Hello fellows readers and writers !
A big thank to my pen friend Druidsorcerer who helps me so much by supporting me and correcting the English version as a Beta-Reader :-).
This fanfic is dedicated to you and all the readers who encourage me to write more !
This will be a several chapters story. Be sure I'll write it until its end. I'll do my best to update as regularly as possible (at least once a month, at most once a week) but because of my studies abroad and the non-assurance of a good internet connection I prefer to warn you in advance about that. I know how frustrating it is to wait for an update, so again, I'll do my best !
No synopsis, I wish to surprise you, as Nowaki says ;-)
Disclaimer : guess what, I don't own Junjou Romantica :P
Review : yes, OH YES ! More seriously, there are very important for the writers, they help to improve the style and the story from a fanfic to another, they encourage, give inspiration... Plus, be sure I'll send a reply to each of you.
That's it ! Hope you'll enjoy !
Chapter 1 : the alarm-clock
Bibip, bibip, bibip, bibip...
Bibibibip, bibibibip, bibibibip, bibibibip...
"Oh yeah, I'm coming..."
"I SAID, I'M COMING !"
Nowaki rushes into the room, obviously shaken.
"Hiro-san, are you alright ?"
"Yeah, that's just this % #$_! alarm-cl..."
It is no more on the table. I suddenly understand that it was not me yelling that made Nowaki rush inside.
It was me smashing the alarm-clock against the wall. I was so angry that I wasn't even aware of it.
Geez. The third in one week and it is only Wednesday.
Nowaki and I religiously keep watching the broken pieces which have just spread over the floor. I am way too much embarrassed to speak. As for Nowaki, I guess that he just doesn't know what to say.
"No...Nowaki...Errr, sorry. I'll buy another one tonight."
"No use. From now on, I will wake you up, ok ?" A smiling Nowaki answered.
"But...If I go crazy..."
"You're kidding, right? Plus, I'll do it in such a way you won't even realize it, Hiro-san."
He is getting closer while speaking. He lays flush against me, his breath sweeping my skin from my neck to my forehead, barely skimming my lips, his big warm hands stroking my hair.
"Good morning, Hiro-san...Here, much better, isn't it ?"
"You fool". I look away to hide my sudden blushing and clench my teeth to prevent my face from expressing any pleasure from his sweetness.
"Stop it, will you! We have no time, I'm gonna be late !"
Without moving or speaking, Nowaki is still watching me with this typical silly and affectionate smile which unnerves me so much. I push him to take my clothes. He bursts out laughing at my gloomy face and goes back to the kitchen.
"I love when you're acting like this." It means. Tsss. So stressful.
Still, I have to do something. I can't go on smashing alarm-clocks day after day. To give me some time to recover, I quickly sweep the remaining pieces of my victim, then hurry into the kitchen to have breakfast with Nowaki. Geez, it's awesome. I don't know where he has learnt to do this, since he has grown up in an orphanage, but he cooks like heaven. My colleague, Miyagi, who keeps teasing me, makes more comments than ever each time I open my bentô, probably because he is envious. He looks like he is involved with someone too, but he never brings any home-made bentô for lunch.
Nowaki watches me eating in silence, picking his chopsticks up. After a while, of course, I begin to feel awkward. And with me, any emotion, either bad or good, easily turns into...
"What are you looking at? That's embarrassing!"
... into stress.
Here I go again.
"Hiro-san, I am worried about you."
"Come on, there's no reason."
"Since we moved in last week-end, you're even more susceptible than usual."
I almost snap back something to him, but I swallow the words as they reach my throat... After all, that's a fact. I perfectly know who I am.
A teacher who throws stuff at his students when they are not listening and who answers coldly to his colleagues, which got me the nickname of "demon" at Mistuhashi university. A silent lover who systematically steps away from sweet moves and who retreats right after having attempting anything himself.
