A/N: uhh I'm actually really proud of this! I'm not really sure where I got the idea, but I got it and… Yeah! So when it comes to AU's with Fai and Yui, I like to switch the twins because we all know that in the real Tsubasa universe, the Fai that Kurogane knew was actually Yui. Buuut in this case, I switched it because I don't like the idea of saying something like "Kurogane kissed Yui."
Also, just a little side note, I didn't have a set time or place when I was writing this, but I'm just going to say it's based in our present time and in America.
And a WARNING: This story is only rated T, but there is one mild sex scene. I say mild because it's very very short and there's nothing explicit said whatsoever. I think I've seen more explicit sex scenes in pg-13 movies i've seen. But I'd thought I'd warn you guys just in case!
Anyway, enough of me talking. Enjoy!
Kurogane was 13 when he first met Fai and his twin brother Yui. Kurogane's parents had to move from the countryside to a small town closer to the city because of his father's work, and Kurogane's mother decided to enroll him into public school instead of homeschooling him as she had in the past.
Which, of course, Kurogane hated.
It wasn't like he hated everyone. He was pretty good friends with a young girl that lived near him named Tomoyo. He felt like a big brother to her and protected her from everything he could, even if it was just a harmless bug.
But now he had to interact with a bunch of stupid teenagers every single day and somehow keep himself from murdering every single one of them.
Luckily, when he walked into his new school, everyone kept their distance and just watched him. He was sure that they knew he was coming, and even if they didn't, word probably spread quickly about the weird, tall, tan boy that just showed up one day in the middle of the school year.
Kurogane had hoped that lunch would be his favorite time of the day because he got to sit outside and if there was one place Kurogane loved, it was the outdoors. He sat at the trunk of a large cherry blossom tree and unpacked the lunch his mother had given him.
"Hey, there he is!"
Kurogane looked up from his sandwich and saw two identical blonde boys coming towards him. One was bounding forward, practically skipping, and the other was trailing behind, looking shy.
"You're the new kid, right?" The skipping one asked when he was in front of him. "Kuro-something, right?"
Kurogane's eyebrow twitched. "Kurogane."
The blonde grinned and sat next to him (without being offered a spot, Kurogane thought bitterly). "Nice to meet you, Kuro-puu! I'm Fai!"
"My name's Kurogane!" Kurogane yelled.
"This is my brother, Yui," Fai said, ignoring Kurogane.
"Fai, come on, we shouldn't bother him," Yui said quietly. He sent Kurogane a sympathetic smile. "Sorry about him."
"Hey, can I have this?" Fai asked as he reached into Kurogane's lunch bag and pulled out a cookie.
"Don't touch people's stuff!" Kurogane yelled as he snatched the cookie out of Fai's hand. He didn't even like sweets, but it still pissed him off that Fai thought he could just take someone's food.
Fai pouted and stuck his tongue out. "Kuro-puu is so mean."
"IT'S KUROGANE!" Kurogane yelled.
Fai snickered as Yui pulled him up. "Kuro-loud is so angry!" He cried while laughing.
Kurogane crushed the cookie in his hand as Yui dragged his brother away. "That asshole," He muttered.
"See you later Kuro-chan!" Fai yelled as Yui forced him inside the school.
And did Fai like to keep his promises.
Fai and Yui found Kurogane every single day during lunch and had even found where the taller male lived. Kurogane didn't mind Yui very much, but Fai… Fai was the most annoying person Kurogane had ever met.
However, Kurogane learned the hard way that trying to push the two away was completely pointless. Yelling just made Fai laugh and ignoring him just made Fai whine.
So Kurogane tried to deal with it and as time went on, Fai began to grow on him. One day near the end of the school year, Yui showed up at their usual lunch spot alone and said that Fai was home with a fever. Kurogane never admitted it, but he actually missed the idiot. It wasn't that he didn't like Yui—he found himself able to talk to Yui about personal matters rather easily, actually. It was just that Kurogane actually missed Fai's annoying voice and his loud, obnoxious laugh and his goddamn ridiculous nicknames.
When Fai got better and came back to school a couple of days later, he laughed and kept on saying, "Did Kuro-puu miss me? Hey Yui, I bet that Kuro-daddy missed Fai-mommy~!"
It took a lot of willpower for Kurogane not to tell him that yes, he did indeed miss him.
