Title: Queer Love

Characters: Tenten, Kakashi, Deidara, plus a Neji cameo

Requested by: vquez1996

Prompt: Kakaten, DeiTen: no specific theme

Universe: AU

Category: Humor

Rating: K+

Summary: Tenten wanted to hide under a rock. Never mind surviving the rest of her freshman year; she was certain her classmates, her peers, would never let her live this evening down.

Opening Song: "Sadie Hawkins Dance" by Relient K


Fifteen-year-old Hatake Tenten glared at Kakashi from across the dining table, and quietly poked at her herring soba while plotting ways to get even with her older brother. Beside her sat her senpai Deidara, president of the art club in school, where she was a new member. Tenten could have sworn that her nii-san was smirking behind that stupid mask—Kakashi was at the ripe age of eighteen, and like other healthy boys his age, he was undergoing a phase, of trying to figure out if he had the makings of a delinquent—and it only served to infuriate her more.

How the hell could he even eat with that thing on? Tenten muttered to herself, cursing Kakashi's ability to make her uncomfortable in the most common of occasions.

At least their guest, Tenten was grateful to note, was oblivious to the silent tension happening in his midst. Instead, he was happily munching on a piece of celery with peanut butter, eyes closed as he savored the light combination of salty and tangy, smooth and crunchy.

"This is simply marvelous, un," the art club president murmured, and took another bite out of the vegetable. "You say this is an American appetizer, Kakashi-kun? Simply marvelous."

Kakashi nodded, and Tenten was certain that he was quietly choking down his amusement. "The foreign exchange student from my Physics class, Kabuto, shared the recipe with me. It's very simple to make, really, although I'm afraid Ten-chan here can't seem to perfect it. Right, Ten-chan?"

Tenten's glare became all the more deadly, she was sure she was shooting her nii-san imaginary daggers and other pointy objects to skewer his inner self into bits.

"Tut-tut," Deidara shook his head, his yellow ponytail swishing left and right, as he swallowed the rest of the celery stalk he was holding. "This simply will not do, Tenten-chan. Perfecting the ability to prepare tasty food is a sign of being a true artist!"

Tenten jumped a little before turning to her senior. "H-hai!" she stuttered. "Of course, Deidara-senpai."

"Mmmh," the aspiring sculptor hummed. "I must say, I am very pleased that you invited me for dinner, Kakashi-kun, un," he remarked. "Surprised, but pleased."

Kakashi shrugged. "I told you, I want to discuss the art club's plans for the upcoming festival. Your club and the Student Council need to cooperate, after all."

Deidara nodded in approval. "True, un," he replied. "It's good to see you so dedicated to your duties as the SC president, for once, Kakashi-kun."

"Of course," Kakashi beamed, even when his mask completely covered his mouth. "After all, this is the first time my cute imouto is attending the festival. I want the experience to be perfect for her."

"How sweet a brother you are, un," Deidara exclaimed, a weird twinkle suddenly evident in his eyes. "You'd make a good boyfriend, I'm sure."

"You heard that, Ten-chan?" Kakashi chuckled, wagging his eyebrows at the brunette. "Deidara thinks I'd make a good boyfriend. What do you think?"

Tenten pushed herself up from the table, and smiled a little too forcefully for her tastes. "I think we need more soup," she beamed, all sugary and sweet, her voice underlined with a touch of venom only Kakashi could detect. "I'll go get some, my sweet onii-san."


"Well, I'm off," Deidara said by way of farewell, as Kakashi and Tenten stood on the porch, their guest on the top step. "Thank you for having me here, un. I shall see you during the festival, right, Tenten-chan?"

"H-hai!" the brunette stuttered once again, and then blushed when her senior lifted his right hand and patted her head, like a good little dog.

"And Kakashi-kun," Deidara cooed, and there was that weird twinkle in his eyes again. "You will call me to discuss more about the festival, won't you?"

"Definitely," Kakashi grinned, although of course no one could see it behind his bacteria-filled nose-and-mouth covering.


"I hate you, nii-san."

Kakashi blinked innocently and put down the small orange book he was reading—a favorite of his, which he explicitly told Tenten never toread, something about disturbing scenes and dialogue, probably a horror novel, or possibly crime and suspense, Tenten guessed.

"What did I do?"

"You know exactly what you did!" Tenten huffed, planting her fists on her hips.

"I do?"

"Nii-san!" the brunette growled. "Why did you invite Deidara-senpai for dinner without telling me?!"

Kakashi raised an eyebrow. "Weren't you listening earlier, Ten-chan? We had to discuss the upcoming festival, that's all."

"You're such a lousy liar, nii-san," Tenten bit back. "You did that to embarrass me! I know you did!"

Tenten could see that Kakashi was mock-frowning behind his mask. "And why would I do such a thing?"

"Oh don't deny it, nii-san. You knew I invited him to go to the festival with me!"

Kakashi raised another eyebrow. "You did?"

The brunette threw her arms up in exasperation. "I don't even know how you found out! I mean, I haven't told anyone except . . ." She paused. "Oh he's going to get it tomorrow!"

Kakashi chuckled, as if sensing that there was no longer a point in continuing with his charade. "He was just concerned, Ten-chan. No need to get so worked up about it."

