Sirius woke up with a start covered in cold sweat. Once again he had dreamt about Dementors and Azkaban, and all the painful memories he had experienced while there were flashing through his mind.
He got up and washed his face in the bathroom, before leaving his room. The house was dead silent, and the only sound he could hear was his own footsteps. Sirius walked down the stairs straight to the living room and poured himself a glass of Firewhiskey. He sat down on the loveseat thinking about past and all that had happened in the last few years.
The old guilt of convincing Lily and James to switch the Secret-Keeper from him to Peter was creeping up on him, but he pushed it away thinking only the good old times with them in Hogwarts.
Sirius was so lost in his memories that he didn't hear Remus entering the room, before he spoke.
"Can't sleep?" he asked pouring himself a glass of Firewhiskey too. Sirius jumped and went for his wand before realizing that he didn't have it with him, and that it was only Remus in the room.
"Sorry, didn't mean to startle you." Remus said and sat down next to him.
"It's okay." Sirius said relaxing.
"Did you have a nightmare?" Remus asked.
Sirius just nodded mutely.
"Yeah…haven't had one in a while."
"I told you to come to me, if you have nightmares, Sirius. I don't want you to be alone." Remus said.
"I didn't want to bother you." Sirius mumbled, but couldn't help the feeling of delight that Remus cared about him so much.
"Do you want to talk about it?" Remus asked gently.
"Not really, it was the same as always; bad memories and… guilt." Sirius said his voice breaking. He could feel the tears running down his cheeks, but didn't stop them. "Lily and James… I just miss them so much, Moony. And Harry… he has to live like this without them and defend for himself, even kill…"
Remus moved closer to Sirius and pulled him to a tight embrace, running his hand through Sirius' hair.
"I know, Padfoot, I miss them too. But Harry will be fine. He knew what he signed up for, when he accepted the Unspeakable training."
Sirius hugged Remus back like his life depended on it. He felt good being so close to Remus. He felt safe and calm in his arms, never wanting to let go. A shiver ran down his spine and he felt a pleasant tingle in his stomach of the feeling of Remus' hands in his hair. His heart started bounding faster and he wished that he could just stay with him there forever…just holding each other.
Too soon Remus pulled back and wiped Sirius's tears away from his cheeks, but didn't remove his hand. Remus hand was soft and warm on his cheek and Sirius had to resist an urge to close his eyes and lean on it. Instead he just watched him and couldn't help but notice how beautiful Remus looked like in the faint moonlight, especially now that he had no scars or age lines on his face. Sirius had never really minded the scars, but the lines made Remus look too old and weary.
They were only a few inches apart and Sirius found himself lost in Remus beautiful amber eyes, thinking what it would be like to kiss him. 'What are you doing? Not this again, you promised yourself you'd only think of him as a friend.' Sirius 'rational' part thought, as it always did when Sirius thought about Remus as more than a friend. 'You're thinking about kissing Moony! He's your best friend! Do you really want to risk your friendship for this?'
But Sirius couldn't tear his eyes from Remus' soft gaze. His eyes were gentle, but Sirius could see a little sadness, doubt, expectance and a hint of fear in them. And then there was something that could only be described as…love.
"Sirius…" Remus whispered as he moved his hand from his cheek.
All arguments and rationality vanished from Sirius' head as he heard Remus say his name and purely on instinct he closed the small gap between them and brushed his lips against Remus' pulling him into a deep, lingering kiss. His lips were soft and tasted like chocolate and vanilla. Sirius felt like he was in heaven.
Sirius could feel Remus' surprise, but soon enough he was kissing him right back. They broke apart after a while and Sirius could feel his face heating up.
"Remus, I – I'm sorry, I don't…" he started, but was cut off by Remus, who pulled him into another kiss, that was deeper and more heated than the first one. Sirius could feel Remus' tongue begging for access into his mouth, which he promptly gave him, and the next thing he knew were fireworks exploding behind his eyes. Sirius felt his knees weakening and if he had been standing he would have fallen down on his knees of the power and passion Remus poured into the kiss. Their tongues explored each other's mouths biting, licking and nipping, until they had to pull out to breath.
"Wow" Sirius breathed. "That…That was just…Wow."
"Remus… I – I think I'm in love with you – have been since sixth year. I don't…I'm sorry - - "Sirius started rambling.
"Sirius…" Remus tried to interrupt.
"- - I just couldn't keep it inside anymore. - -"
"- - I had to tell you that I love you and - -"
"- - it doesn't matter, if you don't feel the same way, we can just forget this ever happen… "Sirius rambled, but was cut off by Remus, who took his face between his hands and kissed him briefly to shut him up.
"I love you too, Sirius." He said and it took a moment for Sirius to comprehend what he had just said.
"You – You do?"