"That idiot," Kurogane mumbled during one day during the spring of their last year in middle school. He was watching Fai as he skipped away to buy something sweet from the cafeteria and Yui just laughed nervously.
"Sorry about him," Yui said. It was like his catchphrase.
"How do you put up with him?" Kurogane asked, his mouth full of food.
"He's not like that all the time," Yui said quietly. "He's really happy and all, but he's never given someone a nickname before. And he doesn't treat anyone like he treats you. I think it's because he likes you."
Kurogane's eyes widened, and so did Yui's. "H-He…?" Kurogane muttered in disbelief.
"You did not hear that from me," Yui whispered as Fai came back, an ice cream bar in his hand.
Ever since Yui's words accidentally slipped from his mouth, Kurogane couldn't help but see Fai differently. Their middle school years ended, giving Kurogane his entire summer vacation before high school started to spend with the twins.
And even though Yui and Fai looked exactly alike, there was something about Fai that made Kurogane looked only at him. His hair just seemed brighter, brighter than the sun, and his eyes bluer than the sky, and his skin clearer than porcelain.
"Ohh, I think Kuro-perv is staring~" Fai teased one day after pulling his shirt off. The three of them had decided to take a bus down to the beach and were sitting on their towels, staring at the water.
Kurogane's eyes widened and he looked away, forcing a blush away. "Yeah, right," He mumbled while Yui gave him a knowing smile.
Fai laughed and lied down on his towel, the sun shining off of the sunscreen he had lathered over his pale skin. "You guys excited to start high school?"
"I'm excited to be done with school," Kurogane mumbled as he lied down as well, keeping his shirt on.
Yui smiled and stayed sitting. "I can't wait until I can drive."
Fai's smile grew. "Oh, yeah! I can't wait either! Getting to drive around all night with Kuro-chan and Yui!"
Kurogane rolled his eyes. "You'd probably crash and kill all of us."
Fai stuck his tongue out at him. "I would not."
Yui laughed his usual quiet laugh. While it was nice, it was nothing compared to Fai's. To Kurogane, Fai's laugh was able to make him smile, even a little. It sounded like bells tolling at a church, or bubbles pouring from his mouth. Even though Fai annoyed the hell out of him, Kurogane let him because when Kurogane would get mad, Fai would laugh.
And Kurogane loved Fai's laugh. He loved Fai's laugh almost as much as he loved…
Kurogane shot into a sitting position, making the twins look at him. "What's up, Kuro-weird?" Fai asked.
"I'm hot," Kurogane mumbled as he stood up and sprinted down to the water. He sat down in the wet sand, letting the tide come up and wash over his legs.
"Thinking about Fai?"
Kurogane snapped his head up and saw Yui standing next to him. He scoffed and looked away. "Yeah, right."
Yui smiled and sat next to him. "Sorry I said what I did," He said quietly. "I bet it freaked you out, huh? I just hope you don't hate him because of it."
Kurogane looked at the water. "I don't hate him," He mumbled.
Yui looked at him, and then that same knowing smile from before came back to his face. "So you like him too, huh?"
Kurogane could feel his face burn and blamed it on the sun. "Of course not. How could I like a moron like him?"
Yui gave a quiet laugh and stood up. "Whatever you say, Kurogane."
Kurogane cursed under his breath and stood up as well to follow Yui back to their towels. Fai was lying on his stomach in a futile attempt to tan his long back, and Kurogane only looked away when he heard Yui laughing.
A couple of years passed quickly, and then they were in their last year of high school. Kurogane continued to watch Fai and Fai continued to annoy Kurogane, and Yui simply watched from the sidelines, getting annoyed himself from the fact that neither of them would confess.
"Where's Yui?" Kurogane asked one night when Fai showed up at his door alone.
"He didn't want to come," Fai said as he walked inside.
"Why not?" Kurogane asked.
"Oh, you know him. Ever since he got his license he loves to just drive around for hours," Fai answered.
Kurogane frowned. Fai was speaking quicker than usual and seemed nervous for some reason. "Are you okay?"
"Yeah, why wouldn't I be?" Fai asked as his fingers played with the hem of his shirt.
"You just seem nervous," Kurogane mumbled as Fai went to the couch to sit down. He followed him and sat down, watching him silently as Fai seemed to fight some internal battle.
"Well, actually," Fai eventually said. "I came alone so that I could tell you something."
