Read Please: This story is not rated M for the amount of smut or overly gory discribtions. It just contains elements I wasn´t sure whether to place them to T or M. It´s a little dark and angsty but I think nothing too much.
So if you are looking for perfect humans, this is NOT the story for you. I like my characters with flaws and it is obvious in this story I think :D Anyways. Enjoy it, if this is your cup of tea. :D
"I´m sorry, Blaine. He just doesn´t wanna talk right now." Kurt heard his father say over the sound of his ragged breath. One pale hand was buried in his hair, while the other dug into his shirt over the spot of his heart. What a useless heart. Meant for nobody but him. Utterly useless.
"Burt, I know he said that, but this is not what will help him get over this. Let me in, please."
"Listen kiddo. You are not the only one that would do anything to change this. For now, let him calm down and decide what to do himself." His father said.
In this moment, he contemplated opening the door he sat at and letting himself be consoled, or drowning in self-pity. It should have said Blaine Anderson. It should have, but it didn´t. Hopelessly useless.
"No offense, but I think Kurt needs me right now."
I do, but I shouldn´t.
"I´ve raised that boy. And if he says he wants to be alone, I will make sure of respecting his wishes."
The familiar scrapping on Blaine´s white stick could be heard on the hard wood floors and Kurt was sure that his best friend, the boy that should have been his soulmate, was leaving. In this emotional rollercoaster he felt relief and disappointment take over. Blaine would know he had cried.
"Damn." Burt screamed and Kurt held his breath, waiting for the scraping to stop. It did when his door opened, making him slide over the floor.
"Kurt?" Blaine asked, standing in the doorway, Burt right behind him, a hand hovering over his shoulder, but not touching it. He would never forcefully make Blaine leave, and his best friend apparently knew that. He was sensitive and an expert on picking up a human character very fast and precise. Without wanting to, a new wave of sobs escaped his mouth and gave away his location. Kneeling down, Blaine reached out to him, not instantly finding him, but when he did, Kurt was covered by by familiar arms.
"I know you want to talk about it. So spill. Me and your Dad will listen." Blaine said, rubbing awkwardly up and down on Kurt´s back. Kurt almost chuckled, because it was bizarre how good Blaine was at dealing with emotions and how bad at giving comforting caresses.
"Right. We´re here for you."
His father closed the door, before taking off his cap and kneading it in his hands. He was clearly uncomfortable with the situation, but at least he was here and Kurt, who had refused to leave his room since yesterday, felt ready to let go a little of the burden that lay on his chest.
"They said they were sorry, but they lied. They probably thought it was karma getting back at me for being gay." Was the first thing he said. Blaine didn´t ask who they were, he just continued rubbing his back.
"It´s so stupid. I bet they laugh about me at home. The gay kid that has no soulmate. How funny. Haha. I imagine their dumb faces, their stupid picket-fence houses and their wrinkly butts. So stupid. And don't get me started on their sense of fashion. At least that´s what they call it. Who wears white coats nowadays?"
"If you want to talk about that, that´s fine with me. But we both know that´s not why you are upset." Blaine finally whispered and removed himself only to grab Kurt's hand and look at him. His blind eyes were gazing at his mouth. A squeeze of Blaine´s hand and the worried look on his father's face left cracks in his armor.
"What´s the big deal right?" Kurt asked bitterly. "The soulmate nonsense they tell us about sickening anyway. I don´t need someone to know everything about me, to share our emotions. I heard within the first year of meeting your soulmate, you become so focused on them that you lose part of yourself. You dissociate yourself from your family and friends and all you see is them. Stupid. Soulmates are stupid. Who needs them anyways? It can´t be as happy as they make it out to be in the movies." One look at his father told him how wrong he was." I can fend for myself. I am Kurt Hummel and no one can take that away from me. I don´t need someone to love me unconditionally. To take me for what I am and who I can spend a life with. I have myself."
New tears ran down his cheeks and he missed the way his dad sat down on the other side of him and took his unoccupied hand in his. He had a rare disease that made it impossible to have a soulmate. He would never have a name written on his wrist, as well as no one would have his name. Kurt Hummel would forever be lonely and though he pretended to be strong, he couldn´t stop crying that day. This night, he couldn´t say what he truly thought. Your name should have been on my wrist and mine on yours, Blaine. I love you and no soulmate of yours will ever make you as happy as I could.
