So here you are, a treat for your feels.
Insanity is but a word to define madness, foolishness and irrationality. In other words, Loki was mentally ill after staying in prison for so long.
It began with emotional journey of finding out the truth of his heritage, adding up the pain that was dealt with the actions he and everyone had done during that time. Not to mention the fact that when he tried to commit suicide it didn't work out as planned.
Beaten up and lost, entering a world that he knew nothing of, he was forced to submit to a higher evil being. Forced to do what they commanded him to, in return, they would not break is as much as they usually do. Having fulfilled those commands and failing at it miserably, he again is in chains.
Dragged into the deepest darkest parts of Asgard's prison, forced to stay without much food or water, belittled and left alone.
No one to visit, no one to talk to but himself.
The seconds, minutes, hours, Days and even a year of counting and yet no one had arrived from the prison. His mind began to work as it gave him little hope.
Hallucinations kicking in, desperation, pity, pain and self-suffering...
All of it he had to endure.
But it kept him alive.
It made him survive.
Without his hallucinations, he would be nothing.
Of course, at one point someone had saved him. He could barely recall it but the emotions were there and it was running wild within his veins. Thor, Frigga and Odin were there. Loki could also recall the Warriors four in the background but that felt like a dream to him.
Something he would never really understand.
But here's the truth, the given fact, sure Loki may have been broken out of prison and the council may have been dealt with, but the demons are still lingering.
It cannot easily be undone, what the prison itself has done.
Including the people around it.
Loki has been submerged and drowned with all these thoughts and emotions and it was hard to bring back what once was there.
For now, Thor, Frigga, Odin and the warriors four have decided to take things slow. Let Loki adjust to the life he had before, but it wasn't going to be an easy task. It would be a stretch of patience with all of them, a need to do what they can to help out in their own little way.
Loki's mind was far from gone, it was almost beyond repaired but they still had faith and hope that everything would return to the way it should be.
At first, when Loki woke up, his mind had fogged so suddenly, a wave of panic hit him added with a little confusion.
For the first time he felt good about waking up.
He sat up straight and felt his back was full of relief and comfort. Then he noticed he was on a comfortable bed, looking around to see the room slightly lit up by the sun with red curtains attached to the walls and gold everywhere.
He blinked, unable to speak.
"Where am I?" He wondered. "Is this Thor's room?"
He touched the sheet covering him, intertwining them with his fingers and bringing it up to his face to caress his cheeks.
It felt so good, instead of sitting and lying on the cold damp floor of his prison. This though, it felt like a dream come true, as if all his worries were answered. But it was too fast to hope and his heart sank, maybe this was just a dream and soon he would wake up from it.
So what was the point of being happy if it will soon be taken away from you?
Loki brought his legs up and hugged his knees.
That was the only time he truly noticed his clothes, they were cleaner and far more comforting, no holes, no rips and the horrible smell was gone.
He felt most of his wounds were healed and his hair was no longer sticky as it was before. His pale skin was smooth and free of dirt, there were light scaring laced on his body but barely visible.
He heard someone say.
Loki felt his whole body tense as he turned his head to the other side of the bed.
"Be safe, brother-"
Loki knew that voice, that all familiar voice. The voice was muttering, the tone sounded as if he was in pain. Like there was a heartache. And Loki couldn't help but feel sorry.
Then it dawned to him that he wasn't the only one inside the room, he crept his hands to the body quietly and pulled at the covers to reveal blonde hair.
He took another pull as the covers reached the mans waist.
"Thor." Loki whispers. "Is that you?"
"Hmm?" Thor groaned.
"Why am I here?" Loki asked, still with a low voice.
Thor didn't answer him and when Loki crept a little closer, he could see the dark bags under Thor's eyes and the tiredness looming over him. Loki frowned a little, not wanting to bother his brother any further, but the questions were still lingering inside his head.
"An utter idiot and a fool." Unconsciously, Loki began to fondle with Thor's hair.
Twisting and pulling at it gently, while he kept thinking.
It dawned over him that Thor had promised before, that he would stay by his side when he wakes. This brought a smile to Loki's face as he couldn't contain his laughter.
He giggled uncontrollably and crept up to Thor's side.
Poking and prodding.
"Wake up." He whispered, clear and innocent. "Thor?"