Kurogane wasn't sure why, but those words made him nervous. He felt his heart beat speed up and his hands felt sweaty all of a sudden. "Okay, what is it?"
Fai looked at him and opened his mouth to say something, but instead lunged forward and before Kurogane knew what was happening, Fai's lips were covering his. Kurogane's eyes widened as Fai kissed him, his hands hovering over Fai's waist and not sure what to do. The kiss was innocent with just their lips pressed against each other, but Kurogane was still shocked out of his mind.
When Fai eventually pulled away, Kurogane opened his mouth to say something and could only come up with, "What the fuck?"
Fai leaned back and looked down at his hands. "S-Sorry…" He whispered. "I just… I didn't know how else to tell you…" He glanced up at Kurogane, his face red. "I really like you, Kurogane. I… might even love you…"
Kurogane swallowed the lump in his throat and tried to force the blush on his cheeks to go away. He didn't know why he felt so nervous; Yui had told him years ago that Fai liked him. But hearing Fai himself say it was completely different, and it made his stomach flip. "I… D-Don't call me Kurogane… It's weird when you say it."
Fai's lips cracked open into a grin. "I never thought I'd hear you tell me not to call you Kurogane."
Kurogane scowled and crossed his arms, trying to seem unaffected by the fact that Fai had just confessed to him. "Well it sounds weird after hearing you call me all those stupid nicknames."
Fai's smile softened. "Isn't it the same as when Yui says it?"
"Of course not!" Kurogane cried, startling Fai. "You and Yui… It's just not the same."
Fai looked down. "We look and sound exactly the same."
"So?" Kurogane asked. "You and Yui aren't the same person. You may look the same, but you don't look the same, and you don't sound the same."
Fai looked up at Kurogane. "I don't understand."
Kurogane sighed and tried to think of a way to say it. He may be strong—stronger than anyone else in his class—but he was not strong enough to just come out and tell Fai that he loved him.
"You and Yui…" He started slowly. "You both have blonde hair, but your hair is…" He reached out and ran his fingers through the golden strands, letting them slip through his fingers. Every time he got to touch Fai's hair, it reminded him of the pure silk scarf his mother owned because of how soft it was. "Your hair is brighter… Softer, and shinier. You both have pale skin, but yours… it's like a doll's. You both have blue eyes, but when I look into his, I only see blue. When I look into yours, I see… The blue sky on a perfect day."
Kurogane pulled his hand away from Fai's hair and Fai stared at him with wide eyes. "K-Kuro… What are you trying to say?"
Kurogane looked down. "You and Yui aren't the same person. I don't love Yui."
Kurogane looked up at Fai and saw the blonde staring at him with wide eyes. "Kuro-sama…" Fai whispered before throwing his arms around the dark haired male and pressing their lips together again.
The kiss grew slowly as the two got more and more used to the feeling, and eventually Kurogane was carrying Fai to his bedroom while the blonde kissed all over his face.
"Your parents?" Fai asked breathlessly when they were both on the bed.
"Business trip. They won't be back until tomorrow night," Kurogane answered.
Fai nodded and the two began kissing again as Kurogane undressed the both of him. He touched Fai carefully, sliding his lips down the long, pale neck, spreading his hand over the flat stomach, running his fingers up the long, hairless legs.
He had touched Fai's skin before, of course, but being so close, pressing his chest against Fai's and feeling his body heat filling the room… It was an experience Kurogane never wanted to forget.
And after running around the house trying to find some lotion and a bit of sloppy preparation, Kurogane was pushing inside of Fai, watching as the man under him trembled and shut his eyes tightly, his blonde hair fanned out behind him like a halo.
Kurogane began moving slowly and buried his face into Fai's neck, listening to the blonde's breathy moans. Kurogane had always imagined Fai to be a loud moaner, but he was wrong. Fai let out shuddering, quiet moans and occasionally would clench his teeth and let out a strained noise when he felt extra good, but he wasn't loud at all. But Kurogane liked that even more. Hearing Fai's quiet noises right beside his ear was turning him on even more.
Fai clenched the sheets under him tightly, his fists shaking as Kurogane moved his hips quicker. Kurogane reached down and grabbed one of Fai's hands, bringing it up so that he could tie their fingers together.
