"Know Your Mare"

Rated T

Disclaimer: I do not own My Little Pony: Friendship Is Magic. That's all I have to say from here. I also forgot to say that I do not own the All That show or the "Know Your Stars" sketch.


Chapter 20: Diamond Tiara

A school-age earth pony with a pale light grayish violet mane and a pale magenta coat sat right in the imfamous hot seat. Hence her name, she had a Diamond Tiara on top of her forehead. Not to forget, that she had a reputation for being a so-called Queen Bee of Ponyville.

Know your mare... Know your mare... Know your mare...

"Duh, that's what this show's called. Just go on with the facts already." Diamond Tiara said in an impatient manner.

Diamond Tiara... she's a member of the Cutie Mark Crusaders.

"What? No, I'm not!" Tiara yelped, "I hate those Cutie Mark Clutzes! They talk about love, friendship, all this jibber jabber. The only thing I care about is being popular and getting all the money in the world! That's what my kind of love is!"

Diamond Tiara... when she grows up, she wants to become a slut!

"EW!" Tiara screamed while cringing, "Why in the heck do I wanna do something so gross. I want to become interested in something like fashion or perhaps cosmetics! Heck, maybe a movie star while I'm at it, but there's no way I wanna be a slut when I grow up."

By the way you act, you're definitely like a slut.

"Well... that doesn't mean that you should call me one!" Diamond snapped, "I'm innocent and whole, hands down!"

Diamond Tiara... she got every classmate at her school infected with Gonorrhea, Chlamydia and the clap!

"Triple EW!" Tiara shrieked in fear, "Are you that disgusting? I sure as heck would never do anything like that! I'm clean like my father!"

C'Mon, a slut like you knows that it's not bad. I heard having gonorrhea can make you rich! It's an ounce of luck!

"And so far, pigs are flying out of my butt!" Tiara responded sarcastically, "But there is no way I'm gonna die a broke pony carrying a disease inside of me! I'm certain by the way you throw your lies around me, you would! Hello?"

Now you know the future slut/Cutie Mark Crusader member... Diamond Tiara!

"You definitely don't know me!" shouted out Tiara, "And I'm a not a slut nor am I one of those Cutie Mark freaks!"

Yes, you are!

"I don't think so!" Diamond shouted out to the announcer, who backed away like a cowardly chicken, "And where do you think you're going? We're not done yet! I'm calling my father about you! You're nothing but a disease-carrying creep, and I refuse to be seen by the likes of you! No matter what you say, I'm still gonna be the sweet, innocent pony that everyone sees! Hello?"


Sorry for the lack of hilarity, but at least the announcer's words would say it all. So I guess it's hilarious enough for me in big, bold letters.

Next up will be Babs Seed. What kind of torture will I unleash on her? Find out!