I'm still planning on writing a lot of other things that happen before this, and I've got tons of those drafts sitting in my files. I was just more inspired to finish this one.

Anyway, I hope you like this first chapter, thank you. :3


Awkward did not even completely describe their first sexual encounter.

Dick was out of practice.

Jason had never practiced.

They were in Gotham city again, Jason had not been there since he was sixteen and now he was less than minutes away from turning eighteen. He was nervous, because he knew what turning eighteen meant.

They were going to be living in Gotham for quite a while because the circus was going to take anywhere between six months to a year reorganizing the show list and trying to find new performers.

They had arrived at their new place late in the evening, and tried to get a majority of the boxes in the house before it got too late. They did not have a lot of furniture, so they had spent the day looking for some. Jason even bought some school supplies, he was going to attend school in Gotham but only senior year. Mary had been homeschooling him, and she had done the same with Dick when he was younger. Since they were going to be stationary for a long time it was decided that Jason should attend public school – or try too. If he did not like it he could try and test out to get a GED, but Jason wanted the experience.

It felt nice to set down his new backpack on the floor, even though it was empty. He felt like it was the closest he had ever been to being 'normal' in society's standards. He was living in a house in Gotham city, with parents and a brother – everything felt normal and he was at ease.

There was no blinds or curtains over the widow, which allowed light from the outside to sneak in. Jason eyed his room. Sitting against the wall farthest from the door was a mattress and a few feet away from it was a box that contained the bed frame that was yet to be assembled. Jason opened the box that contained a lamp, he plugged it in and screwed in a light bulb. Light suddenly bloomed throughout the room, and Jason began to rummage through his things to find his sleeping pills and a book to read.

As he searched, Dick stood in the doorway, "Hey." he greeted, as Jason's cat maneuvered in between his legs and into the room.

Jason glanced up and smiled, acknowledging his boyfriend's presence. He did not say anything, but continued to look through the plastic box.

Dick continued to speak, "I was wondering if you want to sleep in my room tonight." he suggested. The pair had not slept in separate beds for a long time and were not planning on starting that anytime soon.

Not to mention midnight was approaching.

Jason found the book he was looking for and set it out along with a bottle of pills, "Sounds good, meet you there in a bit."

Dick nodded, he turned around and walked back down the hall and into his room. Jason watched longingly as Dick left, he wanted sex. He wanted it so badly, which was strange because he had no idea how he could want something he had never experienced.

He was scared...no nervous. Sweat was building up in his palms, and he was afraid of embarrassing himself. He had never done it before, how was he supposed to know what to do?

Yeah, he and Dick had messed around. Kissing and blowing each other like desperate porn stars. But that was not penetration. Scratch that, Jason was scared not nervous.

Fucking scared.

He stood up, and padded over to the window. He gazed out at the glittering lights of the city, his reflection faint against the glass. He certainly was not the same person he was the last time he was in Gotham. Physically, and emotionally.

With a sigh he turned off the lamp, and made his way into Dick's room. It was a few square feet bigger than his, and closer to the main room of the house. A poster of Superman was hung up on his closet door, and his TV showed the pause screen of a video game. It looked like Dick had tried to set up his bed, but stopped halfway. Jason glanced at the pile of wood, then looked up at Dick.

"You ready?" Dick asked as he switched the TV off. Jason was surprised to see that he looked just as nervous as he felt. Dick's hands were trembling, and there was an edge in his voice.

Dick was surprised at how calm Jason appeared. Of course he looked calm, this was something he had been waiting for. Jason was minutes away from turning eighteen, minutes. Dick did not know that Jason was masking all the apprehension. It was what he did best in situations like this, try put on a brave face and pretend like everything is okay.

Biting his lip, Dick peered over at the clock, then back at Jason. He was afraid that he was not up to standard. It had been so long since he had done anything for anyone and he was fearful that he had become a little out of practice. He wanted Jason to experience the best and he was going to try to show him it.

It started like it usually does. Intense making out, and they did not even start on the bed. Dick had pinned Jason up against the door, which closed thanks to him pushing against it.

With a heavy breath, Dick whispered, "Happy Birthday..."

This was familiar, this was an act they preformed constantly. Jason wrapped his arms around Dick's lower back, fanning his fingers against heated skin.

