."

I almost fainted. "I'm a.. I'm a fucking CAT." I exclaimed, trying to process my new reality.

"Since you can um... talk... Do you have a name?" His white eyes peered at me.

"Sakana. Sakana Redd." I said, peering back.

"And you're Kisame Hoshigaki."

He jumped up, snatching me by my neck, and carried me out of the room at a brisk pace.

"Hey!" But my protests fell on deaf ears.


I was planted in the middle of a desk, right on top of an important looking stack of papers. I looked up to an annoyed looking leader of the Akatsuki.

"Kisame, another kitten showing up does not give you clearance to enter my quarters." He chastised, shooing me off of his papers and picking up a pen. "This is hardly an emergency."

"Leader-sama... This kitten is different." The shark-man argued, "It's... weird."

"The markings are different, yes. but-"

"It talks!" He exclaimed.

Pein looked at Kisame like he'd ripped his clothes off and pledged his loyalty to Jashin.

"Tell him!" Kisame told me, and I exhaled.

Pein's eyes fixed on me and I tried not to shrink. "Hello."

He jumped up and looked at Kisame. "What the fuck."

"Hai." The big blue Akatsuki member scratched his head. "That's not all, though."

Curiousity appeared on the Leader's face as he tematively picked me up. "Tell me," he commanded.

"Well... she knew my name before I told her."

"Cat, explain." He ordered me, burying his fingers into my fur. I purred agaimst my will, then clearedy throat.

"Well, I come from a place where your lives are part of an.. uh... I don't know of you guys have anime? Manga, then?"

Kisame snorted, "You mean that dorky kid stuff? Comics?"

"Kinda," I confirmed. "You could call me crazy but I know everything about you. All of you. I know your stories, I know your secrets but what I don't know is why I'm here, and why," I paused for dramatic effect, "the FUCK I'm a god damned cat."


Pein called Konan to assemble the criminals in his office. Soon, what remaining Akatsuki members left in the base slowly appeared in the room. Deidara and Sasori came in first, the blonde having a small cat on his shoulder. It hopped onto the table to sniff at me.

"Um, hi." I said to it, hoping it would talk back to me. It only meowed.

I sighed, laying down on my paws. So I'm a cat, but I can't talk to other cats?

'Kira, she's funny!' An unfamiliar voice snapped me out of my trance. I searched around me for the source of the distinctly feminine speaker.

'Shut up, Suki.' Another feminine voice responded, furthering my confusion.

Kami, I'm going crazy.

Itachi had entered the room, a small white kitten in his hands. Another cat slinked in, followed by Zetsu and Tobi.

"Silence." Pein suddenly said, sitting forward and effectively silencing the small chatter. "As you can see, we have had yet another kitten appear in the base. Fortunately for us, it seems this cat... speaks." He stared at me until I realized that I was supposed to say something.

"Ah... um, well... I'm Sakana." I muttered, suddenly embarrassed about all of the attention.

Deidara was the first to speak, "...holy shit, un." I looked at him and Sasori to find they were both suprised, Sasori less so. A quick glance around the room showed me the varying degrees of shock that the badass ninjas were in.

"Wow!" Tobi exclaimed, jumping up to pet me. "Can Sakana-neko talk to the other kitties?"

I tried to shrug but realized how difficult it was. "I don't know, I keep hearing voices,"

'Thats us, dummy.' The kitten laying on Zetsu's feet locked eyes with me, and it clicked.

"Oh- um. Apparently so." I confirmed, silently introducing myself to the other cats. 'Sakana Redd.'

'Oh my god! Now we can communicate with these sexy beasts!' The kitten currently being pet by Kisame called. 'My name is Suki Yang. The grumpy, mean one is Zena, and the sleepy one over there in the window is Kira, she's my sister.'

"...weird." Pein said, turning to Itachi. "Please evaluate Miss Redd, as well as the other cats. Sasori, aid him in determining if she is truthful."

Soon, Itachi and Sasori were carrying the four of us into a medical examination room.

Itachi asked me a barrage of questions, and would occasionally turn to the redhead sitting in the corner, who would nod.

He asked another question, his eyes blazing.

"I come from a place called Earth, I was in Tokyo when I blacked out." Itachi looked at Sasori again, and I sighed.

'Could you tell them something for me?' Suki asked, and when I asked her to be specific, she replied, 'Tell Itachi that he's a very nice cuddler.'

I relayed the information to Itachi, who immediately took to examining Suki, who giggled at his soft touch.

With a shake of his head, the Uchiha expressed his need to see Pein, and left Sasori with the other kittens and I.

While he sat in silence, I talked to the others. 'When did you guys arrive here?' I asked, primarily directing my question at Suki, as she was the most talkative.

She responded, 'Zena arrived first, probably a day or two before us. Then I was reading a fanfiction when someone came to our front door. Kira answered and was really weirded out. A little while later, we both us passed out. We woke up here, just like you did. Isn't it exciting? We're the Akatsuki's Kittens!'

I looked at Zena and Kira, as if to ask, does she always talk this much?

Kira only blinked at me. No shit.

'Right on time', someone said it. Right in my ear. Or my head. I don't remember.

'Yeah, now that you mention it, I heard that too.' Suki agreed.

'Not me,' Zena said suddenly. 'Mine was a poem.'

'Tell us, Suki meowed.

