Hey Guys! I am up for a little while and have this new story that I want you all to read. It took me quite a while to decide for the style for this cross-over. So it would match the style of Bakemonogatari, one of my best anime.


The starting 'Italic' is just a prologue.

Bakemonogatari- Naruto's POV- It will be like this throughout the story.

Bakemonogatari- Third person view.

"Bakemonogatari"-Dialogue delivery.

'Bakemonogatari'-Thought delivery.

I never understood…

They always used to say that I would never change, no matter how much time passed…

I never understood, what would never change…

Was it my never-ending determination? - No…I have given up a long time ago…

Was it my desire to bring people together? – No…I have given up that dream of true peace a long time ago…

Was it my love for ramen? – As amusing as that might be, I have long ago gotten over my ramen fetish…

I don't think I would ever understand, what they saw in me to say that…

Maybe others do, may be they not.

But I do not.

They all died smiling at him as if they knew a very important secret that he didn't, which keep them smiling to the end. If anyone of them were still alive, they would have laughed and said.

Idiot…It's your kindness…

In one true sense, Uzumaki Naruto is an idiot.

If I was aware of that…

I would have changed it…

Changed myself…

But they never told me…

I wonder if that was the reason, I did the mistake of catching her in my arms…

That day wasn't anything special, as always I was climbing up the ridiculously long stairs of my School. Naoetsu Private High School, the best in the area. And also, the place where the weirdest people come to reside.

I was one of them.

That's when my eyes caught her. It was like an angel descending from the heavens. The wisps of lights accompanying her luminous figure were making it even more believing for me. Her long dark tresses fluttering in the wind, as if they have become alive. For a moment I thought, she really has descended from heavens to take my soul.

For being what I am, I wouldn't be surprised.

But the lack of wings make me realize that it isn't some angel.

It's a girl with an unfortunate tag on her.

For falling, that is…

For a moment I thought of just watching, see her collide with the pavement. Let her blood splatter all around me. I am sure she must have very rich blood.

Don't ask me how I know that.

It's an Oddity thing.

I spread my arms…

Didn't I said, it was just a thought. I wasn't going to let her die.

That would be too merciful.

The wisps of light glimmered again, as I felt her lithe body in my arms. It felt so weak, so fragile; I feared that I might break her.

And that was also the moment I realized.

She was as light as feather.


I don't know what would have gone through her mind, when she gazed at me with those glossy eyes of her. Maybe she was surprised, maybe she was angry, sad.

It could be anything.

But when I gazed into her darkened orbs, and realized that this girl really doesn't have any weight, I knew what has happened.

I have found out something, which I wasn't supposed to find out…

Curiosity, the desire to learn about things you don't know…

To explore, to search…

Many great men have fallen because of this one single trait.

She glanced out the window, her caged eyes seeing past the brightness the sun provided. "Even though it's the cultural festival, we are already third years. There isn't much we have to do seriously. Besides, preparing for the exams is also very important.".

Tapping her green pen against her notebook, she gazed at him with her sleek eyes, "For starters, let's list some alternatives. We will get everyone to cast their votes from there.", spinning the pen around her hand, she rested her chin against her fist, "How's that?"

She watched as his glimmering silver eyes, narrowed as the lids on them drop even further in disinterest. "Its fine, after all…Japan is a free country…"

An amused smile pulled on her lips, tugging her mouth upwards, "You tone is dull as always, Uzumaki-kun. Should I call you indifferent, or it is…"

'You didn't find it interesting enough?'

A slight smile of amusement tugged his lips, as he remembered the events of few past weeks. Gazing at the caged-eyes girl. In appearance, one of the most innocent. In mind one of the sharpest, But in heart…

One of the most devilish.

Just to tell you…

She is Hanekawa Tsubasa, the class representative. She is law-abiding, well mannered, extremely serious and highly praised by teachers…

Actually…She is the representative of the representatives. One of the most perfect human you could find out there. I know it sounds impossible, but it's true. It's something that can't be expressed in human language. If you need to pass word of the girl called Hanekawa Tsubasa, you necessitate to speak the tongue of gods.