Without warning, Fai's back arched and Kurogane felt a wet heat spread across his stomach as Fai opened his mouth wide in a silent scream. And then Kurogane was finding his release, a quiet groan vibrating from his chest as he buried himself deep inside of Fai.
Fai shivered and didn't protest when Kurogane collapsed on top of him. The two panted together, their breaths mingling as they tried to come down from their highs. Kurogane felt Fai's long fingers playing with his hair and heard Fai quietly say, "Let's take a bath."
Kurogane ended up in his parents' bathtub with Fai (because theirs was much, much bigger than his own), his eyes closed as Fai washed himself. Kurogane opened his eyes when he felt Fai lean against his chest and looked down at the blonde.
"I knew it," Fai mumbled. "You were always staring at me."
Kurogane scoffed and rolled his eyes. "Just because you're always acting like an idiot. It's like a train wreck," He said even though he was wrapping his arms around Fai's thin frame.
Fai teased Kurogane even as they were getting out of the tub and drying off. Kurogane gave Fai a large shirt and some sweat pants that were way too long for him to wear, and Fai bent over to roll the ends of the pants up as Kurogane got dressed in a t-shirt and some pajama pants, trying not to stare at Fai's ass.
While he was bent over, Fai pulled his cell phone out of his discarded jeans and frowned. "Whoa, I have a bunch of missed calls," He said, his phone beginning to vibrate with another call. He smiled and answered it. "Why yes, this is the most fabulous Fai."
Kurogane rolled his eyes and sat down on the edge of the bed. He could hear a voice from Fai's phone, but couldn't tell what they were saying because of how low and quiet their voice was. However, he could tell something was wrong as he watched Fai's face go from confused to shocked to simply terrified.
"I-I don't… H-How?" Fai whispered. Kurogane stood up and looked at him worriedly. "I… I'll be there right away."
Fai hung up and Kurogane tried to get a good look at him. "What happened?"
Fai looked up, and for the first time since he had met him, Kurogane saw tears swimming in his blue eyes. "Y-Yui was in a car accident."
Kurogane didn't know what he was supposed to do when he walked into the church. He had never been to a funeral before, so the only thing he knew was that he had to find Fai.
He looked around at everyone, at all the people dressed in black, and thought back to what was supposed to be one of the best nights of his life.
"How is he?!" Fai cried as he ran up to the doctor that had been tending to Yui. He and Kurogane were still in their pajamas, but that was the least of their worries.
The doctor had that solemn look on his face. The one that said, "it's too late," and Kurogane put his hand onto Fai's shoulder to brace him.
"He won't make it," The doctor said quietly. "He's on a life support machine right now. Your parents are in there with him and you may go in as well to say your goodbyes. When you're ready, we'll turn the life support machine off."
Kurogane sat outside Yui's room, his face hidden by his hands. He flinched when he heard Fai begin screaming, sobbing at the doctors to leave.
"Not yet! Please, just let me have five more minutes!" Fai sobbed. One of the nurses that went in to try and calm Fai down left the door open, and Kurogane could see Fai pushing away everyone that tried to touch him, his body thrown over Yui's.
Kurogane went in and put his hand onto a nurse's shoulder, and she looked at him, getting the hint and stepping back. Everyone stepped away from Fai and his parents watched from the other side of the bed with tears in their eyes as Kurogane slowly pulled Fai off of Yui's body and pulled him to his chest.
"Pl-Please, don't make him die," Fai sobbed into Kurogane's shirt. "Please… Not Yui…"
Kurogane looked up and saw Fai's father nod, and heard the machine keeping Yui alive shut down, the monitor keeping track of his pulse giving out one long note that was drowned out by Fai's scream.
Kurogane came to the front of the church, where Fai's parents were standing to speak with people near Yui's casket. They both gave Kurogane tight hugs and then gestured to the front pew where Fai was sitting.
His head was lowered and his hair, which suddenly looked dull and lifeless, covered his eyes. His shoulders were hunched over and the black suit he had on looked too big on his tiny body.
Kurogane walked over to him and sat beside him, reaching over to take Fai's hand. He gave a slight squeeze to let Fai know that he was there, but got no response.
After the funeral, Fai's parents quietly asked Kurogane to take him home since they had to stay late to speak with people. The entire ride home, Fai was silent with his head bowed, just like he was during the entire service.