"Yes, I love you." Remus repeated and Sirius pulled him yet again to another kiss.
They snuggled together in the loveseat, stealing kisses and just holding each other in their arms.
"Have you really loved me since sixth year?" Remus asked quietly.
"Yeah, I think so."
"Why didn't you ever say anything?"
"I – I think it was the Willow incident when I realized that I had some feelings for you. You didn't speak to me for months and just ignored me, and it was really killing me inside. It hurt so much to see you, but not be able speak to you or be with you, that I thought I was gonna die. Then after you forgave me, I couldn't bring myself to tell you and risk our friendship, when I had just gotten you back. For a long time I just ignored and denied my feelings thinking that they were purely friendly and nothing more. I kept trying to get rid of them by going out with numerous girls, but the feeling just kept growing stronger and I kept thinking about you all the time and in the end couldn't be with one girl more than a few days." Sirius said. "I think I wasn't ready to give up my player image and was afraid of my feelings and commitment and actually admitting that I was gay." Sirius continued thoughtfully. "James found me out after his and Lily's wedding, and tried to persuade me to tell you. In the end I made a resolve to tell you on that Halloween night, but never got the chance."
"Yea, he called me an idiot and a coward for not telling you, but was still there for me when I needed to talk or something." Sirius laughed. "How about you? When did you realize that you loved me?"
"At the end of fifth year." Remus said. "I found myself staring at you in class or in common room and was thinking about you all the time. I missed you at summer even if I had just seen you the day before and was worried to death when I heard that you had run away from home. It was really killing me to not see if you were okay, even though you wrote to me, that you were. Then at the start of sixth year I – I started… err… having dreams…" Remus continued blushing. "Anyway, then there was the Willow incident and I - I was angry and felt betrayed and it was ten times worse, when I knew that I loved you, than it would have been if you just had been my friend." Remus said quietly.
"I'm sorry Moony." Sirius whispered.
"I know and I forgave you about it, though it took me some time." Remus said and pecked Sirius' neck. "It was hard for me too, to be apart from you even though I was angry, but I couldn't bring myself to forgive you any sooner than I did. One of the reasons that I didn't ever tell you how I felt was that losing you guys as friends would have killed me. I was afraid that you would start rejecting me and abandon me if I told you, and I thought that you were straight, because of all the girls you went out with. Another part was because of my Lycanthropy. I always thought in the back of my mind that even if you or anyone else were a gay, you wouldn't want to be with me because I was a werewolf. I knew that I couldn't give you or anyone else anything, because I couldn't be able to hold a job or anything." Remus said.
"Oh, Moony. We would have never abandoned you like that just because you were a gay or a werewolf – I would have never done that. Even if you had told me about your feelings and didn't return them, I wouldn't have abandoned you." Sirius said snuggling closer to him."
"I know, but I just couldn't take the risk." Remus said.
They were silent for a moment before Remus spoke again.
"It was really hard for me, when you were in Azkaban. I lost everything that night and if it wasn't for Harry, I probably would've committed suicide. I thought that you had betrayed them and I hated myself for not able to hate you even though you had just killed everything I had, and for not being able to stop loving you."
"I'm sorry Remus" Sirius said looking at him deeply into his eyes.
"I know Sirius, but it's all in the past." Remus said and kissed him, before snuggling close to him and closing his eyes.
"I love you Remus." Sirius murmured sleepily.
"I love you too, Sirius."
Remus woke up next to a warm body and it took him a moment to recall where he was and what had happened. Smiling, he looked down Sirius' sleeping face that looked so calm and happy. Remus slipped his hand down Sirius' waist and pulled him as close as possible. Now that he had him, after twelve years of hiding feelings and suffering, he wanted to never let go. Remus thought back to the events of last night. Every kiss, touch and look was printed to his memory and he had never felt happier than he did now.
Sirius murmured something in his sleep and turned around to face Remus and buried his face to Remus neck. Remus lay there just listening Sirius' steady breathing before taking out his wand and casting the Tempus charm. It showed half past eight in the morning and some part of him registered that they were half an hour late from work, but found that he didn't really care. He just wanted to lay there snuggling with Sirius and never leave. He wondered briefly why Marcus or Sky hadn't woken them, but remembered then that Marcus was going to work at noon and Sky at ten, so neither of them would be awake yet. Remus thought that he ought to wake Sirius up before Sky would come down, to discuss if they were going to tell him and Marcus about their new relationship or not.
He started laying kisses at Sirius neck and face and whispering him to wake up. Sirius let out small moans before his eyes fluttered open.
"Hmm… I could get used to wake up like this." Sirius said smiling brightly as he pulled Remus closer to him.
"I know, I could too." Remus said, burying his face to Sirius hair. "We should get up. We are half an hour late from work, you know."
"Mmm… I don't wanna." Sirius mumbled to his chest. "I wanna stay here with you."