Or maybe that of a Devil.

Yay, Lucky me…

He softly blinked, his eyes following the slight juggle of her breasts. It's not that he is a pervert, It's just that Hanekawa is perfect in human sense.

And he still have some of that left in him.

She is awfully cute, that's just a plus.

Tick. Tick.

Tapping her green pen against the notebook "Just for reference, what did you suggest for the cultural festival last year and the year before?"

"Ghost-house, Ice-cream parlour."

Yes, I have a slight cold sense of humour, but that's not a problem.


And, as the Vice-President, I am discussing the plans for the cultural festival with Neko.


His eyes flickered slightly towards the door, as he sensed it.

That brings me to my earlier thoughts.

Yes, many great men have fallen because of their curiosity.

The phrase: Curiosity killed the cat, perfectly fits here.

But I am not a Neko.

Neko is the girl right in front of me.

I am a Fox, a crazy Fox.

His eyes silently swept back at the girl, showing a little more of silver than before. "We have a student named Senjougahara in our class, right?"

As always Miss-Perfect, smiled with that cute tilt of her head, "Senjougahara-san? What about her?"

He slightly tilted his head, "Hm, You could say I am concerned about her. Doesn't she always take leave from school since her body is weak? Wondering if she would even join the festival?"

She tilted her head, "Hm?"

"Moreover…", his lid fell, as only one orb was staring at the girl, "The name Senjougahara Hitagi isquite strange and fascinating?"

Said girl smiled, putting down her green pen, "Senjougahara…that surname comes from the name of a place."

"And her given name?"

She frowned slightly, one hand covering her cheek, right under the glasses, "Senjougahara's given name is…Hitagi, correct?", Looking back at him, she smiled, "Is there anything as strange as that? 'Hitagi' sounds like civil engineering jargon."

He leaned forward, His chin resting against his palm, "As expected of my all-knowing Neko."

She smiled, her eyes twinkling in amusement behind the glasses. The name he has given her is a little…


"It's not that I know everything.", she raised a slender finger, in the perfect pose of a correct answer. "I just know what I know."

"That's rare."

His voice was exceptionally soft, losing that entire cute voice act. As her figure glinted under the red rays of the darkening sun. The smile on her face wasn't amused.

"Uzumaki-kun is actually interested in someone else."

His smile widened ever so slightly.


And as perfect she is, she gave that same perfect reaction. Her cheeks slightly reddening, as she blinked, before giggling.

"Boys always like girls that are physically ill. Ah, seriously…"

Her voice sharpened.

"How disgusting."

His smile too widened.

Definitely jealous.

He let his eyes traveled to the left, letting them glimmer under the red haze; As Neko stared at them in slight fascination.

Even there are things she didn't know.

But that isn't an illness.

He blinked, the glow subsiding, slowly dimming like the flickering lights. "What kind of person is Senjougahara?"

She knows him a little too well. Even that she could tell from just the way of his speaking, that he wasn't exactly fooling around for once. He really wants to know.

"You should be more informed regarding things about her, shouldn't you? Haven't the two of you in the same class for three consecutive years?"

"We have…?"

She smiled amused, not surprised that he didn't even know that about Senjougahara. Putting her green pen down, "Well, she is an honours student with a clean record. Her grades are also pretty good. But I have only been in the same class as her for a month. Indeed, I don't know her that well. Golden Week lies within that month."

She saw his amused smile.

Titling her head in that perfect cute way, "What about Golden week?".

His smile only widened, "It's nothing. Carry on…"

She slightly nodded, "Oh, let me think…Senjougahara-san…She doesn't speak much. She doesn't seem to have any friends, either. It must be because of her illness. She was livelier and more full of spirit during junior high."

He tilted his head, "So, you go to the same school as her?"

She dipped her head. "Yeah."

