A Harmonious Summer
My take on Reptilia's Challenge. Harry dies and gets sent back to after Sirius's death. Reliving the grief of Sirius's death, Harry decides to contact the only friend he can still trust. Technology is up to 2012 standards. Eventual Harry/Hermione/Daphne/Fleur.
Tags: HP/HG/DG/FD, Harry/Harem, Manipulative!Dumbledore, Ron/Molly/Dumbledore bashing, Adventure, Romance
Rating: M for safety, possible lemon in later chapters
Inspiration: Robst, Canoncansodoff, Driftwood1965, Dragon-Raptor, Dunuelos, Seel'vor, Golasgil Sindar, Chem Prof, Muggledad, Witowsmp and others.
Disclaimer: J. K. Rowling owns all characters and settings, the only thing I claim is the plot.
Special Disclaimer: Valve Corporation owns the Administrator, Miss Pauling and the Team Fortress 2 Universe
Challenge issued by "Reptilia28" - Originally on verbatim:
A funny little challenge I just came up with. It's a comical twist on the time-travel category.
*Harry is killed at 17 during a fight with Voldemort. He's sent to his Death's office (explained later) and finds out that this isn't the first time that this has happened.
*Harry's Death (who can have a human name) is mad at his arrival. Apparently, people dying before their time is a black mark on the various Deaths' records, and Harry is getting perilously close to getting this particular one fired.
*When Harry asks what was supposed to have happened, Death goes off on a rant saying how he was supposed to have killed Voldemort, found his soulmate ("Some Granger girl...") and lived to be a centennial age. But since Harry keeps getting into life-threatening situations for one reason or another, he keeps dying before that happens. Harry is surprised about the soulmate part.
*Death gives Harry a paper to sign that allows him to retain his memories (the previous times, he wasn't given this option for some reason). Harry is deposited to a previous time of the writer's choosing.
*Eventually, Harry gets it right. He kills Voldemort, gets the girl, and lives to a ripe old age of whatever. And Death doesn't get fired.
*Harry had to have died at least three times before this one.
*The memory keeping contract must be included.
*Death must refer to Hermione as "some Granger girl" when Harry's soulmate turns up in his rant.
*Obviously, must be H/Hr.
*Dumbledore's manipulations can be a factor in Harry's premature demises.
A/N: My first attempt at writing fanfiction after creeping and reading for so long.
A/N 2: I have modified the challenge to include the possibility of a Harry/Harem relationship.
Those were the last words one Harry James Potter heard before he woke up in a chair in one of the most solemn rooms he had ever seen, even surpassing the Department of Mysteries. The sign on the door clearly informed him of the identity of the place, although not its purpose.
Serving miscreants and dead people since time immemorial
"Where am I?" he thought, "Didn't I just fight Voldemort in the Great Hall?" He only remembered casting a disarming charm against Voldemort's killing curse, instead of the wand refusing to kill its master, the curse hit him.
He now sat somewhere vaguely like a waiting room to Death's Office.
Several minutes later, which felt like hours to Harry, a distinctly female voice called out as the door opened.
"Harry James Potter"
Harry got up and walked cautiously towards the open door, an impatient hand beckoning him inside. A thin, almost hardened woman was perched behind a desk while a young woman, whom Harry thought to be her assistant, stood near the door. There were a host of clearly muggle instruments around the room, some of which were beeping incessantly.
"You failed, Harry James Potter, and on a personal note: I am very, very, disappointed with you." The woman said.
Harry stared blankly at the woman.
"Why are you back here again, I thought after last time you would have learned from your mistakes!" she shouted at him.
"I don't know what you are talking about ma'am." Harry wasn't sure if the woman was hysterical or not.
"Oh who am I kidding? Only your idiot headmaster can come up with the idea of using expelliarmus against the killing curse." The woman stared at him imperiously, "And you thought it was a good idea to believe him! No wonder you end up here so much!"
The woman was beginning to grow red with anger, Harry was baffled by her.
"All you needed to do was to do what you're supposed to do and none of us would be here again today! I've never had this much trouble even with the BLU spy, him getting his head blown off repeatedly is nothing compared to this." The woman lambasted him, she took a deep breath and continued, albeit more quietly this time, "I don't even know why I'm screaming my head off at you, your job is so simple compared to some of the other people I had the displeasure of dealing with."
"Again? I've never been here be-" Harry tried to say but she cut him off.
"Let me start all over again, for the last time." She said as she calmed down, "You just had to kill the dark lord, marry at least some of your soul mates … including some Granger girl and live to the ripe old age of 142. But, no, you can't give me the satisfaction of finally completing my task can you? If you screw up one more time, I will be sent to serve as a live model for new recruits going into demolitions or heavy weapons."
The boy-who-lived can legitimately claim to be absolutely bamboozled by this woman's claims. One part of her rapid rant got through to him though. "Wait, how does Ginny fit into this picture? And isn't Hermione with Ron?"
The woman just stared at him, again.
"Harry Potter, you may be the most powerful wizard ever, but you are an absolute dumb-ass."
Harry resented that, he had figured out the horcruxes on his own, but there was luck and Hermione involved.
"This is the last time I will be explaining this to you. I am Helen, or the Administrator. Your Grim Reaper." She spoke in a commanding tone.
