fluffer (ˈflʌfə )

Definitions: (noun) a person employed on a pornographic film set to ensure that male actors are kept aroused

Chapter 1 – Banging Dawn


Something is seriously wrong, it never used to be this way. I was king of this industry, Edward 'The Battery' Cullen, so named because I can keep at it for longer than the Energizer mascot, and 'The Bunny' sounds kinda lame. The only person who even calls me 'Bunny' is Jasper, because he thinks it's amusing, and says I've ploughed through more gardens than the average rabbit.

I first met Jasper when we were both film students at UCLA, when he thought he was going to be the next Spielberg, and I planned on becoming a serious actor. That was before we got mixed up in coke (a little) and cards (a lot) and suddenly we didn't even have enough money to eat, let alone pay for our tuition. We needed cash, and fast, and used the only skills we had, the ability to make a movie.

These aren't the kind of films I write home to my mom about. The thought of her ever seeing them sends ice cold shivers down my spine. She thinks I'm a jobbing actor, waiting on tables to make ends meet, hoping to become the next 'big thing' which, incidentally, is the title of one of my films. Whenever she comes to visit, I have to move out of my bachelor pad in Brentwood and into a shitty shared apartment in Melrose just to keep up the façade. Last month I even pretended to work at Starbucks, thanks to my friend Garrett who owns a franchise, although the latte I served her looked more like congealed spunk than a deluxe coffee.

Now, here I am, lying naked on a leather sofa, hoping to hell the cleaners Jasper employs have managed to fully disinfect it, and trying to will my flaccid cock to stand to attention.

The dude isn't listening.

I blame Rosalie Hale. Before she even walked into the studio this morning I could tell it was going to be a bad day. The way she slammed her car door told me her PMS was at full throttle, and then she stormed into the room, her face scrunched into a frown.

"You'd better make this quick, Cullen. I've got a date tonight and I don't want to be hanging around for the money shot. And don't pull my hair, these extensions cost five hundred dollars. If you touch a single one of them, I'll chop your dick off." She was pulling her clothes off as she spoke, then wandered naked over to the wardrobe area, where she was given some skimpy lingerie that would be ripped off her in five minutes.

"Hey Rosalie, nice to see you too," I'd smirked at her. I was wearing just a pair of soft blue jeans, hanging off my hips, my chest bare, bronzed and oiled. I hate that shit, but it's part of the job.

"Don't give me any lip today, I'm not in the mood. Just do your thing and get out of there, capisce?"

Yeah, way to get me in the mood, baby. It's like she thinks I'm some sort of machine, and she doesn't see the need to sweet talk me. She expects me to just get it up, bang her, and then walk away with a smile on my face.

It doesn't seem to be happening. This inability to perform on request is becoming a common occurrence.

Jasper calls for a break and pulls me to one side, his brows dipped in concern.

"Ed, we need to do something about this, every minute's costing us." He knows as well as I do our production company can't take any delays. We run a tight budget.

"I can't help it, it's like my dick needs to be wooed. Rosalie isn't doing it for me."

"I've got a little blue friend who can help." From the way he taps the medicine cabinet next to us, I assume he doesn't mean a smurf.

"I'm not taking Viagra. That shit can muck up your system." Okay, so I've put hundreds of different chemicals in my mouth before, but I've never messed with my libido. Jesus Christ, I'm twenty-six, not sixty-six.

"You're gonna have to do something, we can't go on like this." Jasper is literally pulling his hair out. He's tugging at his blond locks like they're going to help me get it up. It isn't working.

"I want a fluffer."

Jasper stops his tugging and stares at me, his mouth slightly open. A moment later, he starts to laugh.

"Nobody uses fluffers any more, Ed. That's why God invented Viagra."

"Correction, nobody but Edward Cullen uses fluffers. And I need you to get me one, pronto."

Jasper starts to pace, his brown leather work boots scuffing across the linoleum of the studio floor. "Where do you think I'm going to get one from, fluffersRus dot com?"

"I don't know, there must be someone who still does that shit."

"Dude, the only fluffers that were ever any good were ex-porn stars, and you and I both know they'll turn you on even less than Rosalie Hale does." Jasper is hissing now. He keeps looking at his watch like a girl on a blind date. "For fuck's sake just pop a pill."

"I won't do it." I fold my arms in front of me like a toddler having a tantrum. "I want to sort this out the old fashioned way."

"Now he thinks he's John fucking Holmes." Yeah, Jasper is definitely pissed. He always starts talking in the third person when he's really riled up. But I love him anyway for comparing me to the best-ever porn star, even if John Holmes died years ago.

"Come on," I cajole, sensing a little weak spot, "just give it a go. If it doesn't work, I promise I'll go blue for you."

Jasper leans against the wall, cupping his hand around his stubbled chin as his lips twist to the side. This is his thinking pose.

"If, and I mean if, I do this, what sort of girl are you looking for?"

I glance over at Rosalie Hale. She's standing in front of a mirror, cupping her over-large enhanced globes in her hands as she pouts at herself.

"She needs to be all natural. No fake tits, just a bangin' body." I start to form a picture in my mind. "And she can't be old. I want her to be in her early twenties, maybe mid twenties. No older."

Rosalie is now watching herself shake her own hair, and the over-processed blonde locks whip through the air as she moves.

"And she needs to have brown hair. No blondes." I'm feeling pleased with myself. I can just picture this cute little brunette, doing whatever it takes to make me get it up. It's like I'm one of those kids in that movie 'Weird Science' and I'm making my ideal woman. Just the thought of her makes me twitch.

Shit, if I can get a hard-on from just thinking about her, I can't wait to see what she's going to do for me in the flesh.

A/N Thanks to A-JASPER-FOR-ME and Grnidgrl for their hard work and support - and for making us smile!

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