"She was really beautiful, good at sports and the star of the track team."

Her hand rose, gripping her chin in that perfect thinking pose, "Therefore, I heard many rumors…"

He raised a slim silver eyebrow.

"That she is a very good person who treat others kindly.", leaning back in her chair, "Apparently her father is an important figure in a foreign-owned business. She also seems to be living in a luxurious house. Despite that, she has never shown arrogance."

"She sounds superhuman."

She smiled amused, "She sounds like you."

Maybe she do…

"Maybe it's inappropriate to say this, but Senjougahara-san…", her hands slightly squeezed, as she realized that it would make his earlier statement quite true. "But Senjougahara-san…"

Her eyes lost some of the shine that was carrying, yet a glint in them shined like a bright star.

"…looks more beautiful now than she did in the past. A fragile existence."

His eyes soften…

I know it must be hard for her, in that house.

She followed his fluid movements as he stood up from his seat.

"I have to go. Oshino told me to come over."

She leaned forward, curious like a Neko, "Oshino-san? What happened?"

"It's just to help with some stuff at work."

Her eyelids fell slightly, "Hm?"

A purr escaped her lips as Naruto scratched her behind the ear, almost like a cat. "Neko, can I leave rest to you?"

She leaned more into his touch, "Mhm~ if you promise to make up for it later, I will agree to end it here today. You shouldn't keep Oshino-san waiting for so long."

He let out a soft chuckle, "Thanks."

She slightly slump forward, it's something only Naruto is allowed to do. Or rather, only he could make her purr like that.

It's an Oddity thing.

"Say hi to Oshino-san for me."

The voice was unexplainably soft, a slight undertone of monotone accompanying it.

"What were you discussing with Hanekawa-san?"

His face appeared over his shoulder, one silver eye gazing back.

He blinked as he felt the cold edge of…



Her eyes were glinting, "Do not move."

She is serious.

He didn't move.

Her free hand rose, shifting back the bangs falling over her face, "Ah, I said that wrong.".

She didn't sound surprised at all.

"You are free to move, but doing so will be very dangerous. That's what I meant to say."


"Curiosity…such a thing can be compared to cockroaches."

Sorry to disappoint you, but I belong to a different species.

"It swarms around the secrets that one doesn't want others to know. It's truly frustrating."

I can imagine.

Her eyes twinkled as a sadistic smile dragged on her lips.

Maybe she is enjoying the sight of surprise on my face.

Poor girl, doesn't know that she isn't the only one who can act.

Shifting the bangs once again, "Hey. What is it? Is your right side feeling neglected? Well, why didn't you say so?"

Where did she get that stapler from?

"Though I must say, I was careless. I really did not expect a banana peel to be at such a place."

Her eyes were dark, to the point that she might even injure him.

"You found out, didn't you?"

Her grip tightened on his mouth, "That's right. I don't have any weight."

"Despite what I said, I am not entirely weightless."

Weird Girl.

"According to my body shape and height, my average weight should be in range of 45 kg and above. But my actual weight is…"

"…5 kg."


"It happened after I graduated from middle school and before I started high school. I met a crab. It completely stripped me of my weight."

That's something I would…

"It's forgivable even if you don't understand it. I am only telling you this since I find it inconvenient for you to stick your nose into it any further, Uzumaki-kun."

"Uzumaki-kun. Hey, Uzumaki Naruto-kun."

"Tell me. What should I do if I want to render you unable to reveal my secret? What should I do for myself…in order to make you swear not to reveal it, even if you were to be tortured and interrogate? What can I do to disable your mouth?"

Frankly my dear, there is nothing you could do to me or my mouth.

Naruto didn't move.

"Regardless, what I want is silence and ignorance. If you promise to stay silent and feign ignorance, nod your head twice, Uzumaki-kun. Any other action, including staying still will be taken as an act of hostility."

"And I shall act immediately."

She is…

His eyes lidded.



His jaw tightened.