But Thor didn't bulge, he lay there facing Loki, still wrapped with the sheet and still sleeping soundly. Loki again tried to pull at Thor's hair, hoping to get a reaction. He wasn't sure why he was doing what he was doing, but it seemed right at the time.
"Brother, wake up."
This time, Loki pulled harder at a lock of Thor's hair, earning a groan of the man waking up. Not really happy with what was happening, then again, Loki wasn't really paying attention to that.
"Thor." He pleaded.
"Please wake up."
He didn't need to say it because the tone of his voice already applied it.
"I need you." was what Loki desperately needed at the time.
To hear Thor's voice, to feel his touch, to see if he was real or not because Insanity was a cruel thing.
You have no idea what is real and what's not. Both realities tend to catch up to you in the most horrifying way. Loki didn't want that to happen, now that he finally woke up.
"Brother if you don't wake up I will burn everything in this room."
"Thor, why aren't you waking up?"
Loki was getting tired of trying to wake him, a slight panicked breathing rising from his chest. He could almost feel the world crashing down on him.
Then he poked at Thor.
"No, brother stop." Thor said, clearly still asleep.
"Not until you awaken, you stayed true to your word but now I need you awake."
"Give me a few more minutes." Thor pushed Loki's hand away.
This brought a surprise to Loki, he felt slightly offended rubbing at his swatted hand.
He took a moment to compose himself, he really didn't think it through but he really wanted Thor awake. Being in a quiet room was one thing which was the prison was one thing, because Loki expected a few things to happen but now, he was in Thor's room.
A lot of possibilities could happen.
And he only wanted to wake Thor up to give him reasons to stay and for Thor to give him the comfort and safety he desperately wanted and longed for.
Loki brought his fingers to tap Thor's nose, when all of a sudden, Thor's hand grabbed at Loki's wrist causing him to whimper in pain.
"Brother. Stop." Loki whined, pain traveling to his wrist.
Thor had his hand stretched and his other elbow supporting his weight, he blinked a few times to see what was happening only to look at a frightened Loki.
Eyes wide and lips quivering.
"Loki, I am-"
Before Thor could finish Loki began to struggle, screaming at the top of his lungs with full bloody murder at him. By that time as Loki kept struggling, Thor unconsciously tightened his grip making Loki more uncomfortable.
"Let me go!" He kept repeating and pulled at his hand. "Let me go!"
"Loki, it is I!" Thor shouted back.
"Please let go! Stop!"
"I am sorry for what I did brother, please, cease your struggling."
"Stop. Just please let go."
"I won't, you might run or hurt yourself."
"Stay away from me." Loki cried, tears spilling endlessly. "You're hurting me, let go."
Thor didn't let go, he loosened his grip a little hoping to calm his brother down. Whispering calming words and prayed to the Norns that Loki would stop screaming and struggling.
His shouts could be hear all over the palace and Thor was sure that Heimdall was already informing the King and Queen of Loki's awakening.
This was not a good start for a day.
"Just Let go! Please! No more!"
As Loki kept struggling he fell off the bed, dragging Thor down with him.
Thor took this as an opportunity to pin Loki down with his weight. Lifting both of Loki's hand above his head with one hand and using the other to cup Loki's face and whisper soothing words.
"Please." Loki shut his eyes, tears running down his cheeks. "Please."
"Shush, brother." Thor whispered. "All will be well, just calm down."
This calmed Loki down a little, but Loki kept begging to be let go.
"Please, please, please."
Loki kept saying, like a mantra.
Eyes still shut tight and his breathing erratic.
During that time, the doors had already opened revealing a very horrified Frigga clutching at her gown and walking fast towards them, followed by Odin and the warriors four with their weapons ready.
All of them thinking that something horrible had happened.
Finding that there was no threat and there was only Thor pinning Loki on the ground with his hand above his head, they lowered their weapons and entered the room.
"My sons." Odin breathed.
"Thor!" Frigga clasped her mouth. "What are you doing to your brother?"
"I had not realize it was him when I woke up, I grabbed at his hand and he cowered away from me. I am keeping him from running, I do not wish to hurt him."
"Make him let me go." Whined Loki, tears still not stopping.
"Thor let him go." His mother knelt by their side, stroking Loki's hair.