Just like that time. I had sent flowers to Nowaki to congratulate him for his success in the preliminary tests to join the university. As soon as he rushed into the room, glowing with happiness, flowers spreading over his arms, I snapped without even looking: "You fool, you have only managed to be admitted to the official competitive exams, no point making such a fuss, from now on you'll be...".
Luckily enough, he hadn't listened to anything I said and muffled everything else with a passionate hug.
And nothing has changed ever since. Most of the time, Nowaki doesn't take my sharpness seriously because he understands that my eyebrows, which get me most of Miyagi's teasing, are only frowned to hide my feelings and embarrassment. Indeed, he is the only one who understands me. I'd like to know why. We've been living together for over four years, and yet there are still many things I'd like to know about Nowaki.
However, trying my best to hide my feelings, I can barely see myself asking him private questions. Nowaki being my lover has nothing to do with the embarrassment I feel towards him.
And speaking about him, Nowaki is also able to take radical measures in a lightening without a second thought to tell me first, for reasons which are completely different from the ones I can suppose myself.
That's how he decided to study for a year in the United States. He didn't know how to tell me, thus he told me...nothing. More precisely, he keeps saying that he told me and that I wasn't listening, so I let him get away with it. Anyway, whether he told me or not, once he went abroad, there was no more news. I got more and more depressed through the whole year because of that; I was so sure that he had dumped me for a sexy American woman...So, I tried to break up when he came back, but he finally convinced me, not only to stay with him, but also to let him live with me. At last, while we were opening his boxes to make everything fit in my flat, I discovered in his stuff, a bunch of letters he had written in the United States and had never dared to send to me.
As a consequence, communication between us is ridiculously complicated. We don't manage to get on the same wavelength.
Our last move into this new apartment is just one more proof of how awkward we both are. Nowaki had been living with me for many years when he decided to find a new apartment which would be bigger and closer to our workplaces at the same time. Such a decision is both reasonable and pragmatical. Although...he had decided it on his own...and did it all by himself. For the second time, he had taken a decision which concerned us both, all alone. After having accidentally put my hands on a fax message about the last flat he had visited, I had believed he wanted to dump me for one of his colleagues. It led us to a new tantrum and to a new jealousy crisis, before he explained everything to me and that he had just wanted to make it a surprise.
A surprise...How on earth can you make it a surprise to someone, by hiding from him that he will have to move out? For god's sake!
All in all, the misunderstanding has been cleared out and here we are, in this three room flat, including a big kitchen, a bathroom and a bedroom for two. We've been here for three days. We could even have a pet if we wanted to.
I hurry putting on my coat while Nowaki washes the bowls.
"I'm going, see you later!"
As I am running to the corridor...
...I barely prevent myself from crashing down the stairs and turn back, ready to burst out.
"You've almost killed me, you b..."
"Your bag, Hiro-san. You have just forgotten it."
As I put my hands up to take it, Nowaki seizes them and pulls me against him to kiss. At the front door. He's mad ! We could be seen !
"Have a good day, Hiro-san."
I arrive at the university drenched in sweat, just in time, before the students rush to the course.
"Well, well, Kamijou, did you have a hard time waking up this morning ?"
Miyagi glances at me, as teasing and relaxed as usual, sheets of paper in one hand, coffee in the other, cigarette between the lips, his chin hardly shaved, the collar of his white shirt slightly opened. Cool attitude, in person.
He is getting on my nerves, I know what he is waiting for. Reluctantly, to calm down my stomach, I finally open my bag and put out the bentô that Nowaki always cooks, without me even asking.
"Ooooooooh, the bride is at her best today!" he claims at once, gliding to me with his rolling chair.
"You...Miyagi-sensei!" I am so embarassed I can't even tell him to mind his own business.
It's a fact; today's bentô is a masterpiece. It includes three parts : a summer saucy salad with fresh products, takoyaki balls and perfumed rice with a red Umeboshi plum.
Nowaki...you're trying so hard to make me feel better...and what do you get from me? A stolen kiss at the front door.