Kurt had driven to his best friend´s house as fast as he could, when the message had woken him from his sleep in the middle of the night. It was easy to slip out of the house, since his father was a heavy sleeper and Finn wouldn´t even wake up if a brass band would play inside his room. It was getting into Blaine´s house undetected that was the hardest task. He contemplated knocking lightly, or throwing rocks against Blaine´s window, since he had left his phone at home, when he heard a low whistle from the back porch. He followed the sound that was produced by Blaine, who was sitting on the swing.
"Blaine? Oh my god, show me your wrist right now or I´ll hyperventilate."
He knew better than to startle the blind boy by forcefully taking his hand, even though he wanted to. So he let himself be teased for several seconds, before Blaine finally revealed his left hand to him, palm up. In bald letters a name was written on the inside of his wrist and Kurt could feel a lump grow in his throat, even though he couldn´t read very well without much light and upside down. It was the mere fact that the name of Blaine´s significant other was determined right in this night and it would change everything. Burt had told him many times that he shouldn´t get his hopes up, that Blaine probably wouldn´t be like him, soulless, nameless, useless, or like his father would say, special. Why had a part of him still hoped that they were the same, soulless but because of that, destined to be together? Because Kurt loved Blaine, soulmate or not. But no matter how Blaine would feel about him, it couldn´t measure up to his soulmate. Nothing could.
He wanted to wait, before reading the name of Blaine´s significant other. Maybe use the last opportunity to finally close the gap between their lips and kiss him. Sometimes it felt like there was gravity between them and it was hard to fight it. Kurt was tired of fighting, but this night would force him to keep his distance for the rest of his life. But how could you fight a magnetic pull?
"Can you read it? What does it say? I mean, if you feel up to reading it. You know what, it was a stupid idea to call you. I should have asked my mother to read it to me. Considering…"
"Stop rambling Blaine and keep still. It´s hard enough to read upside down." Kurt quickly said, interrupting him from blurting out that he knew about Kurt´s feelings.
Because he did. Without Kurt ever acting on it, or speaking about his feelings, Blaine had said one day that he wasn´t ready for a relationship. Not when his body would decide for somebody else and Kurt would end up heartbroken. Blaine had always been attentive, knowing what people he liked felt without having to see their face or hear them cry.
"Wait. Before you read the name, can we just stay up all night talking, like we did when we were younger?"
Because this may be the last time we can- would be the sentence Blaine left unsaid, but both knew it was there. Sliding his hand slowly in the outreached hand of his best friend, Kurt lead him inside his house into his room on the ground floor and shut the door behind him. The room was dark, only a small window in the left side providing them with moonlight. Now Blaine had the advantage of knowing precisely where the things in his room were placed and he could now take the lead. Well he could have either way. He knew his way around the house without relying on any light.
They ended up fully clothed on the huge bed Blaine had in his room, facing each other, legs tangled and Kurt gazed at the dark figure of his friend until his eyes adjusted to the darkness. His right hand itched to cover Blaine´s that was millimeters away from his, but he didn´t. He had just held it on the way to the room, but that wasn't enough. This could be their last night as close friends together, as friends that had had the possibility to be together right in front of their noses, now shattered by a silly name.
Kurt couldn´t fully grasp the unfairness of it, but it was enough to work up the courage to snuggle closer.
" I know you wanted us to be together-"
"Blaine, please don´t bring this up." Kurt interrupted.
"But apparently it's not the way destiny has decided for me. You know I wanted it to be you, right? That you are the person I can´t afford to lose? Kurt, you are the only thing I see."
Kurt swallowed heavily, tears welling up in his eyes at the words that were being whispered into the night. Blaine had repeated this several times by now. The first time he had, Kurt had kindly asked if being blind meant that he couldn´t see anything, so he lied when saying he could see him, but Blaine had insisted on it being the truth. From then on he had repeated it on special occasions, Kurt never understanding the true meaning behind that. What could a blind man possibly see? Though Kurt had to admit that he dressed impeccably around Blaine without exception, liking the way his clothes would sometimes be touched when he described them. In a way, Blaine knew what Kurt looked like, but how could he say he saw him, when he clearly didn´t?