Kurogane practically carried Fai inside and up to his bedroom, setting him down on the bed. "Come on, let's get you undressed," He said quietly as he began to take off Fai's shoes.
Kurogane blinked and bit his cheek to keep the tears from coming. His heart felt like someone was squeezing it with an iron fist and there was an empty hole filling his stomach. He wanted to pull Fai close and cry into his shoulder because Yui was dead. Yui and Fai were Kurogane's best friends. Yui was the one Kurogane went to with any of his problems because he was just such a good listener and Kurogane never thought that he would die. That either of them would die.
But Kurogane knew that he had to be strong for Fai because no matter what pain he was feeling, Fai was feeling a pain that was much, much worse. Kurogane had heard that twins were connected differently than anyone other two people. Twins were like one soul separated into two bodies—Kurogane had even heard stories of twins being able to speak with each other telepathically.
And worse, he had heard that when one twin dies, the other twin feels as if they died as well, as if half of their soul just withered away.
Kurogane looked up when he felt a hand on his shoulder, and suddenly he was on the floor with Fai on top of him, his long legs straddling his waist.
"F-Fai?" Kurogane asked when he felt long fingers begin to unbutton the dress shirt he had on.
"Make me feel better," Fai whispered, his voice dark and raspy and nothing like the bright, bubbly voice Kurogane had grown to love. Kurogane felt Fai's cold, chapped lips connect with his neck. "This is what people do when they want to feel better, right?"
"Fai, stop," Kurogane said, putting his hands onto Fai's shoulders to try and push him away.
Fai rolled his hips, grinding down on Kurogane. "Please, make me feel better, Kurogane."
Kurogane clenched his teeth and pushed Fai away from him, sitting up and pulling his undone shirt closed. Fai leaned against the side of his bed, his head lowered so that his hair covered his eyes again.
"You really think that's going to fix anything?!" Kurogane yelled, his voice cracking. "You…"
He trailed off when he saw tears drip off the end of Fai's nose like liquid crystals. Kurogane sighed and moved towards Fai to pick him up and put him on the bed. He gave up on trying to undress Fai because he was sure it wouldn't make a difference to him anyway. Instead, he pulled the covers back and laid Fai on the mattress, pulling the blanket over him and watching as Fai rolled onto his side, facing away from Kurogane.
"Fai," Kurogane whispered, reaching out to touch Fai's hair.
"Go away," Fai whispered, making Kurogane stop. "Get out."
Kurogane hovered over what was left of his lover for a few more moments before turning around and leaving the house.
Fai didn't go to school at all after that. No one blamed him, either. Teachers decided to break a few rules and give him passing grades, even though he wasn't there to get any assignments, just so that he could graduate without having to worry. It made Kurogane a bit happy to know that the teachers weren't heartless.
Kurogane often went to Fai's house, but his mother, who had quit her job to stay home with Fai, always said the same thing.
"I'm sorry honey but… I just don't think Fai wants to see anyone right now."
It took months before Kurogane was able to see Fai again. His mother had been in the middle of telling Kurogane that Fai didn't want to see him, but Kurogane heard Fai call out to his mother.
"He can come in."
His mother stepped out of the way and went to the kitchen while Kurogane sat down next to Fai on the couch. He stared at Fai, just trying to take in how much his grief changed him.
His hair was dull, the waves no longer bouncy but sitting limp, just making it look like his hair was messed up. His skin was pale and ashy and his cheeks were sunken in, and there were dark circles under his eyes.
"Fai," Kurogane whispered, taking Fai's hand in his and squeezing it. "I…" He swallowed, unsure of what to say.
"I think I'm going to go travel," Fai said quietly. "Yu… He wanted to travel. He hated it here. So I… I'll do it for him. I already started applying to study programs abroad."
Kurogane couldn't believe what he was hearing. So Fai was going to leave him… Just like that? He looked down, knowing that he didn't have the right to say anything because he knew that he had no idea how Fai was feeling.
"Will you come back?" He eventually asked.
Fai shrugged. "Maybe."
Kurogane nodded and squeezed Fai's hand. "I'll wait for you."
And a few months later, Kurogane and Fai were graduating. But Fai didn't attend the ceremony, as expected. A speech was given by the principle about Yui and a few people cried, but Kurogane didn't. He couldn't cry because he was the one that had to stay strong.