"But mother, he might hurt you-"
"I am his mother." She says sternly.
"Does he recognize you Thor?" came Odin's voice. "Had he tried to attack you?"
"No, he tried to wake me and I reacted harshly."
Thor said, breathing evenly and gently letting Loki go, who scrambled to his feet only to be grabbed by his mother's hand and pulled to her chest, singing one of her sweet melodies to calm him down. Eventually, everyone in the room watched as Loki sobbed on her shoulder, his arms had worked their way to wrap around her.
Frigga kissed Loki's hair and stroked it just like she did when he was but a mere boy.
"Why am I here?" Loki whimpered, the first he spoke after all the tension.
"What do you mean Loki?"
Frigga pulled away from the hug, to wipe at Loki's tears. Loki looked at everyone else in the room, including staring at the warriors four. The All-father understood and sent the four away, leaving the family to talk.
"Now, Loki, do not be afraid. What is it that you mean about why you are here?"
Loki stayed silent.
"Of course you are here, we cannot allow you to stay in prison for so long. It would pain our hearts so."
"No." Frigga shakes her head. "Listen child, there is nothing to be afraid of. We are your family and we will stand by your side. Do you understand?"
Loki hesitated to answer but resorted to nodding.
"I am sorry for harming and causing you panic, brother." Thor was washed over a wave of guilt. "I tired and had not thought that you might, wake so soon."
Loki blinked, and repeated. "So soon?"
"Yes my boy." Odin walked up to them closer. "Perhaps you should sit on the bed."
Frigga and Thor pulled Loki gently up the bed, and he wrapped his knees and buried his chin on it. All while he stared at his so called Family.
The silence continued until Loki found the courage to speak again.
"Why so soon?"
"It was best if we got you out." Thor mumbled something that Loki couldn't hear but clearly understood, Before you get worse, was what Thor had said.
"Had it not been yesterday that you got me out of prison?" He blinked.
Thor looked at his parents, receiving a nod before answering back. "You were ill when we got you out, Loki. It had been a week since your arrival here in my chambers. We thought it best that you stay with me since the word of your release has not yet been announced."
Loki looked at them, a little confused.
"I was ill?" He questioned.
"Very ill, child." Frigga whispered, her voice like sweet melody. "You worried us."
He wasn't sure if he would apologize or not but he did, out of fear. He still doesn't like the kindness that this family is giving him, it felt so surreal.
"You need not apologize my dear boy." His mother said. "You are now well and we are glad for it."
"You have been going in and out of your illness since we took you." Odin began. "You had us worried and we feared you might not recover but now that you are fully awake and well, we cherish the moment you have finally gotten better."
Such a vague word.
It felt bitter in Loki's mouth.
"Who are you people?" Loki mumbled, causing them to flinch.
Frigga frowned, the complexity and the sheer strength of Loki's insanity was too much. Thor, Frigga and Odin were yet to completely see what the insanity had been doing to Loki, and only now have they seen what it is capable of.
It was corroding his very mind.
Mixing ideas and literally lacing things together.
And Loki's mind, is far too fragile for anything else.
A minute or two makes a difference with helping Loki and it will take a while for him to completely understand. The saying will go, and might forever take its toll.
Time was the enemy here but now Time will mend those broken bonds and only Time will heal all wounds.
It will leave scars, that would etch deep within the memory.
Irreplaceable and continuing.
It had been weeks since Loki woke up. After Thor and his parents explained who they were, Loki had asked why they were doing so when he knew them.
They didn't bother to address it because they knew that Loki's mind was playing with himself and that they only have to be patient and lenient when it came to Loki.
The very next day, Loki was finally up and about the room, question every little thing and Thor gladly stayed with him and answered every single one.
When they were given food, Loki rejected it, fearing of punishment if he accepted.
Thor insisted and grew slightly agitated when Loki dared not to take the food, but in the end, Loki's hunger got the better of him and asked if Thor would help him eat the meal. Thor agreed, only if Loki ate a larger portion, which the younger one accepted.
They both ate quietly as they stared into the window, looking at the stars and colors illuminating the sky. They talked for as long as they could about Asgard, since Loki couldn't recall, until Loki tired himself and went to bed.
Days after, the King had announced of Loki's release from prison.
