Title: Did I Just Say That Out Loud?
Author: Amethyst Jackson
Author E-mail: AmethystJackson@hotmail.com
Summary: An odd spell is cast, causing everyone at Hogwarts to reveal their true feelings.
Disclaimer: This story is based on characters and situations created and owned by JK Rowling, various publishers including but not limited to Bloomsbury Books, Scholastic Books and Raincoast Books, and Warner Bros., Inc. No money is being made and no copyright or trademark infringement is intended.
Issue 135, No. 2
Week of February 17, 2002
Even though we've got our wonderful Mary Sue, or should I say HSIG, editor back, dear Rita Screecher (who finally left the institution), Amethyst will still be writing her biweekly articles. (Amethyst was very persistent in keeping her column, so we pretty much cowered in fear and let her write.) Have a good read.
Did I Just Say That Out Loud?
By Amethyst Jackson
A Revealing Day at Hogwarts
Yesterday at Hogwarts, students and teachers alike were heard spouting their deepest feelings for each other. As you can imagine, this caused quite a stir, especially in finding the root of the problem. Aurors were sent to look into the matter…
The previous day
It was a supposedly ordinary day at Hogwarts. Harry was sitting by the common room fireplace, completely devoid of flames since it was April. Ron was off sending an owl home to the Burrow – the dangers of Hogwarts just kept increasing, and Mrs. Weasley demanded weekly reassurance. Hermione was leaving the library, her arms loaded down with large books. Draco was sauntering up from the dungeons, hands in his pockets, looking like the devilish sex god you would expect.
That's when Hermione and Draco happened to walk right into each other. The books flew all over, the sex god's appearance declined in sexiness, and they both said things they would regret later.
"Draco!" Hermione cried, just as he shouted in surprise, "Hermione!"
"You're really hot," she blurted out. At the same time, he said, "I want to snog you."
Their eyes grew wide simultaneously, realizing what they had both said and what that meant.
"Did I just say that out loud?" they both asked in unison.
"You think I'm hot? Of course you do…. I'm Draco! Everyone loves me. Except Keith in that Paradigm of Uncertainty group…wait a minute, I don't know anyone named Keith. And what the hell is the Paradigm of Uncertainty group?"
"A cult?" Hermione suggested.
"Maybe. Er – wanna snog?"
"Um…yeah, but let's do that some other time, shall we? We've got to find out what's happening!"
"We already know what's happening, Hermione. We're being forced to reveal our true feelings for everyone we see. What we've got to find out is why."
"Okay, we've got to get Harry and Ron. Then we'll go to the library and research."
"Wait just one second," Draco said abruptly. "Why am I working with you?"
"Because if you don't, you'll get no snogs, buster."
"Oh, right. Let's go, quickly."
Meanwhile, in the Gryffindor common room
"Harry," Ginny said, and Harry thought her voice sounded slightly strained, as if she were saying whatever she was about to say involuntarily.
"'S up?" Harry asked, glancing up at the young red headed girl. Instantly, he had the overwhelming need to tell her exactly how he felt about her.
"I think…I think I'm in love with you…" Ginny breathed, sounding uncertain.
Harry blinked. "I love you too."
They blinked simultaneously. "You do?" Harry and Ginny both questioned, staring at each other so hard that you might have seen lines connecting their eyes.
Very suddenly, Harry clutched Ginny by her forearms and kissed her firmly on the lips, at the same moment that Ron walked into the common room and cried out in surprise.
"Harry! Stop kissing my sister! And you're my best friend, you know. A swell chap. Ginny – I thought I told you to get over Harry! Oh, and you're the best sister a guy could ever have."
"Oh, Ron," Harry gasped, "I – uh – I love you like a brother, man. God, did I just say that out loud?"
"Thanks, means a lot to me."
"Er, Ron? You're my third favorite brother. Just can't top the twins. And I'm your only sister."
"All right, why did we just have that little exchange, and why were you kissing?"
"Well, I think we're being forced to reveal our true feelings for people… Ginny just walked into the room and told me she, er, loves me. That's we were kissing, I'd say."
"Hmm. We should get Hermione. Research time. Or – maybe not. I'd rather not tell her how I feel about her…"
"Suck it up, Ron," Ginny said, glaring, "get it out, and you'll find out if she feels the same way."
They didn't have long to look. They didn't have any time at all, actually, because Hermione arrived just then with Draco in tow.
"Guys, big problems – I'm sure you know. Damn, this is going to take forever. Ginny, you're the coolest girl I know. Harry, you're a really great guy, but honestly, a little self-centered sometimes. Ron, well, you're kind of cute, but you're no contest to Draco, and, frankly, I think you're annoying, and I don't appreciate being called a know-it-all constantly."
