MANDATORY AUTHOR'S NOTE: Here is Chapter Nine – Part Two. It's not the climax of the story, but it's a major chapter of importance! Also one of my faves by far!
ALSO IMPORTANT IMPORTANT IMPORTANT
I deleted Love Must Come because it was a PIECE OF SHIT STORY and IT WAS MY STORY THAT I WROTE AND I CAN MAKE DECISIONS THAT I WANT TO MAKE PURELY BASED UPON THAT FACT. Stop fucking messaging me and harassing me, you guys. It's immature and rude and I will start reporting everyone who does. I am a HUMAN BEING. I have feelings and emotions, and I can do whatever the Hell I want. And besides: I frequently stated that IF I DID NOT GET MORE REVIEWS I WOULD DELETE THE STORY. I was not fucking kidding. So please leave me alone, I just want to write in peace. One more fucking PM harassing me or I'm leaving the site completely.
DISCLAIMER: This disclaimer applies to the entire story. Kingdom Hearts and any and all things having to do with it do not belong to me. However, the plot and plot events are entirely MINE, along with the band Destiny's Embrace, the use of the word Hikari as a name, and the characters' personalities.
NOTES: This story is rated M. This chapter contains sexual content and foul language. AGAIN I WARN YOU this chapter contains sexual content. Be prepared.
Chapter Nine – Part Two
Taking slow steps, Kairi pushed the door open slowly to reveal what was obviously a fully-furnished nursery. The crib was made up with cute pink-and-purple bedding and soft stuffed rabbits. There was a rocking chair in the corner, pictures of Kairi at different stages of pregnancy and cute animals like giraffes on the walls. The open closet doors showed that the closet was stuffed full of baby clothes of all colors, all ready and waiting to be worn by a baby that would never be. In the middle of the floor lie a fluffy pink rug; a rug that if lifted, would reveal a sickening, dark bloodstain in the carpet where Hikari had come out of her in a torrent of blood—where Hikari had never gotten to take her first breath, or hear the sound of Kairi's voice.
And there, standing next to the cute pink bookshelf, looking through a photo album of Kairi's from when she herself was a small child, was Sora. His beer bottle lay untouched on the top of the shelf, and he seemed completely absorbed. He hadn't even noticed her yet.
"Wh-What are you doing?" Kairi choked out, tears of panic and outrage flooding her eyes and spilling over without warning. "What are you doing in here?!"
Sora jumped, startled at her sudden shrieking, and dropped the photo album to the floor. He looked pale in the darkness of the room, the only light coming from the lightning that periodically struck outside the window. For the first time in a long time, he actually looked cowed.
"K-Kairi, I—" He stammered, cutting himself off. He placed his hands in the pockets of his skinny jeans, looking sheepish. "I'm sorry."
"Get out!" Kairi screamed, pointing an angry finger out the open doorway. Her mind was racing at a million miles per second, appalled that the sanctity of Hikari's room had been horridly violated. Nobody was ever supposed to go in there. It was her's, dammit! How could he?
"How could you?!" Kairi shrieked, scrambling forward and falling to her knees in front of the photo album. She worked as quickly as she could in her drunken state to gather up the pictures that had slipped out of the plastic pages. She wept openly, not even bothering to hide how upset she was.
Sora slowly sank to the floor as well, gingerly picking up a few of the photos himself. Kairi smacked is hands away and glared at him through her tears. He looked completely petrified, guilty, and confused, all at once.
"Nobody was supposed to ever come in here again," Kairi whispered, wiping her eyes bitterly as she stuffed the photos into random places. "Ever."
"What happened to her?" Sora asked quietly, and Kairi was too aghast at the situation to notice that he wasn't being mean to her—that he was actually being kind toward her.
Kairi squeezed her eyes shut and clenched her fists on her thighs as the memories rushed in, hurting her heart and reminding her of that awful day.
"Kairi, don't forget to put the coats on hangers, too!"
