This is Em, thank you for reading this! I am a self admitted Yaoi fangirl and have read many of the pairings on fanfiction (like Yullen, FaixKuro, RikuoxKaza, UsagixMiaski, and YurixShindo). Recently I started reading HikaxKao fanfics, which I had kept away from before- mainly because I was wary of the whole 'twincest' thing, but now I realize that I was missing pure awesome. So in the heat of some random moment I decided that I was gonna' write a fanfic about them. I took all the prior smut yaoi action that I have previously absorbed and let it loose on this document. I hope you enjoy- Please read, review, and fangirl to your hearts content!
Warning: Yaoi- if you don't like it don't read it, and stay out of our side of fanfiction! (plus read the summery- I tell you this all there)
Disclaimer: I don't own Ouran High, the wonderful characters, or any of the other stuff (besides my plot). I wish I did because Bisco Hatori is amazing and it's so much fun to have characters that scream Yaoi.
A gasp is let out, and the door slams shut. I want him to be gone, but it seems that I never get what I desperately need. He can't see me- not now, not in this state. I'm the one that always has to stay strong. I might be younger but I need to look out for him, I can't have myself show this kind of weakness in front of him.
I clutch my arm to my shirt. I need to hide the bleeding- not that it makes much of a difference any more. He's already seen the blood, so why do I hide it? Is it to preserve some kind of image? If that's my reason then it's a stupid one indeed. I should have known one of these days that I was gonna be caught. He'd seen me wearing long sleeves more than usual so I should have expected him to be wary of something- even if he didn't know the outright reason.
I can hear things shuffle around me, but I'm not sure what. I can only feel the sensations of pain, and tears, and unnatural warmth collecting on my wrist and shirt. Then suddenly there's a tugging on my arm- pulling it away from my chest. I look up and see his face- eyes shut in some kind of peace as he wraps gauze around the wound. I try to remove my limb from his grasp, but he just holds it firmer and lifts his head- eyes now open and glaring at me until I stop my objections and look away.
He pins the fabric into place and then pulls a damp washcloth out of the sink- beginning to slowly wipe off my arm. My head is screaming at me: Why doesn't he say? Did he expect this? Is he doing this out of some sense of duty? Is he trying to be kind? Please say something. Say something! Anything! SPEAK GOD DAMMIT!
He finishes the task at hand, and pulls my shirt over my head. I hear the door click and he's gone. I attempt to get up, but I'm pushed down by the returning hand as I hear the lock click. Not a word is uttered as he maneuvers a simple tee onto my body. He says nothing and I offer no response.
I didn't know that tears were still trailing down my face until he lifts a hand to brush them away. I turn my head away and he sighs. It was one of the few sounds that he has made since entering the room for the first time and my hearts flops then aches at it. I pull my hand back to my chest again- like it being there will quell my shattered heart. Like bringing all the pieces together of the broken mirror around me will help its inanimate soul from being lonely and miserable.
We sit there, in the eye of the glass sea, for what seems like an entire lifetime before his voice, kept soft as not to scare away a wounded and dangerous animal, echos throughout the bathroom.
"What were you thinking Kaoru? Why would you do that?" They were words that I expected. Ones that you could expect to hear from someone when put in this situation with nothing else to say. If I knew why I was doing this then I wouldn't be doing it in the first place, my mind answers- sarcasm hinting on every word. It's true I know that cutting myself isn't a good idea, but I feel as if there's no other way to block out the pain in my heart. I chose to ignore my smart ass comment and vouch for the safer option of staying quiet and shaking my head.
Hikaru sighs again, and I want to yell at him to stop it. To be quiet, to make sure he never comes into my line of vision again. It hurts. I love him so much that it hurts. To see him flirting with others, seeing him talk and walk with Haruhi. I love Haruhi like a little sister and she's a great influence, but Hikaru. . . every word and sound he utters makes my chest tight and breathing rigid. His actions too- they force me to look away, to advert my stare from my object of total longing. I love him too much for what is good- and I know that he'll never feel the same way about me.
