Thank you so much, Stephanie, for kicking my ass until I wrote Spencer properly. I hope you all like this as much as chapter one.
I turn the key counter-clockwise, killing my engine, as I look around the crowded parking lot. I haven't been to school in a while and the thought of actually walking into the building is making me rather anxious, but what's worse will be seeing Emily. I had managed to sleep again once Emily left yesterday, but when I woke this morning, what I did actually hit me. I kissed Emily. Kissed Emily Fields; my best friend. The pace of air rushing in and out of my nose increases again at the thought of the quick peck.
I still don't understand how my pain-addled brain managed to think giving myself to Emily was a solution to anything. I know I'm lonely… I know I'm crazy… but I still don't understand what would make me kiss Emily, what's making me want to kiss her again. I thought my problems with Toby were driving me crazy, but thoughts of using my best friend will probably destroy me. My best friend; who is not only completely disinterested in dating or engaging in any form of physical intimacy with me, but is in a relationship. A happy relationship with Paige fucking McCullers.
I push my brief spark of jealousy - followed swiftly by confusion - quickly out of my mind and have to keep reminding myself to breathe as I spot my group of friends heading up to the front door. I don't think I can just walk next to Emily like yesterday never happened, especially when we haven't spoken a word to each other since. I wish I could just tell what she's thinking. It's infuriating to assume you know someone so well, but to not have even the slightest clue as to what's going on inside their head.
I exhale much louder than necessary and finally open the door, squeezing my eyes shut against the sudden gust of cold wind hitting my face. While I'm tugging my scarf up under my chin and huddling farther into my jacket, I make a decision. As much as I want to avoid the awkward conversation with Emily, I need to fix this; fix us. I'll just have to tell her the truth; that I was lonely and looking for some further kind of comfort and hope she'll be able to forget it. I mean, that's all it was, right?
As I enter the building, the first period bell sounds, signaling my tardiness. I still don't have the capacity to care. I maneuver myself to the office, acquiring a late pass, and head to class with nothing but proper apology etiquette on repeat in my brain.
Class seems endless and droll and an unfamiliar boredom overcomes me. 'Great.' I huff internally. Toby even took my academic excitement. Rolling my eyes I decide to, instead, emotionally prepare for my meeting with Emily. I would have to actually show some for this to matter.
Before I know it the end bell rings and I'm moving, on autopilot, down the hallways and toward the one person I'm most terrified to see. I walk slowly into our shared classroom and catch her eye immediately. She looks nervous and almost angry. I really hope she can forgive me for how selfishly stupid I was. I take the seat next to her and she quickly averts her gaze. It seems she wants nothing to do with me right now, let alone any apology I could offer.
I roll my eyes and slam a notebook onto my desk to scribble out a quick message for Emily, telling her to meet me in the bathroom; that we needed to talk. I attempt inconspicuous as I wait for the teacher to turn away and thrust the crumpled paper into her hand before standing and mumbling something about the lavatory.
After a few seconds of nervous pacing in our small school bathroom waiting for my friend (whom I desperately hope will show), I turn to the mirror and am actually startled by what I see. My hair is lacking its usual organization, my eyes are cold and empty, surrounded by puffy darkness; a clear indication of my recent insomnia, and my lips are dry and pale. I don't recognize the person staring back at me… and that's when I realized mine wasn't the only reflection there.
I could see that, visibly, I'd barely reacted to Emily's arrival. And I could tell she noticed too because her face contorted into something I'd never seen on her before. I don't think too much about it, though, before grabbing her hand and pulling her into the farthest stall from the door, locking it behind us and pushing her against the wall with a hug. I couldn't let myself become someone I didn't know and Emily was just the person to help me.
"Spencer, what is going on with you?" she sounds confused; an emotion I'm sure she's been feeling a lot of around me. The intensity of my hug doesn't relent and I make up my mind. I'll do what I do best; I'll lie.
"I love you." I whisper quietly into her neck, still holding her. Well… not completely a lie.
"I love you, too, Spence. You know that." She assures me, pushing my shoulders lightly to look at my face. She's smiling warmly and, for the first time since Toby and I broke up, she doesn't look nervous beside me.
"No, Em. I'm in love with you."
I actually said it.
And I'm not really sure how she's taking it because her face isn't changing. A whole thirty seconds pass and she appears to be frozen in place with a slight smile and calm eyes. It's almost like she's not taking it in at all. She's standing silently in front of me, for at least a minute, before she drops her hands gently from my shoulders and her eyes start getting wider and her lips slowly part.
I reach forward, mostly as an attempt to keep her from bolting again, and lace the fingers of my right and her left hand together and use my free one to tuck stray hair behind her ear. Realization seems to fully hit her and she jerks her hand away and pushes my shoulders, not so lightly this time, and fumbles to unlock the stall door to make a quick escape.
"Em, please." I barely whisper with unexpected tears in my eyes and her drive to complete the task seems to lessen as she turns to look back at me. The second her eyes meet mine her mouth opens again and her shoulders slump in defeat. I see something brief flash in her eyes as she starts toward me, backing me into the same wall I had her pressed against only moments before. She alternates staring into my eyes and looking down at my lips before leaning forward and pressing her mouth directly into mine.
My breath hitches and, before I can kiss her back, she's gone. Not just from my lips, but from the bathroom entirely. I don't know how I missed her exit, but I need a minute to compose myself anyway.
I bring my fingertips to my lips just as the bell sounds through the school again.
Maybe getting what I need from Emily won't be as hard as I thought.
To be continued. I hope you like it… even though I was less pleased with it than the first. Review, reread, and all that junk.