"You know that you are more than a best friend for me, don´t you Kurt? It´s just that…"
Blaine reached out and grabbed a hold of his wrist, before he could pull away. Kurt swallowed around the lump building in his throat. He could do this. This was not the first time this topic had been brought up. The only thing that was different was the name on Blaine´s wrist that open a big cliff between them.
"It´s just that you are afraid you will meet your soulmate and hurt me if we are in a relationship. I get it. I was never meant to find someone in the first place."
"Don´t say that." Said Blaine, running his thump over Kurt's soft skin of his wrist. Kurt was torn between begging for him to touch him more, to be his first, even if it would hurt in the long run, and to let the walls that defended him around anyone else, appear now.
"Why? Why should I delude myself? I would spend years hoping for someone to choose me instead of the perfect match he could have with his soulmate. I´m not stupid, the chances of finding someone is almost nonexistent."
"That is simply not true. No one could resist the beauty you are on the in and outside Kurt. You are not lonely. I will always stay by your side, no matter what happens."
Feeling Blaine´s movement on his skin stop, he realized it was now or never. As soon as their parents would know about Blaine´s soulmate, they would kindly tell them that spending the night would lead to nothing good. And knowing Blaine and his prince Charming character, he would happily agree. It was this night. Positioning himself right over Blaine, only an arms length away from his face, their feet intertwined, Kurt could feel his heartbeat quicken. This could have serious consequences for their friendship, but he had to try. Even without a name on his hand, he could have a little romance and love in his life, couldn´t he? Blind eyes looked up at his, missing his own only by inches. In the darkness he could only guess the overclouded iris.
"What are you doing?" He asked.
"If no one can resist my beauty, why are you? We could help each other develop some…skills before you meet him."
Kurt blushed ferociously and hidden by the darkness, Blaine did too. That wasn´t quite what he had planned to say. It was his defense mechanism, holding in the desperate pleas and replacing them with a mumbled attempt of seduction. Let us be each other's firsts. Let me know how it is to be with someone you love. After a pregnant pause, Blaine slid his hands up his legs then slipping under Kurt´s shirt and resting his hands over his sides. Hands he thought he knew so well had never felt this warm and calming, while they let a pleasurable tingle rush through his bones.
"I would be honored to be your first." Blaine whispered. For the first time their lips met and fit perfectly. Everything felt right. They were right for each other. Blaine´s lips were unlike his hands, completely new and setting everything on fire they touched. They shared small pecks that sped up their hearts, before slowly the kisses turned passionate.
In that night, they had sex for the first time in their lives. Blaine´s sensitive ears picked up every sound Kurt made, and found each weak spot of him and reveled in the noises when he explored them, while Kurt had switched on the night lamp Blaine had installed for when Kurt would stay, so that now he was lost in Blaine´s beautiful face and the sight of him naked. With Blaine´s hands on him he felt safe, even if the first time he was entered had felt a bit uncomfortable. He would always know how Blaine´s hand on him felt so much better than his own, how the scent of him seemed to stick to his own skin afterwards, how sometimes his fingers would shake or Blaine´s breath would get caught in surprise of new sensations, and how they had whispered how perfect the other was. How Blaine had found the scars on his back, traced the few letters he could make out, had maybe even made out some letters, but hadn´t asked what had happened. He had only tried to ease the pain of Kurt´s memories. This was the only time that Kurt had dared to tell him ´I love you´ and he cried in joy when Blaine had said the same. Right then, he did´t care that this moment would end and that was why he tried to memorize every detail he could. The way Blaine´s blind eyes would sweep over his body made him feel wanted and loved, even if that was illogical. He would never regret this night.
They slept with their hands intertwined, Kurt´s wrist blank while Blaine was marked with another boys name.
Thomas Lanter had changed everything. He had broken Kurt´s heart the morning he woke up, in Blaine´s arms and he had spotted Thomas Lanter´s name on the wrist of the boy he loved. Of course, he had expected it to say a name other than his own, but it had surprisingly let him fall from cloud nine right back into the mean reality. Mocking him.
From then on Thomas had changed Blaine, without even being present. The first few weeks, he was never talked about, because Blaine knew better than to hurt his best friend. But since it made things awkward between them, Kurt had finally asked how Blaine felt about the whole situation and having a soulmate. It had burst out of him this instant, like the question was the needle to a balloon. How Thomas was all he could think about, how he pictured his voice and his laugh and his character. How he wondered if they would share many hobbies. Then, like any time, he brought Thomas up, he apologized to Kurt quickly. Apologies only made Kurt feel even worse, jealousy clouding his vision. He was jealous that Blaine would never be his option, his exception to the rule and jealous that he had no soulmate he could gush about. That his heart was useless.