I love you, I love you, I need you, I NEED you, my mind just won't stop, and I can't force myself to feel otherwise.
"What?" Hikaru asks and I freeze.
"What?" I mumble.
"What did you just say, you know- the breathy mumble before I asked what?"
I feel my eyes widen in shock. Had I really said that aloud?
"Nothing." I say louder, vaulting myself up and bolting for the exit.
I would have escaped, I've always been just a little faster than Hikaru, but I had forgotten that the door had been locked.
Strong arms circle their way around my waist and pull me backwards as I fumble with the lock. I fight them so we end up off balance- toppling over. Hikaru under me. And me on top of Hikaru. I continue to aim for the door as Hikaru struggles to pull up into a sitting position while not letting go of me. I pause suddenly when one of his hands drifts just a little bit farther downward. Just being in the same room with him made me a little hard, but now that I was thinking about him and on top of him I could feel my erection pressing against my pants. If I squirmed any more he'd feel how hard I'd gotten and any normality that still was left would be gone. Hikaru, finally not facing any more opposition, moved until I was sitting on his lap.
"Kaoru," He said, voice ringing with a kind of serious that made me flinch, "what the hell are you doing?"
"Nothing." I mutter again, and he pulls up one of his hands to tilt my head back so that I could look into his face. Hikaru's glaring eyes were back, and he refused to let go of my chin.
"Bull shit," He tells me, "something is seriously wrong here. I've come home to see my twin sitting in a pile of glass with his own life dripping towards the floor, and you tell me that nothing is wrong? Either the world has gone to hell and you're telling me the truth, or you're lying sucks and you need a new definition of 'nothing'. Now, tell me what happened? Did someone upset you this much? If so, who?"
I need to lie! I can't tell him the truth! I won't ruin whatever relationship we have left! "I was angry and hit the mirror with my fist, which ended up breaking it. Then I got pissed off at myself for breaking it and just figured that bleeding a little bit would help." It wasn't a good excuse but Hikaru had fallen for worst stories before, so with any luck he'd fall for this one too.
Luck really wasn't on my side today.
"You're lying," He seethed, and in a flash of twisting and quick movement he had pinned me to the floor- hands on my arms and legs on my own. Oh how I was thanking whatever being was out there that I had decided to wear baggy pants today- because being in this provocative position was not helping my desire to have him fuck me senseless, "Stop lying to me Kaoru. Is it me? Have I done something wrong? If I have, tell me what it is and I'll fix it right away. You can't do this to yourself anymore, and if I have to be at grave after you've cut too deep I'm going to resurrect you and then kill you again for doing this to me."
My eyes start to tear up again at his words. And concern flashes over his face for a split second before it disappeared. I finally nod, and his body relaxes just a bit, "Yes, it is you," I croak, "but there's nothing that you can do about it. Nothing at all."
Hikaru looks shocked at my comment, "How so?" he asks forcefully, eyes staring at me so hard that I feel like they're probing into my brain.
"Because we have different feelings Hikaru. We might look the same and act the same, but in reality we're two different people- each with our own pair of very different feelings."
"Is this about Haruhi?" Hikaru asks after a pause.
"In a way."
"Are you in love with her?"
"Then what? I don't understand Kaoru."
"It's this-" I tell him, and with a startling amount of strength I push him up onto his behind and straddle his hips. Then without any warning I bring my lips to his- crushing them with all the weight and desire I'd been feeling up to this moment.
Hikaru's eyes are wide open, when I pull back- standing up while swaying slightly I wipe my mouth on my arm, "Different feelings that you don't understand." I tell him before unlatching the door and leaving him on the bathroom floor, staring wide eyed after me as I head out of the room, out of the shared bedroom, and then into my own room where I promptly locked the door and proceed to cry silently.