"Me too, let's just skip the day and stay here." Remus said.
"Who are you, and what have you done to Remus Lupin, the dutiful, hardworking, lovely bookworm?" Sirius asked playfully.
"It's your fault, Siri; you're rubbing of on me. I love you too much to let you go and go to work." Remus said.
"I like this new side of you, Remmie." Sirius said with a goofy grin on his face and kissed him briefly. "And I love you too."
"What are we gonna say to Sky and Marcus?" Remus asked after a while.
"Can't we just tell them? I would like to go and shout to the world that I love you, but I think you wouldn't let me."
"You're right, I wouldn't. And yes we can tell them."
"Now, I need to make tea." Remus said. He always needed his morning tea to wake up properly and this morning wasn't an exception.
"No, I won't let you go." Sirius whined and held tighter to him.
"I'll come back as fast as I can, but now I need my tea. You know I'll get in a very bad mood if I don't get my tea." Remus said kissing Sirius on a temple and sliding from his grip.
"Fine, but you get right back here or you'll regret it." Sirius threatened, but couldn't quite pull it off with a serious face.
"Oh and what are you going to do if I don't" Remus asked playing along.
"I know where you're ticklish, Remmie." Sirius said smirking smugly and Remus gulped – he was very ticklish, and had always lost every tickling war they had had while in Hogwarts.
"Okay, okay I'll come straight back, when I've made us tea."
Remus gave Sirius a final kiss and walked towards kitchen. To his great surprise he saw Sky sitting there reading the Daily Prophet and drinking tea.
"Morning, Remus." He said and Remus could hear a faint amusement in his voice.
"Morning Sky. And yes I did." Remus said blushing slightly as he poured himself a cup of tea.
"I would imagine so." Sky said smirking. "You looked very cozy with Sirius this morning."
Remus felt his blush deepen and tried to explain.
"Err… Sirius had a nightmare and I – We just… err."
"Remmie, what's taking you so long?" Sirius interrupted his rambling and came to the kitchen. 'Always so impatient.'
"Oh, morning Harry – err…Sky."
"Morning, Sirius. We were just talking with Remus – or should I say Remmie – how well he slept last night." Sky said smirking and raising an eyebrow.
Sirius blushed as red as Remus, but nevertheless hugged Remus from behind.
"Yeah, you see we love each other, and are together now." Sirius said.
Sky just smiled widely and said: "Took you long enough."
"What do you mean?" Remus frowned.
"Well you weren't exactly very secretive about your feelings for each other. I mean I could see it the very second that you met again in Godric's Hollow."
"You – What? How? Remus was pointing his wand at me just about ready to curse me and you say you could see it there?" Sirius asked incredulously.
"You think I would've left him alone with you, if he was going to kill you? No. I knew right away that you were in love with each other and that Remus loved you too much to seriously hurt you."
"And how would you know that being so young? Sirius asked.
"I saw a lot of things while living in the streets and travelling with Marcus." Sky shrugged.
"So you're okay with us… being together."
"Of course, as long as you use silencing charms and don't get too syrupy while I'm around, we're cool." Sky smirked and both Sirius and Remus blushed again. "Really I'm happy for you guys."
"Thank you, Har – Sky."
"Marcus told me to inform you that you have the day off today." Sky said smiling as he prepared to leave for work.
"That's nice of him."
"Yea and you can call me Harry, in private, if it's easier for you."
"Yea. You are the only people left who really knew me as Harry – except for Marcus, but he's used to calling me Sky – so it's not fair to force you to call me something else."
Remus and Sirius just stared at him wordlessly, before hugging him.
"Thank you Harry." Remus said letting him go.
"Thanks Prongslet." Sirius said gently.
"Prongslet?" Sky asked curiously.
"Oh, it's a name I gave you when I first held you as a baby. After your dad's Animagus form Prongs." Sirius explained smiling. "It kind of became your pet name that we all used."
"Oh…" Sky said a little abashed. "Well, I gotta get to work. Have fun on your day off." He said and left.
Remus and Sirius watched him go in silence, before Sirius turned to Remus.
"So what are we going to do on our day off?" Sirius asked smirking.
"I just bought a new book a few days ago, so I was thinking of spending the day reading it." Remus said sipping his tea."
"Moony!" Sirius exclaimed scandalized. "You are going to spend our firstday off together reading a book?"
Remus couldn't keep a straight face anymore and burst out laughing at the look on Sirius face. He slid his hands on Sirius' waist and pressed their foreheads together.
"You really think I would do that after waiting for twelve years to get you to myself?" Remus asked Sirius gently.
Sirius just smiled widely and kissed him.
"So, how about we get back to bed and get some more sleep before really beginning the day."
"Sounds good." Remus said and they walked to Sirius' room hand in hand.