OFF THE TRAUMA WARD

Grope

"Tell me where it hurts."

Killian read the nameplate: Nurse Erza. He flicked his glance up to her face—not a dog—then back where it counted. Would those brass buttons keep her prim? Or would the struggling masses succeed in breaking free?

After all, he couldn't unbutton her. Being one-handed had its drawbacks.

Mustering the iron resolve that terrorized the seas (except those patrolled by flying boys), he refocused on her face.

Erza gazed back, mesmerized. "Those eyes. They're so…" Without finishing, she launched herself across the room. A second later, she'd found where it hurt.

Bless you, Cora.

Gape

Acting Sheriff Charming glowered at Hook. "You shot Belle—just to irk Rumplestiltskin. Why would I bargain you down from attempted murder?"

For the first time since Charming entered, Hook looked up. That eye color—blue? Or is it the eastern sky kissing the waves just before dawn? "Okay. Endangerment. But why would I un-handcuff you? Your help's unnecessary. Even invisible, your ship will be easy to find. Storybrooke's harbor is tiny."

That black line bordering those sweeping lashes—so bold, so manly. Charming pulled out his keys. "But why would I tell you where Rumplestiltskin went?"

Hook blinked.

"Manhattan."

Grapes

Regina tipped the chardonnay into her mother's goblet then lifted her own glass. "Here's to finding the Dark One's dagger and—"

"—subjugating his powers... dominating his will... enslaving his desires... making him scream for mercy..."

Regina glanced sidelong. Good thing she'd killed Daddy. The dreaminess on his wife Cora's face would've hurt his feelings. "Hopper knows where the galleon is. Remember, you held him captive there? Why would Charming be idiotic enough to let Hook show him instead?"

"Guyliner."

Regina sipped. "In the past, Hook's betrayed both you and me. Why are we giving him another chance?"

"Guyliner."

Grump

The longer Grumpy paced the hospital lobby, the angrier he grew. That wretched pirate had gunned down his gal pal—the lovely lady who'd advised him that just because his Enchanted Forest sweetcakes was now a Storybrooke nun, that didn't mean her fairy diamonds weren't begging to be mined. He and Astrid owed Belle big time.

Last night Hook's bullet had toppled Belle across the border, wiping her memories of her one-and-only. Sick irony! Now she thought Rumplestiltskin was just some gimpy short guy old enough to be her father.

Grumpy growled. No funny business, pirate! I'll be watching you.

Gripe

Snow White turned away from the elevator. Gawking wouldn't make Charming appear any faster. Spying Grumpy, she frowned. Sure, she loved the little guy—but wouldn't Prince Thomas or Sir Frederick or any of the other dozen young men they knew have made better deputies than a middle-age dwarf (no offense) a foot shorter than the man he'd be guarding?

Snow sighed. In Storybrooke, her once witty and dashing prince had become... less clever. Charming's plan for Hook to point out his ship sounded downright foolish.

Thank goodness she'd been savvy enough to arm herself with her bow and arrows.


I know they're short (exactly 100 words each), but please comment!

Next up: "On the Waterfront"

Why parody? Sometimes you just have to take a breather from passion and angst. For my usual fantasies about Rumplestiltskin, click on my profile to find Waylaid or Trick of Hearts.

For those who don't know (or aren't caught up with) Once Upon a Time, in "Tiny" (2x13) Charming really did un-handcuff Hook to show him his boat when upstanding citizen Dr. Hopper could have shown him instead; Grumpy really was the friend brought along to "watch" Hook; Snow really did arm herself with bow and arrows. Really!

Nurse Erza is making an appearance from the anime Fairytale. For a picture, see: tinyurl DOT com/m9qoqxd