My feelings must be somehow written on my face, because a smiling Miyagi is gazing at me in silence. This time, he gets me really angry.
"Mind your own business, for God's sake !"
"But you are sooooooooooo cute, I am just happy everything goes well between you two."
You can tell. He said that just after he tried to kiss me too, when I thought I was dumped by Nowaki, a few of years ago. Nowaki had just greeted him with his right fist from rage and jealousy. Before Miyagi did such a thing to me, I was convinced his teasing came from my homosexuality, but in fact...
Hey, since he is even more intrusive than usual, let's tease him back, for a change.
"Let's talk about you and this student of yours. Do you feel like you can bother me any longer?"
A dark cloud suddenly appears over Myagi's head. Without a word, he puts something out of his own bag. A bentô.
"I don't believe this, your boyfriend cooks for you and you never eat it?"
"Shhhh, if ever he went by, he could hear you".
"Still..." My reply turns into silence while Miyagi is opening the box.
Cabbage and rice. As much rice as cabbage. A delicate smell of alcohol and burn fills the office.
"Ouch, got it...I'm sorry."
"He is very enthusiastic but he lacks practice a little", comments lightly the teacher. "When we're home, I do my best, but at lunch, I allow myself a little break in the store next door!".
After this, he packs the bentô back and walks away at his dynamic pace.
"Enjoy your meal, Hiro-kun."
When I come home from the university in the evening, Nowaki is not there. I'm not surprised, his timetable at the hospital is pretty irregular these days. I buy some food in the conbini and prepare something for him.
I fall asleep before he arrives.
"Good morning, Hiro-san."
My alarm-clock lays against me, his breath in my neck and my ears. His warmth is so comforting that I find myself unable to get angry. He rises a bit more to kiss me.
"Why were you so late last night?"
"Was my bentô to you liking?"
"Hey, don't avoid the question! But yeah, it was great."
"Good then." I feel the bed squirming when Nowaki stands up.
"Nowaki, where were you last night?"
"Can't you tell? At the hospital of course. You know how it is these times." He answers from the kitchen.
I stay in bed a bit longer, thinking. If he was at the hospital, why didn't he tell me at once? But I must be worrying too much. If only we had more time for us, I am sure we would get along better and better.
I stand up and go to the kitchen, ready for a new day to come, and this time, without having broken any alarm-clock.
Days pass without any peculiar incident. Nowaki's idea to replace the clock is great. Although, I feel more and more embarrassed that he is always the one who comes with innovative and original ideas to strengthen our love, to preserve some moments of intimacy, despite the lack of time we can share together.
Even though he is a bit too original to my liking sometimes...One day, he may be able to adopt pets he has just found in the streets. Or much later...During a horrific moment, I scare myself with a vision of Nowaki rushing home, holding one baby in his arm, an older child by the other hand, saying : "I just wanted to surprise you, Hiro-san."
Jesus, he is perfectly capable of doing that.
It is well known: first, you get a job, then you become a couple, you get a house, a pet, and finally children, don't you?
And we have just got the house...
"Hiro-san, are you free tonight?"
It is Friday. Of course I am.
"Err, yeah, but I won't be at home before 19.00."
"That"s alright! If we meet at our usual restaurant, we'll make it 18.40, we'll have time."
My brain-gears begin to speed like crazy: time for what, exactly?
"Gosh, ook at the time, I have to go !"
I am leaving later, because on Friday, my first course only begins at 9.
"I'll wait for you tonight, Hiro-san."
He quickly kisses me on the cheek and I look at him, puzzled. He looks at me back for a moment, then, pulling me gently against him with his big hands, he kisses me passionately on the lips. Surprised, I haven't reacted quickly enough to retreat and quite the contrary, I hug him back. When he takes me like that, I am unable to resist.
His surprises can be good sometimes.
"See you tonight."
I watch the door closing, unassured. What is he up to, precisely? What is coming now?
Well, let's just hope he won't bring kids...
I arrive 5 minutes earlier than expected, and yet Nowaki is already here.
