AN: I really have no issue with Kate Hudson. Maybe a little. It's called Glee.
Edward's POV? Should I do this? Is it insanity?
I was sitting at a Kate Hudson movie with a Kate Hudson. A Kate Hudson who was just about as thrilled as I was to be sitting in a dark theater with Boobs. She whispered to me, "Why are you doing this to me, girl?"
"I shall not suffer alone." I looked up at the dark ceiling and imagined horrible things happening to actress Kate Hudson, Boobs and the Teeny Tiny Dictator who refused to shut her trap.
"Isn't this the cutest thing? I wonder though why she had to wear heels to run in the subway?" Dictator inquired.
Because it's the dumbest movie ever, since the last Kate Hudson movie.
She wouldn't shut up. "Also, if she's engaged to the man who is always reading the newspaper wouldn't she just break up with him before romantically stalking the music guy?"
If actress Kate Hudson did such a thing, this stupid movie would make sense. It would also end a lot faster which would make this evening so much better.
"I think it's romantic. Don't you, Bella?" Boobs asked.
Like gouging my eye out with a knitting needle.
"I think it's cute," Trailer Trash Barbie admitted, smacking her gum loudly. I was going to rip the gum out of her mouth and choke the giant with it. He wanted us to be friends. Maybe if she would stop picking her sparkling pink nail polish and leaving it's flakes all over my truck.
Real Kate Hudson groaned. "As cute as maggots and skunked beer."
That's my girl.
"Mary Jane, I'm surprised. I thought you would be inclined to mention weak pot."
"Bella, girl, that's something you never joke about." Real Kate Hudson was dead serious.
Some old lady behind us hissed, "Hush!"
The theater was empty like at most Kate Hudson movies, so I had no idea why the old bat had to sit right behind us.
The rest of the movie was Dictator blabbing, Trailer Trash Barbie smacking her Bubble Yum, Boobs trying to bond with me and the real Kate Hudson trying to take a nap. If this was what a Girl's Night entailed I would pass from now on.
After another hour of horrible we went out into the lobby to the blinding bright lights. I rubbed my eyes. "That's two hours that I'll never get back."
"What are you going to say in your review?" Boobs asked. She looked concerned. Good.
"I like that review. Simple." Kate nodded her head at the thought.
"You have to write some more than that."
"Teeny Tiny Dictator, rummage through your big purse, find a notepad and take some notes."
"I can record you on my phone." She held up her fancy phone. Spoiled Cullen children.
"This movie is hideous. A certain individual will love it. An idiot. If I wanted to waste ten dollars, I would have been better off ripping that ten dollars up and throwing it around like confetti. The romance is contrived and the actors are phoning in their performances. However, feel free to waste you time and money on this hot mess." They all looked at me with their mouths open. "On that note, I have to pee."
I went to the bathroom having a feeling that I was being followed. If Teeny Tiny Dictator was going to try and change my mind about the movie, I swear...
"Hey there, Bella."
It's was the cheerleader of evil, Tanya Denali.
"Denali, I have... umm...friends, I guess, out there and..."
She kissed me.
Who would have ever believed I was right after all?