Project Hunger Games
By Project H
Claudius over PA: Attention tributes. Commencing at sunrise, there will be a feast tomorrow at the Cornucopia. Each of you needs something desperately and we plan to be generous hosts
Katniss: What we need desperately? Peeta...they must have provided you with suicide pills
Peeta: Or maybe medicine. Either way, you're not going alone
Katniss: I was thinking of asking Cato. We haven't really had a chance to get to know each other
Peeta: Katniss, you're not going to risk your life for me. I'm not gonna let you
Katniss: And how are you going to stop me? By bleeding on me? Just sit down and think about cakes *Kisses Peeta*
*Meanwhile, in District 12*
Gale: *Glares at screen*
Friend: Hey Gale, look! It's that girl you like. She's kissing another guy. Look Gale! That's not you that she's kissing. It's Peeta. The girl you like is kissing Peeta. Look Gale! Look at the screen. Gale! Can you hear me, Gale? GALE!
Gale: *Hits friend with hammer*
Katniss: *Sneaks out while Peeta is sleeping. It's like a walk of shame, but with the added sexy feature of being potentially deadly*
Bags: *Are placed in cornucopia, labelled 2, 5, 11 and 12*
Foxface: *Takes bag 5* Finally some cigarettes. I was dying out here
Katniss: *Goes for bag 12*
Clove: *Throws knife*
Katniss: Wow, someone's keen on getting Peeta's medicine
Clove: No one's stopping me from getting my bag of M&M's *Jumps on Katniss*
Katniss: *Brawls with Clove*
Clove: *Gets on top of Katniss* Where's lover boy?
Katniss: You're not making a bad replacement for him at the moment
Clove: It's a shame you couldn't help that little friend of yours. What was her name? Peeta? Well now we're gonna kill you. Any second now. I'll just raise my knife...stare at you a bit more...position the knife carefully in the air...I wonder what dress I should wear to my victory ceremony...and start bringing down the knife...
Thresh: *Grabs Clove* You killed her? I heard you! You said her name! Well, you said Peeta's name, but I know who you meant!
Clove: It was a joke! I make jokes. Here's one – What happened to Rue after she met the Careers? She was Rue-ined
Thresh: *Slams Clove against cornucopia*
Clove: You don't get it? *Dies*
Thresh: Just this time, 12. For Rue *Leaves*
Katniss: 12 has a name, Thresh *Grabs Bag 12, and none of the other bags for some reason, even though there's nothing stopping her*
Katniss: Peeta, I got the medicine
Peeta: What happened to you?
Katniss: The girl from 2 threw a knife. Then Thresh threw her skull into a wall
Peeta: You said you weren't gonna go
Katniss: If the worst thing I do in this fight to the death is tell a lie, that makes me a pretty good person *Rubs cream on Peeta's wound*
Peeta: Wow, this is actual medical cream. When I get a wound at home, I just rub the cream filling of a pie on it. Now you
Katniss: I don't need it. When I get a wound at home, I just yell at it until it closes
Peeta: *Wakes* Wow, you look great
Katniss: Thanks. Bed hair really works for me. Also my cut is healed
Peeta: Mine too. Kind of. A little. Damn it, I can't even heal as good as you
Katniss: We could go home. We're the only team left. If you don't count Thresh as a team
Katniss: Cato will be at the cornucopia. He's not going to go some place he doesn't know. His mail gets delivered to the cornucopia so he'll stay there. Foxface could be anywhere. If we can't even remember her name, I don't like our chances of reading her mind
Peeta: We should hunt around here. I'll take the bow
Katniss: Say what?
Peeta: I'm kidding. I know I'm useless. I'll go and find the tastiest dirt that I can *Walks off*
Katniss: Peeta?! Are you OK? I heard a girl scream and thought it had to be you
Peeta: No, I'm fine. I'm collecting berries
Katniss: That's nightlock! They kill adult humans in a minute. You would have been dead in 7 seconds
Foxface: *Lies dead nearby*
Peeta: I never even knew she was following me
Katniss: She's clever
Peeta: Too clever. Not too clever to not eat poison, but that's a mistake anyone could make. Plenty of smart people would. And some smart people may have already eaten one or two of them before you stopped them and they're now getting a little worried about it
Katniss: *Collects the nightlock* Maybe Cato likes berries too
Peeta: *Through a mouthful of berries* Good idea
Seneca: Ready to go?
