I've been watching Pandora hearts and couldn't stop myself from imagining Oz and Gil together. When they were both young it was obvious they cared about each other ande even after ten years Gil stayed loyal, trying to get Oz back. Another OTP to my list! So please enjoy this short story that came up in my mind :)
Don't break me
Oz was a nervous wreck. It's been a few days since he found out Raven was Gil and that ten years has passed. Glancing at his friend across the room he couldn't help but look for all the similarities of the Gil he remembered and the one he knew now. He wasn't lying when he said he didn't change much. He was still his naive and cute Gilbert, only his body matured and his darkness deepened. Oz knew he still loved him.
Back when they were children there was a deep bond between them. And Oz, being the bold one, decided to act on his feelings and found out they were shyly returned. They were young so their acts were innocent, yet they couldn't mistake it for anything else but love. They shared kisses and hugs, held hands and cuddled together. Gil was doing anything to have his master smiling and Oz in return made sure his servant was perfectly happy.
Oz sighed again. For him it wasn't that long ago that he held his Gilbert and kissed him. He was fifteen and very much ready to take another step but Gil was always so shy and immature when it came to romance... that Oz didn't want to press him. But now? Glancing again towards Gil, who was sitting on the sofa and smoking, he knew now Gil would be more than mature for that step. The problem was, would he still want to? Oz bit his lip in anguish looking back through the window. Oz was still fifteen, his body young and inexperienced. Would someone as handsome as Gil want him? Maybe he didn't love him any more? Oz waited for him to make the first move but nothing happened. They were alone in the apartment now, maybe he should gather his courage and simply ask? Yet, he was afraid, just like with his father. He knew that if Gil were to reject him... it would break him completely. Gilbert was the one holding his heart. If he tossed it aside Oz would wallow in despair. He sighed again, his mood depressing.
"What's wrong? You've been sighing for some time now." Oz felt a gentle hand setting on his shoulder and a concerned voice was asking if he was all right. In result he sighed again.
"I'm all right." He managed to say, not looking at his friend.
"Don't lie. You are my master, I know you best. I can see something's bothering you." Gil sat down beside him on the windowsill, trying to take a look into his eyes, but his hair covered them. He lowered his face to hide more.
"I..." He whispered but couldn't go on. Gilbert gentle hand grasped his chin and lifted up, making him look into concerned gold eyes. Those eyes could make him do anything and when Gil asked him again, he couldn't lie.
"Do you remember how we were before?" He asked quietly, leaning in. Gil's eyes shown his surprise. "I love you Gil. I missed you." He whispered against his lips, finally sealing them with a soft kiss. He felt his friend stiffen and his heart dropped. Gil didn't answer his kiss and when he felt his hands gently pushing him away, he knew. Pained green eyes met saddened yellow ones.
"Oz. I... It's not... It's been ten years." He managed, taking his warm hands away from his shoulders. Oz already missed them. "You are still a kid and I..." Gilbert run his hand through his hair, showing his uncertainty.
"You don't love me any more." Oz stated, his voice hollow. Gil snapped his head up and what he saw pained him. His best friend, his master, looked broken. His eyes were empty, lost it's shine. His shoulders dropped in defeat. And then, he smiled. This expression was so full of pain, Gil realized his mistake. "It's all right, you don't have to explain. I just have to accept it as my reality." With that, he jumped down and with a silent "Goodnight." he went to his bedroom and locked the door.
Gilbert remembered one time when Oz said those words with the very same expression. Just after his father rejected him. Gil knew he was an idiot. How could he reject a person who never let anyone near him? Oz gave him his heart even though he was always afraid of getting left alone. That one time when his master was so vulnerable he asked him not to break his heart. "If you do I will be broken forever. You are the only one I will ever let that close to me... So please, be careful. My heart is fragile." And what he did? Exactly what Oz was afraid of. He was an idiot. With a sigh, he stood up and approached the door.