A year had passed and over the time, the apologies stopped and Kurt tried to be a real friend, asking about Thomas. Thomas, his biggest enemy. At least his heart had stopped hurting every time his name was brought up. It was too damaged to function right by then. He was sure of it, until the day he had opened the door and a stupefied Blaine stood in front of him.
"Blaine, are you all right?" He asked and a low ´no´ after long seconds. Sensing the tension, he closed the door after stepping out and grabbed for Blaine´s hand to lead him to the swing. Blaine pulled his hand away immediately.
"What has happened? Talk to me. Is it your stupid uncle and his retarded world views about gay soulmates again? Or did someone tease you about you being blind again? Because you know I will find them and talk them into being better persons, right? It´s what I do best according to Dad."
"Yes? Come on, we are best friends. Talk to me."
This time, it was Blaine who reached for him with his unoccupied hand, the other clutching the white stick until the skin around his knuckles turned white.
"Kurt, I met Thomas today." Blaine finally said.
Judging from his pale face and his reaction, the meeting had probably been horrible. It had, right? Thomas was a stranger, what if he was into drugs, or had said he didn´t want a blind soulmate, which had always been Blaine´s biggest fear. What if he had finally realized that Kurt was who he loved more?
"Oh god. How was he? Did he hurt you or…"
"No!" Blaine hissed. "No." He repeated quieter." He is perfect."
His already broken heart jumped in pain, because a year ago, in Blaine´s arms, he had been called perfect.
"And she seriously asked if Duran Duran was a new anime I watched." Thomas ended his little story.
Kurt forced a smile on his face, only in case Thomas would ever look at him. That was unlikely, since Blaine and him were busy staring at each other. Gosh, Blaine was blind, why was his face constantly in Thomas direction and his body leaned towards him?
He shouldn´t have agreed to come along to dinner to meet Thomas. Not only was the food the restaurant Thomas had chosen mediocre but expensive, but Blaine hardly noticed him. Adding to that, it was unfortunately hard to hate Thomas. Over his tomato soup for 13 dollar, Kurt glanced at the blond boy. He was stupidly stupidly beautiful. Warm brown eyes, perfect hair and clothes and size and all. But that was not what made it hard for Kurt to hate him. It was the way he acted around Blaine. Thomas would never take Blaine´s hand to lead the way, because he never treated him like the blind boy he was. He treated him as an equal, something Kurt had thought he did, but apparently didn´t. Unlike Blaine, Thomas singing voice was horrible and he couldn´t play any instrument. But they shared the same taste in music and he was good in drawing pictured of Blaine, that the boy himself would never see. Thomas and Blaine weren´t always of the same opinion, but Thomas would always give in first.
"Your mother is adorable." Blaine said, laughing like he had seldom done in the past, but now constantly did.
"Just stay in my house for a week and you will be driven nuts by her, believe me."
"I would love to test that."
Kurt stared at his empty plate as Blaine leaned in to kiss Thomas. He had endured this evening and Thomas perfectness without being mean or breaking down up to this point. He couldn´t watch them kiss as well. His heart complained enough as it was.
"Kurt, Blaine told me you have been inseparable since kindergarden, but he wouldn´t tell me how you get to know each other. Care to share your secret?" Thomas asked, another attempt to integrate Kurt.
In the background Blaine began to protest, but a hand clapped playfully over his mouth to hinder further words. Kurt opened his own to tell him that he honestly couldn´t remember and he would later ask Blaine for details, but the joyful display of love right in front of him slowly let him drift into defending his heart with bitchyness. So he finally did.
"No. You´ve known him for what? A month? I´ve known him all my life. It is allowed for us to have secrets even you as his soulmate will never know. A stupid name on your wrist doesn´t give you the right to own him."
Thomas hand left Blaine's mouth and for what seemed to be the first time this evening, he really looked at Kurt. Meanwhile the carefree grin on his best friends face was replaced by a worried expression. Kurt had said too much. He didn´t want this to turn into a pity party, thrown by the boy he loved and who had just been kissing Thomas with the same mouth that had been all over his body the night they had lost their virginity.
