Anime: Axis Powers Hetalia
Rating: T
Warnings: None. o.o That's a first
Pairings: None.
Disclaimer: Me no own Hetalia
Note: This was completed on an insomniac night. Lightly based off my own traumatic experience on the train though slightly less disturbing.

Austria had to make a diplomatic appearance at a G8 conference, but unfortunately for him, no limousines were available that day, likely due to the fact that all surrounding high schools had booked all limousines for their pointless prom later that evening. So while horny teenagers make the worst mistake of their lives in the back of a limo, Austria was left to take the train.

You see, Austria had never really taken public transportation before. We all knew he was too aristocratic for that. But today was the day for Austria to embrace wonderful taxpayer-funded transit.

Austria arrived at the train station closest to his home and walked up to the elevated platform. It was fairly empty that day, but all the better for Austria. The train arrived within minutes and he stepped inside as soon as the train doors opened. He looked around the car. A fairly updated train with blue seats and plenty of room for standing customers, but awkward spacing for those sitting. He took an end seat to reduce the awkwardness if anyone were to sit next to him, and within minutes, someone did. Austria sat legs crossed and his hands folded on his knees, staring at absolutely nothing but the passing scenery. He wished he had a book to read, an MP3, a fucking Kindle, any form of distraction to save him from two hours of nothingness.

"Excuse me, is this train north-bound?" asked the stranger sitting next to him. Austria did not so much glance at the guy but gave a quick yes, hoping to end any conversation there. The guy didn't get the hint.

"Oh, nice clothes. Going somewhere formal?" inquired the man, referring to Austria's suit. At this point Austria noticed he had a faint but noticeable accent, probably from Australia or New Zealand.

"Yep." Austria replied, still not looking at him.

"Where to?"

Austria mentally sighed.

"A meeting." he said, trying to keep things really general.

"Are you an important businessman or something?" said the guy, half-laughing. Austria grew tired of this man's voice.

Yes, an important diplomat who can have you arrested in seconds if my entourage were here, was what Austria wanted to say, but instead kept quiet. Don't get Austria wrong, he appreciated friendly chit-chat as much as the next Austrian, but on a rickety train, it's just troublesome and weird. There was silence for a moment, then the stranger continued.

"Look, I'm gonna get to the point. You wanna go for a drink?"

This caught Austria by surprise. He actually looked at the man this time. Looked to be in his late 20s, maybe early 30s. Short, slicked-back blond hair with pretty side bangs barely covering the left eye. Blue eyes penetrating the soul and looking into your deepest, darkest desires like a puma waiting to...

"I beg your pardon?" squeaked Austria.

"Heheh, a drink. My treat."

"Um, no thanks."



"How bout after your meeting?"


"Why not?"

"Still busy."

Austria inched closer to the wall and away from the stranger. The stranger inched closer and placed his hand on Austria's knee. "C'mon," he pleaded, "I'll make it worth your while, honey."

Austria internally gasped.

Was he being hit on?!

"No no no!" repeated Austria, trying so hard to inch as far from the man as possible while still remaining in his seat. The train, at this point, had gotten full so no empty seats remained and he was not about to stand for two hours.

"We could talk about life," continued the man, "your life, mine, ours..."

"Lord, no!"

"Give me one good reason, baby." He stretched his arm over Austria's shoulder, making him shudder.

"You are a shady stranger on a shady train and everything about you is SHADY!" exclaimed Austria, hoping to pour some logic into the guy. The guy retracted his arm.

Statistically, you are a rapist and or serial killer!

"What if we met somewhere else? Would you say yes? I'm Chris, by the way."

I don't give a FOOT what your name is!

"No! You're still a stranger and I still would not be interested!"

"But I already told you my name. What's yours?"

"Wolfgang Amadeus Mozart!"

The train made a sudden brake, throwing everyone on board a foot forward. Chris' body ended up entangled onto Wolfgang Amadeus Mozart's as a result. The man continued with his pursuit for a drink.

"That's such a beautiful name. You're beautiful, you know. Your hair, your eyes, your annoying yet sex-inspiring voice..."

Wolfgang wanted to cry. He imagined this train would make a disastrous turn for the worst and fly off the elevated tracks and onto the ground, killing many, but most importantly, his would-be sex-offender.

And crush some prom-going teenagers while you're at it too, God. It's their fault I'm in this predicament in the first place. Crush them and their precious limousines...

"You know babe, you're a tough cookie. If you ever change your mind, here's my number." Chris took Austria's hand and with a pen wrote some digits onto Wolfgang's palm. "You were fun to talk to and I hope this isn't the last time we share the same breathing space." Chris winked and stood up to exit, for it was his stop.

"And that concludes this meeting. We'd like to thank our diplomat Austria for making it today. He looks too tired to stand up and wave... lazy ass... I mean, see you all next month." Germany concluded the conference and stepped down the podium. "Austria, I hope the trip here wasn't too bad? I know you had to cross some shady areas. You look like you narrowly escaped a rape-session."

Shady indeed!

"Oh, it wasn't too bad!" Austria assured.

"Good. Can you make next month's?"

"Are there any proms going on next month?"


"Unless there aren't any high-school proms going on I can't promise anything. That, or I kill the entire teenage population with a high-speed bullet train."

"We'll send you a diplomatic car next time... have a chauffeur of ours transport you."

"That would be much obliged."

Austria reached for his coat on the rack when America grabbed Austria's wrist.

"Ooooh! Is this Pizza Castle's phone number?" he asked, "I keep forgetting their number!" America whipped out his cell phone and began dialing the numbers on Austria's hand.

"No America!" he cried, but the ringing began. The call was picked up. Austria held his breath.

"Wolfie, I knew you'd change your mind." said a seductive voice on speakerphone.

"Is this Pizza Castle?" asked America.

"We could go if you like, then get a drink afterwards."

"Give me a large, extra cheese, extra onions, with a two liter Coke."

"Someone's hungry."

"How much will that be?"

"Just your love for the night."

"How much does that translate in US Dollars?"

"Um... forty dollars?"

"Can you deliver?

"I'm working, Wolfgang."

"How dare you call me that!" screamed America, ending the call. "Worst service ever!"

[[Worst ending ever.]]