Title: Having it coming-No bluff and ultimatum
Author: Little Firestar 84
Rating: M for the last part
Word Count: 4140 circa
Notes: 150th story, taggish to 5.16
Summary: She wasn't bluffing, she really didn't wnat to be part of that any longer-the investigation, the CBI, his life. She didn't want to leave, but she had to. Unless she had a reason to stay, and that was all she was asking him to. taggish to 5.16
Patrick Jane wasn't sleeping.
It wasn't exactly a surprise, he was, after all, used to long period of insomnia. His sleeping patterns had always been odd, at very best, and after starting to feel guilty for his family's death, things had turned even worst. Sleeping pills sometimes could help, but with his former mental issues doctors weren't too keen in prescribing the ones that could really knock him down. And after the Lorelai debacle...
First he had wasted six months in Vegas, getting nothing apparently. Then, when she seemed she was ready to talk, when he finally thought he had a tiny, little chance of making his own life worth it yet again... the bitch had betrayed him, and he could bet that not even Red John was going to take care of Lemon's life, the only one to know his identity. Because he was in a permanent coma. And all because of that...of Lorelai. Yeah, he knew he was a bastard, was cold-hearted, but he still believes that she had it coming. Facing Red John all alone? Even he thought it was stupid and it couldn't work. She should have trusted him. Together, maybe...
But now, it didn't matter. Now he could work only with his list, and going through the names again and again, trying to meet up with all of them once again, in the hope of finding out who was behind the mask. But to do so, he needed to be lucid, and to be lucid, he needed to sleep. And to sleep, he needed Teresa's couch to work its cinnamon, Lisbon scented magic on him. Lucky for him, it was kind of working. That was why he was always in her office in the early mornings. Hell, this morning he had even slept in, and it hadn't happened in... well, a long time. Too long to actually remember.
And speaking of Lisbon... where was she? It was way past eight, and she hadn't showed up yet. Unless... yep, he bet she was out working a case, leaving him behind on purpose to punish him for his lies, half-truths and because he had mocked her because of the ultimatum.
And yet, a look outside revealed that the team was in the bullpen, and no one was missing. Lisbon all alone in the field? What the hell were they thinking, allowing such a thing? Red John asked her head, her life, try to kill her, and they left that she followed who knew what lead on her own? For being such a smart group of detectives, they were pretty stupid.
He left the office, strolling toward the bullpen trying to look calm and cheerful as usual, the mask firmly in place as he approached the team. They were all around Grace's desk, looking at reports, clearly working on a case. He wondered how long it had gone on, and he had missed it, but then again, if he was completely honest with himself, he knew the reason. It wasn't that strange, after all. He had been that close to Red John again, yet to miss him, again. He had been focused on other things. More important things. More impelled things. They could deal with the boring police work on their own. But Lisbon? The woman was a damn priority. Especially when it came to keeping her alive.
"Ehy guys, where's Lisbon?"
"Not here" Cho simply deadpanned, not showing an hint of any kind of emotion in his voice, barely stopping to do whatever he was up to acknowledge Jane's presence.
"Yeah, well, I see that. That's why I was asking, thank you very much." he mocked him a little, irritated, arms crossed. He couldn't believe that they were taking it that easy. It was Lisbon's life on the line, for God's sake! He was on the verge of losing yet another woman he had f... another woman in his life and they didn't care!
"Uhm, Jane, Lisbon hasn't been in for two days..." Rigsby told him tentatively, almost shy. Or maybe slightly scared. After all, they did know he wasn't exactly a very balanced human being.
"So, that...that's what you are doing? You are looking for her, right?" he asked, as dread hit him full force. Was Red John involved? Was that the reason he didn't know she had vanished like in thin air?
"You mean you don't know?" Grace asked, lifting her eyebrows until they didn't reach her hairline. Nope, whatever they were talking about, he didn't know it. He had been too busy concentrating on the damn list to care about who was alive and at his side. "Jane, Lisbon didn't vanish. She took a couple of weeks off."
He laughed, almost cynically, shaking his head. "Ok, you know what? That wasn't even good. Lisbon doesn't take time off. So, really what's going on? She is in some meeting and doesn't want me there? She is organizing a belated birthday party? C'mon, I'll not tell her you spoiled the surprise. Scout's honor!"
"Lisbon does take time off" Cho told him, finally facing "his" consultant, not any longer the cold ice man with the poker face, but a mask of rage with his high voice. "Especially when she has to decided whatever she'll leave the CBI or not."
"You are lying. Heffner told her he wasn't interested in her collaboration any longer."
"Jane... the boss is good at her job. Heffner wasn't the only one who was interested in hiring her..."