After a feverish exchange of kisses and scratching, licking, biting...Dick grabbed a bottle of lube that he had hidden in between the mattress and wall.

Once Jason saw that, he began to panic and he hoped that Dick could not tell. It was happening, this shit was going to happen. Jason was worried that he was so scared, he could not believe how scared he was. He had faced death before, and he was afraid of this?

Dick began to prepare Jason, and as he inserted his fingers that were covered in lube he noticed him twitch uncomfortably. Dick had been with Jason long enough to read his movements, he could tell there was something wrong.

Locking eyes with his partner, Dick whispered, "Are you sure you're ready?"

Jason let out a shaky breath, he did not say no, because he could not justify why.

Dick knew something was up, "If you need me stop, tell me."

Jason nodded and allowed Dick to proceed. It was electrifying, the air seemed to have lit up as soon as Dick's cock began to slide into him. His heart beat quickened, he suddenly felt very hot and everything was happening so fast – too fast. Before he could stop himself from speaking he muttered, "...Please...Dick stop...stop."

Gasping, Dick immediately pulled out. He felt dread, and worry, what if he hurt Jason, "I'm sorry, I'm sorry!" he apologized. "Did I hurt you, oh my god, are you okay?"

Jason sat up, half of his legs were off the mattress and on the cold wooden floor, "N-no, I just..I...I don't know." he could feel his heart running a million miles in his chest. "I just - I panicked. Don't be sorry."

Change is hard. If they had sex their relationship would be on a different level. Jason was afraid he would not be able to give Dick the new amount of love their relationship would require to continue to thrive. A part of him was afraid he was going to be unworthy, and he found himself thinking how he did when he was sixteen.

It was difficult for Jason to be so intimate on the level that they were about to enter.

"I love you, Dick." Jason's voice was low, and strained. "And I'm sorry...I just I – I got scared."

It was good to know that he did not hurt him, Dick felt like a heavy weight had been lifted off his shoulders. "That's okay." Dick reached around hugged Jason. "It will be okay, when you're ready we'll get there."

Jason nodded, feeling embarrassed, "I...I um...need to be alone."

"Whatever you need," Dick grabbed Jason's boxers and handed it to him. "I love you too, even if I have to wait another two or three years for you to be ready I will." he vowed.

Smiling, Jason slipped on the boxers and left. As he closed the door behind him he spotted his cat sitting outside the door.

He knelt down and picked her up, her one golden brown eye stared into his. "You eavesdropping, Bandit?"

Bandit tilted her head to the side, and meowed. She was a young gray cat with only one working eye and walked with a limp from her back leg. He carried her to his room and set her down on down.

Dick was alone in his bedroom, sitting on his mattress, trying to figure out what happened. He felt like within past few minutes their relationship had suddenly become fragile. He should have backed off when he felt how tense Jason was.

He needed to relax, and calm down and think. With a sigh Dick left to go take a shower.

"So ummm...that was a good first try right?" Jason talked to Bandit, he sat down beside her.

The former stray cat peered up at him, and meowed.

Jason did not speak cat, and therefore did not respond when the animal stated her opinion. He sighed, "Dick is the most fucking amazing man ever, and I'm sure if he wanted he...errr... if I was or...um..." his thoughts were jumbled. He liked it, he liked the way Dick glided his hands, and how his fingers dug into a place that was new but that did not change the fact that Jason was not ready.

He wanted it but he was afraid of what it meant.

Jason reached for his pill bottle and began to decide how much of it he wanted to take. He never took more than prescribed, and most of the time he took only half of that. It was teenage angst that made him take the full prescribed amount.

Jason grabbed Bandit and stared right at her, their eyes level, "If there is a fire promise you'll drag me out of the house because I am not dying before I fuck with Dick, got it?"

The cat said nothing, and Jason set her back down on the floor, before standing up. Hoping to talk to Dick before the medication took effect he dragged his feet down the hall only to realize Dick was no longer in his room and the shower was running. Meaning Dick was taking a shower.

Feeling his body become heavy, he laid down on Dick's mattress. He hugged Dick's pillow and fell asleep to his scent.

Dick was surprised to see Jason knocked out in his room clutching his pillow. It was cute, seeing that despite what had just happened that Jason was confident enough to come back. He laid beside him and kissed him on the forehead, "Good night, Little Wing."