Disclaimer: Harry Potter belongs to JKR, the format this story is in probably belongs to Jaclyn Moriarty (from Feeling Sorry For Celia.  READ IT!).  Well, she's who I nicked the idea off.  Lots of the societies and associations also belong to her.  However, all the penpals and their little problems and stuff belong to ME. 

A/N: This is Hermione's fifth year, told through letters to and from imaginary societies, penpals, parents etc.  May sound confusing, but it's really not once you read it.  And if you're still confused, read Feeling Sorry For Celia, where I got the idea from, because Jaclyn Moriarty is a professional author, and therefore most likely does it better than me.  Oh, and I realise that Hermione probably wouldn't tell a stranger all about Harry's problems and Sirius Black etc, but it makes it more interesting if she does, OK?  We can just assume that her penpal is NOT evil.

A/N 2: The Spanish wizarding academy belongs to me.  In case you're wondering, El Instituto de la Zapatilla Zafira (IZZ) means The Institute/Academy of the Sapphire Slipper.  Yes, very stupid, but it sounds pretty in Spanish, jah?  This is an R/Hr story, so don't worry about Hermione falling in love with some Spanish guy and abandoning Ron and Harry (there was quite a bit of abandoning in Feeling Sorry For Celia and so certain friends got worried…)

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Dear Ms Granger,

                        It has come to our attention that you are amazingly bad at being a teenager.

I mean, think about it.  You are spending your Saturday night doing an Arithmancy essay.  You should be out HAVING FUN, or at least, you should take a break.  In fact, have you ever been out on a Saturday night?  Ever been to a party?  We thought not.

And another thing: you don't have a boyfriend, do you?  Ever been KISSED Hermione?  No, of course not.  You just sit there and pine over Ron, who is one of your best friends, and therefore will never notice you. 

It's pathetic.  You are a disgrace to teenagerhood.  Therefore, could you please go and hide in a small closet somewhere until your teenage years are over?

Thank you.

            Yours sincerely,

                        The Association of Teenagers


Hermione, have you seen my pale blue sweater?  The one with the nice sleeves??  I really, really need to find it.  I have a date with Seamus tonight, and it's his favourite colour.  HAVE YOU SEEN IT???

            See you at breakfast,



            I haven't seen your sweater since you lent it to Padma.  Have you asked her?  She's probably still got it.  If she hasn't, WEAR SOMETHING ELSE.  You have about seven tops that are all pale blue.  Or borrow something off Parvati, she's got loads too.  If you are still desperate, I have a pale blue top as well.  STOP PANICKING.

            I haven't got time for breakfast,


Dear Ms Granger,

            It is with great pleasure that we invite you to join our Society.

We have just heard about your homework situation.  It's so impressive!  You have an Arithmancy essay due in about 15 minutes that you haven't finished, and a Runes translation that is, quite frankly, extremely shoddy.  All this because you took Saturday night off to talk to your friends.  We are extremely proud of you! 

Also, we have a feeling that you have a History of Magic test today.  And you don't know the name of all the wizards present at the Wizarding Council of 1458?  You don't have a clue why they even called the council, do you?  This is very promising.  You are perfect for our Society and we're very excited about having you join.

            Yours sincerely,

                        The Manager

                        Society of People Who Are Definitely Going to Fail Their O.W.L.s (and Most Probably Life as Well!!)

A Letter From A Complete And Utter Stranger

Dear Complete And Utter Stranger,

            Hi.  I don't know what to say.  Well… introducing myself should be a start, right?  We were given a list of things we have to tell you.

My name: seems kind of pointless to say it here, cuz it actually says at the bottom of the letter, but in case you cannot be bothered to check, my name is Elena Calamares.  My mum adopted that name to make us seem more Spanish (I moved from England when I was seven years old cuz my parents split up), but she didn't know that it was a squid dish.

My school: well, you probably already know that I go to El Instituto de la Zapatilla Zafira (IZZ), cuz all us Spanish people in this penpal thing do.  It's alright I suppose.  What's Hogwarts like?  I almost went there, cuz, you know, I was born in England, so my name went in the book, but mum didn't want me to go to school in a different country to where she lives.

My interests: reading, writing, hanging around with friends, and interior designing (not really) (but really about the first three)

My friends: I have three best friends: Lorena (a bit odd up top), Jaime (really, really quiet) and Alfonso (really smart – although he hides it really well)

My family: I live (well, not during term time) with my mum (Kate) and my three younger siblings: Peter (he's twelve – he just started at IZZ in September), Matthew (ten years old and EVIL) and Little Katie, who's eight.  My dad lives in Cornwall, and I don't usually get to see him, except for one week every summer when I stay with him. 

That's everything I have to say.  So… tell me something about yourself!  In fact, just use the list above and change it to make it yours if you really want.  I'm sure Professor Plasta won't mind.  In fact, he'll probably be absolutely delighted that he's able to bore students from other countries as well as Spain.  Lucky him.