As the words left Grace's mouth, Cho sent her a death, icy glare, that stopped her from saying more. She was too kind, too nice, and that was the last thing Jane deserved right now.
"You know Jane, you don't care about her when she is here, you play with her feelings, you use and manipulate her, act like a cold-hearted bastard, dismissing her and her job, but as soon as she isn't around, you get all concerned." Cho went on, protective of his boss and friend, but not only that. Jane could feel a good year of accumulated rage finally erupting. Cho was done playing the good friend. He believed that Jane was acting like a jackass, so he was going to treat him like one. "I wonder if you are scared to not have your personal plaything any longer or that she could be following some lead and get to Red John before you."
"I worry for her" he said, but his voice was just a whisper in the void, a plea to everyone and no one, for they started to work yet again, like he had never been there to begin with, and shaking his head, he reached the stairs, deciding at the last moment to go down instead of up.
He needed to clear his mind, and few steps were going to help him out. Because, as much as enraged as he was, he couldn't even start to understand whom he was mad with.
The team, for how they had acted with him.
Lisbon, who didn't tell him she was considering a new job.
Or maybe, himself, because he had allowed things to go that far. And didn't even noticed that she hadn't been coming into work for at least a couple of days.
When he reached her home, he had thought about the best course of action for the whole day, getting nothing in return. He still felt void, and didn't know what he was supposed to think, to say to ask. He wasn't even sure any longer what he was supposed to ask her for. He just knew one thing: one way or another, they had to talk. They just had to.
He considered knocking, or ringing her bell, but then, decided against it. If Lisbon was home, he could bet she would have never allowed him inside, nor given him time or words. During the last few weeks, after the whole Lorelei fiasco, she had been...well, not the woman he had gotten used to. Gone were the smiles and the jokes, the banter, the smiles... it was like she was there, and yet Lisbon was gone too. She was cold and distant, sad, mad, but mostly...
She didn't trust him any longer. With the job, with her friendship, and even with her... love.
But, it wasn't like he didn't have it coming. He deserved it, oh, he surely did! He had been cold and distant, and had sworn to share everything with her just to justify his white lies with a "I tell you things. The 30% of them", like it mattered, like it made it all right.
But his best performance ever? Admitting that he had feelings for Lorelai and that he liked her-without explaining what he meant. Or maybe...lying, he wasn't sure.
Yes, He had feelings for her, but more of empathy than love. It wasn't even friendship. They were more like...comrades. They had been both robbed by Red John of the ones they loved the most, both were targeted by the killer to be turned into his minions, to learn a lesson born in pain and death. And yes, he intellectually knew she was an attractive woman, and had liked her. There was just that much that biofeedback could do, and faking a whole sex performance wasn't one of them. Especially after having smoke, drank and taken few pills he wasn't supposed to take. He also was well aware that, whatever he liked it or not, the woman was going to always have a special pace in his memory palace. Lisbon had been right, after all, Lorelai had been the one he had broken after almost ten years his celibacy with.
What t had he gotten out of that? Red John was free. Lorelai was dead, like poor Luther. Darcy had had a nervous breakdown. The team-hell the whole CBI, the FBI and the Las Vegas Metropolitan Police Department- hated him. He felt like he had cheated on his wife. And Lisbon.
Lisbon didn't trust him. She thought he was beyond saving. She thought he didn't care about any of them-her. Lisbon who dated a lot. Lisbon who mixed herself with powerful people. Lisbon who was considering leaving and didn't think she was supposed to tell him.
He had it coming.
He checked the time, and hoped that she was following the schedule of her free days, when she would be out running at that time, and picked the lock, just to enter and lean on her couch. But it wasn't enough. She rarely was there, she couldn't smell, feel her there. And there was just one other room where he could get the desired effect.
He went upstairs, and went to bed, stripping himself naked, lying awake in the complete darkness that enveloped the room. He didn't know why, but he felt like he needed the contact, like under the covers he could still feel her, share her heat from the previous night. It was stupid and crazy and dangerous. Teresa was going to be back in few minutes, and once spotted him there...naked...it was going to be the end for him.
Meh. He would have loved for her to do it. Just end it there and then. Spare them both the pain.
Like she could actually do it. As much as he had hurt her, and he knew that he had hurt her pretty badly, she still pitied him. He even doubted that she could actually kick his ass. Saint Teresa was too good for that. And speaking of the devil...was he actually hearing someone running upstairs? Ye, he did. Soft and yet strong steps. Steps of a runner... yep, pepper was back.
Time to face his destiny.
He heard a groan, and his talented eyes, already adjusted to the dark like he was a big cat, could easily make out her silhouette; like the good owner that she was, Lisbon knew her place by heart, and walked, sure and determinate, in the dark, without the aid of any light. And in the dark he could see her removing her clothes. Getting slowly naked, dumping the clothes on the floor...