"You are right. Your friendship has nothing to do with me." Thomas finally said, sipping his water and still eyeing him. What did he see, Kurt wondered.
After that the dinner was awkward, all of them eating in silence and two men staring at Blaine in worry. One because he had wanted to meet the boy his soulmate often talked about and spend a nice dinner with them, that now was slowly going down the drain, the other, because he had overstepped a line. The tension only grew when Blaine excused himself and went to find the toilet, leaving them alone. Kurt's skin itched to lead Blaine through the unfamiliar surroundings, but he remained sitting since Thomas had trusted Blaine to find it himself after short instructions. And Blaine had smiled. Damn, he looked happy.
"Listen, I know this can´t be easy, for both of you, considering your past together, but I just hope you give me the chance to make him happy, Kurt." Kurt heard Thomas say, looking intently on the table top. Happy like Blaine had just been because of him.
He felt the blush creep up his cheeks and betrayal cut in his heart at what he heard. What he and Blaine had had, Kurt had thought would be kept secret between them. Treasured and never to be opened at least not by Blaine. And here he was, on one table with the soulmate of the boy he would always love, telling him to give him a chance on said boys heart. As if he could let go of it so easily.
"So he has told you I have feelings for him." Kurt dinally asked.
Kurt sighed, meeting Thomas eyes."I assume you also know I am of my disease?"
"Please don´t be mad at Blaine for telling me all of this. Meeting your soulmate can cause many people to want to share everything. I told him all my secrets in return. It´s just…"
Kurt got it. What they had was special. Running deep in their veins. Something doctors told him he would never feel, but he did. He did with Blaine and to have that connection be overshadowed by a label was crushing.
"It is something I can´t touch, I know that. You don´t know me Thomas, but from the day I fell in love with Blaine, I was prepared to lose him to someone else. I gave you a chance before meeting you and you both break my heart when you are happy together. Just, please, promise me to never regret giving up on him."
Thomas face lit up and brown eyes suddenly seemed determined and sincere, when he said: "I promise."
As the evening went on, Kurt could honestly say that the conversation he had with Thomas didn´t change the fact that he hurt and mourned his lost love. At least he didn´t could make Blaine´s soulmate jealous when he hugged Blaine a little too long and tight.
Kurt had just closed his eyes, relaxing in the tub, when his phone rang. Sighing, he dried his hands on the towel next to the tub, before picking it up. Right along to the Katy Perry song playing as his tune, a picture of a smiling Blaine greeted him on the display. He had to choose between letting the already awful day he had again spend with the horror couple be ended with someone who could hurt him even more, and his longing to spend more time with Blaine alone. In the end it took only two seconds to accept the incoming call.
"Yeah?" He said, not in the mood to pretend to be happy.
"Kurt? How are you?"
"Well, considering we just parted ways two hours ago, I take it you aren´t fine and you want me to ask. So what is it Blaine?"
There was silence on the other side of the phone and Kurt used the time looking down into the bubbly water that barely covered his naked form. He could still make out most of the places Blaine had touched him and that was a very dangerous thing to think of with him on the phone, possibly dealing with problems. It was a dangerous thing for his heart as well.
"I don´t know if this is something you would want to hear. But you are my best friend and have been for years and I don´t know who else would get me the way you do." Blaine whispered.
Kurt's heart leapt in his chest. Those words felt like the first drop of water after a day in the sahara. He hadn´t felt special to Blaine for three month now. It was very possible that what he was about to hear would leave him crying at night again, but he had to know. He was still a best friend. Just like Blaine had done three years ago, he would now listen as best as he could.
"Tell me. You know whatever it is, I will always listen."
"I know. It was still a bad idea to call you."
Kurt sighed noisily, wanting him to hear it. "Blaine, we are still best friends. Whatever it is, it will not cause me to hate you suddenly."
For a while, all he could hear was low mumbling and the pling of water drops when they hit the surface.
"Uhm…so. I love Thomas." Was what cut the silence and his heart.
Kurt shut his eyes in defeat and crossed one arm over his chest, as if that would protect him from the inevitable pain.
"Is that the problem?" Kurt finally asked, his voice throaty. He hoped Blaine couldn´t hear. When quiet sobs rang through his ear, he was convinced it were his own, but he slowly realized it wasn´t him crying, it came from the phone.
