Tokyo – Present Day
The buzzing of her cell phone caught her attention, "just let it ring," Barney muttered while opening her bra. She was lying underneath him in a hotel room in Tokyo and had no real intention to answer the call, yet, it was almost four in the morning and she was wondering who would call her this late. The display gave it away, Ted.
Barney had stopped kissing her shoulder and had also turned to her cell, "what's his problem?" he asked before turning his attention back to her naked body.
"Only one way to find out," she whispered and answered the phone, "What's up Ted?" she asked, Barney pushed his upper body up and looked her in the eyes before kissing her. Robin smiled against his lips, talking on the phone to Ted while messing around with Barney was a lot hotter than she'd ever expected.
"That's actually what I was going to ask you," Ted sounded very angry and yet it took her a few more seconds before she broke the kiss with Barney and concentrated on the phone conversation again.
"Just tell me what's going on Ted, you may not have noticed but it's the middle of the night over here," she placed her free hand in Barneys neck while he caressed her breasts.
"Carl told me about you and Barney."
Robin felt her heart rate go up, yet she sounded fairly cool when she asked, "what about me and Barney?"
At the sound of his name, Barney had stopped and looked up at her, she shrugged her shoulders and tried to stay calm, what could Carl possibly know? "He told me that you guys have been fooling around for months! Even before we broke up, Robin! WHAT THE HELL? Are you guys dating?" Ted was shouting now and Barney didn't have to try hard to hear everything, he laughed silently before diving down to kiss her.
Once again it took Robin a few seconds to break the kiss and turn her attention back to Ted and the phone call, "Ted, I am gonna have to be at work in a couple of hours, so I will only say this once, Barney is neither my boyfriend nor my lover!"
She ended the phone and kissed Barney wildly, when they gasped for air she whispered, "he is my husband", which turned both of them on in a way they never thought the concept of marriage ever would.
New York City – Present Day
"What did she say?" Lily wanted to know immediately once he hung up. "She denied it and hung up," Ted answered matter of factly. How the hell did they get into this mess?
An hour earlier….
It was a nice Sunday afternoon and neither one of them had wanted to make lunch, so they had decided to go down to McLarens and grab something there. Wendy's shift wasn't starting until tonight so Carl had taken the orders himself, "are Barney and Robin coming or is it just the three of you today?" he asked after placing the drinks on the table.
"Just us and we are ready to order," Marshall answered.
"Let me guess, the two are still making up the most outrageous stories to hide the fact that they are hooking up?" Carl asked delighted.
"What? No, Robin has a job in Tokyo now and god only knows where Barney is," Ted had answered, laughing at the ridiculous ordered their food and Carl left.
"Barney and Robin," Lily said giggling, "like THAT would ever happen. I mean I am sure Barney has fantasized about her but Robin is way too smart and well to aware of all the disgusting things he has done to ever go there."
"Yeah, seriously, she wouldn't touch him with a ten foot pole;" Marshall added but Ted's mind had already started spinning, "yeah, of course but they do get along really well when you think about it. And Carl seemed pretty sure."
"Ted, do you really believe that Robin would hook up with Barney?" Lily asked him and Marshall added, "plus it's against the Bro Code and no one takes that more seriously than Barney."
"You are probably right," Ted concluded and they picked their previous conversation about what movie to go see later that night up again. But, when Carl came back with their food, Ted had to ask; "what did you mean by Barney and Robin hooking up? Have you ever caught them or noticed something?"
Carl contemplated what he should answer; clearly, this thing between Barney and Robin had not been noticed by any of their friends. He thought back to the first time he caught them messing around…
8 Months Prior McLarens
It was a hectic night at McLarens, a bachelorette party had found its way into the bar and the attendees had gotten way too drunk. One of them bumped into Wendy as she was heading to a table in the back with a big tray of beer mugs and while Wendy went to the tap to get new ones he had kneeled down to collect the broken glass.