Clothes that she didn't bother replacing as she fell on the bed like a dead weight, completely out.
Fortunately, he had chosen the opposite side of her bed, so their bodies didn't collide, so he decided to wait for her to fall completely asleep and then leave like he had never been there, in the middle of the night, hoping that she wouldn't wake up. His Teresa was a saint with the tendency of fixing and pitying him, but she also had a dirty Harry tendency, with a small arsenal hidden in the apartment. If he wasn't careful, he really risked that she opened him a new one.
But...her breathing seemed to suggest she was a deep sleeper, so he wasn't that scared. There was a god chance that his plan was going to work. He breathed out in relief, relaxing a tiny bit, until he didn't see one of those damn, clever and naughty hands of hers sneaking under the covers, moving in direction of a part of his body that Teresa's striptease awoke with a passion. Oh, yes, he got hard thinking about her naked, and looking at her undressing. So what? He was a man, and Teresa was a woman, and not any. What a woman...
She purred in delight like a naughty, dirty kitty as she found his erection, his cock throbbing through his underwear as she rubbed him through the fabric. He closed his eyes, and fought, did his best, and yet he lost, and started to undulate his hips, giving in to the need to thrust in her hands.
"Uhm...Patrick..." she said in her sleep, smiling, happy, as happy as he hadn't seen her being in a long time in real life. God, he was a bastard, she deserved so much more than an idiot that kept breaking her heart, and yet he was too selfish. He couldn't stop having her. She was to be his. In any way. Cho was right. He couldn't deal with the idea of not having her around any longer, that his...plaything, like he had called her, was to be of someone else's.
Nope. He and Lisbon, in a sick, weird, twisted kind of way belonged to each other. And it was time to face this truth. For the both of them. Either she was going to accept it- and him along with the concept of them being more than friends- or she was going to disappear from his life. He was ready to accept even this, even that was what she wanted, if she could be strong enough for the both of them. But in that case...it would be the end for him. A death of his soul, if he still had one, for without her, there was no one else. He had been lucky enough to be twice-blessed. He knew that third time the charm wasn't going to work for him. Not after Teresa Lisbon.
"Mmm...Oh, Teresa..." he rolled the 's', in an exotic way, a mix of the letter and a z, his tongue between his teeth. He moaned, out of frustration, desperation, need, want or because her hands just felt so good on his body...he didn't know. It was kind of... overwhelming. Like he was engulfed in all things Lisbon. Scent, voice, body. Her.
"Oh, Patrick..." she sobbed, crying, her features suddenly sad, and she hold him like for dear life, crying in his neck, her sobs muffled by his skin, until... "PATRICK?!"
The light she turned on-maybe an hidden switch- was so strong it almost blinded it, for its sudden apparition and its force. "Woman, was it really necessary?" he moaned, covering his eyes, and moving in a way that the covers felt partly on the floor, revealing his nakedness. And a surprising early case of promising and mouth-watering morning wood she couldn't take her eyes away from. "Well, well, well... hello Lisbon, did you see something you like?" He asked, shifting his weight so that his hips and his groin were on better display. Well...if she at least liked him physically...all hope was not lost.
...Or maybe not, as she threw him a pillow, and started to hit him with the other one, until he wasn't on the cold floor, just to proceed to get the soft linen from the bed and cover herself as best as she could, despite knowing very well he had seen everything already.
"What the hell are you doing here, Jane?" she half screamed, eyes closed and turned away from him- and if he knew her, and he did, she was probably blushing like a virgin schoolgirl.
"I asked Cho where you were this morning, and he told me you were home. Wondering whatever you are going to leave or not." he answered a bit childish, like he was suddenly shy, not sure he had to justify his own actions. Or maybe, like he had been caught red handed.
She groaned, standing, looking for her clothes and picking them up as she found them. "Trust you to notice that I'm gone after three days. It's so good to have further proof that I am that important for you." she laughed, that cynical, sarcastic laughter of defeat he hated with his whole being.
"I thought you were busy with Bertram and Homeland" he whispered. He didn't add that he thought she was with Kirkland because of the Lorelai investigation or because he thought she was trying to get the case back as he had told- more or less ordered- her she had to.
Well... it wasn't like she was at blame.
"Are you really leaving?" he asked her suddenly, after she had sat on the bed, and he had gone at her side, both in silence for a long while and both avoiding eye contact. She didn't answer, not with words, at least. But, she kept looking at the ground, playing with her fingers, scratching her own skin with her nails. If she wasn't leaving...which, he wasn't so sure of, she was at least considering the idea.
"Is it Kirkland? Did he offer you a spot in homeland?"