Answering all questions with dignity and pride, knowing full well the truths that transpired of Loki's treason. Now, Loki was reinstated with the title of Prince of Asgard. No one else knew of Loki's heritage but the family itself, not even the warriors four and they would keep true to that.
Though not all, goes to their favor.
The Aesir still couldn't accept it that Loki has returned and with such a short punishment, but with the All-father's stubbornness, he proclaimed full well that if anyone were to harm Loki, they would receive far worse punishments than death.
The Aesir understood and so far, none have attempted to take Loki's life.
It was hard to make an attempt on the prince's life when Thor guards over Loki like stone. The two were inseparable. Even when it comes to bathing, eating, dressing, venturing to the halls of the palace, Loki would keep close to Thor.
Frigga and Odin had let Thor do most of the things to get Loki to adjust.
Because for some strange reason, or not strange at all, that Loki had attached himself to his brother completely and it was only Thor that he completely knew and slightly understood.
So far, life was good.
Loki was frightened less with the objects and people around him and he was far more aware of things than before. Like a child growing up, but Loki, this was something of a new approach.
Difficult as it may be, they had to try.
He had to try.
Insanity, had a cure but it takes time and patience.
Loki was finally recovering, in good spirits, that he was returning to himself. Sure there were still a few of his insanity left but the wounds had begun to mend and it was a progress.
He had begun to freely speak, to spar a little, to eat confidently and do as he please.
He felt the freedom again and it was thanks to Thor and everyone else.
But mostly Thor.
His brother had been doing all sorts of things with him, helping him gain back the confidence he once had and so, Loki had finally grown a soft spot for his brother, showing him whatever weakness for Thor to help and support. There were no embarrassments or rough talk with his brother, it was all love and care and Loki cherished every moment of it.
The main reason he was getting better.
Such a strong word.
It sure was.
Not everything goes in their favor.
It had been months since Loki's return as an Asgardian and all was well until a disagreement had gone off within the walls of Asgard. A feud that came from Alfheim itself.
Odin had busied himself into making the peace, it lasted long until he needed the help.
He had asked Frigga to sit on the throne until the matter is fixed and asked if Thor would be able to accompany him on the journey.
"Father, I cannot leave Loki." Thor said in a harsh whisper, knowing full well that Loki was just around the corner speaking with his friends.
"I know, Thor, but I need your help. Your brother-"
"He is finally recovering, far quicker already, I cannot disrupt this now, Father." Thor pleaded. "With all due respect, I wish to see him well."
"We all do but I will only pull you from this once."
"He needs me."
"I know that your brother comes first." Odin mellowed his voice. "But I need your help to undo whatever feud that has happened between our realms. You are my next in line, and the only way for you to grow up is to learn these things. I would not be alive forever, Thor."
"But Loki-" Thor glanced at Loki, who gave a smile at his brother and in return, Thor did his best to smile back.
"He will be fine Thor." Odin placed a hand on Thor's shoulder.
"I fear for him."
"You have friends that would watch over him."
"Why can't mother-"
"She will be taking the throne while we are gone, we would be back by night fall, if that would ease your heart."
"It would ease my heart if I were to stay with him."
"We cannot bring him-"
"I know, Father. It just pains me to be away from my brother for so long. I fear I have already left him enough and that I am still not doing a good job of helping him recover."
"It has only been months, Thor. It cannot be rushed."
"I wish it could."
"If it did, everything would be easier. Now what is your decision, I need your help and I know that I cannot force you. What would it be?"
"I..." Thor looks at his brother again.
Loki was out in the gardens with Thor's friends, the Warriors four.
All of them were trying to engage on a conversation with Loki, so far trying to battle his wits and knowledge. Often they would try and help Loki recall all the memories they have shared together, including the journeys.
Loki loved hearing stories such as those.
Eventually asking a question or two.
Although the warriors four still didn't like the fact that Loki's insanity is corroding his mind, they were kind enough to respect whatever Thor and the family had in mind.
Soon, they were actually growing to like Loki as they did Thor.
It was only the first that they had actually gotten to know Loki, and in honesty, they actually liked his company far better than they expected.
They hadn't really given Loki a chance before and now, they deeply regretted it. Loki was sitting on one of the benches in the garden, reading a book while Sif, Volstagg and Hogun stood and Fandral sat on the grass.
