AN: This is a final chapter. I will be posting a very special epilogue this weekend. (Hopefully.)

Also, Curve Ball is one of The Lemonade Stand's Fics of the Week winners! Thank you!

Chapter 100

The alarm went off at five. In the morning. It was the time of day that no one should be awake for. No one.

I was also being strangled by arms. The naked arms of my kid were wrapped around my equally naked body tightly. Ever since dating this guy, I now had an aversion to pajamas.

The plan was that he was supposed to sleep at his parent's house and I would stay here. Plans change.

I was ferrying drunk grads with Trailer until 3 A.M., which was a horrible ordeal of vomit, angry parental units and drunken renditions of One Direction. I was in hell.

My kid was nervous about our drunken classmates getting frisky with me, so he decided to try and help me make them behave. Which was laughable, because all he did was glare the whole time. Those morons are more scared of me. I can reduce them to quivering piles of fear with one look. I needed no help.

By the time we dropped off the clueless duo to an irate Billy Black, we decided it was best to head to my house. My kid had thought it was best to steer clear of his. A weeping Dictator was not something anyone wanted to deal with. She was heartbroken at Cheech's breakup speech and that the giant punched Cheech in the nose for hurting his "bossy, little friend".

We left her with Esme.

All we needed to do this morning was get dressed and jump in the car. It was packed and ready to go. Chief Charlie was pulling a double shift and I hated good-byes. They were for suckers.

Something shifted against my leg. It looked like little kid was awake before big kid.

"Edward!" I poked him in the arm. "Edward! Edward! Kid!"

"Huh?" He asked, opening one eye.

I should have know he would only wake up when I called him his nickname.

"We have to go." I tried to move his body away. "We need to leave town before the zombies invade."

"Zombies!" He sat up quickly. Overhear one nightmare and you have leverage for years to come.

"No, kid. No zombies, just family and friends that want to tell us adieu. I say I don't." I tapped his arm and pointed to his folded up clothes on my chair. "Get dressed."

"I love you, but that wasn't one of your best jokes," he pointed out.

I shrugged. "I agree, but it's before sun up. That's as good as you're going to get."

He looked down at himself. "I have morning wood."

"What do you want me to about that? Call you Woody Woodpecker?"

He grabbed me and flipped me on my mattress. Kissing me and running those baseball throwing hands of his down my body, his message was clear. A quickie. Well it better be a quickie, because we needed to escape the trenches.

Five minutes and a wham, bam, thank you ma'am later, we were headed out the front door with my parrot in her cage. Annie Oakley was making quite a fuss.

Oh shit balls.

In front of the Grandma Mobile stood the whole gang, including a bandaged Cheech.

There was a banner. It looked like it was written in crayon and Bon Voyage was spelled incorrectly, as was Bella. It had to be crafted by Giant.

James Taylor came up and tossed a CD in my face. Ass.

"Angela told me to get you something, Swan."

James Taylor's Greatest Hits. Fitting.

"Thanks, you insipid crooner." I punched him in the arm. "Don't come to Connecticut."

"I wouldn't be caught dead," he replied.

Boobs hugged me and handed my fast food gift cards. "For the trip."

I hugged her hard. "You are always invited to New Haven to have Louie's Lunch with me."

"What's that?" She asked with a smile.

"The birthplace of hamburgers, my dear girl." I was salivating just thinking about them.

Kate and Teeth came up next. "Girl, New York in a couple of weeks?"

"You bet." She was my best friend.

Teeth and my kid were hugging. Doing some boy whispering. It was kind of hot.

Trailer and Giant brought us bags of sodas and chips. More of that damn hugging.

I was liking the gifts.

Dictator cried like a baby. She made a mix CD and a photo album. I was glowering in every picture.

Cheech gave a sheepish wave and gazed at Dictator with love and adoration. I take back my original assessment. Those two would be engaged by Fall Break. Silly kids.

Esme and Dr. C were crying like their daughter and kept slipping money to my kid. I think Esme slipped some greenbacks in my pocket with more condoms. I would be embarrassed, but they were needed.

Chief Charlie was patting his eyes and complaining about allergies. Sure. Allergies.

He brought us large coffees and breakfast sandwiches from the diner. That man was a gem.

He hugged me tight and whispered, "You're not a bad kid. I'll miss having you around."

"You're not a bad dad. I'll miss having you buy me pizza."

"That's my girl." He kissed my head.

I kissed his cheek. "Feed my sea monkeys. Every day. I want daily pictures emailed."

"They're brine shrimp."

"I'm Momma Brine Shrimp," I stated.

"Be good, my weird child."

I went into Edward's waiting arms, as Annie squawked, "Road fuck, Edward Cullen!"

"We better motor! See you all on the flip side!" I did a half-hearted wave and pushed kid to the car. "Get in the car, kid! Chief Charlie is going to change his mind! Quick!"

"Isabella Marie, we need to chat!" My father yelled.

"Go, go, go!" We dove into the car and I poked my head out shouted, "Ciao!"

We went down the road somewhat quickly in the Grandma Mobile. This thing was oppressively slow.

That's when I felt wetness.

It was coming from my eyes. Oh damn.

Kid looked over with a sympathetic expression. "Bella, are you crying?"

"Allergies," I said with a sniff.

He pulled over next to the large sign that stated, You're Leaving Forks. Have a Nice Trip!

"Come here." He unbuckled his seat belt and pulled me close.

"Stupid allergies."

He stroked my hair. "I know. Stupid allergies."

My Edward just let me pour out my allergic reaction onto his shirt.

Twenty minutes later, we headed out on the open road and our future.

"Road fuck, Edward Cullen!"

Crazy bird, but she did have some fantastic ideas.