"Yes, Mom!" Kairi rolled her eyes and set the Target bags down on the floor of Hikari's room. She stood in the center of the room with her hands on her hips and smiled appreciatively at the décor her mother had supplied her with. All the pinks and purples . . . It was just so wonderful! She placed a hand fondly upon her swollen belly and giggled. No matter what it had cost her in her life, Kairi was going to love this baby with all of her heart. In fact, she already did love Hikari.
And then she felt the first stabbing pain, low in her abdomen. She frowned. Was her period starting? How could that be? Did pregnant women even have periods? Or was—
There was another one. Kairi grimaced and rubbed her womb tenderly. Well, that certainly hurt. Her blood began to go cold as realization fell over her. Could it really be . . . Contractions? But she was only six months along! It was too early! This couldn't be happening . .. No, God no . . .
"M-Mom!" Kairi screamed when white-hot, blinding pain such as no other rippled throughout her entire lower body and sent her toppling over onto the floor. She shrieked in agony as something began to leak out from between her legs, and she tried to curl up into the fetal position. Another pain that was even worse than the previous one assailed her womb, leaving her trembling and crying out for her mother again and again.
God . . . There was so much blood already . . . It was everywhere . . .
"Mommy!" Kairi sobbed when her mother fell to her knees beside her. Her mother was crying, throwing her arms around her daughter's shaking body, both of them hysterical. "Mommy, it hurts!"
"I'll call the hospital!" her mother wailed. "Just wait here!"
Kairi dissolved into gut-wrenching sobs. She could feel everything coming out of her in a horrific, excruciatingly painful rush. She sat up on her hands and gazed down at the blood-soaked floor. She could see Hikari, a tiny little thing, stiff and frozen and dead. So dead, dead, dead.
A high-pitched, keening noise exited from the bowels of Kairi's chest and she promptly fainted.
Kairi's tears began anew and she whirled on Sora, her rage clouding all judgment. She immediately began to pound her fists against his chest and abdomen, screaming at him to get out.
"Kairi, stop!" Sora shouted angrily, grabbing her wrists and glowering at her. "I had no fucking idea you didn't want anybody in here!"
"You didn't ask!" she cried, her eyes widening. "You don't just walk into rooms in people's houses, Sora! It's rude! God, fuck, nobody was supposed to come in here!"
"Why not?" Sora yelled. "It's just a room!"
Kairi started crying again, burying her face in her hands and rocking back and forth on her knees. This was why she hadn't wanted to ever set foot in this room again. It was bringing back horrid memories. She could still see Hikari there, lying dead on the floor, and it was all her fault. She had to have been doing something wrong for Hikari to die.
"Oh, God," Kairi sobbed despairingly. "I'm so sorry, Hikari . . . I'm so sorry . . . Mommy wasn't there for you . . . I'm so sorry . . ."
"Kairi?" Sora watched her, horror-struck as his mind worked to piece things together. "Did Hikari . . . Die?"
Kairi was too upset to deny him the answer he sought. She nodded miserably, hugging herself tightly as if she could still feel the agony and smell the blood. "She just . . . She came out of me, and it was all my fault, Sora . . . I must have done something wrong, I . . ."
Sora watched her cry for a long moment before he murmured, "What did the doctors say?"
"Stress," she said, taking a shuddering breath. "I was too stressed out, and I was too young, and just . . . Sora, I didn't even get to meet her." She began to weep again, feeling utterly vulnerable. "I didn't even get to meet my baby."
Then, she turned and shoved him backward so that he fell on his rump and glared at her indignantly.
"Why did you have to ruin everything?!" Kairi screamed through her tears. "Why did you come in here? Why?!"
"I was just curious!" he protested.
They both got to their feet, and Kairi laid eyes on something that made her heart literally stop beating in its chest. She moved past Sora and picked up the picture that she had hidden away when she'd decided to close Hikari's bedroom door and never go into it again. It was the picture of Kairi's first sonogram—of the day she'd picked the name Hikari and realized that she was going to bring a new life into the world, be a mommy that wouldn't abandon her to an orphanage like Kairi's birth parents had. How had Sora found it?
"Just leave, Sora," Kairi hissed, her hands beginning to tremble. "Just . . . Fucking . . . Leave!"
