Title: For the Love of…Snape?
Author: Amethyst Jackson
Author E-mail: AmethystJackson@hotmail.com
Category: General wackiness/comedy
Keywords: Harry Potter, Snape, and Slytherin
Summary: The diary of a boy-crazy first year Slytherin girl.
Disclaimer: Well, I sort of made up all the characters except for their parents, and the Professors, who belong solely to J.K. Rowling and her publishers.
Author's Note: This was written during a time of more insanity than is normal for me, so if it's digustingly weird, forgive me. Might even be squicky...
Issue 172, No. 1
Week of January 20, 2002
Good day, faithful readers. Because our Mary Sue reviewer, Rita Screecher, has had a tragic nervous breakdown, we'll be canceling the contest for a week or so. To aid us, Amethyst Jackson is back, yet again, with a future look at the children of our favorite canons.
Also, Witch Weekly is looking for new writers! If you've got real talent with Mary Sues, or you just have some great ideas on writing fanfiction, please e-owl our Chief Editor, Katie, at email@example.com.
For the Love of…Snape?
The Diary of Jessica Flint, a Crazed Slytherin Girl
September 2, 2015
Well, I'm finally at Hogwarts! I was sorted into Slytherin last night. You should have seen William Malfoy. He was so yummy, I could have eaten him instead of the feast (it was beastly, by the way. The house-elves are incredibly mediocre, as William said. William, what a dreamy name).
I've got a few classes starting today: Broom Flight, Herbology, and Potions. Rats, we're stuck with Gryffindors for the first and last, and mangy Ravenclaws in Herbology! They're know-it-alls, the whole lot of 'em.
Shoot, I'm late for breakfast. I'll write more later.
Just got back from Potions. Oh, and I thought William was dreamy! He's nothing compared to the Potions Master, Severus Snape. Tall, dark, and handsome if I do say so myself. He's got big hands, too, and you know what my mother always says about that. He's brilliant, too. He knows positively everything about Potions! It was so hilarious when he asked Dan Potter (Harry Potter's son, of course) the main ingredient to a Polyjuice Potion! He had no clue. He should have, too. Supposedly his father used them in his second AND sixth years at Hogwarts (which is kind of impressive since those things really hurt!).
I was just thinking that Dan's not bad looking. His hair (brown) always has that spiky look, and, rumor has it, he never uses any hair potion. And his eyes are a beautiful blue. It's funny how he looks nothing like his father, though he's just as good on a broom. You should have seen him in class! I've heard that they want him for the Gryffindor quidditch team, and the last person to do that in their first year was his father, and he was the first in a century!
Slytherin's goatee! I can't believe I just wrote an entire paragraph on Spiky (my code name for Dan in case Miranda, the nosy witch, looks over my shoulder).
I've got to go to bed now. Updates on Potions soon!
September 9, 2015
Oh my goodness – Severus smiled at me in Potions today! He says I've got real skill with a cauldron! He looked a little spooky when he smiled, but adorable nonetheless, like Spike on Buffy. Well, Spike actually looks more like Will, but you get the picture. Anyway, back to Severus.
He taught us how to make Pepper-Up Potion today. It was incredibly simple. First he said Will's was good, but then he said mine was better and had me make three for Madam Pomfrey.
Hey, did you know, Spiky has a sister? I hate her. She's a third year and she thinks she knows everything.
September 12, 2015
Sorry I left off so quickly last time. Miranda was snooping.
Guess what? Today at lunch Will told me that he's going out at midnight for a Wizard's Duel with Spiky. He said the Malfoys and Potters have done it for ages, tradition or something. He asked me to be his second! I'm brewing a potion for him right now. It should make him more immune to attacks. I went spying around and heard that Spiky's bringing Violet (his sister) for his second. She's all talk. I know Will will take them both down in seconds. They're wimps, Gryffindors.
Oh, got to stir. Be back after duel.
September 13, 2015
Wow, what a night. Almost got caught by the ancient caretaker. Filch or something.
When we got to the Trophy Room, the Potters were already there. Dan and Will started throwing curses right away. Dan's didn't work well, thanks to my potion, but he was still the better dueler. His mum and dad supposedly taught him and Violet, so obviously they're both great, what with a famous Auror and the greatest Spellmaker ever being their parents.
Yeah, so Will got disarmed and I stepped in. He hit me with a ruddy Tickling Charm, and I dropped my wand.
Oh well. I can't believe Will expected to win in the first place!
September 20, 2015
I talked to Severus today. He asked me to compete in a potion-brewing contest. Of course, I signed up right away. How could I say no to him?
Oh, and guess what – Will's going out with Miranda Zabini! Yes, the nosy Miranda! And here I was thinking Will and I had something special.
I've noticed that Weasley girl hanging around Spiky quite a bit. It's making me wonder…
So, looks like I'm all by my lonesome. At least I've got the potion contest coming up. Ah, for the love of Snape.
Dedicated to Madelyn Knight for giving me the inspiration to write one for Snape.