"Know Your Mare"

Rated T

Disclaimer: I sure as hell do not own My Little Pony, so on with the fic.


There seemed to be an empty room where it was nothing but a seat and a huge light hovering towards them. It was none other than the "Know Your Stars" studio and it's first guest was no exception. A mini-dragon known to everyone in Equestria as Spike. He was now looking very psyched.

Know Your Mare... Know Your Mare... Know your mare...

"Okay, what the heck is that? Are you some kind of stalker?" Spike said, wondering where that voice came from all of a sudden. The announcer echoed once again.

Know your mare... know your mare... know your mare...

"All right, I don't know who the heck you even are, but you're creeping me out!" Spike said, looking a bit disgusted. The announcer now went on with the facts.

Spike... he has a crush on Fluttershy.

"Um, I'm certain that I don't have a crush on Fluttershy." Spike said as he tried to correct the announcer, "The only one I have a crush on is Rarity. You know, don't get me wrong, Fluttershy is okay, but I love Rarity for her gorgeous purple hair."

Nah, Rarity's a lesbian! I know because I heard it from her.

"What? She is sooooo not a lesbian!" Spike exclaimed out of shock, that soon turned to confusement, "Wait, what is a lesbian?"

I'm not telling you who it is.

"Come on, you're the announcer! I gotta know, man!" Spike said with his hands around his his hoping that he would get some answers from the announcer.

Uhhhhh... Spike, he was born in a family of rednecks!

"I was so not born in a family of rednecks!" Spike protested a little bit, "I was actually born inside an egg. True story."

That's not what I heard.

"What are you even getting at?" Spike said as he felt annoyed. The Announcer somehow displayed a magazine cover of Spike coming out of a drunken female redneck's hoo-hah. On the subtitles, it said 'Drunken Redneck Parents Give Birth To Dragon'. Spike was just so offended. "Oh, come on, this isn't even really true! This is just so impossible! The woman must be half-dead now! I'm telling you, I was born in an egg! It's actually true. Why don't you just believe me?"

Spike... you suck!

"What, I don't suck! You're the one who sucks! You suck for making up lies about this crap!" Spike spoke as his anger just rose right at the announcer, "You hear me? Yoooooooou... suuuuuuuck!"

And then there was silence. Not one word was coming out of the announcer.

"Hello? Why aren't you saying anything?" Spike spoke up to the announcer, hoping he'll respond.

Because... you suck!

"I'm telling you, I don't suck!" Spike cried out as he was just whining and bitching.

Now you know... Spike! Remember... he sucks!

"No, I don't!" Spike shouted very angrily to the announcer who was backing away from him.

Yes, you do!

"I do not!" Spike exclaimed as he was about to go on a pouting rage, "I'm telling you, all of this is lies! I'm not in love with fluttershy or was given birth to rednecks! I'm telling you, they smell and have a poor sense of alcohol! Believe me when I say this that all of this is false! Can you even hear me? Hello?"


Wow, that really sucks to be Spike right now. Pun taken.

Up next, I'm about to do Applejack! Expect the latest chapter soon right after you read and review! BA_FRICKIN'-ZINGA!