"What is Thor and the All-father talking about?" Fandral squints, trying to lip read. "It looks like, did he just say boo?"
"Oh stop it, Fandral." Sif slammed her hand on his shoulder. "You are bad at reading lips."
"Ow, woman." He rubbed his shoulder. "If I am bad at reading lips then perhaps I have much better use for them-"
Loki ignored the banter, feeling himself used to the idea.
Loki was never going to hear the end of it.
"You seriously have big hands, very unladylike- Ow!"
"Stop it you two." Volstagg said, noticing Loki's slight irritation. "I am sure it is nothing."
"If you call the argument in Alfheim nothing." Hogun crossed his arms. "Then so be it."
"Argument in what?" Loki blinked, dropping his gaze from the book.
"There's an argument?"
Acting slightly innocent, but in truth, he had been stealing glances at his brother ever since Odin took Thor for a conversation. It was never easy for Loki to stay a little separated from Thor before, because he feared that it was all still a dream.
The fear lingers and he hates to have to go back to prison.
Laying there, like it was all a fantasy.
"I'm sure it is nothing, my Prince." Fandral cheekily grinned, turning to glare at Hogun.
"Ah yes, nothing at all, prince Loki." Volstagg piped, offering Loki some beef. "Please, make yourself comfortable."
"Is the All-father arguing with Thor?"
"No! no! No!" Fandral raises his arms in defense.
"Is he in trouble? Did he do something wrong?"
"Not at all, my Prince." Sif said.
"Quite the opposite." Fandral awkwardly laughed. "I am sure all is well, isn't that right?"
"Why does Thor look so troubled?" Loki tilts his head, taking the small beef from Volstagg and placing it inside his mouth.
"It doesn't suit him." He chewed.
"Worry not, Loki." Sif sits beside him, staring at Thor. "I am sure it is nothing."
"There is no nothing, Lady Sif." Loki frowns. "There clearly is something. I mean to find out."
"You know how it is around the palace now that you have returned, Loki. It is best you do not pry on it too much for it'll hinder your mind so. There are far too many things in the palace to fix and it is partly Thor's duty as he is next in line for the throne. So just ignore it and talk to us."
"They should simply get over it." Loki mumbles.
"It is not that easy." Hogun muttered.
"We will see about that.
Loki slams the book shut leaving it on the bench and walking towards Thor and Odin, creeping silently and slightly unnoticeable.
"We are doomed!" Fandral grips at his hair.
"You shouldn't have mentioned it in the first place!" Sif argued. "Look at what you've done. You've given him courage."
"I gave him courage, you mentioned Thor's duties!"
"You two, would you please stop-" Volstagg tried to get in-between them all while Hogun rolled his eyes in the corner.
Just as Odin clasped Thor's shoulder one last time, he sees Loki with his one eye and greets the dear boy with a warm smile, so does Thor but his smile seemed off, forced even.
"Is something wrong?" Loki asked innocently.
"Brother, all is well."
Thor took Loki's hand and traced patterns on it, smiling occasionally but no, this wasn't normal to Loki. Loki grimaces, still staring at Thor, his gaze unwavering.
"I will leave you two to discuss this." Odin nods at Loki and walks away.
"Follow me." Thor drags Loki but before that he shouts. "Friends, I would speak with you later!"
"Aye!"- "Of course!"- "Aye, Prince."- "Hm!" we're their replies.
Then Thor pulls at Loki to follow him. Loki had a great look of confusion on his face as he let his brother gently tug him away from his friends and into the palace, up the stairs and away from sight.
"Where are we going, brother?"
Loki felt a wave of panic hit him as Thor turned to a hallway with no guards or anyone else. Dark red curtains hung and fluttered with the wind near the balcony.
Thor kept dragging him for who knows where.
"You're not going to take me back in prison are you?"
"What?" he turned. "Why would you think that?"
Loki pressed his lips into a thin line and looked away.
Just then, Loki used his fingers to lift Loki's chin up to meet his eyes as he saw tears working its way out of Loki's eyes. Thor pressed their foreheads together and whispered.
"I will never hurt you, brother. Remember that."
"Then why did you bring me here?"
"To tell you that Father and I are going away."
"But you said that you would never leave-"
"I know that." Thor's guilt rose up. "But I need you to trust me."
