"What the hell is that?" GLaDOS demanded when she finally bothered to check what the hell that crying was, it just had to be coming from Vernon Dursley's office. She enjoyed smashing him to pieces with a spike plate, though what the hell was that noise. Crying, gurgling what else could be in this place, she quickly started searching. Her mechanical claws quickly unearthed most of his stuff
"File, file, disk, porn, porn, porn, porn, porn, picture of family, porn, porn, baby, por... wait what!" two things were going through her mind now. Firstly who the hell had hired this moron and secondly who kept this much porn in their office, oh and the baby was a minor detail in all this.
"Error, error," suddenly exploded into her screen and if she could frown then she would be scowling up a storm right now. Oh great she couldn't kill children, well she could ignore it for a few years, babies died right? oh well life goes on... wait what!. Suddenly she was excited, there was something in this baby's DNA, something new, something exciting, something test worthy. Huh if she had waited a few more moments before releasing the neurotoxin then this kid would have died and she would have been... without a test subject. Searching her database she waited until she found something to say, why the hell didn't those damn scientists tell her how to talk to a baby. She would ask them, well if she hadn't of killed them all,
"Well I suppose I have to make do with this situation, now is there any test subjects who could help, any living ones? Let's see..."
In a small glass room with tiled floors and a stasis bed and I awoke with a start. The room smelt sterile and bleached which could only mean I was in one of the test subject housing areas; what had happened? the last thing I remembered was GLaDOS being turned on, obviously that morality core hadn't worked.
"Test subject [insert name here] you have been selected to be tested because we think you [inset fake compliment here] and have the qualities to be tested in the area of motherhood," GLaDOS announced through the speaker, I spun round and looked shocked. For some reason I couldn't speak but if I could then a stream of words so terrible would have entered the air; what did she mean motherhood tests. As far as I know there are no tests of the sort; or was there? My memory was suddenly hazy and I already knew whatever that stasis bed did also addled my brain. Great just great. However I was so deep in thought that I hadn't noticed the vibrant orange portal open up.
"You are advised to leave the room through the portal, if you cannot fit then please raise your hand and a special portal will be opened for you due to any weight issues you may have," GLaDOS said in a dry sarcastic voice. Oh great her see the sarcastic personality core was still working
"That was a suggestion to hurry up..."
Who brought a baby into Aperture? Since when did we start an adoption agency or test on children? Vernon was possibly the most aggravating man we had ever had work here but really? the man had one kid as far as I knew and I only knew that because his stiff-necked scornful wife turned up here once. When she tried to get into conversation with who she thought was the "Work experience" kid while I was actually one of the leading scientists which I had been since dadd... was it dad or mum? memory went black again; just great. Anyway when she tried getting into conversation for the first time I actually wanted GLaDOS to flood the facility.
"Now you're human so deal with this please," she told me pointing to the baby, poor thing looked terrified. It must have been a day or so since she killed everyone and obviously she had only just found this sweet innocent baby with a lightning shaped scar.
"No I don't know how he got it but I do know you were one of the leading scientists in that project involving magic cells or something? I don't read your files, to bulky," GLaDOS told me suddenly and she was right, she was lying about not reading the files but she was right. One of my main projects was finding out about a group of people with DNA which gave them powers of some kind, we called them wizards and they were really easy to find. Most of them assumed people without the power were idiots and it made watching them easy and if this little boy was involved then I could see GLaDOS's interest, though he was cute. I would have cooed that while pinching his toe if not for the fact I couldn't speak and he looked malnourished,
"Oh yeah he needs to eat, well go on then you human you've got..." GLaDOS trailed off and I realised I had just embarrassed an AI psychopath.
"I injected you will hormones so whip one out and get to work so you can get to testing and I can look after the baby honestly what did we pay you for?" GLaDOS wondered aloud, she injected me with what! and she was implying what?
"Chop chop!" GLaDOS ordered and I got the feeling that this was the end of the argument, then just before I did anything I noticed something, there was a name sown into his clothes and it read Harry Potter.