My Life as a Shoujo Manga Protagonist
During the middle of the night, Yata received a mysterious email. With an unknown sender, a single hyperlink was the only thing written in the body. As he opened up his web browser, his eyes opened wide in horror. Somehow, he found a shoujo web manga featuring himself! Should he continue reading on? Should he hide?
SaruMi + Seri. (Don't ask. Just read.)
The more immersed you are in the fandom, the more you'll understand where some of the jokes are coming from.
Note: Whenever you see italicized font, it is what is being seen on the web comic by the characters.
Rated T for language, suggestive themes
Disclaimer: All characters and events around K Project belong to GoHands/GoRa
Side Note: Gotta love spring break. I have all the time to finally edit some of my stories.
Beep, beep, beep…Beep, beep, beep…
Yata groaned as he heard his PDA sounding off. "It's the middle of the night. Who the fuck is bothering me at this hour?" he mumbled, still trying to rub the sleepiness from his eyes.
The little crow grabbed his PDA off the bedside table and expanded the view screen. Misaki expressed a look of confusion as he saw a new email in his mail box. Strange enough, the person who sent him the email was listed with the name "Unknown Sender." The title simply stated, "Click me."
"Haaa? What is this? Spam mail?" Misaki thought in annoyance.
The vanguard of HOMRA still decided to open the mail, just in case it was a potential employer contacting him in regards to one the many part-time jobs he applied for. Once he opened the email, the only thing that was written was a single hyperlink.
Misaki swallowed hard and clicked on the link, letting it open in another screen. As the page began to load, Misaki's eyes opened wide in horror. "WHAT THE HELL IS THIS?" he shouted.
Appearing on the screen before him was a web manga, apparently featuring him as the lead protagonist. There was an incredibly accurate drawing of the chestnut-haired man wearing his usual daily attire. The picture showed him riding a skateboard toward the sunset with sparkles surrounding him.
Below the picture, Misaki slowly read the words aloud, "Yata Misaki, age 19. This heartwarming story will portray the life of this headstrong boy, conquering all obstacles in his quest for love…WHAT THE FUCK?"
The amber-eyed boy could not believe what he was seeing. As he felt sweat bead across his forehead, he clicked on the first link, titled, "Chapter 1: Virgin's Aesthetics."
The boy began to scroll down, thoroughly reading the manga….
Chapter 1: Virgin's Aesthetics
Yata Misaki stood in the middle of a field of flowers. As he first began to speak, the wind had scattered flower petals all around the boy with shining, amber-colored eyes.
"Hi everyone! My name is Yata Misaki, age 19! Today is the start of a brand new day here in Shizume City!"
"Wait. Why the fuck are my eyes drawn so big? And why the HELL are they so sparkly? My eyes don't fucking do that!"
The next frame then showed Misaki with a tear slipping down his face.
"I have noticed a big problem in my life however. I am almost an adult, but I am still a virgin!"
"WHAT!? FUCK YOU!" Misaki's face was already flushed a rosy pink color.
Misaki had on a determined face, staring up at the shining light above him.
"Therefore, I have decided that before I become an adult, I will find the man of my dreams and fall in love!"
"HAAAAA!?" Not only was he a protagonist of what appeared to be a cheesy love story, he was the protagonist of a SHOUJO, BOYS-LOVE story.
The crow clicked to go to the next page.
Riding on his skateboard, the wind was playfully blowing through his silky, smooth hair; its bright chestnut-color stood out as the sun reflected from it. With a wide smile, Misaki said to himself, "Oh! I must go to HOMRA to see my lovely comrades! Heehee~"
Yata wanted to vomit all over this page.
Suddenly, the next scene became darker. The frame was bordered with dark feathers. The only thing written on the image was the word, "Mi-Sa-Ki~"
*Doki doki!* Yata could feel his heart flutter when he heard the voice of the man he knew so well. Misaki stopped his skateboard and whipped his head around so fast that his hat flew right off.