"Blaine? What is it? Why should loving him be such a great problem? Does he abuse you? Talk to me. I swear if he does anything to hurt you, I will call the police right now."
"No. Oh god." Blaine sniffed, but soon chuckled between sobs."Thomas is all I could wish for and definitely more."
Better than Kurt. "Then why are you crying?"
"It is a silly reason, really."
Kurt sighed. Through the years, this procedure had become familiar. Blaine was usually open-minded and well liked by anyone. He shared his secrets with ease when he trusted someone. At least it seemed like it, because there were secrets so deeply burrowed that Blaine himself was hesitant to touch them. What Kurt would hear a few seconds from now, was one of those secrets, something he had never heard Blaine say. Something he would never have thought someone as content and comfortable in his skin would say.
"It is not silly if you are crying. Should I come over?" Kurt asked.
"No, Thomas will be here soon and I don´t think you want to spend the night with us."
That was true, but he would endure that if it meant to dry Blaine´s eyes. Thomas wasn´t too bad, it was the sight of Blaine in a relationship that left him sick.
"Kurt, I…I…" Kurt knew better than to interrupt him, so he waited for him to continue.
"I have never felt different because I was blind. For me it was normal to be this way. But I lie awake every night since I have met him, because there is nothing I wouldn´t give to look at Thomas just once. I don´t want to just listen to anyone describe his pictures any longer. I want to see them. I want our eyes to meet. I selfishly wish I could see him. And I feel awful that you are the one I am sharing this with, because I still have feelings for you."
Kurt only realized that he had dropped his phone into the water after several minutes of silence. He needed to talk to his Dad, because the day had come when he would finally lose the guilt he felt when he saw Blaine´s blind eyes.
"No. Absolutely not! I swear Kurt, if you do this, I will not hesitate to erase his name with acid! I don´t care if you are screaming and kicking, I will not sit still while my child chooses to spend his life sightless for another boy!" Burt screamed.
The whole neighborhood was probably awake by now, listening to the rare dispute in the Hummel house. Kurt himself was determined for once, back straight, facing his father who was pacing in front of him.
"I will do it Dad. I didn´t come here to ask your opinion. I just wanted to tell you before I do." He answered calmly. The knife was up in his drawer already, nothing would stop him.
"Are you out of your mind? You don´t know a thing about being blind. Blaine has been born blind. This is ridiculous."
It was ridiculous, Kurt knew that. From the day he had discovered what soulless people could do, he had felt even more of a freak. Three years ago, his classmate Mercedes Jones and he had sat in class, bored out of their minds, so they scribbled on each other's arms. Kurt drew an elephant, a cloud and an umbrella, while Mercedes drew hearts on the pale skin, before writing that math sucked and finally her name. As soon as it was written there, in blue letters, Mercedes Jones, he felt the world tilt in its axis.
It was a feeling so deep within him, so big that it burst against his skin and made him feel powerful and elated. He was in love with Mercedes, that he knew as soon as his eyes met he chocolate ones. He instantly knew that she was happy and relaxed and a little tired. He knew because they were connected. Because she was his soulmate. A day he had swooned over her, had held her hand in his, because the feeling of touching her were making him feel warm and whole. A shower had taken all that away and as soon as her name was washed away, he felt drained and empty. He collapsed as soon as he stepped out of the shower. It took two days, before he stopped being depressed and began eating and talking again and realized what had happened. Whoever he wrote on his skin, would be his soulmate for as long as it remained in place. He could have a soulmate.
Against all odds of the side effects as soon as the names were gone, he explored this power by writing many names on his skin. Names of already matched soulmates, of stars and dead poets and friends. In these months he lost weight and started taking pills to suppress his depression. He just had to know if there was a chance of true happiness for him. A month later, he knew that there wasn´t. The connections he build with the people only made him sick. Especially with the dead poet, he felt his powers drain and had he not stood by the fountain he had fallen in, he wasn´t sure he would have survived it.
Furthermore, the connection was one sided, absorbing all the feeling and illnesses and sometimes thoughts of his new soulmate, withour a filter and receiving no affection by them. With matched ones it was even worse. He took on the burden of two people at once. One time he even absorbed an ugly rash of someone else. He was like a magnet pulling out all of the things people were hurt by and keeping them safe, without them balancing him out. Taking some of his burdens.
