Allie: You can blame sleep deprivation on this one. Also part of the plot comes from things my Uncle tells me, but I'll add that to the end notes. Thank you for reading, I hope you like it. Review please.

Warnings/Triggers: Mental illness, AU, boyxboy, self-harm

Disclaimer: Supernatural is not mine. I'm just playing with the characters.


Hi, my name is Dean Winchester, and my younger brother and I hunt monsters. All kinds of monsters. Vampires, ghosts, demons, werewolves, possessed scarecrows…that kind of stuff. My little brother's name is Sam; I rescued him from our burning house when we were just kids. I carried him out, all bundled in a blanket, while we left our parents behind. Our Mother, Mary, didn't make it. When Dad found her, she was already dead, stuck to the ceiling and bleeding from her stomach. She then quickly caught on fire. After that day, our Father, John, trained us, throughout our childhood to defeat the monsters that killed our mother. Sam never did like to train. He didn't want to lead a hunter's life, like dad. He wanted to be a normal kid. At eighteen, Sam left us and went to university in an attempt to lead a normal life…but nothing was normal with our family. When Sam was twenty-two and I was twenty-six, I sought him out to help find our father.

"Okay. Umm…Dad hasn't been home in a few days."

"So he's working overtime on a Miller time shift. He'll stumble back in sooner or later."

"Dad's on a hunting trip…and he hasn't been home in a few days."

"Jess, excuse us. We have to go outside."

A short conversation, but a meaningful one; and it was a conversation that would put an end to Sammy's "normal" life with his girlfriend. We went on one trip to try to find Dad, and ended up destroying a ghost he had been after, but we couldn't find him. I wanted to keep looking for Dad, but Sam was intent on getting back to his girlfriend and "normal" life. When we got back to the apartment, Jessica was dead, killed in the very same way our mother was. Stuck to the ceiling. Engulfed in fire. Fire. Fire. Fire.

It's been about a year since then, and Sam and I have been following Dad's notes, going from town to town and defeating monsters that I don't really remember. Just having my brother hunting by my side is enough to make me happy, knowing that I don't have to go it alone. We're on our way to Mississippi when-

"Dean." A soft, but firm voice calls, "Dean, it's time to wake up now."

"Sam?" The brunette mumbles, blinking his green eyes open, "S'that you?"

"We've been over this, Dean," The other male responds, "Sam's dead. I'm Jared, remember?"

Dean shakes his head, "No, Sam…he was just there…"

"That's part of the disease, Dean." Jared says gently. He's used to this. It's like this every day when he tries to tend to this particular patient, "Come now, let's take your medicine and you can tell me about your dream."

"The disease…" Dean echoes, his emerald green eyes still hazy from a drug-induced sleep.

"The schizophrenia, Dean. It makes you see things, hear things, things that aren't there, things that just don't exist. You need to remember, Dean. You need to remember." The nurse replies patiently.

"I remember Sam…and Dad…and the fire…"

"Yes, the fire that killed your mother and little brother-"

"NO!" Dean erupts, his eyes blazing, "I just saw him! He was just sitting in the Impala with me!" He screams, balling his hands up into fists, but the twenty-seven year old cannot move. His wrists and legs are kept restrained at all times. He's dangerous.

"No, Dean, and if you don't calm down, I'm going to have to keep you in your room today, and I know you'd much rather get up and walk around than stay cooped up in bed all day."

"NO!" Dean screams, banging his fists down on the table as hard as he could before kicking and throwing a tantrum, thrashing around on the bed, chanting, "Nonononono". It just can't be true. He had just seen Sam. Just touched him. Just destroyed a damn ghost with him for God's sake. There was no way that Sam was dead. Same was alive. He just has to be. He's just not here at the moment. He's probably outside with the Impala, looking up the next location in Dad's journal to see if we can find him. Death is not an option.

Jared's eyebrows draw down in concern, but he knows Dean can't hurt himself with the soft, but strong, restraints. He calls for a mild sedative, to put Dean back under for just a while longer. Once administered Jared backs away. "I'll be back once you've calmed down," He says, though he isn't sure if the patient can hear him, "Then you'll take your medicine like a good boy, okay?" He says, but doesn't wait for an answer. He turns on his heel and walks out of the padded room, shutting the steel door behind him and locking it, before heading down the hall to his next patient.

Dean is subdued on his bed, but not quite asleep yet. He quits yanking at his restraints and bites down hard on his lower lip. He needs Sam to still be alive. If Sam's not, then why is he still here? What's the point of living if his brother isn't there to live with him? Dean closes his eyes as the sedative starts to put him back under. He clings to consciousness for just a moment longer. "Sam," He says softly, "I'll get out of here soon, Sammy. I'll get back to you. I just need these people to let me go. I promise, I'll get back to you."

As he slowly starts to drift under, his brother's smiling face is that last thing that he sees.

To be continued…