It was a coincidence that his eyes trailed over to the booth were five of his most loyal customers sat. Ted and Robin were sitting on one side, Marshall and Lily on the other, Barney was seated at the head of the table. He had already looked back down to get the remaining pieces of glass when his mind realized what he had just witnessed, he glanced over to the booth again but it wasn't a mistake.
Barney had his hand way underneath Robins skirt. He shook his head, those five had a turbulent friendship, he could have sworn that Robin was dating Ted and that they were going strong.
He looked back over there but Robin hadn't pushed Barneys hand away yet, he'd guessed that they had broken up and that Robin had already moved on but later that night he watched as Ted and Robin left the bar together holding hands while Barney stayed behind.
"Common, if you know something you have to tell us," Ted's words brought Carl back to the reality, he shrugged his shoulders, "I guess I must have been mistaken," he said, even though he knew he hadn't. Even if he only imagined the first incident, there had been many more; dirty hand stuff underneath the table became a regular thing, them leaving within minutes of each other too and then of course the two times he caught them having sex in the alley.
"You sounded pretty sure of yourself a minute ago," Ted insisted.
"Look Ted, this is none of my business." Carl replied, "Anything else I can get you?"
"Dude, seriously, it's not like anyone would get mad or do something crazy, we just really haven't noticed," Ted tried to convince the bartender. Marshall and Lily had already started eating and were eagerly following the conversation.
"Why don't you just ask one of them about it?"
"Cause they will never tell me the truth, you know how secretive and anti-commitment they are," Carl sighed, he liked Ted and it had bugged him that Robin was so openly cheating on him while they were still dating, on the other hand this really wasn't his secret to tell.
"Please Carl, just tell us," Ted said and sounded so calm that Carl believed he wouldn't do something stupid once he knew.
"I've caught them doing stuff a couple of times, okay?" he said, "no way!" Lily shouted and Marshall asked, "define 'stuff' please, cause that could imply a lot of stuff."
Carl ignored Marshall and instead focused on Ted, "like recently?"
Carl shrugged, "first time around Halloween, I remember cause there was a bachelorette party and they had a Halloween theme." He noticed how Ted swallowed hard and took the opportunity to get out of this conversation and back to the bar.
"Oh my gosh, Robin cheated on me – with Barney!" Ted realized and immediately grabbed his phone to confront her about it.
New York City – Present Day
"Maybe Carl got the timeline wrong, I mean bachelorette parties have the weirdest themes year round" Marshall said softly.
"We broke up the week before Thanksgiving remember? It had come as such a shock to me cause I wanted to take her home for Turkeyday, I thought things were going better than ever, I mean the sex was amazi…oh no, do you think she was picturing Barney the whole time?"
"Ted sweetie, I think you are overthinking this whole thing. Robin just told you that nothing is going on between her and Barney," Lily insisted but Ted didn't believe it, "yeah but Carl said he caught them, he wasn't just throwing something out there, he actually saw them!" He grabbed his phone again, "who are you calling?" Marshall asked, "Barney, if Robin doesn't want to tell me the truth, maybe he will."
Tokyo – Present Day
"I honestly thought he would call quicker," Barney said, stretching his arm out to reach his phone while simultaneously trying to continue the very hot make out session with Robin Ted's initial phone call had prompted.
"I'd hoped he wouldn't call again," Robin answered in-between kisses, "go for Barney!" Barney shouted in the phone and kissed her again.
"Barney, are you coming down to McLarens today? I need to talk to you," Barney smiled, held the phone away from him and Robin and whispered, "he wants to confront me face to face," into her ear.
"No can do Babydoll," Barney finally answered into his phone, Robin giggled, seemingly a little too loud because Ted asked, "was that Robin? Is she back in New York?"
"Dude, Robin is in Tokyo, everyone knows that." Barney pulled Robins thighs up and pushed inside her.
"Barney are you in Tokyo?" he heard Ted ask, he was trying hard not to moan into the phone but it was getting harder by the second.
"Barney WHERE are you?" Ted asked and Barney grinned, "right now, I am inside Robin Scherbatsky," and he hung up.