It's later when I hear a knocking at the door, "Kaoru," Hikaru calls, "please let me in." I ignore him and look at the clock. It reads 11:30 pm. After dinner, after hours, and after the time that our parents would have gone to bed if they had been home at the moment.
Heavy footfalls patter away after minutes if forced silence. I press my head back into my pillow, I'm exhausted and just want to sleep. My facadé is up- broken like the mirror that probably hasn't been cleaned up. He knows what I'm like, and I can't hide it anymore. With the kiss I practically gave myself up to the world.
I had almost achieved my objective of 'operation sleep' when I hear a key fit in the lock with a loud click. I turn my head to the sound, lifting myself up on my elbows. The door opens slowly, like I was, again, a wild animal. I see Hikaru's silhouette in the light briefly before the door shuts and is re-locked. The key is dropped to the floor and the bed shifts slightly next to me, and a small reading light is lit. I have to shut my eyes for a moment to adjust, I'd been lying in the darkness for so long.
"Kaoru," Came Hikaru's voice, I didn't move to recognize that I had heard him, but I was still looking at his face- which was enough for him to continue, "I'm sorry." I freeze even more at this remark- so much that even my breathing stops. Hikaru senses my tenseness and quickly goes on, "I'm sorry that I didn't react to the advance earlier. I'm sorry that I never noticed. I should have been able to see it. It's you so I should have been able to see it. I'm sorry that you've put yourself through that," he ushered at my arm, "because of me. I'm sorry that I need everything spelled out to me in clear, plain letters." Hikaru moved closer to my side and placed a hand on my hip, I shiver at his touch- which forces some air back into my deprived lungs, "I've been so distracted about hiding my own feelings and desires from you that I failed to notice yours, and I'm willing to do anything to make that right."
And with that Hikaru leaned forward and captured my lips with his, then wrapping his arms around me he pulled me close to him to deepen the kiss. I struggled for only a moment as his words sunk in. I've been so distracted about hiding my own feelings and desires from you that I've failed to notice yours. . .Does that mean he feels the same way that I do? I took him kissing me as a 'yes', and tangled my fingers in his hair.
His tongue lightly swiped over my lips asking for entrance, which I promptly allowed. Hikaru's tongue explored over every aspect of my mouth and I choked back a moan. After Hikaru started to pull his tongue back I pushed mine into his mouth- doing the same thing that he had done to me. Hikaru growled, and pushing me back- forced me down, while moving his mouth down to my neck and collarbone. I gasp, then bite my lip as he starts to suck- lightly at first then with more meaning. I can feel him rush throughout my body and heat start to pool in my underwear.
Hikaru finishes sucking at the spot and then nips at the tender skin. This time I have to force my tongue into pain to stop myself from crying out. Hikaru notices this and moves his mouth to whisper seductively into my ear, "What are you doing Kaoru?" he asks, "This is what you've been wanting right? And I've been holding myself back a long time as well. So let me hear those sounds. I want to hear every delicious sound you make: the groans, the gasps, the moans, and especially the screams. . ." he trails off as he brings his mouth back up to mine, and this time I don't fight the moan that comes up from my throat, "That's it," he murmurs and pulls my shirt over my head. I whimper as we lose contact for a few precious seconds, but it's all renewed as he runs his hand down my chest- teasing my erect nipples. His hand plays with them softly, which make my moans even louder. Then I gasp as he takes one of them into his mouth- running his hot tongue over it and biting it lightly. If I had ever fantasied about Hikaru touching me- then the fantasies didn't compare in the least.
While he diverted his attention to my other nipple I hazily moved my hand through the buttons on his shirt before wrenching it over his arms. I wanted to push him up and do the same thing to him as he was doing to me, but he wouldn't give- not letting me move farther than an inch.
His trailed his tongue down to my navel, and then pressed his hand on the ever growing bulge in my pants. He grasps my need through the cloth which causes me to moan and pant, and even thrust my erection into his hand. I can feel him smirk on my stomach, "Do you like that Kaoru?" Hikaru asks me while squeezing harder. The only response I can give is another embarrassingly loud moan, which he takes as a good sign, and uses his mouth to undo my pants.
