Author's Notes: This chapter comes from the episode Killer Within. In it Carol reminds T-Dog about the pact when they're on the run from walkers. I used The Walking Dead Wiki to figure out who had which gun.
The Girl I Love
We discussed things among ourselves. Mostly we talked about supplies. We were always scavenging for food, gas, and bullets. Especially food, most of the grocery stores had been looted right at the beginning. Daryl could always get some by hunting, but it wasn't enough to feed everyone.
That day dad, Daryl, and T-Dog had found a gun shop. To be more specific, we looked in a phone book and found one that way. Daryl stood guard outside while T-Dog, dad, and I went in. T-Dog beat a walker to death while I looked under the counter for lurkers. All the guns were gone, so I went in the back and started looking. I found a locked cabinet and opened it with my Beretta. There was a lot of ammunition in it, plus two extra clips for my Browning.
One of the things we talked about was the idea that if we died, we would come back as walkers. I was both shocked and intrigued by the idea. I knew some of it because Shane had become a walker after he died. I waited until Dad wasn't busy and went to him and talked to him about it. Dad explained it to me as best he could.
"When you die you become a walker."
I was scared and worried, "I don't understand dad. What do you mean? How can we become walkers?"
Dad sat down on a log and motioned for me to sit with him. "We're infected somehow. All of us."
"How can that be? We aren't one of those things?" I asked, confused.
"I'm not sure Carl, I just know that we are. Dr Jenner told me."
"Didn't you think to tell the rest of us? Suppose somebody had died and turned. It could have been bad," I said trying not to get upset.
My dad sighed and said, "I don't know why I didn't. I think I wanted to protect people from what was happening. I'm not sure I really believed it until I saw Shane get back up after I shot him."
I paused for a minute to think, "So what are we going to do about it?"
"We're going to make sure that none of us came back. If one of us is going to die we have to kill them. Same as we do to the walkers."
"I remember dad, no more kid stuff." I said, "But I don't know if I could do that for you."
Dad ran his hand through his hair; a motion that I knew meant he was trying to think. "You may not have a choice Carl. It could be a matter of you and mom dying if you can't do it. I don't want that to happen to you. You have to be able to."
I looked back at my father. I wanted to tell him about the deer, but I couldn't. I didn't want him to think I was still a kid. "If it comes down to it, I'll do it for you and for mom or anybody else."
As for killing my mom, shooting her in the head? Making sure she that wouldn't come back as a walker? Yes I could. I was still angry with her, but she was still my mom. Could I do if for Glenn or Maggie or Hershel or any of the others? I decided I could. A better question was could I do it for Beth?
We were standing around the fire as a group talking about it. That's how we made the pact. If one of us got bit or was going to die another way, we'd kill them. None of us would come back as one of those things.
"What do we swear on? I mean when you testify in court, you take an oath on a Bible," Hershel said. "Unfortunately, we don't have a Bible. I left mine at my farm."
Daryl spoke up, "How 'bout our weapons? We could take a vow on them."
T-Dog thought it over for a minute, "Yeah, that's a good idea."
So we all swore on our weapons. Daryl on his crossbow, mom on her Colt, dad on his Python, T-Dog on his Smith & Wesson the one that Andrea used to have before she died, Hershel on his SIG, Beth on her Vektor, Maggie on her Walther, Carol on her Smith & Wesson, and Glenn on his Glock. I went last. I put my left hand on my Beretta and my right in the air, "If one of us gets bit or dies. I'll shoot them in the head. They won't come back as a walker. I promise not just on my gun, but on my life as well. I'll do it for anyone. For Hershel, for mom, for dad, for anyone." Then I went to Beth and we talked for a while.
I began by saying, "If you die, you come back as walker you know."
Beth looked at me and said, "I know that Carl, and it scares me. I don't want to come back as one of those things. I almost did you know. The first time after watching T-Dog kill my mom again and the second was when you saved me. I owe you my life Carl. I won't soon forget it."
"I know you won't. I don't want to come back either. If it comes down to it, I'll take care of you. Just as I would for my dad or my mom or anyone else."
"It's scary to think about, but I'll do the same for you. If that happens I'll see you on the other side."
I still didn't believe in heaven, but I just nodded. "I'll see you there to."
"Can I tell you something Carl, it's about your mom. I know that you're mad at her, but it wasn't her fault. I was mad at her too for a while."
Honestly confused, I asked, "Why would you be mad at my mom?" I had my reasons for being mad at her, but they couldn't have been the same as hers.
"I blamed her for Patricia's death. She had to haul me away when she got bit. Later, I realized that Patricia was already dead once she was bitten. You can't hold grudges Carl. It doesn't do to hate. The Bible says so. You have to forgive your mom."
I hesitated and thought for a minute before replying, "I don't know if I can do that. She did something against the group and against dad. I don't trust her anymore."
"I'm sorry to hear that. I know that your mom and Shane had a thing. However, she thought your dad was dead. You have to realize that. Can you try to forgive her? Please, for me?"
I wanted to look at her and tell her that I loved her. Instead what came out was, "For you, I'll try. But I'm not sure if I'll be able to."
Beth nodded, satisfied. "Okay, at least try Carl."
I realized that I was lying. I knew that I couldn't forgive mom for what she had done. For Beth, I would pretend I had. For Beth, I would do anything. I would kill her if it had to be that way. For the girl I loved, I would do anything.