"You're fucking insane!" Sora suddenly blurted out. "You claim that you were raped, yet you're crying over the baby? How does that make sense?!"
Kairi nearly exploded in all directions.
"It's still a human being's life!" she screamed at him. "Whether I was raped or not, Hikari was real and she was mine, and she was all I had!" Her voice broke and she felt her chin quiver. "Sora, you don't understand. You . . . You left me and I had nobody else, and then she died and I had nobody! Just leave me alone!"
Kairi pushed past him and stormed out of the room, already feeling the salty, hot tears stinging her cheeks again. She blazed into her bedroom and tried to slam the door behind her, but to her astonishment, Sora had followed her.
"No, Kairi," he growled, his cobalt blue eyes blazing. "You don't get to fucking do that. You don't get to blame the death of your child on me."
Kairi was so angry, she just wanted to hit him. She wanted to beat the shit out of him so he could feel the same torment that she had felt since he'd left her out to dry. He had no idea what she'd been through because of him.
"Knock it off, Kairi!" Sora suddenly snarled, and he grabbed her hands and held them up in-between them in a vicelike grip. Kairi hadn't realized that she'd been absentmindedly raking her fingernails down her forearms in her judgment-clouding ire. She could see tiny spots of blood welling up in the crevices and broken skin, and she wrenched herself out of Sora's grasp.
"What do you care?" she spat. "You don't give a shit about me, Sora, and you obviously never did."
"Stop it!" he shouted. "Stop acting like I'm the bad guy!"
"You are!" Kairi threw her hands up. "You are the bad guy! You left me when I needed you the fucking most. Out of everyone, I thought you'd be the one to be there, but you weren't. You fucking weren't, and for that, you need to take responsibility for what you did."
Kairi suddenly found herself pinned forcefully up against the wall next to her bedroom door, the sounds of Memory growling protectively at their feet and the raging storm outside. A flash of lightning lit up Sora's face, and Kairi had never felt more terrified in her life. Sora had his hands on her shoulders and he was breathing heavily, his long brown hair falling forward as he hung his head.
"This is why you're an asshole!" Kairi cried. "You're so violent! Get away from me!"
"Shut up," he spat. "You made me this way, Kairi. You. You lied to me, and now—"
"I didn't lie to you!" she screamed. "for the millionth time, I have never lied to you. And how did I make you this way? I never did anything—" It was coming, and there was nothing she could do to stop it once her heart got the idea. "—but love you, Sora. I loved you with all of my heart!" Her voice shook and lost its steam when she realized that she had just told Sora she loved him twice in one night.
Sora's hands fell from her shoulders and his body sagged as though he was unbearably tired. He turned away from her, and Kairi took the opportunity to take a few steps away. She had no idea what was going through his mind, but she knew that she couldn't do this anymore. She couldn't keep dancing this awful waltz with him, fighting and screaming and hating. Even if they never became friends again, all she wanted was his respect.
Kairi wrapped her arms around herself and tried to keep herself from sobbing aloud as she wept silently where Sora couldn't see. She felt open and violated all over again, like she had felt the first time Riku had touched her when she was eight. She didn't know what to do with her feelings now that they had been forced out of her—Hikari was her best kept secret, her very own, and now Sora had a hold of it.
What would he do with her heart, now that he knew he held it unprotected in his hands?
The rumble of thunder, another flash of lightning in the dark room, and then he was grabbing her elbow and turning her around. Kairi looked up, startled at his close proximity, and fearing that he was really going to hurt her now. She attempted to step away from him, but his grip on her elbows tightened. He pulled her closer, and all of the hairs on her body stood up. Just what was he doing?
"Sora?" Kairi stammered, clutching her hands to her chest. "What are y—"
He silenced her with his lips.
Sora's kiss was not gentle. It was not sweet, slow, or kind. It was fiery and it was passionate, and it was bruising. It took the breath out of Kairi's lungs and sizzled all the way to the tips of her toes, leaving her gasping for air as she tangled her fingers within his soft hair and pulled him into her. She wasn't crying, like she thought she'd be when she first kissed Sora, but her heart was aching. Sora's hands slipped under her white V-neck and his fingers dug into her lower back, pulling against him with ferocious possessiveness. His tongue tasted hers and made her feel as though even if she wanted to step away, he wouldn't allow her to.
