"I really like fruit, Malik."

"I'm aware of that, novice."

"Oh? How did you know?"

"Well, seeing as you just foolishly spent all your money on a large basket of oranges—the most expensive food sold in the city, no less—and are now sitting in the middle of my bureau, peeling and eating them with your hidden blades sheds some light on your stupid interests, you damned fool."

"Oh, Malik, do not be like that. See, it tastes delicious."

"You have just eaten five nearly whole. I can tell. Also, you are now destitute."

"Your point?"

"I haven't the slightest idea how in Allah's name you ever became a master assassin."

"I became a master assassin for a good reason, you know."

"And what would that be? Enlighten me, novice."

"I mastered the skill of assassination."

"… your idiocy astounds me."

"That is certainly more than could be said about you, Malik. Come, sit beside me and enjoy an orange."

"Absolutely not. Unlike you, I have many hours of work to toil over. And if you get one more spot of orange juice on my clean floor, I will cut you with your own blades."

"You make very haughty threats for being a one-armed man."

"You forget that it was your inanity that led me to lose it in the first place."

"I do not forget; I merely try not to dwell on past mistakes. They will hold both of us back. I apologized and you forgave me, did you not?"

"… Let's not speak about this any longer."

"You were the one that brought the subject up."

"Enough, novice."

"Fine, fine."

"Could you eat those a bit quieter, please?"

"I'm only trying to audibly tantalize you. You have no idea what you are missing. These oranges are plump and ripe, and I bought many of them."

"I am not hungry."

"I doubt that."

"Even if I were, why would I be enticed by those disgusting slurping sounds that you are making? They are revolting. You are revolting."

"Mmm, but Malik, you should be enticed. You know that this is exactly the way I sound when I have something I enjoy in my mouth."

"… Altair."

"Aha! Am I not a novice anymore?"

"You are always a novice, novice. Especially if you say lewd things."

"Why is it lewd? Is it not true?"

"… well, you are not wrong, but…"

"You see? Now come and have an orange."

"No, dammit!"

"You are very stubborn, Malik. Fine, I was just about finished with my meal, anyhow. I am rather sticky from the juice. How should I clean up?"

"Go wash in the basin of water outside."

"Hm, I would rather have you lick it off."

"Altair, haven't you anything better to do than torment me?"

"Yes, but this is certainly more fun than missions."

"If you will be quiet, novice, perhaps I will lick you clean."

"… Oh, will you?"

"No. Now shut up and wash outside or leave."

"Damn, I was so close. What do I have to do to win your affection, Malik?"

"Quit talking for ten minutes or so."

"Oh, that isn't so hard."

"Yes it is. Silence is nearly impossible for you."

"I suppose so. I will have to stuff my mouth with another one of these oranges."

"I swear to Allah, if you eat one more of those, I will honestly kill you."

"Now that I don't doubt!"

"… Fine. I will pander to you. Give me an orange."

"Excellent. You need some food, Malik. Oranges are good for you."

"Do you know what else is good for me?"

"What?"

"You not chattering for a short while."

"You said yourself that such a feat is impossible. Why do you want me to stop talking, anyhow?"

"Because you are annoying."

"That is true."

"Novice."

"What?"

"You need not try and win my affection. You already have it."

"…"

"Now, did I not tell you to hand me an orange, Altair?"

"Oh. Yes."