Controller 1: Take a look
Muttation hologram: *Appears on the table*
Controller 1: I made it extra fluffy. To tempt them to try and cuddle it
Controller 2: Sure. This is a very healthy way to move on from your dog dying last week
Controller 1: THIS HAS NOTHING TO DO WITH THAT!
Katniss: Did you hear that?
Peeta: What? No. Unless it was someone telling us to kiss again. Then yes. And we should do as they say
Someone in the distance: *Screams*
Thresh's face: *Appears in the sky*
Peeta: It's Thresh! He has appeared to me in the clouds to give advice! What do you have to say, Thresh?
Katniss: Peeta, that means he was killed
Peeta: Jealousy. That means you wish he was talking to you
Peeta: Jealously. That means this dog-
Katniss: Shut up and run!
Peeta: *Shuts up and runs*
Katniss and Peeta: *Climb cornucopia*
Katniss: That one looks a bit like Rue. Hmm...
Cato: *Grabs Peeta*
Katniss: *Aims arrow*
Cato: Go on. Shoot. I'm dead anyway. Well, not if I win, but I'm dead if I die. I didn't know that till now. I kept thinking "It's alright if I die. I'll still be alive." But it's not really true. Dead things are dead. Now I understand why everyone was so sad when my uncle was hit by that car. I thought he'd be alright, even after we cremated him. But I can do this. One more kill...
Peeta: *Points at Cato's hand*
Katniss: I could kill Cato, and save Peeta, and split the glory. Or kill them both, grant Cato his final wish, and get the victory parade all to myself. Easy decision *Fires arrow into Cato's hand*
Cato: Aargh! *Falls to ground*
Katniss: Damn it! I was aiming for Peeta
Muttations: *Maul Cato*
Katniss: *Shoots Cato in the head, putting him out of his misery* Damn it! I was aiming for Peeta again
Claudius: Attention tributes, there has been a slight rule change. Firstly, we're removing the 'no hair-pulling' restriction. Secondly, the previous revision allowing for two victors from the same district has been revoked. Good luck. And may the odds be ever in your favour. And they're pretty damn in favour of Katniss right now. Seriously, unless she suddenly gets the plague or something, she's got this one in the bag
Peeta: Go ahead. They have to have their victor
Katniss: Well at least make a game of it by running from side to side or something. No. Wait. Why should they get a victor?
Peeta: Oh...I thought you might spare me because you don't want to kill me. But just doing it as a big 'Screw you' to the Capitol...alright then. Doesn't hurt my feelings at all
Katniss: *Gets out Nightlock and hands some to Peeta* Trust me
Katniss: Oh...that'll work too. Yep. We'll both do it
Claudius: Stop! Ladies and gentlemen, may I present the winners of the 74th annual Hunger Games
Peeta: *Spits out nightlock* Katniss, spit out the berries! We've won!
Katniss: Spit them out? I never put them in my mouth. I'm not an idiot
Peeta: Yeah...me neither
Haymitch: They're not happy with you. Dying is pretty easy; they wonder how you keep screwing it up
Katniss: Well I'm sorry it didn't go the way they planned
Haymitch: At least you're big enough to admit that yo-
Haymitch: What?! Katniss, this is serious. They don't take these things lightly
Guards: *Lock Seneca in room*
Seneca: *Sees bowl of nightlock* What are these doing here...I didn't order room service
*Back at the Capitol*
Haymitch: When they ask, you say you couldn't help yourself. You were so in love with this boy...no, it's Peeta. No one will believe that story. Just say you ate some bad squirrel and were nauseous
Caesar: How did you feel when you found him by that river?
Katniss: I felt like that happiest person in the world. That squirrel was really getting to me
Caesar: And what about you, Peeta?
Peeta: No idea. She never shared her food
Snow: *Places crown on Katniss and sees mockingjay pin* What a lovely pin
Katniss: It's from my district
Snow: They must be very proud of you
Peeta: *Cough* AndalsoproudofPeeta *cough*
Peeta: So what happens when we get back?
Katniss: I guess we try to forget. Hopefully they don't have some sort of victory celebration to remind us
Katniss: Damn it!
Snow: *Watches Katniss and Peeta on television* Hmm, I hope the guards took Seneca to a room with a nightlight as I told them to. I was worried they may have misheard me...
Author's note: Thank you very much to all who read, reviewed or favourited. Up next, I think I'll be releasing a follow-up to my McLaggen fanfic from a while ago. I know I said I'd do Breaking Dawn Part 2, but I haven't started on it yet so if I actually decided to do it, it won't be out for a while yet. Farewell for now, and thanks again!