Raised by GLaDOS
Dear Parental Guardian of Harry James Potter
The Wizengamot has ruled on a vote of 75% to 25% that your guardianship of Harry James Potter is unlawful and he must be returned to his legal Aunt who is his acting guardian. You have two days to return him or steps will be taken. Please speak to Albus Dumbledore if you need assistance with the transfer.
The phoenix was the greatest gift I could have gotten, A bird that can never die and is smart; I had a flying test subject who I could kill as many times as I like and he'll just come back. I have no idea who this phoenix belongs to or why Chell seems to love it so much but an undying bird is still great. Oh yeah I needed to write a response to this court
I didn't listen to the headmaster in the middle of Diagon Alley and I've decided that after considering your request for three nanoseconds to not comply now. If you would like to converse about this then please you are welcome to visit, if you can get past the crusher, the turrets, the lasers, the plasma balls, the neurotoxin, the incinerator, the gels, gravity tunnels and all the other stuff I have in this place then you are welcome to take him. Oh and thanks for the phoenix I am keeping it
Genetic Life and Disc Operating System
Aperture Science; we do what we must because we can
Yep that seems good, I can think of no other way to express my contempt without including profanity and neurotoxin in the letter. Which while tempting would be a waste of good toxin, besides I was too busy baking a cake, we had very little idea when Harry's birthday was so we just did it on the day I found him which was today. When I was under my initial design stages the scientists building me tried different cores, all of them were attached to me and would whisper into my mind, after I killed them all the three of us managed to prise of the cores except one. The cake core, what moron thought of that I still want to find out because all it did was talk to me about cake recipes? It was the least calming thing in the world but hey I could make eight thousand different variations of cake, which is why when Harry and Chell went to sleep I started work. Then I saw flames,
"Oh the phoenix returns!"I smiled digitally sliding back some of the panels, three turrets were waiting behind
"Target acquired," came their soft childlike voices before a hail of bullets were blasted towards the bird; unfortunately it was a lot more graceful than them and swooped downwards and landed on the mainframe. Now it was my turn to move my giant suspended body to doge the bullets, I fired a rocket back to which destroyed them so I was fine. Then it hit me, the bird was me and I froze, it was pecking at some of the wires and my claws weren't going to reach it
"Warning unknown connection established," the male announcer's voice filled the room, connection what connection? It was then one of the books I had read sprung to mind, when a phoenix found the special someone they were bonded to they would connect to their mind and... OH NO YOU DON'T
"Reject, reject!" I screeched swinging up and down trying to dislodge the bird, hopefully the mainframe would stop the connection.
"Unknown connection established, central core are you ready to accept the connection?" the announcer demanded;
"NO,NO ,NO, NO and no!" my voice echoed through the facility hopefully it would wake someone up so I could get them to stop the bird before it did something I couldn't reverse.
"Stalemate detected!" the announcer informed me as part of the central core chamber opened up, in it was a platform with a single white column about a metre high and on the top was a button.
"Preparing to terminate connection unless a stalemate resolution associate is present to press the stalemate resolution button!" I was informed, I laughed in a moment the connection would be terminated and it would kill the phoenix, then it would come back and I would test with it for the next thousand years; though in my thoughts it would have been better to watch the phoenix as it was soaring towards the platform.
"Oh no you don't!" I roared firing a rocket towards it, it was above the button and it hit! It let out a high-pitched squawk as I won, then the burning body hit the button.
"I hate birds so much!" I growled before being pulled to the ground, underneath my body I small oval opened up and tiny hands grabbed my head, they were going to put part of the phoenix into my brain which would mean we would be "bonded" meaning I couldn't torture it and it would probably destroy my hate of birds. I wonder if this is going to... ahhhhhhhh! The pain continued for at least ten minutes
"Connection established and accepted, official regulations require us to remind Aperture employees that if this connection puts any data at harm then the backup plan will be put into effect, in such an event please ensure all employees and members of the public are exactly eighteen hundred miles away to ensure the atomic fireball does not do lasting damage, thank you," the announcer informed me as I was released and the phoenix chirped affectionately, so now I had an assistant.
"Weren't you already bonded?" I hissed, suddenly I knew the answer as we shared all knowledge now, great just great. It wasn't bonded at all to Dumbledore but he had captured it unfairly, damn bird lovers! Wait so now I was bonded with a phoenix did that mean I had about two thousand years or so of magical history, oh well I least I had something to watch and wait. This phoenix has been to Hogwarts and if I could connect to it then maybe I could connect the castle which is some kind of magical oil well, maybe this could be good. Imagine that, me in control of all magic; testing would never be the same again.