Kairi gasped as if she were inside of a small furnace when Sora started trailing scorching hot kisses down the curve of her neck, his tongue lapping at her pulse. He was breathing heavily, raggedly, as if this were causing him as much emotional and mental pain as it was her, and he held her so tightly that it hurt. This was everything Kairi had wanted, but at the same time, it was nothing that she had wanted. She had imagined his kiss coming in tandem with a long, heartfelt apology and a confession of his undying love. This was something else entirely.
This was a sorrowful lamentation of the pain of loss and heartbreak.
Sora's teeth nipped at her collarbone as his hands simultaneously caressed the swell of her rear and along the backs of her thighs, lifting her up into the air. She instinctively wrapped her legs around his narrow hips, already feeling desire pooling in the pit of her stomach. Or was it desire that had already been there, and now it was just igniting, filling her with a fire like no other? Sora's strong arms wrapped around her and their lips met with fervent need, and the next thing she knew, her back hit the mattress and her head was cushioned against the pillows. Sora kissed her with renewed ferocity, one hand placed flat upon the bed to hold himself up while the other one traveled down to the heated area between her legs.
He touched her outside the fabric of her shorts, and she nearly lost her cool right there. Her hands tugged sharply on his hair and her toes curled into the blankets, lifting her hips into his touch. God, she wanted him so badly. More than anyone or anything. This was Sora—she loved him more than the oxygen she needed to breathe, and he didn't even know. He didn't even know what he was doing to her right now.
And then his fingers slipped past the barrier of her panties and felt her bare flesh. She moaned loudly into his mouth, silently begging him to touch her more. He obliged, thrusting his fingers in and out of her at a rapid pace. Kairi broke their kiss to cry out in bliss again, throwing her arms around his neck and pulling him down to lavish her neck with attention. The sensitivity of her flesh coupled with the alcohol that burned through her system was heightening every sensation in her body, bringing her closer and closer to the edge of that sweet, sweet precipice.
"Nnh, S-Sora," she whimpered breathlessly, closing her eyes and arching her back as he hit a spot inside of her that rendered her a shuddering, moaning mess. "Sora, please, I—"
"Do it," Sora hissed, the sudden heat of his breath against the shell of her ear startling her and sending a lance of pleasure down to her core. She tensed up, her hands gripping the sheets tightly as Sora's thumb rubbed the bundle of nerves that brought her the most pleasure. She brought one hand up to touch his face and their eyes met for one brief moment before he kissed her again. This time, it was tender and almost loving, and that was it. Her climax crashed over her in waves of intense ecstasy, causing her muscles and limbs to spasm slightly and her hips to buck as she desperately rode it all the way to its end. She panted heavily, her mind reeling at what Sora had just done to her.
Had that just happened?
Sora started to kiss her again, grabbing her by the hips, rolling onto his back, and forcing her to straddle him. She felt their hips grinding together, and her entire body shivered at the thought of what it would be like to have Sora inside of her. She ran her hands heavily down his chest and back up, undoing each button of his plaid shirt one-by-one. All the while, her lips ghosted along his throat, her tongue tasting his flesh and pulling tiny sighs from him. Kairi felt slightly empowered—so Sora wasn't such a tough guy after all; even he had his weaknesses.
"W-Watch the plugs," he breathed when she started toward his jawline, his hands sliding up to palm her breasts through her shirt. She moaned into his ear and continued to roll her hips, teasing him in a way that was taking every line of hardness out of Sora's face and making him look like the naïve little angel he had once been.
For the first time in months, Kairi's mind was blank. There were no memories, no negatives or positives, no nightmares or dreams. There was only Sora, his teasing touch and his fiery lips, and it was all Kairi could hope for. But this wasn't a happy or blissful reunion, nor was it the reconciliation that Kairi had so desperately wished for for so long. This was a tortured dance of sadness, regrets, and distrust, and Sora was taking out his despair and anger on her in the only way he knew how.