Her eyes widened.

He rolled his eyes, at that stunned look she was giving him.


He worked his jaw, chewing a few more times determining that nothing left in between his teeth.

He swallowed.

She took a step back.

Gazing into her widened eyes, he simply walked past her.

"Come…I can help you."

"Oshino…Oshino-san?", she asked.

"Oshino Meme, he helped me. And I recede back from my complete vampirism."

To the point where I don't need to drink blood.

Her long tresses flowed with the wind, as her lidded eyes focused on his back. She could see the muscles straining against the clothes. 'Is it a vampire thing or he just exercises?'

She hummed, "Hm…Oshino Meme? The name sounds very Moe."

"He is a 30 year old uncle.", his voice was deadpan.

She wasn't embarrassed, "Ah, I see."

"But he must have been Moe when he was young."

Weird girl, I tell you.

"Don't use an approach like that to visualize real people. That would be embarrassing."

He felt her twitch.

A slight smile tugged on his lips.

"Do you understand what 'Moe' & 'Character' are?"

"They are part of general education.", she closed her eyes, as if speaking something obvious, "A character such as myself is known as Tsundere, am I correct?"

He glanced back, a slight smile tugging his lips.

Well, you still have to show me your cute side.

"My butt hurts. It feels numb."

Do you want me to massage it?

"My skirt is also crumpled."

He stared at her, "At least you have the 'Tsun' part correct."

Her eyebrows furrowed, "Don't push your responsibility. Be careful or I will chop it off."

He gave her an amused glance, "I am more suitable for that, mind you."

He glanced at her empty hand.

"You put your bag at school.", it was a statement.

"When your body conceals your stationary, you don't need a bag."

"I see."

So, the invisible pocket dimension of women still exist. I thought it went extinct a long time ago.

"Without going empty-handed, I cannot fight freely in the event of an emergency."

There goes her normality.

Turning to her, "I will hold that stationary for you. I will guard it. Hand it over."

She slightly pulled back, "Why?"

"Oshino is weird, but he is my friend. I can't let him meet someone dangerous."

And you have proved how dangerous you can be with those things.

"Now you tell me?" Her tone was suspicious.

I wouldn't blame her.

She blinked, her eyes narrowing, "You set me up, didn't you?"

His eyes narrowed, the silver hiding in disinterest, tilting his head slightly, "I have better things to do."

That would hurt any girl's pride.

10 points for me.

Her eyes sharpened for a moment, before they fell. Her slim hand tentatively took hold of her tie. "I get it. Take good care of it."

Is there a reason her eyes seem black like monster's?



Definitely weird.

"I don't think, you would be able to do the 'dere' part."

He saw her twitch.

He smiled, unnoticeable.

"Don't be mistaken. I haven't let my guard down against you."

You would be an idiot, if you do.

"Keep this in mind. My five thousand barbarous comrades are stationed to attack your family if they don't receive contact from me every minute."

"It's over one minute already."

"So you have already planned it that far."

"Who do you think I am, a military commander?"

No pun intended.

"Both of your sisters are still in the middle school, aren't they?"

"It amazes me that you know so much about me."

Her eyes turned into a glare.

"Then don't say it in monotone."

I could guess, why she was surprised. The building looks like that not even a rat would live in it.

I was correct, her body is lithe, her wrist is far too soft to be normal.

A fragile existence.

"This way."

"What are you doing? Don't even think that I am thanking the likes of you."

"I am not."

"Rather, you should the one, on your knees apologizing to me."

"Pray tell."

"You ate my cutter and stapler. Those were of high quality."

"Not much, they were made of 76% iron, 15% stainless steel, 10% chromium 2% carbon and 2% Polyvinylchloride. Over all, not something expensive."

I think the stunned look on her face is quite cute.

"If I said, 'being undead is just so convenient,' would you be offended?"

"No, it's pretty awesome. Until the point where you try to eat your own family."

