There once was a boy named Percy

Destined to save the world

He preserved Olympus and fought Kronos

With the help of a special girl…

(Yo Percy, you a half-blood!

Percy goes to camp

He meets Grover and Annabeth

Chiron moves him into Cabin Three;

They go on a quest

To retrieve Zeus's master bolt

Luke Castellan's evil as can be.

Kronos poisons the tree

Tantalus is free

And the camp is in mortal danger

Percy joins Clarisse

To get the Golden Fleece

And then things get even stranger...

Thalia drives the sun

Annabeth is captured—how fun! (NOT)

Nico comes to camp (the Hunters, too)

And the manticore is at large

They have a dam problem and

Percy holds up the sky

While Zoë fights the Titan who's her father

(I don't really get it, either.)

Percy and Annabeth go into the Labyrinth

With Tyson and Grover—oh no!

Ethan made a big mistake:


Percy, Percy—oh, holy Circe

Kronos is back

Now you're a revolutionary, Percy

Nico di Angelo

Why is he ignoring your

Obvious dislike of swimming in creepy rivers?

Percy's gone and Hera's stuck

(Honestly, about her, no one gives a fuck)

The new trio goes on a quest

But something is happening way out west…

Camp Jupiter

Is in danger

The giants' rise

And a flying surprise

There once was a group of seven

Six got cockblocked by Coach Hedge

Then Percabeth fell into Tartarus

And the fandom went over the edge...

A/N: So I wrote this a while ago, after hearing "Harry Potter in 99 Seconds" by Jon Cozart and trying to find a good PJO version. Which I didn't. Therefore I wrote this, and maybe that's self-explanatory but whatever.

It follows the same music as the HP version, which I would like to have changed, but there's no way in Hades I'm using the music from that monstrosity of a PJO movie—plus I have neither the time nor the inclination to compose lyrics for a new tune. Suck it, haters.

Anyway, hope you enjoyed!

(Also, if anyone wants to use these lyrics and record themselves singing, that would be awesome and totally fine with me—just make sure you give me credit. Because if you don't, I'm super creepy and totally capable of finding you.)