Author's note: I thought to myself, what if Finnick hadn't died that day? What if Katniss only thought she saw him decapitated? What if he was able to break away at the last moment and the explosion killed the mutts, but trapped him?
This is that idea. This is the story of the struggle Annie and Finnick go through as he recovers from his injuries and tries to regain all that he lost while also trying to move forward with his wife and the child they have on the way.
The title comes from the Within Temptation song Memories. Please go check it out as it is simply a beautiful song. And please, feel free to review and let me know what you think.
My Silent Tears
An Odesta Fanfiction
By Danielle Cheri
His head pounded. His throat was drier than it had ever been in his life. There was light pressing in on his eyes. He groaned.
"Finnick?" a soft voice female asked from nearby.
He squinted open his eyes. A pretty woman with chestnut hair and brilliant green eyes leaned over him.
She smiled. "Hello, Finnick."
"I'll get the doctor." Another woman said from the other side of the room.
He looked toward the voice as a tall woman with brown hair swept out the door. He looked back at the woman smiling nervously at him. "Who are you?"
Her face fell. "I'm Annie." She said softly. "I'm your wife."
"Annie?" He closed his eyes again. "Annie? I know that name."
"Hello, Mr. Odair. I'm Marcus Michelson. I'm your doctor." He leaned over Finnick and shined a light in his eyes. "Do you know where you are?"
"Do you know where you're from?"
"District Four." He said without hesitation.
"Do you know who you are? What you do professionally?"
"Finnick Odair. I don't work, but my father was a fisherman. One of his partners was named Cresta." He looked over at the woman still standing by his bed. "He had a daughter named Annie."
She smiled and squeezed his hand. "Yeah, that's me."
The doctor smiled. "That's a start." He moved toward the end of the bed. "I'm going to check your reflexes." He lifted the blanket and poked the bottom of Finnick's foot.
He jerked it away. "Ow."
"Good." The doctor chuckled.
"I've been doing the exercises with him like they showed me." Annie said as she watched the doctor.
"I can tell. We'll still need to do some physical therapy for a while to get you back in shape" He walked back to the top of the bed. "Do you know what happened?"
Finnick shook his head.
Dr. Michelson explained, "You were in an explosion. You were buried under the rubble for almost three days. You had massive head trauma and there was a fear that you had spinal injuries. Thankfully there are none and you should be able to walk on your own soon. But because of the head injury, you've suffered some memory loss. We are going to try really hard to help you get those memories back. But I'll warn you, you may never get them all back."
Annie squeezed his hand. He looked over at her. She sniffed and turned her head away, wiping at her eyes.
"I've been asleep a while, haven't I?" He asked, looking back at the doctor.
"Almost two months."
He nodded. "You've been here the whole time?" He asked Annie.
"As soon as I was allowed."
"I'm so sorry I don't remember you." He whispered.
"I'll be back to check on you in a few hours. We'll get your therapy set up starting tomorrow." He looked down at his watch. "And it's about lunch time. I bet you're hungry." He patted Finnick's leg. "You rest up. Your wife can help you remember a few things, I'm sure."
As soon as he was out the door, the other woman came back. "Looking good, Odair."
He examined her for a while. "I know what you look like naked."
"Who doesn't?" She smirked. "But maybe your wife doesn't want to hear about all that."
"I don't remember your name." He admitted. "And I don't remember the circumstances of your nudity."
"I'm Johanna Mason. I'm one of your closest friends. And I used to help you out in your former life." She smiled. "I'll go spread the news to Katniss and the others. Leave you two alone to catch up." She put her hand on she stomach a moment and gave Annie a significant look. Then she left.
Annie sat down in a chair beside the bed. She leaned down and kissed his hand. "My name is Annie Cresta Odair." She said softly. "We were secret lovers for years because President Snow would have killed me if he found out. After the 75th Games, I was taken prisoner along with Johanna and Peeta Mellark. When I was back in District 13 with you, they orchestrated our wedding as a slap in the face to the Capitol. But it was the happiest day of my life."
"I'll stop talking." She wiped away a tear.
"No, keep going." He patted her hand. "I like the sound of your voice."
She smiled and went on, "You were sent out here to fight. You were mostly just going to be used as propaganda. But I guess none of you could sit back when there was a chance you could save the world. We all thought you had all been killed. And I…" She turned her wrists over. "I tried to go with you. I didn't think I could live in a world without you. Primrose Everdeen found me. And she saved me. I was so mad."
He rubbed the scars on her wrists with his thumbs, but said nothing.
Annie went on, "And then we found out you were actually alive and I thanked her. Profusely. But then Katniss said she'd seen you taken by those Mutts and she thought you were dead. They went in search of your body as soon as the situation was under control." Her voice broke. "You were alive. Barely. I never gave up hope that you would get better. I couldn't. I had plenty of reasons." She sat back and put her hand on her stomach. "Finnick, I'm pregnant."
He stared at her in silence for a long time. Then he looked away. "I don't remember ever…"
"You will. I'll help you."
"The doctor said I might not remember things."
She squeezed his hand. "I'll do everything I can. And if you don't…then we'll make new memories. We're having a baby."
He turned his face back to her. "I don't want to sound rude or hurt your feelings, but I need some time alone."
She nodded. "I understand. A lot's going on. I just told you half your life story and you don't remember any of it." She got up and started moving away.