"I see…"

"I am no longer undead, last trait was something I didn't want."

She stared at the stairs.

"Uzumaki-kun, I will say this once more."


"Perhaps it's difficult to tell from my clothes, but my body might not actually worth the pay you would pay for committing the crime."

"How should I say this?...You seem overly self-conscious? And quite interested in that topic, do you find it endearing?"

"How rude. Be that as it may, there are things you should and shouldn't say."

"You knew?" he asked genuinely surprised.

She twitched.

I love the way I could make people squirm.

She looked around.

'A bicycle'

'Hospital beds'

'Meat remains'

"I must say, I am impressed that this Oshino person manages to live in such a decrepit building."

He tilted his head, "Humans are quite adaptable creatures, you give them a spoon, they will make a trap to catch prey."

He glanced back at her, greeting her with a smile of amusement.

I could hear her heartbeat increasing.

"And no ordinary person would fit with me."

I have tested that theory many times. Every time, the ordinary person has died in some of the most gruesome way.

It was interesting, the moment he noticed the little blond girl perk up like a child she is. He knew that Naruto has entered the building. It really amaze him how this nothing could be excited by the presence of another person.

'Maybe that's why Uzumaki-kun, gave her a name.'

He leaned forward in the shadow, "Oh, Uzumaki-kun. You are finally here."

He glanced upward.

He blinked.

"What's this, Uzumaki-kun? You have a different girl with you today?"

Naruto didn't even blink, "Don't include me in your party, you perverted old man."

He slightly perked up, "Hm. Nice to meet you, Ojou-san. I am Oshino desu."

She bowed politely, "Nice to meet you, too. I am Senjougahara Hitagi desu."

I wonder, where these etiquettes were when she was talking to me.

"I am classmate with Uzumaki-kun. I heard some things about you from him."

He let his Cigarette hang between his fingers, "Ah, I see."

Naruto took the pause as his queue, "Oshino, around two years ago, this girl-"

"Please refrain from referring to me as 'this girl'.", her voice wasn't curt.

Now she is bickering with me.

What are we? A married couple?!

Naruto held back his sigh, "Then how should I address you?".

She stared at him with narrowed eyes, "Senjougahara-sama."

Okay, she is more than just weird.


"So, you are a pervert as well.", he stated.

Tap. Tap.

Naruto blinked, "That wouldn't work on me."

She just blinked, "So even the eyes, human's most venerable organ is strengthened in Vampirism."

Naruto shrugged, "No, Tsunderes' like you have the habit of gouging out eyes of others."

"If I kick you between legs, would it work?"

"Yes, the point is if I let you."

"You hurt a woman's feelings."

He smiled, "I love it, it's a wonderful feeling."

She closed her eyes, "In any case, before we start…", her arm rose, as she pointed one slender finger at the figure in the corner, "Who is that kid?".

Naruto blinked, as his steps slowly took him towards the little girl, "Don't mind her. One without shape or shadow…"

He sat before the girl, pulling her in his lap, as he softly patted her head. The girl seems to adjust herself for a moment before settling under the caring hands and let them do their magic. "A child that doesn't exist."

Oshino leaned back, "We named her, means she began to exist. Oshino Shinobu. Her surname is mine, but the name is given by Uzumaki-kun. And its suits her quite well."

That wasn't what she wanted to know, "What I was saying, what exactly is this kid?"

Naruto didn't even glanced back, busy patting the little girl, "She is nothing. The remains of a vampire. The left overs of a beautiful demon.", his eyes softened, as he solved a tug in her hair, "Saying it like that is useless, but it can't be helped."

She blinked, "I see."

Her eyes traveled back to the blond man, "It's nothing major. Then I will forget it.", she glanced towards the silver-head, then at the blond man, "I heard you can help me?"

His head lowered, "Help you? No can't do. The only one who can save you is yourself, Ojou-chan."

Her eyes tightly narrowed, glinting like a predator. "I've been fed that stage line by five other people. All of them were fraudsters. Don't tell me you are just like them, Oshino-san?"