Actually, I'm quite excited about this whole penpal thing.  It's a chance to get to know new people from new places, as well as, you know 'strengthening international wizarding bonds' (Plasta's words, not mine).  I'm so glad I already speak English.  Everyone else is sitting around cursing at their letters (I've never heard the word 'mierda' more in my LIFE).  I should probably help them.  Any way, please write back soon.


                                          Elena Calamares (I told you I'd write it at the end, didn't I?)

Dear Ms Granger,

            You're going to go and help Ron with his homework aren't you?  He's giving you pleading looks, and you KNOW he'll do very badly if you don't help him, don't you?  And you wouldn't want that to happen to one of your best friends, would you?  So, go and help him with his Transfiguration!  It's the nice friendly thing to do.

            Yours sincerely

                        Best Friends Club

Dear Hermione,

            And it also means that you'll be able to sit next to him, doesn't it?  For a whole hour?  And your knees might brush against each other's the whole time, like they did last week, mightn't they?


                 The Young Romance Association


Padma says she did have it, but she lent it to some fourth year.  Grrr.  So I borrowed your top, I hope you don't mind?  I'll give it back to you tomorrow morning, and I promise I'll be very careful with it. Thank you SO much!  You are a lifesaver. 

            Loads of love,



            I don't mind you borrowing my top.  Just try to keep any red sauce, mucky hands et al away from it.  Please?  Don't worry about cleaning my top – I've got a new charm I want to try on it.

            Hope you have fun,


A Letter To A Complete And Utter Stranger

Dear Elena,

            Hi!  I'm glad I got someone who thinks this is a good idea.  And you have no idea how glad I am that you speak English – I speak very little Spanish.  One of my friends, Ron got some boy (called Carlos or something – do you know him?) who wrote his whole letter in Spanish, and refuses to speak English.  At least, we think that's what he said, we got a first year who speaks Spanish to translate it.  I think I will use Professor Plasta's list, because it should make introducing myself easier.

My name: Hermione Granger (also written at the bottom of the parchment… it does seem like a silly thing to ask – I seem to remember being told at muggle school that you should never ever tell people your name in letters, BECAUSE it'll say at the end.  Try telling your teacher that).

My school: Hogwarts is a great school to go to!  Most of the teachers are really nice and glad to help you (although there are some exceptions) and the lessons are really interesting.  I especially like Transfiguration and Arithmancy.  What subjects do you learn at IZZ?  Which ones do you like best?

My interests: I love to read (certain friends say I do it too much, but I generally ignore them), and I also love to do things with my friends.  Unfortunately we're usually too busy to do that too often, what with homework, practice O.W.L.s papers and Quidditch practice (my friend Harry's on the house team – do you play Quidditch at school?).

My friends:  my two best friends in the world are Harry Potter and Ron Weasley.  We've been through lots together and are as close as can be.  Usually.  Harry is quite quiet at the moment, which is worrying, but he doesn't seem too upset, which is good.  He's often quite quiet recently.  Ron on the other hand, is almost never quiet.  He spends most of his day making sarcastic comments and mocking me.  The rest of the time, he spends talking about Quidditch and NOT doing his homework.  He's infuriating.  I do have some girl friends too, but not as close, although I do talk to Ginny Weasley (Ron's little sister) a lot.

My family: I live with my parents during the holidays.  They're both muggle dentists (are your parents muggles?  Wizards?).  And I don't have any siblings.  I always wanted a little sister.  I'd settle for a little brother, or an older sibling or anything.  It's so boring being an only child – you've got no one to talk to when you're out with your family.  Is it nice having that many siblings?

I should probably tell you something about my life at the moment.  Well, not much has happened so far this year, probably because it's only September 10th.  It's my birthday in nine days though, which is quite exciting.  When's your birthday?

I'd better go now, Neville (a boy in my year) is sending me pleading looks.  He's probably having trouble with his Potions essay, and I really should help him.

            Write back soon,



Have you seen Lavender anywhere?  Her bed hasn't been slept in, and I haven't seen her since she left with Seamus last night.  Can you ask Harry and Ron if they've seen Seamus?  In fact, do you know if anyone has seen either of them?  I'm really worried.




         She probably just lost track of time or fell asleep in the Astronomy Tower or something.  I'm sure she's fine – Ron says that Seamus' bed hadn't been slept in either.  Then he kinda sniggered, so I didn't ask him any more.  Don't worry, she'll probably come stumbling into lessons all bleary eyed.



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Well, that's it for now.  Tell me what you think by LEAVING A REVIEW.  Please?  I'm gonna continue whether you like it or not, cuz it's fun, but still, I would like to know what you think.  Danke.  Oh, and sorry for any Spanish that's wrong, I haven't learnt Spanish for a year, so I'm a bit rusty.