He squeezed her hand. "I remember when you were seven or eight, you fell off your dad's boat. He yelled at you because you knocked all the bait overboard when you fell. You ruined half a day's worth of work. He made you swim back to shore."
"Do you remember anything else?"
"I followed you. We sat on the beach for a while to dry off. As soon as the boats headed in for the day, you ran toward home because you knew he would be angry to see you there."
"That's a good start." She swallowed. "But I want you to remember the first time we made love. And the last. I want you to remember the things you said to me in the hovercraft when they took me out of the arena. I want you to remember swimming with me in the middle of the night. And the cave. I need you to remember the cave."
"None of these things mean anything to me, Annie."
"I know. But they used to. Hopefully they will again one day." She leaned down and pressed a kiss to his lips. "I'll be back in a little while."
"Okay." He watched her leave and then lay back and stared at the ceiling.
He was starting to remember something he was ashamed of. A long string of women and a few men that he was intimate with. Money exchanging hands. And flashes of Annie always smiling sweetly. Did she know about that sordid part of his life?
He groaned in frustration. He couldn't remember. Would he ever be able to?
There was a knock on the door, bringing him out of his thoughts. A young woman with brown hair smiled slightly at him. "Hi."
He watched her a moment before he answered, "Hi."
"Johanna said you were awake."
She took a couple steps in. "I won't keep you, I just wanted to see for myself."
"And who are you?"
"Katniss." She took a shaky breath. "I thought I saw you die. I guess my mind was playing tricks on me."
"I guess." He watched her for a while longer. "I never slept with you, did I?"
She chuckled. "No. You seemed like you wanted to at first. But your heart belongs to Annie. It always has." She walked over and put something on the tray beside his bed. "I got these for you."
"You used to like them. And, um…" She pulled a length of rope out of her pocket. "Practice your knots, Odair. They helped in 13."
He took the rope from her and stared at it. "I don't think I remember any."
"Just try. For Annie." She turned and left the room without another word.
He held the rope in his hands. He crossed the ends together and threaded one end through the loop he'd made. He pulled the ends away from each other. He untied the simple knot and looked at it. He shook his head in frustration. Part of him knew he should be able to do more than that, but he couldn't remember.
A tray of food was brought in. He picked up his spoon and started eating. He stopped after a few bites and sighed. "At least I remember some things."
Annie returned not long after his tray was taken away. "How are you feeling?"
She looked at his tray and smiled. "Sugar cubes?"
"A girl brought them for me. Katniss."
"Good. Do you remember eating them?" She sat down on the chair.
He shook his head. He picked one up and popped it in his mouth. He smiled.
"Starting to remember?"
"It's pleasantly familiar." He said softly. "Do you know how to tie knots?"
"A few. You were always able to do more than me."
He picked up the rope Katniss had brought him. "Will you show me some?"
"Sure." She stood.
He moved over on the bed and she sat down beside him. She wanted to press her face into his neck and snuggle close, but she knew he probably wouldn't be comfortable with that just yet. She pressed her shoulder and hip to his instead and she started out with the simplest knot she knew.
Finnick watched, transfixed, as she showed him the same knot a few times. He tried it himself and didn't fail too harshly. She told him how to fix it and he did. It still wasn't that great, but she promised him he'd only get better.
"You know this already. It's somewhere up here." She put her hand on his head. "We just have to let your brain heal so you can remember."
He nodded. "Will you show me some more?"
She took the rope back. For the next several hours they went back and forth. Annie demonstrated each one she knew a few times and then Finnick repeated the steps. He had trouble with most of the complicated ones. But the more they worked, the easier it came to him. By the time supper came, Annie only had to show him once before he felt comfortable trying it.
She sat back in the chair and watched him as he ate.
"You should go get something." He suggested.
"I will soon. I like that you're awake."
He smiled kindly. "I like that I am too."
"Have you remembered anything else?"
He looked down at his mashed potatoes and contemplated a moment. He looked over and asked, "Did you know how Snow used me?"
She nodded slowly.
"And you still love me?" He asked uncertainly.
"Of course. You did what you had to. You did it to help me. And you did it to gain information for the resistance."
"I'm so sorry." He looked back down at his plate. "That's not a legacy to leave behind."
"If not for you, I wouldn't still be here."
He swallowed. "I know."
"Hey, don't feel down on yourself." She put her hand on his arm. "I love you. There is nothing in this world that you could do that I wouldn't try to forgive you and understand why you did it." She stood and kissed his cheek. "I'll go find something to eat. But I'll be back."
"Are you going to stay the night here?"
"If you don't mind."
"You're becoming quite a familiar face to me, Annie. I'd feel more comfortable going to sleep with you here."
She combed her fingers through his hair. "Thank you. I haven't slept anywhere else since I've been here. They tried, but I refused." She kissed his cheek again and then walked out. "I'll be back." She called over her shoulder.
He smiled at her retreat. He could understand how he'd fallen in love with her to begin with. But he sensed there was something about herself that she was hiding from him. It lurked just under the surface. He saw it in the moments she went silent in the middle of a conversation and closed her eyes as tight as they would go.
Then he got a flash of something: Annie putting her hands over her ears and dissolving into tears and anguished cries. Why would she do that? What was wrong with Annie?
Would he ever remember?