She shook her head, laughing at the idea. "No, actually, it's not even really police job..." she told him, her dark hair covering her face. "It's back in Chicano. A friend of mine works at the DA office, and made my name for the position of Head of investigations. They offered me the job last week... and now it's just up to me." She admitted. She didn't even really know why she was telling him those things. He showed ample of times that he didn't care. But now, looking into those sad, defeated eyes…Jane was a lost man. And maybe….
No, she told herself. She owed herself at least that, a parvence of life, away from him, Because as much as she always felt like she wanted to save anyone, there were people that just couldn't be saved, no matter what. And Jane was one of them. Because he had refused to be saved, and he still did.
"You want to go." he wasn't asking. He felt like he already knew the answer. Like he knew that his life was over. From now on, Patrick Jane was going to just exist.
"No, Jane, I don't want to. But... I have to. I burned all my bridges here, there's nothing left for me. Nothing to stay for... no one" Her words as she begged him to be honest, just few weeks before, echoed in his minds. I'll not be part of this any longer. God, she wasn't bluffing. She was telling him the truth. She wanted out. Out of the case, the CBI, his life.
She took a big breath, and looked at the ceiling, feeling like she was finally getting rid of an enormous weight. "Jane...let's be honest. Bertram will never promote me furthermore, whatever we catch Red John or not. And you... I once used to dream to build a life with you, you know? Once everything was over. I thought I could fix you, but... you aren't broken. You just don't love me. It's ok, I get it, hell, I am even used to!"
He looked at her at open mouth, then something snapped in his whole being. He felt possessive, like a beast, and he couldn't stand that she couldn't understand that he had denied his feelings because he wanted to protect her, had to.
He didn't kiss her. He devoured her lips like an animal, biting her, holding her face between his palms, crying the whole time, sighing out of happiness when she finally kissed him back, trying to get as close as possible to his naked body. "Does it feel like the kiss of a man who isn't in love, Teresa?" he whispered in her ear as he bit the lobe, erotically licking the tender skin afterward to sooth the pain.
She simply shook her head, and he laughed, the sound reverberating through her as he nuzzled her neck.
"But you said..." she asked, half moaning, as he got rid of his boxer.
"No, no, Teresa, it wasn't love. I just...felt for her. Because he had destroyed what we loved the most to make us as he wanted us to be. But it's you I love" he said, crying, lowering his eyes and his voice, ready for his next confession. "It's your name I cried as I came."
Well... she didn't know why, but he felt like the most tender thing of them all. Like the fact that he was thinking about her could somehow make it right that he had slept with the mistress of a serial killer even if he was well aware of this fact.
She attacked him, sending Jane on his back and straddling him, his erection nudging her drenched core. "You know Jane, I think you can do better than this. I want a reason to stay... and I want it now!" She purred, liquid heat invading his groin as soon as the sound left her swollen lips, his cock hardening furthermore just like that, like it was answering a siren's call.
"Then, sweetheart... this isn't the way to show you that I really mean business!" he giggled, reversing position, and when she was behind him, he sat, and then, as she was a doll in his arms, he turned her with her belly on the mattress, putting her on all four with her arms outstretched against the headboard.
"I know you probably imagined our first time differently, but if you want evidence that I mean business..." he chuckled, and then, everything went black for her, as he entered her to the hilt in one move alone, so deep she didn't think she had ever felt something like that before.
"Pretty overwhelming, uh?"
"God, yes, but please..."
"As my lady whishes!" he chuckled again, and he left her core just to enter he to the hilt again, his hands on her hips to stop her from moving too much.
It was paradise. Her whole body bouncing for the strength of his movements, his momentum, the bed hitting the wall every time he made impact, and Teresa sobbing, stretched to the max, and yet she asked for more, not with her voice, too busy moaning and calling his name like a prayer, but with her body, trying to get as close as possible, to meet his movements, thrust for thrust, but he was too much, he was everywhere, he was simply overwhelming, and she just couldn't. She was his, for eternity, his slave, to do as he pleased the most, their destines now one.
He fucked like he meant business, showing that at least between the sheets she could trust him to provide fun and excitement and pleasure like she had never felt before.
She started to come, and the feeling of her, contracting around his cock was too much, and after three more impacts he exploded inside her, filling her to the brim with cock ad juices.
He fell, exhausted, and she collapsed on top of him, kissing the skin of his chest tenderly.
"Uh.. wow...so, are you going to stay now or what?" he asked, kissing her dark hair, covered in sweat. But her smile, her tenderness, her affection were answer enough. Even if he needed her voice to reassure him that she was there, that she was his, and that she was going to stay.
"I don't know" she said, touching his already growing erection. "Maybe I could have a little bit more of evidence..."
"Well, in that case..." and he covered her body with his own, ready yet again for round two.