'unleash yourself feline fans,

your souls' matches await in this land.

this kitten's curse of four shall undo

when one touch marks the meeting of two' Zena chanted. I've been thinking about it a lot.

That's so cute! Suki cried, its romantic.

It's about us, Zena said.

When Kira and I looked at her in confusion, she elaborated.

It has to be. It didn't make sense before, since there were just three of us, but... She looked at me with pale green eyes. You're here now. And its safe to assume we're all fans of this, whether we watched the anime, or read the manga.

We're here for some reason, maybe we can figure out how once we break this 'curse'. Suki stood up, as Itachi re-entered the room. I don't know about you guys, but I'm going to try. She suddenly launched herself at Itachi, who was completely caight off guard. She smacked right into his face, planting a quick kiss on his lips.

Dammit, I'm still a cat! She cried, but the Unchiha didn't understand her.

Thankfully, Itachi managed to catch the excited kitten in his hands before she hit the floor. "You're too energetic, Princess." He murmered quietly, quickly picking up Zena. Sasori grabbed Kira and nodded for me to follow them. They took us back to Pein.

Pein assessed me with perplexed eyes. "Well, you aren't lying."

I scoffed. "I have no reason to."

"You said something about knowing our futures?" He raised his pierced eyebrows.

"Once I'm a human again, we'll talk." I promised. "And you won't kill me, so don't even suggest it."

"...Fine. Sasori, figure it out." He instructed the redheaded ninja. "Dismissed."

Itachi and Sasori brought the four of us to what seemed to be the living room.

Two couches sat against two of the walls, forming a 90 angle. In between them was a solid wood coffee table, littered with books about various weaponry and catalogs for ninja gear.

On the opposite wall of one of the couches was a large fireplace, with two armchairs close by, but not too close.

Kisame and Deidara sat on one couch, thumb-wrestling to pass the time. Tobi was playing with a toy in the floor between the chairs and the sofa, and Zetsu was nowhere to be found. Kira quickly jumped from Sasori's hands and found a spot on one of the chairs.

Suki was deposited on Kisame's lap, and Itachi picked up a book from the coffee table and sat by the fireplace with Zena in his lap.

I sat on the other couch by Sasori, watching as Suki climbed up Kisame's shoulder, distracting him from his antics with Deidara.

He still managed to win, much to the blonde's dismay.

"Stop your whining, brat." Sasori demanded.

"But danna-" Deidara whined again, suddenly being cut off by a 'poof' and a high-pitched squeal.

There was a very naked blinde girl on Kisame's lap, and a very purple blush across the shark-nin's face.

Sasori sprung into action first, throwing his cloak on the nude girl. "Thank you, Sasori-danna." She squeaked. "I can't believe that actually worked!"

"Wait a minute- Suki?"

Kisame came to suddenly, "The cat kissed me! And it was a girl!"

"this kitten's curse of four shall undo

when one touch makes the meeting of two!" Suki chanted. "It's just like a disney movie!"

I balked. How fucking ridiculous was this?

Kami, save us all. Kira mumbled, before hopling up from the chair. Better tell someone to give me their cloak. She looked at me. You know what we have to do.

"Uhhh, guys?" I said, drawing the attention to myself. "You're gonna have to let us kiss you now."

After the inital shock, they agreed, all removing their cloaks in case any more naked girls appeared.

When nobody was looking, Itachi pressed a sly kiss to Zena's head, but that didn't work. She returned the kiss on his lips, but that was a bust too.

Deidara was quick to kiss Kira and I, but we didn't poof either. Kisame and Tobi kissed us, too. Nothing. When Suki gave an offended look at her 'soul's match', he shrugged.

"Worth a try."

Itachi took his turn kissing Kira, much to her dismay. If one more person kisses me, I'm gonna get the claws out.

"Sasori hasn't tried yet." I pointed out, to the puppet's horror. He huffed, then picked up Kira and a discarded cloak. He stepped out of the room, leaving us all watching the door intently. There was a soft 'pop' from the hallway, then a muffled voice, and Sasori came back into the room, leading a raven-haired girl behind him.

I snickered, and he shot a glare at me. "Well, Uchiha? Plant one on me."

Itachi picked me up after mumbling a "hn", and kissed me.

And as much as I'm disappointed to say, Uhicha Itachi wasn't my soul mate.

"Well, fuck. It could be fucking anyone." I grumbled. Itachi patted my head soothingly and set me back down.

"I've had enough contact for one day," he said quietly, before leaving the room with his discarded book.

Don't feel so sad, Zena mused, I'm still a cat, too.I agreed with her, until Zetsu walked in. After Deidara and Kisame's explanation of events, he picked up Zena and quickly planted a kiss on her.

After the poof, standing there in all of her naked glory was a brunette with a cherry red face.

"God fucking dammit!" I yelled, just as another voice echoed it.

"As soon as we fucking leave, Leader starts allowing strippers? Of fucking course he would, motherfuckin' Pein-in-my-ass."

Ah, Kakuzu and Hidan had returned.

Ah! I'm rewriting these first 6 or so chapters, because I realized how terrible they were.I also realize how long this is, but I added in details to make it more comprehensible.Thank you all for your continued support, and I'm SO SORRY it took so long. i also apologize that this isn't technically a new chapter either, but i hope you enjoy this more than the original. thank you very much, I Iove you all. ~Mistress-chan