Great White Wolf Chapter Fifteen
AN: Once more please review...Plenty more angst to go around...
Telling Seth isn't too hard. He's extremely excited about becoming an uncle. Rebecca's at the house with him when I arrive. I make both of them promise to remain quiet and avoid phasing, if possible, at least until Sam and I talk. They agree. Seth wants to tell Jake, but I don't. Not yet.
"Leah, if there is an attack, or we're needed for any reason, Jake will expect all of us. But you shouldn't phase. You said it yourself. You're the first female wolf. Doc doesn't know how your pregnancy will affect you. Leah, please. He'll be discreet. Besides, everything's going to be out in the open soon enough."
He taps his head silently, reminding me there are no secrets when you're a member of a pack. Or when you're friends with a mind-reading vampire. I wonder if Alice can see me. She's gotten better in the last few years, after she got to know us, but she still has problems seeing us clearly.
"Fine. Tell him. I'll go and see Sam right now."
I leave and drive over to Sam's house. My stomach's in knots and I catch myself rubbing my hands across it.
I whisper to my babies, "Here goes everything, little ones. Daddy's about to find out about you."
My feet feel like they're weighted down with lead and every step I take is a struggle. Sam opens the door before I even reach the porch.
The sound of my name on his lips turns my insides to Jell-O. I'm a quivering mess. I pulled on one of Seth's big shirts before I left the house, I don't know why I feel like there's a big sign pointing to my belly flashing "PREGNANT! PREGNANT! BEWARE!," but I do. I've never been so self conscious in my life, as I am right now.
I don't want to be trapped behind four walls with him.
"Can we just sit on the porch instead?"
"Yeah, no problem. Would you like something to drink?"
Sam's trying to be hospitable and I try to reign in my frustration.
"No. Let's just sit and talk."
Sam sits down in one of the oversized wicker chairs, and I grab a spot in one of the others. They are new, I can tell. Emily always bugged him to buy her a new set after Paul broke hers in one of his angry tirades. I can't help but wonder if he remembered that and if that's why he has the wicker set.
"What do you wanna talk about, Leah?"
"That night," I whisper.
Sam has the decency to look away when he hears my answer.
"The last time we tried to do that you kicked me out of your house."
I clear my throat, which is suddenly dry as cotton.
"I know I did. Sorry about that." My voice is hoarse and I struggle to get my words out. "Can I have some water, please?"
He gets up and goes in the house while I try to collect myself. I keep repeating "you can do this" over and over in my head.
"Here you go." Sam hands me a cool, tall glass of water, and I guzzle it down. "Thanks," I say running my tongue across my lips.
"So, tell me, Leah, why are you here? To talk about something you sure never wanted talk about before? Because I don't think it is."
Sam knows me better than anyone, even Mom and Jake. He knows I have something important on my mind.
"You're right, Sam. I don't want to talk about that night. And if I could avoid talking to you now, I would. But I can't. We made a mistake. No, I made a mistake coming here."
I jump and start to leave when Sam grabs my arm.
"Leah, talk to me. Please. I can feel that something's wrong. More than the obvious. What is it?"
I jerk my arm free. "You really want to know, Sam? Fine. I'll tell you. YOU KNOCKED ME UP!" I don't wait for my words to sink in, I just jump off the porch and phase.
I run without any idea of where to go. I just need to get away to from Forks, from Sam. He phased, too and is giving chase, but I'm faster. I've always been the fastest wolf in the pack. Right now, that extra edge is serving me well. I hear others joining in. My humiliaton is being replayed over and over as the pack gets the full story. But, the most humiliting fact they learn is that I was a virgin the night of our tryst.
Sam and I had always fooled around, but he respected my parents too much to cross that boundary. I try to block out the voices and refuse to answer any of them. Jake hasn't phased yet. If he had, he could force me to obey―as my Alpha. He never has before, but he can. I take the advantage I have and push myself harder, running faster than I've ever run before in my life.
Once I reach Canada, I phase back to human form. I'm naked, humiliated, scared and alone. Completely alone. I'm hundreds of miles from home without money or clothing. If I phase back, then Jake will find me and drag me home. I hate to resort to theivery, but I have no other choice.
I'm lucky enough to find a car with someone's clothing and shoes in the back seat at a local park. Thank God for campers. The shirt's two sizes too large, but I don't care. I'll make do. I need someone's help, but whose? My babies give me a strong kick in the gut. This is the first time I've ever felt them move. I have get to help. For them.
I decide to call Bella. I make her promise to keep quiet until I decide what I want to do. Since Edward can't read her thoughts, I should be okay. She begs for me to come home. I tell her that I just need some time. She wires me some money for a room and food. I buy a pre-paid cell and call Bella back to give her the number.
"Leah, please think about returning home. Everyone's worried about you."
"I'll consider it, but I'm not ready yet."
"Do you want me to tell your mom anything? She and Seth are really worried about you and the babies."