"I know, I know I said I would never leave you but this is important."
"The argument." Loki said dangerously low.
"How do you know about that?" Thor asked in disbelief.
"I don't. I assumed it was an argument, the others said so. I don't recall-"
"There is a disagreement with Alfheim and Asgard and I must attend to it as it is my duty as the next one in line. I must learn to fix such feuds before I take up the throne."
"Sif was right." Loki mumbles. "When will you be back?"
"By night fall."
"That is too long."
"I know, but pray that I return safely." Again, Thor bumps their foreheads together and makes an oath to Loki, telling him to stay in his room until his return and by then, Thor would be there with him when he wakes the next morning.
"He is getting away!"
"He is too fast! Block him that way!"
Evade and dodge.
"No you idiot! You would only scare him further."
"What do you suggest we do? He is already frightened!"
"That is the point!"
If Surviving taught Loki anything, it was to never trust anyone. He ran past the guards and attacked, cutting their shoulders open with a blade that he found in Thor's dresser.
How did it come to this, you ask?
He didn't trust anyone.
While Thor was away in Alfheim, Loki had spent his time in Thor's room. Fiddling with anything and everything he can. Reading and finishing a book or two and just stayed there waiting for Thor to return. The room was dark and the only light that passed through were the ones outside, from the open window.
The Warriors four were stationed in front of Thor's room, to see to it that Loki doesn't run or do anything. That if they hear any screaming or anything at all, they would barge in and do what they can to prevent it.
Loki didn't know about the warriors four guarding him but he did know that Thor would return by night fall and it was already night fall.
Still no Thor.
Loki sat by the window, with the cushions strewn around to keep him comfortable as he stared into the sky. In awe with the majestic beauty that envelops it.
Loki almost wished he could touch it.
He tried his best, to not think of Thor, but the anxiety was getting to him. All he could think about was Thor and how he left him, knowing that he'd soon come back.
Just like before.
Just like in prison.
He'd be back.
That's when the inevitable happened, just when he thought that all his horrors would be gone or had died down, things became worse. Thor's absence truly affected his mind that day and he couldn't escape it, not when it was there.
"Hello, dear brother."
Loki twisted his head to see Thor emerge from the darkness, bloodied and bruised but with a menacing smile. Loki quickly knew, as he was getting better, that this was Not-Thor.
He was coming back to haunt him.
"You're not real." Loki hissed.
"Says you, but you know how real I can be, brother." Not-Thor growled, working his way towards Loki, who panicked, standing up from the window and backing away.
He felt a hand inch its way to his neck, squeezing.
"You replaced me." Not-Thor said. "And that's why I left you."
"No, no." Loki mumbles. "You're not real, you're not real. I'm getting better. I'm recovering. I know you'll go away. You can't hurt me."
"Can't or won't?"
"Feels real to you, doesn't it, brother?" Not-Thor laughed. "You know that you cannot escape me, I am inescapable. You think that I love you, I don't."
"You don't." Loki choked, feeling the squeeze. "Thor does."
Why is it so real?
Why does it feel so real?
"And you still believe that?" Not-Thor shakes his head. "You are, immersing yourself with lies."
Loki's mind began to think, hoping to get out of this. This wasn't Thor, this wasn't real and he was recovering so why is this Thor coming back to haunt him, was it because he still had doubts that Thor would never return to him?
What it because he feared this was all a dream and that he would never wake from it?
Loki had doubts.
"He will never return. He lied to you."
"No." Loki shut his eyes as the hand squeezed tighter.
"He lied, by night fall I will return, does that not sound like a lie? Where is he now if you still believe him to return? WHERE IS HE?!" Not-Thor shouted.
"No, stop. Please. Stop. My Brother will return."
"HE IS NOT COMING BACK! I am all you have!"
"I AM ALL YOU NEED!"
He needed to escape!
"DO YOU UNDERSTAND THAT? I AM YOUR BROTHER! I am the one who knows you! I AM HIM! I HAVE ALWAYS BEEN HERE FOR YOU. ALWAYS! AND WHAT DO YOU DO TO ME? You cower from me!"
No, it won't end like this.