"Space! Space! Wake up we're going space, look out space cops play cool, play cops or you'll be guilty of not being in space!" I was woken up by the grey metal ball with a bright yellow optic glaring at me, this was the space core and one of the three cores GLaDOS had not destroyed as of yet. She used this one as an alarm clock, it was corrupt and thought of only space so it was really annoying and also effective.
"Space is up there! Space!" it nodded from its management rail, for some reason the inventor had given it every level of clearance so it go through any door, I was still in bed and I'm sure Chell was too. Though lying down did not agree with the Space core
"SPAAAAAAAAAAACE!" it roared at the top of its voice and I jumped out of bed, it knew I was awake now
"Happy Space Birthday in space, gonna have space cake and space. Presents, space present!" this was the closest it could get to saying happy birthday but I appreciated the effort and nodded at it, I grabbed my wand. I had experimented with a few spells already as the Asbestos lined walls of this place made it hard for magic to be tracked, that and no one would come here to stop me. Space core nodded up and down before zooming out of the room to wake up Chell, I decided to get dressed before it came back. Once the space core had entered her room when she was having a shower, long story short she had chased it with a lamp wearing nothing but a towel. Rick the adventure core had loved that and GLaDOS had kept him with the express purpose of him reminding Chell about it every time he saw her.
"SPAAAAAAAAACE!" I heard the yell as I stepped out of my room, then I saw the Space Core being chased not by Chell but by Hedwig who had taken to flying in the corridors at night.
"Call the space cops! Space bird attacking!" it cried as it was chased through the facility, I laughed as Chell emerged from her room looking quite disgruntles. She mouthed Happy Birthday and pulled me into a hug,
"Thanks," I whispered to her when she finally let me go, I would have to learn sign language soon as she could use it and her and GLaDOS often used it in their arguments and conversations. She beamed at me and the two of us were about to walk into the hall, we didn't see the advanced aerial faith plate which was a small panel that hit people with the force of five hundred pounds and threw them through the air. Both of us were used to this as we both tested with them but it was a bit of shock, then for a moment it looked like we were going to head straight into a pit before a blue tractor beam activated and we were both carried towards a room.
"Surprise," GLaDOS cackled cracking up as we sighed with relief "Oh and Happy Birthday," her voice was a jokey tone so she was not trying to kill us which was a good thing. Then the tractor beam cut off and the two of us were dropped into the central chamber, though there were a few differences, firstly there was a cake surrounded by all three cores who were in deep conversation, GLaDOS was in her android body and waving at us as Chel glared at her. Also there was a pile of boxes in one end of the room; presents most likely.
"Well hello pretty lady, how long has it been since we last sure each other, I've seen a lot more of you then you have of me lately," the core with the bright green optic was called Rick and he was the adventure sphere. Chell then used some sign language that I didn't need any help understanding, it took the form of a single finger. GLaDOS was smirking
"Fact the human female has approximately eight bones," the face core was also spared, it was purple but everything it said was a lie and while it was sometimes funny it was also annoying.
"I don't care!" Rick responded in his deep reassuring voice "Oh yeah happy B-day Harry, are your eleven already, it seems only yesterday you began testing, we've had good times,"
"Space!" came a voice
"And bad times!" Rick growled lowly but the Space core could never pick up a threat. Rick was like a best friend and he was in charge of one of the many things this facility did,
"Well as much as I am enjoying this argument I would like to remind you all that android hell is real and you will go there unless you shut up now!" GLaDOS interjected lowly bored of the conversation, Harry noticed a bird was gliding round the room.
"Ignore it, Blue! Orange!" GLaDOS demanded taking the attention off her new phoenix and summoned the two sweet robots who were carrying the presents
"Ohh presents in space!" The Space Core giggled
"Have you ever noticed that no one stops to listen to what you're saying?" Rick pointed out.
That night: Chell
So Harry had received an awful lot today, obviously GLaDOS wanted to give him things for Hogwarts, she had included a portable communicator, A personalised portal gun that had designed, some books and a few other things. The good news was Rick the adventure sphere had decided to accompany Harry to Hogwarts so I would be free of his comments, after he saw me one time chasing the Space core in a towel which had fallen off (thankfully Harry did not see that). He was annoying and I wonder how people at Hogwarts are going to react. It's almost a shame I won't be there but I've taken another project, I started looking into the Potter family and I'm trying to track down people from his past. I want to more about the family and this Voldemort person that they mention, so I'll probably look through the files and maybe through GLaDOS's database, she researched a lot. I'm going to miss Harry when he goes, somehow he made Aperture bearable and to be honest I felt like I was in a family, he felt the same I knew that much at least. He's already done some spells and to be honest magic is amazing and I could tell a certain AI would be looking to replicate the power and knowing her she would.