I hate causing pain to either of them, but if Bella tells Mom where I am at she'll tell Seth. Jake and the pack would find out, and right now, I don't want to face Sam.
"Not yet, I just need another day or two."
Two days turn into seven, and I still resist returning home when Bella begs me to. I know I'm being unfair. Finally, after two weeks pass by, Bella demands I either return home or call Sue. My mother's frantic. I beg Bella for one more day but she says she can't. Sue and Seth are going out of their minds. I feel so bad about things, I hang up on Bella.
Carlisle calls me. He wants to tell me he needs to examine me, that the twins are growing quickly and may be in danger. He frightens me enough that I agree to return home.
I had passed my burgeoning stomach off as normal, but now I know different. I know I should be monitored because I'm high-risk. I'm having two babies, instead of one, and that alone is dangerous. Being a female wolf just adds to my risks.
Bella books me a flight home the same day. Carlisle wants to check me out before I phase again.
Bella promises me she'll call my mom and swear her to secrecy, to allow me to return without facing Sam. I'm not ready for that, not yet anyway, though I know it was only a matter of time before I'll have to face him.
I expect Jake to chew me out when he picks me up from the airport, but he only gives me a hug when I get off the plane.
"Leah, I'm so glad you are home."
He shares that Billy and Old Quil are looking into the tribe's histories for any useful information about my situation. We never found anything when I first became a wolf, and I doubt there's anything for them to find now. But I appericate the thoughtfulness. We drive the rest of the way home in silence.
My mom and Charlie plan on meeting me at the Cullen house. Seth still doesn't know about my return home. I know he'll be pissed at all of us for not telling him.
Home. Whereever that is. Jake told me Seth and Rebecca moved into my family home together. I don't know if I want to go back there. To La Push, that is. It's too close to Sam and the memories.
Carlisle checks me out. He tells me I need to rest due to the fact that I'm slightly dehydrated. The twins are both growing at a fast rate, but they're healthy. I spend the next two days hiding in Bella's old room at Charlie's. Mom finally calls Seth and tells him to come over.
Seth sees me and he's angry at first, but my mom tells him to give me time. My brother loves me and hates that I'm hurting. Jake, Billy, and Seth avoid phasing to allow me a little time to think about the best way to handle my sitaution. Not telling Rebecca is difficult for Seth. I feel even worse for causing him to be less than honest with his mate about me.
Fate takes the choice away from me when a nomadic vampire is discovered hunting close to Forks. Nessie's out near the river with Jake, and her scent draws him close. Jake phases to protect her, and Sam happens to be on a scouting mission at the same time. Bella calls to warn me that Sam knows I'm back after Jake get's home and tells her about their little adventure in the woods―and that he'll be at Charlie's soon. I want to run, but it's too late. Sam's at the door.
I feel tears start to build in my eyes. Damn hormones. I never cry normally. The first time I did was when he almost died and Emily did. Since then, I cry all the time it seems. I hate feeling weak.
I lower my head in shame. I'm not ready to deal with this. I just want to escape. I know I should not have come back to this place. I have to admit the truth, I'm scared, more scared than I've ever been in my life. I never thought I could have children, and now I'm having two with the love of life. Only he loves a dead woman. The irony of the situation isn't lost on me.
He reaches over and lifts my chin up so he can look in my eyes. "Leah, please talk to me."
I don't know what to say. There's a catch in my throat and I'm speechless. Looking into the eyes of the man I loved, will always love, makes me nervous.
What am I going to say to him? I'm sorry isn't enough.
There's no way I can ever make any of this right, for him or me. I'd made love to my former best friends widow. He'll never be able to love me like he does her. That ship sailed a long time ago.
"What do you want me to say, Sam? You want me to say I'm sorry? I am. Sorrier than you can imagine.
I never planned this. Not any of it."
"I know, Leah. Me either."
He rubs his hand across my face tenderly. His touch makes me ache for what I can never have.
"Sam, please. Don't do that."
"Leah, I know you're scared, but we can make this work, somehow. You're going to be the mother to my children. I don't know how, but I swear we will. I promise you, I'l be by your side the entire way."
I look at him thoughtfully, hopefully. Reality sets in. Of course, Sam will do the honorable thing. His father left him and his mother when he was a child. It left it's mark on him. And he'd never do that to his children.
"Sam, it's okay. I can do this alone. I know you still love Emily. It was just a drunken mistake. I should've known better."
I turn away from is to hard to deal with. Harder than I could have ever imagined. I see the resolve in his eyes when I look at him again. I know that there's no way Sam's going to abide me cutting him out of my life. Not when I'm having his children.
"Dr. Cullen has examined me, and the babies are fine. So, there's really nothing for you to worry about."
"Leah." The one word tears at me like a hot searing knife plunging into my heart. I can't let him see the pain I'm in.
"Twins..." I laugh lightheartedly. "I never thought it was possible to have even one, let alone two. But who thought there'd ever be female wolves either."
He watches my face carefully. Intently.
