Sam Winchester's Guide for Handling Sick Stubborn Older Brothers.

Summary: Short fic on some of the rules Sam has learned for dealing with a sick Dean.

No real spoilers, rated for language.

A/N: Ah, fanfic, it's good to see you again. Been a while, you look good, did you do something new with your hair? Seriously, the first time in a month I get to post, and the first time in nearly three weeks I get to write…real life, you need to stop jumping out at me like that. Anyway, here's a little fic to ease some tension and jump back into the SPN world for a minute, hope you like!

Disclaimer: I do not own the Winchester brothers. I do however claim full ownership over my obsession of said brothers, and blame Kripke and Co.


Step 1.

Do not try to feel forehead.

Consequences of ignoring this rule include complaints, threats, whining, and quite often a smack on hand or face.

Step 2.

Keep water bottles handy.

Do not attempt to give older brother water bottle, but keep within his eyeshot and reach. The stubborn jackass will eventually cave and take one.

Step 3.

Keep TV at a low volume. If headache is involved keep TV off. For desperate measures of comfort allow use of cassettes. Earplugs come in handy for self if needed.

Most often needed. Friggen Black Sabbath.

Step 4.

Older brother can usually tolerate tomato and rice soup, chicken noodle not so much. Cold or flu medicine usually not tolerated expect in extreme cases, but whiskey is.

Note: do not combine whiskey with cold or flu medicine unless older brother is being a true pain in the ass.

Step 5.

If older brother appears close to vomiting, do not try to move into bathroom unless already in bathroom, but rather opt for wastepaper basket.

Consequences of trying to move into bathroom is most often vomit on shoes.

Step 6.

Brother becomes much more pliant after being sick. Use this time wisely. Transfer to bed or bath, consumption of food or liquids, change of clothes, woozy promises to drive the car or stop at a non-scummy motel all available at this time.

Step 7.

Thermometers. Out of the question. No chance.

Step 8.

Doctors too.

Only way to get a doctor involved is if older brother is unconscious. If need be, a quick knock to head will enable use of doctor.

Step 9.

Stock up on extra blankets. Not for brother, but rather for self. Older brother has unusual ability to take covers from both beds and all from motel closet and bundle into a very intricate and non-untangleable cocoon.

Step 10.

If fever gets to point where cocoon of blankets is harming more than helping, gently coax brother to leave cocoon with guilt and promises of whiskey.

Whiskey tends to work as a better coaxing device.

Step 11.

Stop trying to get the hoodies back. He's got them. They are not coming back.

Step 12.

Secret weapon: Bobby. If necessary, head to South Dakota with sick brother and a six pack of beer.

Step 13.

In rare cases of weepiness, most often nonsensical, it is best to simply wait out with supporting arm and tissues until weepiness subsides. Any mention of said weepiness after illness has abated will be met with angry stares and possible punch in face.

And those punches hurt.

Step 14.

For times of great distress in sleep, it helps to place hand gently on brother's back or run through hair. Do not touch forehead (see Step 1). Make sure brother is very much under before attempting, but maneuver is most often successful in calming brother down.

Step 15.

Do not ever reveal that to brother. Ever.

Step 16.

Seriously.

Step 17.

Brother does very occasionally crave comfort when sick, most often when very sick and slightly incoherent. Know boundaries, but offer kind words and gestures to be met with goofy lopsided older brother smile.

Step 18

Last resort. Puppy dog eyes.

End.