He continued to visit Fai regularly, but their conversations were short. Fai no longer did things to annoy Kurogane, he didn't even call him by any nicknames. He just gave short answers and Kurogane just slowly gave up hope.
And then, a couple of months after their graduation, Fai was leaving to go to Europe. Kurogane was at the airport with Fai's parents, but Fai didn't give him a hug. He just looked up at him and tried to smile.
"See you, Kurogane."
Those were the last words Kurogane got to hear from Fai. After that, Fai changed his number and Kurogane was guessing that even if he tried going to Fai's parents to get it, they wouldn't give it to him.
Kurogane didn't know why Fai was trying to distance himself from everyone he cared about. In Kurogane's mind, when you lose someone you love, you should just give more love to the others in your life because who knows when you'll lose another one?
But he and Fai were very different, Kurogane thought. They had nothing in common other than their mutual feelings for each other.
So Kurogane tried to just forget about Fai and Yui when he went to a big city for college. He knew it was useless, but he could at least try. He didn't want to be stuck in the past, crying over things he couldn't change. He wanted to focus on the present and keep tragedies like that from happening again.
Kurogane thought he was doing a pretty good job at keeping his past behind him until the day that it practically slapped him in the face.
He had recently graduated from college and was on his way back from a meeting about his future career (a physical education teacher at a local high school) when it happened.
He was unbuttoning the first few buttons on the dress shirt he had worn as he walked into some hole-in-the-wall café to get a coffee. He was also considering getting a sandwich or something as he walked in the door, looking up at the menu.
"Welcome!" A cheery voice called from behind the counter.
Kurogane stopped and looked at the barista, whose back was turned as they made someone's coffee. Their hair was bright blonde, shining like the sun and pulled back into a ponytail, but its free, natural waves still stuck out from the layers that were too short to be trapped by the hair tie. Long, nimble fingers worked on pouring different things into a blender before finally pressing the start button and mixing the drink.
When the drink was ready, the person turned around and handed the customer her drink, their blue eyes shining brighter than the sky outside.
Kurogane blinked his eyes and then rubbed them, sure he was seeing things wrong. But he knew that voice and that hair and those eyes better than he knew the back of his hand.
Kurogane stepped up to the counter, happy that there was no line, and looked down at the barista.
"Hello! What can I—"
He stopped, cut off when he looked up and blue met red.
"Fai," Kurogane said in a low voice.
The shocked look quickly cleared from Fai's face and a grin replaced it. "Wow, Kurogane! It's been a long time, huh? You want some coffee? Order anything you want, on the house."
Kurogane clenched his fists. "What are you doing here?"
"I'm working!" Fai said happily, his eyes closed as he gave Kurogane that disgustingly fake smile.
Kurogane shook his head and looked around. "When do you get off?"
Fai opened his eyes and tilted his head. "Um… 6! Why, does Kurogane want to take me out on a date?"
Kurogane just turned on his heel and stormed out of the café without another word.
"Wow, you came back!"
Kurogane glared at Fai as the blonde male walked out of the café, stripped of his apron and now in a long coat and a scarf wrapped around his neck.
"So, where are we going?" Fai asked. "A nice restaurant? A romantic movie?"
Kurogane just grabbed Fai's wrist and began to drag him down the street. Fai laughed and said some stuff behind him, but Kurogane ignored him until he pulled Fai to a restaurant and demanded a table a bit more forcefully than intended, scaring the hostess.
"Ah, a nice restaurant!" Fai said as they were seated. "I was right."
Kurogane glared at the man, at that fake smile that made him want to puke. "Stop that." Kurogane said.
"Stop what?" Fai asked, his smile growing but never reaching his eyes.
"Stop smiling like that," Kurogane hissed, clenching his fists in his lap to keep from slamming them on the table.
Fai just laughed a bit. "You want me to stop smiling? That's kind of wei—"
"I want you to stop smiling that fake smile!" Kurogane said, trying not to raise his voice too much. Fai stopped and blinked, the smile still on his lips but his eyes showing his confusion. "If you don't want to smile, then don't. If you're not happy to smile a real smile then just don't smile!"
"You shouldn't lie to every single person you pass," Kurogane said quietly, cutting Fai off. "You shouldn't let them think that you're some happy guy."
The waitress took the moment of silence to bring them some water before scurrying away, afraid to make Kurogane mad at her.
Fai stared down at his lap, the smile long gone. "And how do you know if I'm happy or not?"