"I remember, Leah everything about that night. You were a virgin and I took advantage of you, of our past. The wedding upset me and you were there for me. I'm so sorry, Leah. I never meant to hurt you. I was wrong to do that."
I stop him from talking anymore. "Sam, please stop it." I need him to shut up. Advantage. I hate that word right now. It's the second time he's used that word about our night together. Screw him.
"Really, Sam? You took advangtageof me? This may be news to you, buddy, but I'm a grown woman and I wanted you to make love to me. I wanted to feel you lips on my skin, just once in my life. I wanted you to be my first, I always have. So if anyone took advantage of anyone that night, it was me."
I can't bear this any longer. It's too much. Too soon. I push Sam aside to run out the door, and once I'm free, I phase. I run for the forest out behind Charlie's house. I can't stop the howl of pain that escapes me, and I'm glad, once again, I'm the fastest wolf. It serves me well in my times of need, which have been a lot lately. I know Sam will be right behind me. I can hear him shout my name, but I don't stop. I want as much distance between us as I can manage.
"Leah, please stop. Come back now."
I should've known Jake would come after me. I'm not going to stop. I need to leave here and start fresh somewhere else.
"Leah, please don't make me do it," he begs.
I know what he means with his warning― Jake's my Alpha. He never commands any of us to do anything we don't want to, but he will if I don't turn around.
"Jake, please. I can't face him right now. I'm begging you," I plead with him to understand.
"That's fine, Leah. But please come back. I 'll send him away for now."
Jake's always true to his word. I slow down when I see Sam and Jake coming up on my flank. Jake must have showed up about the time I phased. Bella most likely have told him to get over to Charlie's and he check on me. I am sure she is worried about Sam visiting me. Billy and some of the others are phased too. I can hear their thoughts bouncing around in my head. Phasing with Billy is like having a open phone line to everyone, regardless which pack you belong to.
"Sam, you need to give her some time. Please, just go back to La Push, for now."
I know Sam doesn't want to agree with Jake's request, but Jake stands firm. I want to phase
so that I don't have to hear the rest of the conversation, but I can't. No clothes. I head back to the house and Bella meets me, in the woods, with some clothing to put on.
"Leah, I know this is hard for you, but know that I'll support you on this." I give her a half-hearted smile. She offers me a drink and I go and sit down on the sofa.
"Bella, I know you want to help me, and I thank you for that."
Jake enters the house then and gives Bella a look. She nods her head and leaves.
"Leah, what are you thinking? Phasing, after Doc told you not to? Girl, you've gotta listen to him."
Jake's harsh words penetrate what's left of my armour and I start crying. He pulls me into his arms and holds me while the tears flow. Again. I'm losing it. All these emotions running through me have caused me to become weak and clingy. Jake just stands here and holds me.
"Get it all out. You'll feel better."
His baritone voice soothes me, and when I finish crying, I tell him, "Thank you. Jake, I think you might just be the best friend I've ever had."
Seth comes running into the house hollering, "Hey, sis. You here?"
"Yeah, we're in here, Seth. Come on in," Jake answers while I wipe a tissue across my face.
I'm sure it's still evident I've been crying. I try to muster as much diginity as I can before Seth sees me. I hate feeling weak in front of other people. And now that Jake has seen me crying, all I need is for Seth to see it, too. When my brother enters the room he acts like his normal happy-go-lucky self. For that, I'm really grateful.
"Where's Mom?" Seth asks sweetly.
"Shopping with Tanya, I think," I answer.
"Where's my sister, Clearwater?"
Jake ribs my brother for a few minutes about Becks. I excuse myself and go take a relaxing, hot bath. When I get out, Jake has already left and Seth's watching TV. Mom's in the kitchen bustling around cooking supper. My belly growls loudly.
"Hey, Mom, Leah's stomach growled at me. I think my soon to be neices or nephews are hungry," Seth says teasingly.
Mom comes into the living room and sees me throw a pillow at Seth which he dodges easily.
"Leah, honey, you need to get some rest," Mom scolds.
"I know, I just ... well, I."
Charlie has just arrived home from work and walks in, causing me to falter in my excuse.
"Leah, do as your mom asked. You need to take care of my grandchildren. Head on up to Bella's old room and get some sleep. Sue can bring you a plate up when supper gets done."
I know this is Charlie's way of letting me know he cares. I stand up and walk over to Mom and kiss her cheek. "Goodnight, Mom."
I do the same to Charlie. "Night, Charlie, and thank you."
"What, no love for your little brother?"
I walk over and give him a quick peck on the cheek. For once, Seth is quiet. Both men turn a deep shade of red in response to my unexpected show of affection. I turn and climb up the stairs. I can hear my mother downstairs telling my step-father, "Charlie Swan, I love you."
He replies in kind before I hear them kissing and Seth groaning in response. I can't stop the smile from spreading across my face as I close the bedroom door.
AN: Please review for me. This was my first ff and I reworked it. Some good stuff is coming up...