Hikaru works them off slowly- teasing me while I writhe in discomfort. He nips at the skin just above my underwear before slipping his hand inside them and grabbing my pulsing need and then pulling them off. The sudden release from being confined and the firm sensation on my cock was enough to make me choke out a startled scream, which Hikaru grinned wickedly at. He sunk back more until he was eye level with my need and started to pump it slowly. My hips bucked up to try create more friction between his hand and my dick. His teasing me was causing me to just about die, and I wanted him as much as possible.
Hikaru holds down my hips with one steady hand on my stomach before lowering his lips to the very tip of the head. I was up on my elbows so I could see mostly everything he was doing, and I threw back my head in a silent scream as he licks it- starting from the head, going down the shaft to the base, and back up to the head again. My hips try to buck, but Hikaru successfully holds them down.
I'm moaning every which way at this point- I just can't keep the noises inside. And I really do scream when Hikaru finally takes as much as he can fit of my cock into his deliciously hot mouth. I can feel him grin around my erection, and I can't help but whimper as he starts to suck- alternating randomly between soft and hard sucks, and then tiny bites which make me try to fuck his mouth even more. He moans at random times too, and the vibrations from them send shivers up my body that make me arch my back and my cock start to drip with pre-cum. I wrap my fingers even tighter in his flaming auburn hair, as if that motion will keep me whole and, if possible at this point, sane.
It doesn't take much for me to feel like I'm going to explode, "Hi- Hika. . . ru," I try to tell him, and do my best to pull his head away from my weeping cock, "I. . . I'm g- going to. . . to. . t' cum," Hikaru doesn't budge and I can't keep it in any longer. My back arches and I yell out his name. I even see stars as I orgasm into his mouth. Much to my surprise he swallows all of my cum, and waits until I've ridden out my orgasm to pull his mouth off with a soft pop. I want to lean back content, but he starts to fondle my balls and I harden up almost immediately- adrenaline pumping through my veins.
I sit up from my relaxed state and with a new sort of vitality kiss him deeply, while maneuvering him onto his back. Hikaru kisses me back eagerly and I can taste my cum on his tongue. I move my knee in between his legs and rub up against his straining erection- making him gasp.
I don't bother with his nipples other than to give each of them a tweak which causes Hikaru to groan with pleasure. I quickly remove his pants and underwear and toss them off to the side into some unknown abyss. He sighs as his need is released- already dripping with pre-cum. I stare for a moment. His dick is at least two inches longer than mine, but I lick my lips- already willing to consume it.
With only slight hesitation I lick Hikaru's cock before wrapping my bruised lips around it and sucking gently. The moan that came out of Hikaru's mouth though, was worth any waiting I'd ever had to do. His hands tangled in my hair as I bobbed up and down his long length, my hand pumping the part that I couldn't fit into my mouth. His pre-cum tastes wonderful- a mix of him and cream that is in all honestly too hard to explain.
After a few minutes of unstoppable moans (from both Hikaru and me) Hikaru pulls my head back from his swollen erection. I have time for one breath before he kisses me and rolls me back over so he's on top.
"Lube?" He asks before kissing me again.
"Le- left table. . . sec- sec. . . second. . . drawer." I pant, and he leaves me for a second. During such time I squirm on the bed feeling very needy and very unfulfilled.
"Back." Comes Hikaru's voice again as he appears above me. I smile, and he gives me a quick kiss before opening the bottle of lube and covering his fingers with it.
"You'll want to be on all fours for this." He tells me, and I turn over, coming up to rest my hands and knees on the bed.
"You sound like you've done research on this." I tell him and he chuckles.
"Maybe," He admits, then with seriousness back in his voice continues, "this'll hurt a little bit though."
I nod and squirm as he inserts one finger into my hole. Hikaru waits until I'm comfortable before adding another.