Kurogane scowled. "I've known you for a long time."
Fai looked up at Kurogane and the smile was back. "Yeah, but people change, Kurogane! We were separated for a long time! My habits probably changed!"
Kurogane stood up and reached across the table, grabbing the collar of Fai's shirt to pull him up. He heard people around them gasp and knew that the waiters were surrounding him but not doing anything since they weren't sure how to stop him. Not that they could, he thought briefly.
"The only thing that's changed is the fact that now you're sad when you used to be happy," Kurogane said in a low voice, not wanting anyone else to hear him. "Save your smiles for when they're real."
With that, he dropped Fai back into his seat and turned to walk out of the restaurant.
Kurogane walked out of the school he was now working at, clad in his sweat suit (because what else would a gym teacher wear?) as he walked to his car. He stopped when he saw someone leaning against one of the trees outside the school, wearing a familiar coat and scarf.
Kurogane narrowed his eyes and walked over to him. "What are you doing here?"
Fai looked up at him and grinned. The smile wasn't as big as the one Fai had given Kurogane a few days before, but it was just as fake. "I wanted to see you!"
"And how did you know I worked here?" Kurogane asked as he walked to his car, Fai trailing behind him.
"I was walking to work and as I was walking by the school I saw you getting out of your car! So I asked a student when the school day ended and got here around that time to wait for you!" Fai nudged Kurogane's shoulder. "See? I'm pretty smart you know."
"Is there a reason you waited for me?" Kurogane asked as he walked to his car. He gave Fai a look that said, "get in before I force you in."
Fai climbed into the passenger seat and playfully rolled his eyes. "Didn't I already say that I wanted to see you?"
Kurogane didn't answer as he drove to his nearby apartment. He parked and watched as Fai got out and skipped beside him, much like how he did that first day they met.
"Ohh, so this is Kurogane's apartment?" Fai asked as he walked inside. "Yeah, I can see Kurogane living here."
Kurogane wanted to yell at him and call him an idiot because of course you could see Kurogane living there because he did live there! But instead he stayed silent and went to the kitchen to get a bottle of beer. He wasn't going to give Fai the satisfaction he used to.
"Beer! Can I have some?" Fai asked, looking up at Kurogane like a puppy.
Kurogane got a bottle for him and handed it to him, watching as Fai opened it and began chugging it. Kurogane watched him while sipping at his own drink. He always suspected Fai would love drinking when they got to the legal age.
"So are you going to tell me why you're so fake now?" Kurogane eventually asked.
Fai stopped drinking and pulled the bottle away from his lips. "I'm not—"
"Cut the crap," Kurogane interrupted. His eyes narrowed and he was happy he didn't have that ugly smile to stare at. "You're nothing like you used to be. I know Yui's death was hard on you, so why can't you just openly be sad like we all expect you to?"
Kurogane saw Fai flinch at Yui's name and the blonde lowered his head, looking exactly like how he did at Yui's funeral. "Don't talk about him," He whispered.
"And why not?" Kurogane asked. "You really think he would want to see you faking a smile everyday to try and deceive everyone?"
"Well he wouldn't want me looking sad either!" Fai yelled, startling Kurogane. "He hated it when I was sad! He always wanted me to be happy, so that's why I tried so hard everyday to be happy! For him! Why should that change now?!"
"Because you're not happy!" Kurogane yelled back. "You were happy back then! But you're not anymore, and I know that Yui would rather see you sad than see you lie to everyone—especially yourself!"
"Stop! Stop talking like you knew him!" Fai cried, taking a step back. "You barely knew him at all! He barely said anything to you!"
"Only when you were around!" Kurogane yelled, making Fai stop and look at him with wide eyes. "When you were around, he just went along with your jokes, always apologizing for the way you acted. But when you were gone, he'd really talk to me. He was the only person I talked to about personal things, you know. And I was the same for him. He was always worrying about you, and he may have told you everything else, but there was no way he was going to go to you to talk about you."
"Sometimes I'm scared Fai's not really happy," Yui said one day under the cherry blossom tree. Fai had run off to buy something sweet, as usual.
"What do you mean?" Kurogane asked.
"Well, he's always smiling. Always really happy," Yui said. "But what if he's not? What if it's all just a lie to keep everyone else happy?"
