You're gone. I can't believe you're gone. We were so close. So close, you and me. Just a couple more seconds and the Void would've closed and you could've let go of that lever. You tried to be strong for me like you always do but this time it was too much. I wish you'd held on. I wish Torchwood never existed. I wish that Dalek had hit my lever instead. I wish.
The last thing you saw of me was my face contorted into agony because I was finally losing you. The last thing you heard me scream was your name. I hope, because I know that sometimes you think you're not good enough, I hope that was enough. Enough so that you know that it is costing me everything I have not to tear these universes apart to find you.
The last thing I saw of you was the terror on your face, but not fear of falling into the Void, I don't think. I know you better than that. I think- Rassilion, I will never understand humans- I think it was fear of leaving me. That's what you said, before I sent you back to Pete's World the first time. You didn't want me to be on my own, and you're right- I don't know what I'm going to do without you, Rose Tyler. I honestly don't know how I'll be able to function.
The TARDIS misses you too, you know. She doesn't usually communicate telepathically with me, it takes too much, but when you were falling towards the Void, I could hear her calling goodbye to her little Bad Wolf. I think the TARDIS liked you best of all my companions; otherwise she never would've let you look into her heart in the first place.
Your room looks like you never left it. Clothes scattered all over the floor- you were so untidy. One of your jackets is still flung over the strut in the console room and I find little pieces of you everywhere. It's so hard, Rose. So hard to see you everywhere because every time I do, it's like you're not gone. I nearly yell at you to clean up after yourself (but I never really minded) and then I remember and it's like my hearts break all over again.
I had an idea, though, for one last goodbye. So you could have what Sarah Jane never did. I'm heading there right now. I'm going to see you one last time and after that it'll be real. Then I might just fall apart.
I'm terrified because I don't do goodbyes- there's a reason for that. I'm terrified I'll fall apart. That's why Sarah Jane ended up how she did. I just couldn't do it.
But I'm willing to break all my rules for you, Rose Tyler, because you are special. I don't want the last thing I see of you to be almost losing you to the Void.
I spend my nights whispering your name and praying to I don't know what that my voice drifts across universes. However, wherever, whenever it finds you, I will be there. Waiting for you.