Disclaimer: Only thirty two spiders were hurt and one killed during the making of this story. Reader discretion is advised.

Denmark eased himself out of bed.


As in, one millimeter at a time. As in, he didn't even breathe until he could feel the carpet under his toes.

Beside him, Norway was sleeping. His body was curled into a little "C" shape, so tight that Denmark could count the knobs of his spine. His breaths were slow and even, not hastened by nightmares, memories, or arousal. He was serene. Peaceful.

So, naturally, Denmark had to pee.

No, he couldn't hold it in. He'd read somewhere that not heeding to Mother Nature's call after sex increased the chances of getting urinary tract infection. And UTI in turn meant no sex, and no sex was nothing short of being cataclysmic.

Norway was a light sleeper with uber superior senses which meant that it was nearly impossible for him to not wake his bed mate when he got up in the middle of the night. He'd received harsh words aplenty in the past (as well as the occasional pillow to the face) and had no intention of doing the same tonight.

Hence, the easing.

Denmark contained his victory shout as he slid the last few inches to the floor without a peep from the bedframe. Quickly, he headed for the bathroom, dodging every creaky floor-spot to the best of his ability. A foot came down wrong, and he froze for an agonizing moment that seemed to stretch till fucking eternity, but Norway's next breath was as steady as the ones before it. Relief eased the tension in his shoulders, and Denmark resumed his tip-toeing.

Ensconced by the blankets, Norway hid his smile. In the rare moments between his brashness and boldness, Denmark had a tendency to be immeasurably sweet. Of course, these little bursts only occurred when no one watched.

The door to the bathroom closed with a click, and Norway heard Denmark swear on the other side of it.

He took a deep breath, sliding a few inches towards Denmark's side of the bed, where it was warm. He always enjoyed this time of the night.

The stillness.

The silence.

The peace.

The security and promise of waking up to another day in the wonderful presence of his lover.

That was when Denmark screamed.

In less than a second, Norway burst through the door, a roiling ball of fire in one hand, troll summoned. His eyes darted to and fro, seeking an enemy.

"Watch out!" Denmark shrieked. He was cowering on the counter, eyes enormous. "It's coming at your foot!"

"What-?" Norway's gaze snapped towards the floor, and he paused. The fire vanished. "What is that?"

"It's a hairy motherfucking spider, and it's right next to your foot, so killthesonofabitch!"

Norway stared, wondering if he had entered some bizarre dream. The Dane's expression of horror bordered on theatrical. He was hugging his knees to his chest, huddling as far from the floor as he possibly could. "Is this another...awesome Danish custom? Fearing tiny creatures?"

"Tiny? Tiny?" Denmark's voice took on an unnatural pitch. "Are you even looking at that thing? It tried to eat me two seconds ago! It knows I don't have my axe, and I'm vulnerable, and- holyfuckingshit, it's coming for me, kill it, kill it, kill iiiiiit-"

"…I see." Casting one last sceptical look at the man, Norway flicked his fingers at the miniscule beast. With a flare and a pop, a smear of ash marred the floor where the spider had previously scuttled.

Denmark began to uncoil himself slowly. "Damn, I hate those things. With the eyes, and the pinchers, and the-" He made a face and shuddered as he touched the ground. He danced around the scorch mark, still wary.

"Yes," Norway agreed drily. "How terrifying."

Denmark's gaze made its way to Norway's face, and he had the good sense to look abashed for a moment before grinning and shrugging. "Well, you know, you're my saviour now." He tilted his head slightly, still smiling cheekily.

Norway shook his head, but granted a kiss nonetheless. Denmark made a hum of contentment, sliding a hand onto his neck.

Abruptly, Denmark pulled back with a frown. "Hey. I woke you up."

Norway nodded once, feeling almost guilty as Denmark's face turned vaguely heartbroken. "Don't let it trouble you." Denmark opened his mouth, but Norway hushed him. "There's always time for sleep."

"Maybe," Denmark pouted as Norway guided him back into the bedroom. Once they were entrenched in the blankets and Norway's head was resting on his shoulder, he asked, "You were asleep until I… yelled, right?"

Eyes already closed, Norway allowed himself a smile. "Of course."

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