Loki twisted and turned until he found an opening then makes a bolt for it, opening the doors and running as fast as he could. Tears strolling down his cheeks, he hears Not-Thor's voice echoing in his head. The pain and sadness lingering in his voice, why was this Thor unhappy?
Why was he like this?
Why did Loki even think him to be like this?
The warriors four, who were on the verge of sleeping, bolted and ran after Loki. Screaming at him to stop. Loki did his best to flee, seeing that if the Warrior four were to stop him, then Not-Thor would reach him. By then, they would send him away to be cured. To be locked with the healers until they find something to cure him, then he would have nothing.
Not even Thor.
And he wouldn't have that.
It was time to stand up on his own.
"He is getting away!" Fandral shouted as Loki pulled at a curtain and let it fall at the warriors, having by some time for them to get out of it.
Running was the first thing he should do.
"After him!" Hogun dove away from the curtain and blocked Loki, who side-stepped and pushed past him, causing him to go off balanced.
Loki saw Not-Thor who wasn't far behind, running after him with a crazed look. Loki knew he wasn't real but the thought was too frightening, his body reacted to everything about this Thor in a real way. He wasn't just a hallucination, he was a complete person in every shape or way.
And Loki feared it.
Run faster was his option.
"He is too fast! Block him that way!" Volstagg shouted as she tripped almost grabbing Loki's clothes. Too bad Loki was faster.
Evade and dodge was his other idea. Best not to get caught, if he did, all would be for nothing. He was too desperate to have them catch him now.
"No you idiot! You would only scare him further." Sif defended him as she tried to slow the others down, a good way to buy Loki some more time.
Loki uses some of his magic to bring things to life, making them float and throw themselves at the warriors. The warriors dodged and attacked the floating objects, giving Loki more time to get away from them.
Running from hall to hall and stairs to stairs, every passage way but they were still on his tail and it wasn't good.
You are almost away from them.
"What do you suggest we do? He is already frightened!" Fandral quips.
Escape, and Loki sees an exit.
"That is the point!" Sif fought.
In the end this would fall in Loki's favor. The dagger he got from Thor's dresser lay on his hand as he lashed out at the guards blocking his way, only managing to injure them. His eyes fell hot as the pain soared through his body, he was out of breath and he was far too tired.
His energy almost depleted.
Finally managing to fool the warriors with an illusion who ran past the other hall, Loki had gotten himself into a tower, high above Asgard as he falls to a sitting position, back hitting the wall as his breathing echoes within the tower.
"You think you could escape me." Loki hears a laugh and his breathing stopped. "Think again."
"W-what do you w-want?" Loki trembled. "Why do you keep doing this to me?"
"If you think you are getting better, think again." Not-Thor emerged from the shadows.
"Why can you not leave me alone?"
"You need me." Simple as that.
"I have Thor." Loki scrunched his eyebrows, preparing for the worst.
"I STAYED WITH YOU! YOU NEEDED ME!" He sounded offended, Loki couldn't understand why.
"I HAVE THOR! I HAVE MY BROTHER!" Loki shouted back.
"Who was it that stayed with you in the dungeons? In prison? Who was it that answered all of your questions and stayed with you when the guards were through with you? Who was it that watched over you and stayed there when you woke?"
"You left me." Loki mumbles as he felt his lungs tighten.
He was having a hard time breathing.
"I AM ALL YOU WILL EVER NEED! YOU DO NOT NEED HIM."
"You left me."
"I DID NOT LEAVE. I WAS THERE."
Not-Thor was something Loki imagined, and this was Loki who was making the horror himself and it was time that Loki faced his fears.
Little had he known that it was Thor all along that he truly feared.
Feared of being abandoned...
Left to die...
"You fear I would abandon you too, because that is what I feel." Loki whispered, eyes locked on the figure before him.
"Stop." Not-Thor growled.
"Thor loves me, he will not hurt me. He will not say the things you've said. He will not abandon me, he will never lie. He does not have any harmful intention towards me and he will care for me until I am better and all will be well. We would return to what once was like none of this has happened. We learn, we go back to our life. We are brothers and we will forever be brothers."
It wasn't a statement, it was a promise.
"Please, just stop and leave me-"
Not-Thor choked him, as tightly as he could and Loki felt the cold hands tighten even more as he whimpered. Not-Thor leaned closer as Loki sobbed in pain, trying to pull away from the hand that was cutting off his air.