*Doki doki* The amber-eyed boy's heart began to beat faster as he looked straight into the eyes of none other than…
"AHHH! SARU! Why the hell is he in this stupid comic as well?" Misaki glanced at the drawing of the Blue clansman, and he could feel the steam emanated from his face. For some reason, the man had a super erotic look on his face, like he was a wild tiger on the prowl. His white shirt was unbuttoned, exposing his muscular chest. His pants were skin tight, outlining his masculine features below.
"AHHH! SARU! What the hell are you doing here!?"
"Eh? Looks like my character had the same reaction as I did just now."
The taller man ran his long, pale fingers through his flowing dark locks. He leaned closer to Yata as he held his chin in the next frame.
He then whispered, "Because I wanted to see you, Misaki."
Yata became instantly bright red while his little heart began beating faster. Since he was a 'tsundere' though, he became overly defensive.
"WHO IS A TSUNDERE!?" Misaki could feel himself twitching in rage.
"Be quiet! Geez, Saruhiko! You are so persistent! I know you are a playboy who doesn't care about love at all! I told you to stay away from me!" Misaki began to push Saruhiko away.
The chestnut-haired boy appeared to have pushed too hard as he lost his balance and began to fall backwards into the fountain behind him.
"Wait a second here…"
Saruhiko cried out Misaki's name as he grabbed onto him and flipped them around so he would be the one to fall first against the hard stone.
The following frame showed Misaki with his eyes closed, leaning against Saruhiko's chest. He was so close that he could hear his heart pounding. Misaki then lifted his head up and had a surprised look on his face. Blooming daisies bordered the picture, and there was a soft pink glow surrounding the two.
"Wait a fucking second here…"
Tears glistened in his eyes as the two shared a deep, bonding moment together. It scared the Red clansman. He knew that a romance between the two would be impossible. Misaki suddenly jumped out of the water, grabbed his skateboard, and he ran off into the distance.
"HOLD ON!" Yata realized that this scene seemed too familiar. Then it hit him. He remembered that a few days ago he and the shitty monkey accidentally bumped into each other by the park. Saruhiko began to tease Misaki, and then he proceeded to badmouth Mikoto-san, which ultimately led to the crow tackling the Blue clansman right into the fountain.
"…This bastard is taking my real life events and twisting it into some shitty manga story!? No…it can't be…that means the person is…watching me?"
"Think Misaki. Who the hell could be possibly drawing this shit?" Yata thought to himself while he pushed against the concrete faster. As he made a jump over a railing with his skateboard, the image of the shitty monkey popped into his head.
But could Saru actually draw? No, he may be a genius with mathematics and logical things, but when it comes to his artistic side, it doesn't go far beyond stick figures. Would the bastard even go that much out of his way to annoy him?
The questions began piling up in his mind. Unfortunately, the only thing he could do at that moment was to ask directly. Feeling his palms become sweaty, he began scrolling through his phone directory for "Fushimi."
"I couldn't believe that there ever would a time that you would contact me first, but here you are, Misaki!" the Scepter 4 officer said with a smirk.
"S-s-shut up! It's not like I'm happy about this, you shitty monkey!"
"Well, it just so happens that I have free time today, so I'll be gracious enough to listen to your requests, Misaki!"
The amber-eyed man clenched his fists. He had half a mind telling himself to bludgeon this idiot to death and leave his corpse rotting somewhere, but he wanted answers.
"Saru. I'm going to ask you directly."
"What is it, Misaki~?"
"…Are you drawing manga about me and you and putting them online to piss me off?"
The crow could see a look of confusion appear across the blue-haired man's face. "What kind of silly question is that, Misaki? You're not making any sense."
"I'M ASKING IF YOU'RE TRYING TO PISS ME OFF BY MAKING STUPID MANGA ABOUT US!" Misaki shouted.
Saruhiko ceased his jesting as he saw a serious, worried expression on the vanguard's face. "Please explain what's going on Misaki."
The chestnut-haired boy sighed. "Alright, well last night I got a weird-ass email from an 'Unknown Sender.' I ended up clicking on the link they sent me, and it brought me to some weird webpage that had a picture of me drawn on the front."
The boy started to search through his inbox. "Anyway, do you remember when we fought a few days ago in the park?"