Kurogane looked down at his hands. "I think we'd be able to tell."
Yui looked up at him. "You do?"
Kurogane nodded. "When Fai smiles… You can see it in his eyes," He said, trying hard not to sound too cheesy (or lovesick). "It's when you can't see the same happiness in his eyes that you have to start worrying."
Fai's fists were clenched by his sides and his entire body was trembling. "You…"
Kurogane stepped towards Fai, who thankfully didn't step back. "It's okay to be sad," He said quietly. "Yui would have wanted you to openly be sad rather than just trying to bury it for his sake."
Fai sat on the couch a few steps away and covered his face with his hands. Kurogane sat next to him and waited for him to say something. "I just… I knew Yui loved to see me smile," Fai whispered. "More than anything, he wanted to see me smile."
"He wanted to see you smile a true smile," Kurogane said. "And be happy, because that's the only smile you ever gave him."
Fai moved his hands from his face and shook his head. "I left to get away from you, you know. And my parents." He let out a shuddering sigh. "After losing Yui I just thought… Is this what it's going to feel like every time I lose someone I love? I was so close to Yui—we were twins. We were closer than anyone else. And when I lost him I just… I didn't want to get close to anyone else again. I didn't want to get close to anyone again just to lose them."
Kurogane swallowed and looked down, chewing on the inside of his cheek.
Fai smiled a bit. "I had never given anyone a nickname before you. Yui commented on it the night we met you. He said, 'why didn't you just call Kurogane by his name? You've never given anyone else a nickname before.' And I just grinned and said, 'I guess Kuro-puu is special.'" Fai's smile fell again. "I was living in a fantasy where I thought nothing bad would happen. Then I lost Yui, and…"
Kurogane looked at Fai, thinking of all the times he said his name since Yui's death, his full name and not one of the idiotic nicknames that Kurogane missed.
"That's why I left," Fai said again. "Why I stopped with the childish nicknames and left everything behind. I can't let myself become close to anyone again."
Kurogane couldn't hold it in anymore. "You're more of a moron now than you were back then," He finally said, making Fai look up at him in shock. "You can't just cut people off. Gain and loss is just part of life and if you can't deal with it then you need a serious reality check."
Fai's brows furrowed together. "Kuro—"
"Yeah, it's true you're going to lose everyone," Kurogane said, ignoring Fai. "Because that's just part of life and nature. That's why you gotta make the most out of the time you have with them." He reached out and grabbed Fai's cheek, pinching it and stretching it. "And not waste the time you're given just lying to yourself."
Fai blinked his wide, blue eyes and smiled a bit, despite the fact that Kurogane was stretching his cheek. Then tears began welling up and Kurogane let go of Fai's cheek so that he could wrap his arms around him and let him cry.
"Come on, hurry up Kuro-slow!"
Kurogane rolled his eyes as Fai dragged him across the grass, past all the stones around them until they were in front of the only one they cared about. Fai smiled—a real smile—and knelt down to place the bouquet of roses in his hand in front of the stone.
"Hey Yui," He said quietly, sitting on the grass. Kurogane followed suit and stared at the words engraved in the stone. Fai grinned. "So I know I told you last time that Kuro-puu and I were getting married, but now we're actually married!" He held his left hand up towards the sky, showing off the ring on his finger. "Bet you saw that coming, huh?"
Kurogane smiled a bit and leaned back to watch Fai as he spoke animatedly about their wedding. You'd think visiting a grave would make you sad, but with Fai, it just made him more energetic, like Yui was right in front of him, smiling that soft smile and nodding when needed.
"You should have seen Kuro-chan in his tux!" Fai said. "He was sooo handsome!"
Kurogane put his hand onto Fai's lower back. "I'm pretty sure he did see me."
Fai looked at him and then gave a soft smile. "Right, I'm sure he did." He grinned again and looked at the stone. "And that means you saw me trip as I was walking down the aisle too, right? So embarrassing! Even Kuro-mean here laughed at me!"
Fai stopped talking and Kurogane looked at him, worried that he had suddenly become depressed or something. But Kurogane just saw Fai staring at the flowers with a small smile.
"I really miss you," He whispered. He then leaned against Kurogane and grabbed his arm. "But it's okay, because I have Kuro-sama next to me!" He looked up at Kurogane, his eyes bluer than the sky above them. "Right?"
Kurogane smiled and nodded.