There once was a boy named Percy
Destined to save the world
He preserved Olympus and fought Kronos
With the help of a special girl…
(Yo Percy, you a half-blood!
Percy goes to camp
He meets Grover and Annabeth
Chiron moves him into Cabin Three;
They go on a quest
To retrieve Zeus's master bolt
Luke Castellan's evil as can be.
Kronos poisons the tree
Tantalus is free
And the camp is in mortal danger
Percy joins Clarisse
To get the Golden Fleece
And then things get even stranger...
Thalia drives the sun
Annabeth is captured—how fun! (NOT)
Nico comes to camp (the Hunters, too)
And the manticore is at large
They have a dam problem and
Percy holds up the sky
While Zoë fights the Titan who's her father
(I don't really get it, either.)
Percy and Annabeth go into the Labyrinth
With Tyson and Grover—oh no!
Ethan made a big mistake:
Percy, Percy—oh, holy Circe
Kronos is back
Now you're a revolutionary, Percy
Nico di Angelo
Why is he ignoring your
Obvious dislike of swimming in creepy rivers?
Percy's gone and Hera's stuck
(Honestly, about her, no one gives a fuck)
The new trio goes on a quest
But something is happening way out west…
Is in danger
The giants' rise
And a flying surprise
There once was a group of seven
Six got cockblocked by Coach Hedge
Then Percabeth fell into Tartarus
And the fandom went over the edge...
A/N: So I wrote this a while ago, after hearing "Harry Potter in 99 Seconds" by Jon Cozart and trying to find a good PJO version. Which I didn't. Therefore I wrote this, and maybe that's self-explanatory but whatever.
It follows the same music as the HP version, which I would like to have changed, but there's no way in Hades I'm using the music from that monstrosity of a PJO movie—plus I have neither the time nor the inclination to compose lyrics for a new tune. Suck it, haters.
Anyway, hope you enjoyed!
(Also, if anyone wants to use these lyrics and record themselves singing, that would be awesome and totally fine with me—just make sure you give me credit. Because if you don't, I'm super creepy and totally capable of finding you.)