It was at this moment Harry noticed the woman's attire, she had on a purple dress suit with an intricate pin on her lapel. A more detailed look revealed it to be the symbol of the Deathly Hallows, the cloak, stone and wand.
"Yes, I know about them, since my department handed them out in the first place." She explained when she noticed Harry looking. "Back to the original topic, I am in charge of enforcing your completion of your destiny that has been assigned to you and then move you on to your proper reward. And I don't even want to talk about how you died the previous times." She took a sip from a tumbler that appeared out of nowhere and ordered "Miss Pauling, please fetch Potter's death sheet."
Harry fidgeted around his seat, he felt slightly unnerving to read about his past deaths. Miss Pauling quickly returned with his sheet, which was not parchment but standard muggle paper.
The Deaths of Harry James Potter
Rammed trolley into wrong part of wall between Platform 9 and 10, concussion and brain damage, fell on head when portkeyed to St. Mungos
Fell off boat during ride to castle, drowns
Failed at dodging giant club wielded by troll
Choked on snitch
Head bitten off by Cerebus when Fluffy does not consider H. Granger's music to be music
Hit by blasting curse to the chest when dueling Q. Quirrel
Ford Anglia crashed into Whomping Willow, stray branch killed both occupants
Rogue bludger cracked skull, healing spell attempted by G. Lockhart removes brain
Questionable ingredients added to Polyjuice potion by R. Weasley causes humans to implode when ingested
Backfired memory charm by G. Lockhart using R. Weasley's wand causes cave in, buried trio
Smashed against wall by tail of basilisk
Once healed via Phoenix tears, tripped and impaled chest on basilisk fang
After inflation of M. Dursley, strangled by V. Dursley
Knight Bus malfunctioned, ran over
Concussion obtained due to Dementor-induced fear, failed revival charm by R. Weasley causes irreversible brain damage
Fell off broom during Quidditch match due to Dementors
Fell off Hippogriff due to anxiety of a beautiful girl holding him tightly
Met self while turning time, world imploded
R. Weasley is enticed by presence of Veela, jumped out of box, took H. Potter with him
Caught in backblast of Skrewt explosion
Attempted Draconic sexual intercourse
Broken watch is slow, drowns in lake due to outlasting gillyweed
Decapitated by imperioused V. Krum
Pettigrew cut too deep, died from blood loss
Dementor-induced fear caused D. Dursley to faint, crushing H. Potter
Jumped by Doxy when house cleaning
Blood Quill overdose
S. Snape overdid legilimency, caused brain damage
Grawp's sneeze caused a tree to fall on H. Potter and H. Granger
Ran after S. Black into Veil of Death
Overpowered stunner caused heart damage in Slytherin compartment
Confunded M. McLaggen crashed broom into H. Potter
Splinched genitals when practicing Apparation
Poisoned by mead distributed by H. Slughorn
G. Weasley delivered bat-bogey in anal cavity
Motorcycle sidecar detached in mid-flight
Cursed by H. Granger after overhearing expression of sibling love, due to her definite non-sibling love for him
Rookery blew up with trio inside
Fell off dragon
Hit with killing curse from T. Riddle
Total Deaths: 41
Harry quietly read the condemning sheet, silently wondering how he can be so stupid and unlucky.
"That is not all!" Helen huffed and continued, "Even though the walking stomach was your first friend, why did you sit back and let him be stupid for three years just so he can have the girl? Considering that she isn't the right girl for him. And that fangirl, who incidentally looks exactly like your mother was brought up on stories of the 'Boy-Who-Lived', some love potions and humans become all silly."
"What do you mean by potions, how did this happen?" Harry asked, figuring that he finally got past the bad part.
"Molly Prewett Weasley happened." Helen stated, "You are unattached, wealthy and famous and her little girl is obsessed with you. What could have stopped her? Some careful memory charms from the old duffer and you get the wrong girl."
Harry just sighed, finally realizing that his love for Ginny was artificial. He had feelings for Hermione that he gave up for Ron. Hermione seemed to be interested in him in sixth year as well.
"Alright, as this is your 41st death and no one can get to 42 before their time or else I will get fired and Miss Pauling gets to take my place." She looked over to Miss Pauling, who seemed to be scared witless "I have obtained a special dispensation from a higher authority to allow you to return with your memories intact to the start of the summer holidays after your fifth year. I also took the liberty of requisitioning several items from the engineering department, those you will bring back and I will personally inform you of their uses as the need arise." She looked expectantly at Harry.
Harry just nodded.
"Sign here," she passed him a contract, "this contract stipulates that you may not discuss this conversation with anyone but your soul mates."
Harry quickly signed with a quill that appeared out of nowhere.
"Now some last advice before you go, some Gryffindor Bookworms, Slytherin Ice-Queens or French Veelas may be looking for love. And try to sort out your finances with the goblins. Don't let other people run your life for you. Lastly, tell Ron to bugger off!" Helen sternly informed him.
After hearing the last bit about Ron, Harry found his world spinning to black as he fainted and disappeared.
"At least the bomb cart didn't blow up prematurely this time." Helen sighed, watching her most hated and loved client fade away from her office.
A/N: Thanks for reading.
A/N 2: I'll try to get the next chapter up by tonight, at most tomorrow.
A/N 3: Fixed minor grammar 4/5/2013