He is calmer than I thought he would be. He was so excited that I accepted the date this morning...but now, he seems worried when he gazes at me. I have to confess I am pretty tired of my week, so I guess I look weary.
"So, why were you so high this morning ?"
"It's been three weeks since the last time we could catch a break together. I am so glad we could finally make it!"
He steps forward to hug me. Then retreats. We are in a big street right before a crowded restaurant. I smile. So, Nowaki himself knows some limits? He smiles back at me and leads me into the restaurant, his warm hand behind my back.
A few moments later, we are relaxed and eating yaki soba with a pint of green tea.
Nowaki says nothing. Me neither. Yet, something is bothering me.
"Nowaki, there's something you want to talk about, don't you ?"
He keeps eating his cold noodles in silence.
"You made a fuss about tonight and here we are, doing exactly the same thing as usual. And now, you don't wanna say anything?"
Nowaki takes a sip of tea and clears his throat.
"Ahem, it's just that...I've realized something."
"And...what is it ?"
"We struggle to spend some time together. And since we moved out, you don't seem happy."
Panic slowly overwhelms me. We are not so far from the "Honey, we need to talk."
"It's been only one week and a half ! And..."
...and the morning begins so much better. But I am way too shy to say such a thing aloud.
"See? You don't find anything to answer that."
I swear between my teeth. "Don't be so hasty in you conclusions, you fool!"
"Stop it, I really have nothing to say against our new flat nor us living together. On the contrary, I can see how hard you try to do your best, you know you don't need to do so much for me."
The tender waking up, the bentô, all the sweet moves...everything comes from Nowaki. The only real thing that I have ever gave him, is my approval to greet his love and his gentleness. The worst is, that Nowaki himself doesn't expect more from me. He just wishes for me to be there for him, quite simply. Even though he is too hot-blooded or possessive sometimes.
As he was that night, at the very beginning of our relationship, when Nowaki was nothing more but an intrusive and naughty student who had invited himself at my place without even asking.
"Hiroki, are you alright? You look paler than usual."
That night, Akihiko was standing at my front door. Embarassed, I looked away while he was fluffing my hair as he used to, and let him check my body heat with his palm on my forehead. With his warm, big hands that I had such a hard time forgetting.
And all of sudden, I couldn't see anymore. Other big warm hands were hiding my eyes.
"Please excuse me, but I'll take Hiro-san from you."
What the hell ?
"From now on, Hiro-san is mine, and I'll let nobody make him suffer any longer."
I had barely the time to peek at a bemused Akihiko between Nowaki's fingers when this one slamed the door.
Of course, I had made a big fuss...but that very evening, I had let myself fall into Nowaki's arms. And that's how we began to go out.
Right since the beginning, our relationship tended to be pretty fetched, swinging from useless secrets to big misunderstandings...
! #$%^&*. I was so deeply absorbed by this memory that I had completely lost track.
"Sorry, what were you saying ?"
"Hiro-san, I am worried about us. You know I love you."
Silence. His eyes gaze sadly at me.
You fool, you know perfectly well I can't say that so easily !
But, if I shut up...
As red as ever, diving into my mug of soya sauce, I barely manage to emit the sounds he is waiting for.
That's all Nowaki needs to illuminate his eyes. Gosh, he is such a kid. Do we really need to say it aloud to know it?
"And yet, things are not simple between us."
Whose fault? You shouldn't have left like a thief for a whole year, nor looked for another flat behind my back !
"So, what I propose is..."
Here we are. I don't think he is ready to raise children yet, so he is going to talk about the dog. Or the cat. But if it was nothing else but a red fish, it would really be perfect.
"What I suggest..."
"Nowaki, if you wanna say something, just say it !"
"What I propose is...is that...that we...from now..."
He stops, tensed in utter embarassment.
No, it can't be. Nowaki wants to break up ? He, who has done every possible thing, twice, to clutch me? Unbelievable. Un-be-lie-va-ble.
"...That we go into couples therapy."