Oz laid down on his bed, crying. Sobs were shaking his small frame. He has never felt so horrible, not even after his father told him he was filthy. Gil was his light, his love, the only one allowed to see the real him. But he lost it all along with ten years of life. Gilbert's words still rung in his ears "still a kid... ten years... a kid..." He knew it was true. How could he be so stupid and think someone as beautiful as Gil would like a fifteen year old child? And after Oz hurt him so much, after giving him that horrible scar, of course he wouldn't be forgiven. He deserved to rot in Abyss forever...
Hearing those heart wrenching sobs and knowing it was his fault was an experience Gilbert didn't want to repeat, ever. Only those empty, broken eyes were worse to bear. He tried to open the door but realized it was locked. He had all of the keys but tried anyway.
"Oz please open the door." Sobs stopped suddenly but there was no answer. "Please, I'm so sorry, just let me in, let me explain..." He begged and Oz sighed. He could never say no to this tone. His heart was beyond broken so why not rub some salt into the injury? He would find out exactly why Gil didn't want him any more. He would know all of his flaws and maybe even lose a friend if Gil so decided. Not even bothering to brush his tears away, he opened the door.
Gil gasped seeing this wet face, red, soulless eyes and a fake smile.
"Come in." His voice was rasped but steady and he moved away, sitting on his bed. Gil closed the door and stood in front of him. How could he be so stupid?
"Well? Aren't you going to tell me why you stopped loving me? Weren't you about to list all my flaws?" This sudden anger left him breathless and disappeared as quick as it came. "Sorry." He looked away, biting his lip. With a tired sigh, Gil knelt before him.
"That's not why I'm here. I'm sorry! I'm so sorry, I've broken the promise, I..." He felt a finger at his lips and looked up on his face.
"You worry about that silly promise? I told you before, I don't believe in promises..." Yet his face told another story, adding only in yours, I believed only in yours... "If you are not here to add an insult to injury then please leave. I rather be alone now."
"You've got it all wrong!" He exclaimed, getting hold of his hand and moving it away from his face. He didn't let go. "I didn't want to reject you! I'm just a big idiot." Sigh. He was frustrated at himself for not knowing how to explain.
"What do you mean?" This voice was so quiet and hope lingered there. Gil knew that one wrong word could shatter it completely, breaking him and destroying his soul. He had to tread carefully.
"I have always loved you, Oz. It's just that... it was ten years. I'm an adult now and I felt responsible. I thought it would be wrong, like me taking advantage of you..." He rose his free hand to gently caress the wet cheek. Oz closed his eyes and leaned into the touch, even though it was obvious he still wasn't sure what Gil wanted to say.
"When you kissed me, I was so shocked I couldn't react. And then I remembered all of the reasons why I shouldn't let you do it... I thought about society and what was proper, about your young age and the fact I changed so much... and I felt guilty instantly. That's why I pushed you away. Please, forgive me." He brushed his fingers on his cheek again and met the greenest eyes he ever saw.
"I see... I knew someone like you wouldn't like a kid like me. I only deluded myself. Those childish promises don't matter. There is nothing to forgive." Oz smiled again, this fake expression a mask he perfected over the years and this sight was so heartbreaking that Gil couldn't help himself. Oz completely misunderstood. He leaned in and pressed his lips to his, to show him what he meant.
Oz gasped, thinking that after easing his guilt Gilbert would leave. What he did instead was like a balm on his sore heart. He shyly kissed back, still not believing it was what he thought it was. They separated and Oz felt two hands caressing his cheeks.
"I love you Oz, don't you understand? I was such an idiot, thinking I was too old for you now... Please, let me love you, please believe me... I won't ever leave you, I'm so stupid to try and reject you... Please..." He whispered urgently and a sigh of relief escaped him when Oz's sad, fake smile disappeared.
"I love you Gil." Was the only thing he managed to utter and this time when he kissed him, Gilbert returned it with the same passion. His broken heart was mended again, so he could give it to his love one more time. And Gil accepted it gratefully, promising himself never to be so stupid again.
I hope you liked :D Please review so I know how bad it was... or good :P
Alice is cute and all but Gil is my very favourite character from this anime :)