"Well, somehow this person made some sort of fucked up shoujo manga version of it, which is why I figured it was you trying to piss me off."
Fushimi tried to suppress a laugh. The visualization of Misaki in some sort of shoujo manga was too funny of an image. He thought, "Doesn't it fit him perfectly?"
Saruhiko took a deep breath and tried to hold back his usual smirk. "Heeehhh…well. Show me this website because I have no clue what you're talking about."
The Red clansman opened up the email and clicked on the link. However, when the page loaded, it was no longer the cheesy picture of Yata skateboarding into the sunset. Instead, it appeared to be a well-drawn picture of Saruhiko standing in the pouring rain with an empty expression on his face.
"What the, this isn't what I saw last night!" Yata shouted.
Fushimi peered over the crow's shoulder and began to read the text below, "Fushimi Saruhiko, age 19. Follow the sorrowful tale of a man, desperately seeking for affection from his one true soul mate. Will it drive him to insanity? Only time will tell."
"…Misaki hand me your PDA." As he grabbed the device from Yata, he continued to the first page of the manga.
Chapter 2: Drowning in My Own Sea of Sorrows
There was nothing but a dark, empty abyss surrounding the Blue clansman as he laid on the floor weeping.
"Hello, my name is Fushimi Saruhiko, age 19. Not that it is really important. My heart is already dead."
"…" Saruhiko couldn't find any words to say at this point.
The following frames shows a series of pictures of him hiding behind buildings, watching surveillance cameras, or staring through binoculars—all at a shadowy figure.
"What the hell?" Saruhiko muttered under his breath. He began to have a bad feeling rise within him.
An image of Saruhiko's pale face was drawn. The rain that fell on his face appeared to look like tears falling from his eyes.
"No matter how much I call out his name, he will never hear me."
"What? 'He'? Is yours some BOYS-LOVE story too, Saru?"
Fushimi ran his fingers through his damp hair. His eyes staring off into the nothingness before him.
"He used to look at me and only me…but then that evil man took him from my clutches!"
They both gasped out as the next frame showed a picture of Yata, who had wilted in the arms of what appeared to be Suoh Mikoto wearing a King's outfit.
"Mwahaha! I will make sure he is mine, FOREVER!"
"…Mikoto-san would NOT act like that! And why the FUCK am I in this scene in the first place?"
"SARUHIKO! SAVE MEEEE!" Yata cried out. As Suoh swept him away, his hat flew off and fell to the ground.
"Why the hell does my hat keep coming off? Does this author have a grudge against my hat for some reason?"
"The days went by…I tried all that I could to save him. I even bowed down to the King of our mortal enemy in order to rescue him."
There appeared Saruhiko, wearing what appeared to be Scepter 4's uniform, except it had golden tassels and other pointless accessories all over it.
"When I finally found my one true meaning to live, I thought I felt a glimmer of optimism within my darkened heart."
Misaki stood in the distance, now wearing a princess gown and tiara.
"WHY THE FUCK AM I DRESSED LIKE A GIRL!?"
"I have come to rescue you my love! Please stay by my side always!"
The following frame showed Saruhiko kneeling, with tears glimmering in his eyes. He had a look of hope as he held onto the amber-eyed man's dainty hand.
"Sorry, Saru. I'm not interested in creepy, lanky, emo boys like you. Mikoto-san is a real man."
Yata could have sworn that he heard the blue-eyed man's glasses crack. Fushimi stood in complete silence—not moving or saying a word.
"…Uhhh Saru? You oka—" Yata's words were cut off by the taller man.
"WHO THE HELL IS A CREEPY, LANKY, EMO BOY, GOD DAMMIT?"
Fushimi angrily hit the button for the next page.
The next scene showed Fushimi, lying in a pool of his own blood, smiling sadly.
"Ahhh, my love has left me, but…"
The final scene revealed a picture of Saruhiko holding onto a Misaki hug-pillow.
"At least I can still hold him close to me at night. :3 "
There was an uncomfortable silence between the two. The Red clansman felt a wave of embarrassment flow through his cheeks, up to his ears, and down his neck. Yata clenched his fist as he tried to speak as calmly as possible. "Oi, Saru…Don't tell me you really have a hug-pillow of—"
Misaki continued on. "Why the hell was there all those scenes of you following or watching someone?"