He had stopped after the near- death experience and swore to never do it again. Kurt didn´t, but Karofsky did. Somehow he had found out about Kurt´s powers, probably because Finn couldn´t keep his mouth shut, and he had locked them both in the men's room and had forced Kurt on his stomach. With duct tape, he had bound his wrists, cut Kurt's shirt open and carved his own name into the thin skin of his back. Kurt had thought that nothing would hurt as much as that did. He had passed out on the floor, his voice had been hoarse from screaming and his eyes had hurt from too many tears. He had fought but never had a chance. Over the pain on his back, he had felt devotion and sickening love for the tormentor whipping his wounds.
His body betrayed him and as the letters on his back healed, he had been forced to kiss Karofsky or even suck him off. And he had loved it, because it was the one he loved who forced him. It had gone on about a month. He had never felt so sick and happy at the same time. Whenever Karofsky would touch him, he felt on fire and on ice. Whatever Karofsky wanted sounded good to lovestruck ears. Take me in more, slut. Open your mouth for my meat! It was Burt who had saved him three years ago, when he strapped him to the kitchen table and erased David Karofsky letter by letter with acid, both father and son crying because they were in pain. Even though Kurt was the one being tortured and in agonizing pain, he knew his father suffered for hurting him just as much. They had never again talked about that day again and Kurt never went to public places shirtless. He had transferred to Dalton shortly after, never having to face Karofsky again and fearing touch from anyone but Blaine. He tried not to, but his body flinched whenever Burt would touch him. The acid had burned much more than just his skin it seemed.
Well now, here he sat, his mind made up about this and even though it would hurt, he would finally use his powers for something good.
"Dad, no one forced me to do this. Not this time. I love Blaine and there will never be anyone else for me but him. I was born without a soulmate, he without his sight. Let me help him."
Burt still paced in front of him, rubbing his hands over his bald scalp and looking troubled. When he stopped in front of his son, he embraced him in a bruising manner. Kurt flinched, but Burt held him until his body calmed down.
"There is someone out there for you. Just for you. Someone who will matter to you more than Blaine does and who will want to be writing his name on your skin as you will yours on his. When this happens, you will want to see his face, as Blaine does Thomas´. Don´t mess this up by rushing into things that will end in pain."
Kurt had never heard his father sound this genuine while telling him that he would find someone. It had always been the appropriate thing to say when he was sad to have no soulmate. Up till now. Now when he had decided to change his life forever and it was too late.
"Dad, this scenario you just made up will never happen. How many people do you know who are soulless? None! No one will choose me over his soulmate, so there you have it. It is my decision what I do to my body and if you will stop me now, or etch his name off me, you will have to do it several times, because I won´t stop putting it there!" With that, he hugged his father closer. Burt ran his hand through his hair.
"Blaine would never ask that of you. You know he will hate you for doing this to yourself." Burt tried, knowing that this was the last straw he could cling onto. The only thing that may be stopping Kurt in his madness.
Kurt pulled away and stood up from the couch. He had thought this through. It was very possible that Blaine would hate him. For now Kurt had never told him what he could do, since he felt guilty for not helping cure his blindness with his power. This was the one secret he wasn´t willing to share. But Blaine wasn´t stupid. He would know as soon as he realized that him being able to see meant darkness for Kurt. He would demand to let the name be removed and go blind again. Kurt could live with that, only because even though he was hated, Blaine wouldn´t leave him. Even if it was out of guilt. Kurt hated to think like that, but he simply did. He was more than desperate.
"He will. Doesn´t change the fact that I can´t sit here doing nothing any longer, when I could have cured him years ago."
Kurt then leapt, rushing downstairs into his room. His father was too slow, still weak after the aftereffect of the heart attack he had shared when Kurt´s mother died. He had barely survived and the loss still made him weak. Weak enough to give Kurt the opportunity to grab the kitchen knife.
"Kurt. Kurt, don´t run away." Burt screamed, when he finally caught up to him. "I will not allow this."
His voice suddenly drowned out as he saw Kurt standing there, the weapon in his hand, his sleeves pushed up to reveal the unblemished skin of his left arm. Stepping back, Burt clutched his hand over his mouth as Kurt lowered the knife until it restes on the upper side of his forearm.
"I am sorry Dad. Please leave, I don´t want you to see." Kurt whispered.