She has a really sharp tongue.

Aloha man seem to shake for a moment, before giving a short laugh, "You sure are feisty, Ojou-chan. Did something good happen to you?"

I really doubt that.

He titled his head, his eyes glinting, "Well, anyway…If you don't tell me, there is nothing to be said. I keep secret well. It'll be all right."

Naruto blinked, "Let me give the gist of it."

He glanced at the girl as she spoke, her voice almost monotone as ever. "No need for that, Uzumaki-kun. I will do it myself."

He gazed into her eyes, "Are you sure?".

Her eyes told everything, "I am able to do it myself."

She is…


After getting the gist of it.

"Omoshi Kani."

She didn't blink, the name alone was fascinating, "Omoshi Kani?"

Oshino's head dropped, "Yes, it's a myth from the mountains in the Kyushu region.", he looked towards the moon, through the broken window. "According to different areas, Omoshi Kani is also known as Omoishi Kani (Heavy Stone God) or Omoshi Gani (Emotion God). Furthermore, Omoishi Kami is another way of saying it. It's a pun of Kani and Kami, which are crab and god."

Naruto tilted his head, "Is the location specific?"

"The place doesn't have much unique significance. If the right conditions are met, it shall emerge there. That's all there is to it."

He paused.

"In this case, it doesn't necessarily have to be a crab. They are also myths that they are rabbits. And…though I am not talking about Shinobu-chan, there are also myths that they were beautiful girls."

Naruto leaned back, "It's like the face of the moon."

He leaned forward, his gloved hand coming together with the naked, "Well, since you say you met a crab, Ojou-chan, this time it must be a crab.", forming a crab.

She wasn't interested, "What exactly is it? Its name is of no value to me."

Oshino chided the girl, "The name is very important. I also mentioned it earlier. It could originally be a god, rather than a crab. I mean, it diverged from Omoishi Kami to become Omoshi Kani. You are one of the fortunate ones amongst the unfortunate."

Oshino tried to be humorous.

But he isn't.

She stared, "Why do you say that?"

"Gods are everywhere. They are everywhere, but nowhere. Before you become like this…it was beside you, yet not beside you."

"It's an ambiguous question and answer, isn't it?"

"This is a Shinto matter. Oh, maybe it's Shugendou? Don't be mistaken, Ojou-chan. You didn't become like this as a result of something. It's only that the perspective changed a bit."

"Perspective? What are you trying to say?"

Isn't that simple?

"I am saying that your, 'Oh, so pitiful' look makes me unhappy, Ojou-chan."

He is testing you.

They stared into each other's eyes.

He closed his eyes, "Eh, still so calm, are you? I thought you were a spoiled little miss."

I know she is, somewhere.

"Why would you think that?"

"A majority of the people who encounter Omoshi Kani are like that. It's not something you can meet because you want to. Interference with this god is uncommon."

She has every right to be stunned.

"Uncommon Interference?"

His one golden eye stared at her, "It merely exists there. It won't come true if you don't anticipate it."

Everything exists; you just have to believe in it.

"Rather, I don't want to dive too deep into this matter. Regardless if it can be done or not, I understand. If you wish to regain your weight, I can help you."

He glanced at the Silver-head, "Besides, Uzumaki-kun recommend me to you."

Her hair glinted, as the invisible wind caresses her before moving towards the Silver-Enigma. She stood still, his words repeating in her head over and over, as a slight hope rose.

"You will help me?"

How was it? It was something I wanted to do for a long time. I have it planned, somewhat, But I really love Bakemonogatari and there are only handful cross-overs of these two which aren't that good.

It was also a trial, I have used a new writing style. Please tell if the grammar and style was alright. I really enjoyed writing it.

This is just a prologue, a test run for how it would be responded by readers and I am hoping for a good response.

Please Comment, I want to know so bad! If you like it or not.

Anyone want to be beta is welcomed.