The only way that would work.
Kairi's tears dripped steadily down her cheeks as Sora sat up and wrapped his arms around her waist, feathering soft kisses along her angular collarbones. It was like a mixture of sweet and sour, sugar and salt, and she loved him all the more for it. She combed her fingers all throughout his chestnut spikes, trying her hardest not to sob aloud. Because she knew that this would have to end—it was all a lie, anyway. They were doing this not out of love or desire, but out of anger and hurt. They had yelled, screamed, and fought with each other, and now the words had run out. There was no longer any other way for them to get their feelings across.
"Why are you crying?" His voice was breathy and the look in his eyes only made her tears quicken. His hands were sliding up her back, beneath her shirt, scattering her thoughts.
"Because I . . ." She cut herself off, because she knew that if she told him how she felt, it would get in the way.
"What?" He nuzzled into the soft flesh of her throat, kissing it lightly as though he actually cared for her.
Did he actually care for her?
Kairi gazed at him through her tears, trying to express as much as she could with that one single look. That this was what she had dreamed of doing with him for months, that all she ever wanted was for him to love her back. That his harsh words hurt and that his hatred killed her inside. Why couldn't he understand?
Sora looked back up at her, his brow furrowing as his mind worked to make sense of what she was saying. His eyes were blue, so blue, and it almost ached to see them disappear when he closed them and kissed her. Maybe it was the alcohol, or maybe it was the tension and high-running emotions, but Kairi could swear that she felt tears upon her cheeks that did not belong to her.
Suddenly, he was gone, leaving her gasping for air. He turned and placed his feet flat on the floor, hanging his head in his hands.
"I can't do this with you, Kai," he said, and the sudden use of the nickname startled Kairi greatly. He hadn't called her by that since before everything had happened the previous year.
Kairi sat up, tossed her hair back with a flick of her head and frowned at him. "Wh-Why?"
He wouldn't look at her. "You've ruined me. You've fucking ruined me, and I can't do this with you."
He started to stand up, buttoning his plaid shirt as he did so, and Kairi was filled with an overwhelming sense of loss. Like when you have something important in your hand, you temporarily set it down, and then consequently can't remember where you put it. She scrambled forward and up onto her knees, wrapping her arms around Sora's waist from behind. She laid her cheek against his warm back and shuddered as she cried. She couldn't lose what little piece of him he had allowed her—she wanted to fix everything, damn it!
"Don't go," she whispered with a quiet sob. "Please . . . Don't leave me again."
Sora turned around and gazed down at her. Kairi stared back at him through her tears, her chin beginning to tremble as he leaned closer and closer. Their lips met, and Kairi's mind was blown completely away. This was the kiss she wanted. This was the kiss that gave her hope that they could someday be all right.
Kairi held his face in-between both of her hands as if to signify that she would never let him go. She was the one to slip her tongue past the barrier of his lips, engaging the brunette in an intoxicating dance of betrayal . He kissed her back, tilting his head and slipping his arms around her waist to hold her closely. Kairi whimpered, because this kiss was a long time coming and also the one she had yearned for. When would the fighting end? The hatred? The deceit and the insults and the pain?
When could they be together like this?
Sora pulled away slowly, and looked at her with all the emotions in the world swirling inside his cobalt blue eyes. He caressed her cheek, and it almost hurt. He was being so gentle . . . Why?
"Kairi," he murmured against her lips. "I cannot do this."
He laid his forehead against hers and took a shuddering breath. "There's too much . . . Between us, I . . ." He kissed her again and again, each one deepening until it became apparent that his body was crying out for hers.
Sora scowled and forcibly took a step away, shaking his head at Kairi.
"I'm sorry," he whispered, and then he left the room.
The sudden realization that they had just kissed overrode the unbearably stifling sense of rejection that settled over her body, and Kairi felt the alcohol she had consumed earlier hit her all at once. Her head hit the pillows, along with the gut-wrenching torrent of tears, and the redhead soon fell into a nightmare-riddled slumber that reminded her that she was the reason for all her problems.
Kairi would not only be Sora's undoing, but also her own.