He wouldn't last long.
"I am your brother." Not-Thor whispered. "Just accept it."
"Never." Loki bravely said as he shut his eyes tightly.
That's when Loki remembers the time that this Thor had spent with him. The memories in his prison cell when he was all alone and talking with himself. Thor had appeared, and had helped him with everything.
"I had said so before that I would return, did I not? And that you crave to see me, why is it that you are pushing me away? You need me."
"Why would you think that?" Loki cunningly countered.
"Because you need me to keep you sane."
"I am sane."
It was true, that this Thor had almost kept him sane because if it wasn't for him. Loki would have long died and be unresponsive. This Thor had only strengthen the trust and bond that he had left with the real Thor and because of this, Loki was more confident that the real Thor, truly cared and loved him.
"You don't deserve my love."
It was a lie, a lie that he kept believing and now, it was time to let go.
Loki accepted the need to die, because he was already in peace with himself and only time will tell when things would get better... for all of them.
Just when he thought it was over, Loki felt the hands on his neck let go, and Loki was being violently shaken. Loki opened his eyes slowly and painfully as he stared in confusion to see Thor, whoever this Thor was. He had his wrist completely grabbed by Thor and being violently shaken.
"Loki!" Thor breathed, eyes with tears. "I thought I had lost you."
"Thor?" Loki said weakly.
And his brother pulled him into an embrace.
"Is that you?" Loki asked, as he nestled on Thor's shoulder to his neck. Weakly humming the words, waiting for Thor to reply but his brother took a while to compose himself, cradling Loki and rocking him.
"Yes, yes, it is I." He sobbed. "I'm sorry for leaving you brother. It will not happen again."
"Is it really you?"
"Yes, Loki, It is. Please believe me."
"I thought you wouldn't come back."
Thor's embrace got deeper, as Loki stared at the Frigga and Odin entering the tower, face full of worry but they didn't say anything. They just watched the two brothers embracing each other and finding comfort. Both on the floor and both very tired.
"I'm sorry Loki. The disagreement lasted longer and t-there was t-trouble and it took a while for Father and I to get back and when we did you-"
"I saw you in my room." Loki weakly said closing his eyes.
"That was not me Loki. I swear to you." He deepened the embrace further. "When I heard news of your attempt to run, I quickly sought to find you."
"The illusion you did vanished and I had thought you'd gone the other way and I find myself in this tower with you choking yourself. Why would you do that, brother?" Thor cried.
Loki didn't know he was the one doing that to himself but now, everything was clear. It was himself all along that he was talking to, some of the pain he felt was also because of him. His mind was playing with him and so was his body.
"Don't ever make me worry again, Brother. I love you too much to lose you."
Loki opened his eyes. "And I you."
"I promise not to leave, I swear to you."
Thor pulled away and brushed the hair out of Loki's face giving him the warmest of smiles. Loki couldn't help but smile back. That's the time Frigga and Odin came crashing towards him as well, with tears in their eyes. Mostly with Frigga while Odin stayed strong.
While all of that was happening, Loki pushed away all of the words he could hear his family saying. He saw Not-Thor staring back at him in the shadows of the tower, his eyes full of hatred and pain, much like his before.
Loki smiled and looked at his family.
This feels like home. Thor is my home and anywhere he is on, it is my home just as long as he is there.
He said this in his mind as he stared into Not-Thor.
I had not tried to treasure my life more, and it is you that had me thinking twice. You brought me to my feet and showed me the things that could happen and the thoughts that would linger.
You made me who I am today.
You may not know it or you already do, but I already have a brother. So I don't need you anymore. You've shown me the truth and everything else that I should be thankful for and because of you, I wouldn't have survived this long. You helped me learn, you gave me back the people that I needed to survive in this world.
So you need not linger anymore.
You've done enough, it is time that I let it pass.
Loki sees Not-Thor turn around and whisper something. And Loki continues to speak in his mind, hoping he would still hear it.
It is time to let you go.
By then, Loki had found himself in another embrace with his whole family and a smile creeping on his face. Ever since that faithful night, he had confronted everything including his fears.
Ever since that night, he had never seen Not-Thor ever again.
Was the last Loki ever heard from him.
I hope you all enjoyed. Thank you so much.
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