"Concerned, my ass! He's being nosey, that's all!"

Kakashi smirked. "Actually, I think he was just irked that you didn't invite him instead."

"Oh please," Tenten rolled her eyes, before plopping down on the sofa beside her brother. "Neji has had two dozen invitations from girls from different years and sections. If anything, he's irked that he's getting so much attention, that anti-social jerk."

This time, Kakashi laughed out loud. "You have always been oblivious, Ten-chan."

Tenten rolled her eyes the other way. "And you have always been a dumbass, Kakashi-nii-san."


Tenten wanted to hide under a rock. Never mind surviving the rest of her freshman year; she was certain her classmates, her peers, would never let her live this evening down.

Because Deidara, her date for the festival, was wearing a pink tux.


"D-Deidara-senpai!" she exclaimed, not certain how to broach the subject. "You look . . . uh . . . very unique." Now she wished she had insisted on meeting up first before proceeding to the ballroom. At least she could have convinced her senior to change his attire, or at least prepare herself from the awkward situation that she was facing her now.

"Don't I, Tenten-chan?" the senior chuckled, twirling around once to show off his outfit. "I had it custom-made, because the department stores in Tokyo didn't sell pink tuxedos. And you'd think Shibuya would be more accommodating to my kind."

Tenten blinked. "Your kind? What do you mean . . ."

But before Tenten could even complete her question, Deidara suddenly squealed, and then all but cartwheeled to where the president of the carpentry club was, shouting Sasori no Danna! in a tenor falsetto, much to the chagrin of the recipient of his unwanted attention.

"Get off of me, you fool!"

"Danna! You look smoking hot in your yukata!"

"Stop molesting me in front of everyone, baka!"

"Sasori no Danna! You're so sexy when you get angry like that!"

Tenten watched the whole episode with wide hazelnut eyes, unsure if she should be insulted that her date had left her for another man, or if she should roll on the floor laughing because, really, hadn't her nii-san warned her about Deidara before?

"Don't say I didn't warn you," a voice spoke from beside her, as if suddenly hearing her internal musings. Tenten turned to find Kakashi, in a spiffing silver suit, without his stupid mask, for once.

"Fine," Tenten assented, rolling her eyes in mock annoyance. "So my gay radar is not working properly. Happy?"

Kakashi grinned, and Tenten wondered quietly how long it had been since she last saw his teeth. "Good thing I got a backup date for you."

The brunette raised her eyebrow in mild amusement. "Who? You?"

To this, her nii-san chuckled. "What are you sounding so horrified for? Don't you find your nii-san hot?"

"I hope you get bitten by a dog on your way home, nii-san. Or maybe fall down a manhole."

Kakashi laughed. "Very well then," he said, before pointing his thumb over his shoulder. "How about him?"

Tenten followed the direction of Kakashi's thumb and found Neji standing a few feet behind them, as if waiting for his cue to come into the picture.

"You two planned all of this, didn't you?" she growled, crossing her arms across her chest, slightly crinkling her baby blue dress in the process.

"Don't look at me," Neji muttered, before looking away, light red dusting his cheeks. "I had nothing to do with this."

What a load of bull, Tenten muttered to herself, but decided that for once, she would let it go. Neji looked pretty hot in his black yukata, after all.

"Well, I'll leave you kids now," Kakashi said, waving halfheartedly as he started to walk away. Then turning back, "And Ten-chan, be good, okay?"

"What?" the brunette blinked, noticing that Neji's face looked redder compared to five seconds ago.

Her nii-san shrugged good-naturedly. "Be good, be brave, be safe." A pause, another twinkle in the eye. "Safe sex."

Tenten's left heel zipped in the air the next second, but not quick enough to hit Kakashi's retreating form.

"Nii-san no baka!"

Closing Song: "In Love with the '80s" by Relient K

For vquez1996. More crackish than I had first planned, but seriously, I don't think I can write a Deidara story without turning it into crack one way or another. Hope you liked it though.

For everyone else. This is a sort of side story for Hikikomori no Jinsei, the new AU story I started two weeks ago. This is set before the current timeline, which gives Tenten's "I'm no longer fifteen, nii-san!" line more sense.

Also, Relient K went to Manila this weekend, and I WAS ABLE TO CATCH THEM PERFORM. /cue in fainting sound right about now

And because I still have an RK hangover, I am using two of the songs they performed yesterday as the inspiration for this story. Actually, the line is "I am gonna wear a pink tux to the prom," but a festival also works, right? And for those who are not familiar with it, for the Sadie Hawkins Dance, it's the girls who ask the guys out. I don't think Japan has it though, so I made it into a more generic festival.

Thank you to the lovely people who reviewed the last chapter. I think I got flamed, except that he/she said he/she liked my writing style, so is that a half-flame? Do I need to bring out the marshmallows?

And to my annoyed anonymous guest, I guess a bit of explanation will help appease you (or not)? I change my Characters every chapter, depending on who are featured. That was why it was set as Naruto and Hinata last chapter. But, uhm, thank you for saying that my writing style is okay?

Anyway, reviews for this chapter (and any other chapter you may want to revisit), loves?