Those tender moments
"Today, is gonna be the day that they're gonna throw it back to you.."
He was barely singing, closer to mumbleing maybe, but I couldn't stop listening, I knew that he might turn around any second and see me there, and his face would turn red with embarrassment that he would cover up with anger.
It had been an accident that I'd stumbled upon this really. I would have sworn on my grave that he wasn't home. We rarely communicate with each other, as far as letting the other know where we're going. The house was so quiet, I could only assume at the moment that he'd come in while I was in the shower. Now here I was, standing on the first step out of three that led to the garage. And there he was, sitting there mumbling quietly the lyrics to a song I never knew he cared enough to like.
I listen to him studder out the first verse, and I find that I couldn't leave, it was mesmerizing, I was locked in place by some emotion that didn't come from my head, which was currently screaming at me to do something. It was telling me this was an uncomfortable experience, and I should walk away. Or, as an alternative, act like I just got here and come stomping in noisily and insult him. Start some kind of arguement so I could stare at those wonderfuly exotic eyes, all the while disguising those inner motives with some silly, inane bickering.
His voice became a little louder as he was immersed in the song, now I didn't have to strain to hear him over the radio.
"Well, I don't beleive that anybody feels the way I do.. about you now.."
I'd never known his voice could be so gentle and soothing. He was always berading me at a volume that was past obnoxious. Insulting me, insulting each other, claiming how much hatred spawned between us, death threats, more insults, more hatred.
At the moment it all seemed so childish, acting the way we do. But, it was the way we were, really. It was what connected us on a deeper level than anyone has the insight to ever notice. Stranger look at us and judge roughly on our appearance that there's nothing but sex between us, that we're both trying to fufill some desperate fantasy whose hunger is never satiated. Sometimes we even get to thinking it ourselves, sometimes I honestly beleive I hate him and I would rather kill him a thousand times over than ever share even the smallest intimate moment with him.
Then, the bastard, he goes and does something like this. He sits there, thinking I'm not listening, singing to a song with more depth than I ever saw him comprehend. His voice had just the slightest quiver, I had a hard time telling if that was some sort of bravado or if he was on the verge of crying.
"And all the roads we have to walk are winding..."
I stared at him, something in my chest was starting to hurt, and I felt my brain regaining control with it's demands that I move and make myself be known. I couldn't go away though, not right now, I had to hear it, I needed to listen until he stopped singing. It was like a drug.
But still my body threateded to collapse, so instead of leaving, I took a slow step forward. It was almost like a game, I listened to him continue on, oblivious to my presence. My skin tingled in anticipation for him to suddenly turn around.
"And all the lights that lead us there are blinding..."
He made a sound and shifted, bringing his hand up to scratch behind his ear and then it looked like he rubbed his eye. Perhaps he was getting teary, or maybe I was just over-analyzing. He often did things I could never understand.
I stood frozen, my my pulse thundering away in my ears, I was afraid for a moment he would hear it. Tentatively, I took another step. His voice grew quieter then, and I swear I see his head tip just the slightest bit. My head screams that he knows I'm there, that I need to make myself known before he turns around and I'm left standing there like an idiot, trying to think of a logical reason for lurking like I was.
But I don't move, I just stand there, holding my breath, and he doesn't turn around. I listen to his voice, closing my eyes
"There are many things I'd like to say to you but I don't know how..."
I'm overcome with a sudden emotion that nearly makes me whimper with the intense discomfort it causes me. I start thinking, 'He knows I'm here, he knows. And he's still singing, he's pretending he doesn't know I'm here because he wants me to hear. He really is fighting tears, because he's singing to me.'
My muscles are searing from the slightly crouched position I'm standing in. My knees have already locked up, I can feel my heart throbbing so hard it's making my stomache churn. I no longer wanted to be here, this was far too emotional for me. This was not us, we yelled and screamed and attacked each other, we didn't serenade. Now my body was the one betraying me, and my mind and I were on the same page.
And still there's part of me that thinks, maybe he really doesn't know.
"Because maybe... You'll be the one who saves me.."
I decide that I'm close enough, So I straighten my body out, and cross my arms over my chest in a stance that says, 'I've been here the entire time laughing at you.' But still I can't seem to make my face cooperate. I keep trying to sneer and I just end up smiling.
He turns his head sideways now, he could see me so easily out of his peripheral vision, but he's looking down at the couch cushion. His expression completley blank, not the slightest muscle tensed.
I suddenly feel like a stake is going though me, My brain catches up and I realize what's about to happen just as soon as those damn amazing eyes flick up and over to mine.
"Cause after all.." He sings, staring at me. I have no idea what kind of face I'm making, I can't seem to feel it. I can't feel anything actual, I finally exhale the breath I forgot I was holding, and my head swirls a bit from the lack of oxygen. Without hesitation he seizes the moment and so fluently swings himself up and over the back of the couch. I can't even tell if he touches the floor before suddenly he's on me, and my balance is gone completley.
We're suddenly on the floor, he's straddling me and somehow my arms are around his neck. I can't blink and I can't move, his eyes are half an inch from mine, his hands on either side of my head. He just stares for what felt like hours but in reality couldn't have been more than half a second, and suddenly he smiles and leans in even closer, eyes half-lidded.
"You're my wonderwall..."
My chest implodes within itself at the sheer weight of the emotion in his entire being. I feel like I'm choking and I make a weak move to shove him off. He doesn't fight it, but he does lean in and peck me lightly right on the lips.
Suddenly he's gone.
I hear the front door open and close.
I still lay there, trying to process everything, part of me thinks maybe I came in here and whacked my head and none of it even happened. Suddenly I sit bolt upright, my face back to the usual scowl, and I pull myself to my feet and take off after him. If he thinks he's going to toy with me like that, he had another thing coming.
"Hidan! Get your albino ass back here and finish what you started!" I bark, running out after him.
Behind me I vaugley hear the radio in the background, the song was just ending.
And I smile to myself for just a second.
"You're my wonderwall..."