At the second I bite my lip and he whispers to me. The scissoring motion that followed was strange and uncomfortable, but not all that bad. Then he added a third digit. At this I threw my head back with a cry and he brought his other hand forward to stroke my cock. He stretched me and soon I became comfortable having them in there. I even began thrusting on his fingers- loving the feeling of him inside of me. One time they even ghosted over my special bundle of nerves- which made me almost cum again.
Hikaru laughs and pulls his digits out of my hole, and at my moan of distress laughs louder. He then turns me over onto my back again and I see him lube up his erection, "Having fun fucking yourself on my fingers?" he asks, and I can only whimper as I stare at his prepared cock. He follows my gaze, and grins. Hikaru then leans over and whispers into my ear, "Do you want me to enter you?"
I nod, and he smiles wickedly- "Then you'll need to beg. Beg, Kaoru"
I was shocked only for a moment. Normally I wouldn't have begged, but right now my need for him to be inside me was so great that I couldn't stand it.
"Please," I begged, "I ne- need you. I need you inside of me. To thrust in. . . and out, and t- to make me feel so good that I want to ex- ex. . . explode."
"That's it," Hikaru purred, and pulled my legs over his shoulders, "this'll hurt more a lot than the fingers- but I promise to be as gentle as I can." the only thing I can do is nod as he enters me.
It's only the head at first, but even that's enough to make me gasp. Hikaru enters a little of himself at a time before thrusting out. But even though it hurts so much that I see stars- bright blinding stars, I can't help but feel how right it is to have him inside of me: who cares if it's incest- I was personally loving every second of it.
I finally get used to the pain, and Hikaru starts to move in and out of me. My breathing started to get rigid and I began to meet his thrusts with my own. His hands were on either side of me as he started to thrust in and out faster and faster. I could feel my release begin to mount and I grasped my erection and pumped it along to his thrusts.
Suddenly he hit the place that I needed him to hit again- my prostate. I screamed as he hit it, and screamed every time he hit it after that- the spot became abused very quickly. And finally it became too much. Hikaru hit my prostate that one last time and I screamed his name as I came all over my hand and my chest. Feeling my muscles tighten around his own erection was too much for Hikaru to handle, and he came inside me straight after, yelling my name as he bit down onto my shoulder. Hikaru collapsed onto me, smearing my cum onto his body.
After we both rode out our orgasms Hikaru pulled out of me with a small whimper, and got off the bed. After what seemed like forever of hunting found he finally found his shirt, and gently wiped each of us off before dropping the shirt and pulling me under the bed covers with him.
"So does this mean. . ." I mumble, already half asleep.
"Yeah," Hikaru replies, "I'm not in love with Haruhi. Boss has pretty much claimed her anyway- whether he knows it or not."
I smile and snuggle closer to my twin, "That's true." I comment and my smile widens.
"Does this mean you'll stop cutting?" Hikaru asks, concern now back into his voice.
"Well I have everything that I have ever wanted now, why would I?" I answer.
Hikaru kisses me and presses a smile into my hair, "Good, ' he murmurs- though I'm not sure if it's to me or himself, "good night Kaoru."
"Good night Hikaru." I answer, and I feel his breathing slow and steady as he sleeps. I look at the clock once again: 2:00 am. Apparently shattered hearts can be fixed- even if shattered mirrors cannot. I sigh and allow myself to drift off. Thank gods we don't have school tomorrow.
I hope I did well and it didn't suck. . . I just realized what I wrote, Gods! Anyway Review please. Tell me if you liked it or not, especially the transition part, because I was just working with what I had gotten from other fanfictions- and it seemed good enough. I also hope my ending was okay. This fanfic was actually easier to write then another one I haven't finished that's a Kamisama Kiss smut one- and that one is NanamixTomoe. So I got the boys love one done in a day, and haven't finished the other in moths. . . what does this say about me. Apparently that I want to write another one of these things.