"Oi, Weasley number one, I don't know you all that well, but I don't think I like you much. Potter, well, you're a good guy; we should be friends. I'd say you're the better seeker too. Weasley two, I think I have some fluffy bunny feelings for you… Oh, man, please tell me I didn't just say that out loud."
"You did," said Ron, "and I'm officially afraid of you. But you're really not a bad catch. I still don't like you. Hermione, oh crap, I only call you a know-it-all because I don't want you to know that I think you're beautiful and I'd really like to marry you someday."
Ron turned a deeper crimson than man has ever seen, and the others in the room were sure that every ounce of his blood was resting beneath his cheeks.
"Oh, Ron, I'm sorry, I –" Hermione began to say, but Harry cut her off.
"No time, Ron, we've got to find out what's causing this. Hermione, you're the smartest person I've ever known, which is so cool, and I'd say you're my best friend now – sorry, Ron – I also think you should never have gone out with Krum. And I'm not that self-centered, am I? Malfoy, you're a slimy git, but, you know, Ron's right – you're good-looking, and no, I'm not gay."
"Now let's go," Hermione said.
"Wait!" Ginny cried, "my turn! I've got to say it. Hermione, I – well, you intimidate me, but you're the best friend I've got. Draco, I don't know you that well either, and I don't think I want to, but, really, you'd look awesome in leather."
"Oh, I do," Draco replied, striking a dashing pose and flashing everyone a drool-worthy smile.
"Okay, now, can we go to the library?" Hermione inquired with impatience.
In Professor Sprout's office
"Sherry, I must say this to you," Severus Snape said, his tone urgent, "I've got this horrible urge to do something with you in your garden, and I don't mean weeding. Oh, dear lord, did I just say that out loud?"
SMACK! "You did say that, and I resent it! If you want me, I'll only be satisfied when you loosen up, stop acting so…sinister, and wash your damn hair."
"How's this for loosening up?"
Snape jumped onto a nearby table, shed his black robes (A/N: He IS adequately clothed underneath!), and started dancing, copying the choreography from 'It's Gonna Be Me' by N'SYNC.
Unfortunately, he began to sing that particular song, torturing the ears of all that could hear him. "Every little thing I do, never seems enough for you. You don't wanna lose it again, but I'm not like him. So baby when you finally, get to love someone, guess what? It's gonna be me!"
"Stop it, Severus, stop it! You're singing voice is awful. And I never thought you'd be such a high tenor. You seem like a baritone sort of person. If you promise not to sing, I suppose I like you enough to go out with you. But no singing, and no more hair gel."
The Hufflepuff common room
That would take to long. I'm skipping it.
"Oh, my pretty little books, what would I do without you? Oh, precious volumes…my soul! Ah, and my dear Restricted Section!" Madam Pince was exclaiming, strolling down the many rows of shelves.
"Oh no," said Harry, "It's getting worse!"
"No," Draco contradicted, "Madam Pince really does love those books. I remember, I lost one, and she actually wept…"
"Found something!" Hermione exclaimed, her head still bent over a book. "The Thought Revealing Spell causes all those under it to say what they really think of anyone they see, though only once. The spell is cast over entire buildings, normally, but is also used on single entities. It's been known to make even animals speak. Dark wizards, as well as Chaos Demons, usually use the spell to cause turmoil in certain areas. It can be removed through this counter-spell…
"It's a group spell. Those are pretty rare," Hermione commented. "Okay, we'll need: candles, runes, and empty classroom, and you guys have to learn to speak the incantation."
Twenty minutes later…
The gang, with the addition of Draco and Ginny, found themselves sitting in a circle in an abandoned classroom, palm to palm, candles all around, and a rune pattern in front of them.
"'Kay, guys, let's start," Hermione said. "Close your eyes and say the incantation with me."
"Advoco presentia lumen, repello atrum. Silentium nostra sententia; sensus exsisto occultus olim magis. Extrico haec edificium de atrum's occupo; abluo."
A heavy jolt shook the floor, there was a bright flash of light, the candles went out, and then the room went back to normal.
"Think it's gone?" Harry asked, glancing around at the others.
"I don't know. Why don't we go find Snape and test it?" said Ron mischievously.
"I think it's gone," said Ginny. "I don't feel the need to talk about purring leather trousers anymore."
"Er, purring?" Ron hesitated.
"Um, never mind," Ginny said quickly, turning bright red, though Harry thought he heard her mutter under her breath, "might have been Harry purring…"
Several hours later…
All was right with the world. Draco and Hermione had found a nice broom closet, and smacking noises could be heard several floors up. Harry and Ginny, however, had found a spacious empty classroom. *Author coughs maniacally* Their activities won't be described (though, I must say, they got back to the purring leather trousers). Ron had found a nice corner in the common room to sulk, which he kept up until long after Hermione had returned with her lip-gloss smeared.
And that is how the phrase "Did I just say that out loud?" was redefined.