"I said shut up." Saruhiko was seething in hatred for the person who had posted such a humiliating comic online. How this person knew about his 'personal hobbies' bewildered him.
Yata flinched in surprise and looked up at the taller man with caution. "What is it?"
"Let's go to Scepter 4's headquarters and see if I can hack the website. Maybe we'll get some answers then."
Blood boiling and fiery, hot rage burning throughout his body, the Blue clansman gritted his teeth and thought, "this bastard is going to die!"
"…Are you done yet Saru?" Misaki asked while looking around.
He was in the enemy headquarters, and it made him feel on edge as all the Scepter 4 members stared in his direction as they walked by. Saruhiko's fingers were moving swiftly across the keyboard, trying to find a way to break into this mysterious website. No matter what he did though, he was not able to see who the owner of the site was, nor was he able to pinpoint any sort of location.
This frustrated Fushimi greatly, as hacking was one of his specialties. Who out there knew so much about him, and how did they manage to mask themselves so easily?
As the 'ERROR' message blinked again on the computer screen, the blue-haired man threw up his hands into the air. "Who the fuck is messing with us!?" he screamed out in frustration.
Suddenly, a familiar woman's voice spoke behind them, "Fushimi. What are you doing here with a HOMRA member within our headquarters?"
"Ah! It's the Heartless Woman!"
The young third-in-command was too focused on trying to crack the coding that he simply ignored the words spoken by his superior.
"It's kind of a long, complicated story," Misaki said without looking straight at female Scepter 4 member. The boy could not handle being close to women—or even speak to them properly for that matter.
Saruhiko gave an emotionless reply to Awashima. "We've been trying to hack into this mysterious website that is posting strange manga about our lives. The stories are loosely based off of things that have happened in reality, but they are always some bizarre interpretation of it."
"Hmmm? I'd like to see this website for myself. If they are stalking members of Scepter 4, that is unforgivable and punishable by law."
Yata and Fushimi both looked at each other and hesitated before they clicked on the link again.
To their surprise, the photo had changed again. This time, there was the Scepter 4 lieutenant, laying on a bed and wearing what appeared to be fishnet tights, a leather miniskirt, and a button-down shirt that was two sizes too small for her. The image was surrounded by a misty pink color, and the picture was also covered with hearts everywhere.
The blonde woman leaned closer to the screen to read the words under the picture. "Awashima Seri, age 22. Behind her icy-cold stare and her iron-mask face, what dirty secrets is she hiding within? Let these following images be a guide for you."
The two men couldn't help but to feel uncomfortable as they could feel the woman's angry aura begin to sear into their backs.
"Maybe we should forget about this one…" Yata said quietly.
"Just hurry up and open it Fushimi."
The blue-eyed man sighed and clicked on the link to the first page.
Chapter 3: Fujoshi Fever
There was Awashima Seri, lying in a bed surrounded by fancy stuffed animals. The scene depicted her closing her eyes.
"Hi! I'm Awashima Seri, age 22. People often call me the "Heartless Woman," but truly I have an appetite for love and passion more than anyone else! Because I act so cold in real life, I am only able to enjoy my true desires in my dreams."
The next frame showed a close up of Seri's face, with saliva coming down from the corner of her lip. She had a lust-filled look in her eyes.
"What I really desire doesn't actually involve myself, but I hope to dream of it every night. The sinful, forbidden love scenes playing in my mind thrill me more than anything else."
"Huh? I'm so fucking confused right now."
Seri stared at the screen thinking, "…It couldn't be…"
"I want to watch their dirty play all night long. The passion. The emotions. It's what makes my heart tick."
On the next page, there appeared to be two people kissing by the side of a bed.
"Wait a minute….Isn't that…"
The three looked at the screen with mouths wide opened. There stood Saruhiko and Misaki on the page, making out with each other.
Within the next frame, Fushimi began unbuckling his belt—ready for action. He throws Yata onto the soft bed, his hat flying off in the process.
"What the fuck!? Why does my hat always come off in every fucking one of these stories? It's driving me insane!"