He looked up shortly, to see his father shaking his head ferociously, looking as if he was about to throw up. He wanted to go over, close the door, so Burt wouldn´t have to watch, but he was afraid that his knife would be taken if closed the gap. So he simply turned around, took a deep breath and hoped he could do this to himself, without collapsing. For now, his right hand shook too much and he couldn´t force himself to do it, so he tried to calm down. Just as he brought up the courage to do it, he heard a piercing cry.
"Stop! Get his name tattooed or something, but don´t cut yourself. I can´t bear any more scars on you. Please."
That he did. The night before his appointment with the tattoo artist, he stayed up with his Dad, watching movies and clutching at him as he was the only person Kurt couldn´t afford to lose. His Dad and Blaine was what made him continue living and having a tiny bit of hope for happiness even at the darkest times. A hope he couldn´t even admit to himself.
The next day his father had held his hand and never in his life had Kurt appreciated anything he saw. The sunrise, the clouds, the houses, the green of the grass or the brown of his hair, the olive tinge of Blaine´s skin he eyed on a picture of them and the picture of his mother. Even the things he had deemed ugly, like toads or what some called fashion was suddenly something he wished he could still see whenever he wanted to. Because this was the last day he would see all of those things. He made sure that the last thing he saw were his Dad, his Mom and Blaine, before the world went dark as the last letter was tattooed on his wrist. Right on the spot where the name of his soulmate was supposed to be.
Not even an hour later Blaine called him, his voice full of joy and surprise and too fast to catch any words. Kurt was glad that he could imagine his face at least. The hour he had spend in what resembled complete darkness was confusing and disorienting for him. Imaging the happy face of Blaine was the only thing that made all of this bearable.
"What? Please, translate that for me?" He said, when Blaine was finished rambling random things. The pain of the tattoo needle still run through his body, but it wasn´t too bad. Not as bad as a heartbreak, Karofsky or the acid.
"I can see. Oh my god. Oh my fucking god. I am able to see. I can see the telephone I am holding, my baby brother and you on a picture. Gosh, Kurt you are as beautiful as your soul. But I was always able to see you, that hasn´t changed. And Thomas, Kurt I can see him. I knew it was him before he could say anything. He is dreamy. So gorgeous. I…Oh my god, I am crying. Damn. My Mom tries to catch up teaching me that blue is what the sky looks like. I never knew clouds would look like candy cotton felt when it touches your tongue. It does, doesn´t it? Oh god, Kurt. This is a miracle. We need to celebrate. Thomas is on the way, my whole family is. No one believes it. They say they want to see proof. You believe me right? Kurt? Oh God, why have you never told me that the color of my wall is terrible?"
Kurt smiled, pained but feeling Blaine´s happiness and the humming heartbeat of Thomas as if it were his feelings. They mingled and made him giddy and drunk. It should hurt knowing that being able to feel Thomas meant Blaine had slept with him, but it didn´t. Everything felt bright. Bright like he knew the sun could look if he have could see it. He felt Thomas in his system, Blaine´s feeling for him. And there, hidden and not as vibrant, but more like a constant flow of water, was his love for Kurt. Blaine loved him. And the feelings of Thomas and his own mixed into something that was more than love and devotion. It was labelless, clogging up his throat and making it difficult to breath because his heart couldn´t handle that much love. Love for Blaine of himself and Thomas and the foreign feelings that came with the connection for Thomas.
"Oh I told you! You just wouldn´t listen! I will come over right now."
Blaine chuckled and Kurt reacted the same way. This connection wasn´t completely new to him, but in a way it was. Mercedes was nice and sweet, but not something his body needed. Karofsky had a dark aura, washing through him and adding to the sickness. Only Blaine was like light. Kurt knew, from the moment he finally convinced the tattoo artist to write his name on his wrist and had felt two boys enter his system, first Blaine, and then Thomas in a subdued way that he would never regret what he had done. Blaine would surely hate him for doing that, but Kurt was certain that just like he had done the years prior, Blaine would guide him through the darkness.
Hey. If you want to comment, I just ask that even if you complain about the characters, I promised had flaws like any human has, please don´t make it hateful against me. If not, I think anonymus hate-comments wouldn´t quite frankly speak for flawless humans, would they? haha :D
Thanks for reading. Never been a big soulmate-fic fan. Just hat to get this out and surprisingly liked it.