The two are both suddenly naked. Like a predator sizing up his prey, Saruhiko stared at the smaller boy below him, licking his lips.
"WAHHH, WAHHH! Do you see where you are touching me, you bastard!?"
"Don't worry Misaki, leave everything to me," Fushimi whispered into Yata's ear.
"Oh my god, look at where he's putting it in!"
"Ahhh! Saruhiko! I'm burning up from inside! You're driving me insane!"
"Wait WHAT? I'm the BOTTOM?"
An entire page of just moans and action sounds of beds creaking and thrust movements appeared.
"Misaki! Misaki! Misaki!"
There were several different frames of the two in different positions.
"What the fuck? How am I able to do it in that position!? Can humans even bend that way?"
"Yes, Saruhiko! It feels so good! Harder! HARDER!"
"AHHHH, I DON'T THINK I CAN LOOK AT THIS ANYMORE!"
The two sat in silence as the final picture made both of their heads spin.
"…You…and I…are both drenched…in…in…cu—"
"DON'T SAY IT!" Misaki was redder than a tomato.
Unable to make eye contact with each other, the two wanted nothing more than to move beyond this and pretend it never happened.
"…Let's move onto the next page shall we?" Awashima said with a smile as she felt perspiration running down the side of her face.
As she clicked the button on the bottom of the screen, her eyes opened in horror.
The next frame was a complete non sequitur, as it showed a picture of Seri getting naked in Kusanagi Izumo's apartment. "Kyaaaa!" She shouted as she immediately threw the computer screen onto the floor in shock.
Misaki and Saruhiko were frozen in a state of fear as they stared at the smoking computer screen, completely smashed in and broken. Seri became flushed.
"Uhh…hey wasn't that Kusanagi-san's apart—"
Suddenly, the blonde-haired woman grabbed the two teens by their collars. She had the most frightening and menacing glare that could give anyone nightmares for weeks. "You two…saw….NOTHING. GOT THAT?"
Fushimi and Yata both swallowed hard and said in unison, "got it."
Three people now sat back in their chairs, completely exhausted. After having too much exposed of their lives in one day, the blood-thirsty atmosphere hung heavy around them.
The three had attempted to get assistance from other members of Scepter 4 and HOMRA, but each one had ended up with the same, traumatic experience at the end.
"What…the hell…is wrong…with this person!" Yata flung himself about feeling defeated. As he wiggled back and forth, kicking his feet up into the air, he felt his hat fly off his head.
"NO! NOOOOOOOOO! FUCK THIS SHIT! NOW MY HAT IS FALLING OFF IN REAL LIFE AS WELL!"
It was like a cruel joke some higher being was playing on them.
Suddenly, Saruhiko shot up to his feet and grabbed Misaki's PDA. "Huh? Saru?"
"I'm going to try sending a reply message to this person."
"But I thought it was an unknown sender who sent the email to Yatagarasu," replied Awashima.
"Well, if this person is following our lives, then they will know that we're trying to reach out to them." Saruhiko hit the reply button and simply wrote, "What the fuck do you want from us?"
No sooner he sent the email, than a response came back. "Hey look! We already got a reply back!"
The trio gathered around the screen. The only thing in the title was: :)
Fushimi hesitated a bit before opening the email. There appeared a new link.
Thinking that they could no longer be surprised at what they saw, they were proven wrong again by the mysterious author.
As the page loaded, there was a huge collage of manga scenes put together.
"Hey, what!? None of these stories are following our real lives! They are all screwed up!"
The three scanned the picture, seeing frames of events that had never occurred in their lives. They included things such as: gender swaps, pregnancies, random crack pairings, pictures from middle school, encountering strains that never existed, etc. The list went on and on.
Yet somehow, the three had a strange feeling inside, almost as if they experienced these things within some alternate universe of some sort.
They shuddered at the thought of someone, somewhere possibly watching them right now. Some of these people may even be fantasizing or writing fiction about them at this very moment.
Misaki gave a nervous laugh as he said quietly, "there couldn't be people out there creating stories about our lives for their amusement and having us act them out…could there?"