Disclaimer/: Still not mine. (Damn it. .)
Warnings/: Angst, mentions of a previous abusive relationship
Author's Notes/: I started this intending to write Mike being upset over Kevin pushing him out of the way in A Spell On Blue and ending in fluff (because that episode always struck me as being far more Mike/Kevin than A Sticky Situation), and then ... this happened. I really don't know. My ShinyAntonioMuse comes up with the most random things for my Samurai headcanon. I kind of just go with them.
Written for PunkPinkPower, because She Has A Problem. I don't think this is really what you were hoping for sweetie, but I hope you like it anyway. ^.^;;
He found Mike in his room after the others had long headed to bed, stretched out on the floor and staring up at the ceiling. He glanced up briefly to see what he was looking at, but there didn't seem to be anything there. He shrugged it off as Mike being Mike and leaned against the doorway instead. "So how long are you planning to stay mad at me?"
Mike hmmed. "I was thinking forever. Forever sounds pretty good."
Kevin sighed. "Mike - "
"Do you have any idea what it was like, listening to Mentor tell Jayden he might have to make 'tough choices'?" Mike interrupted, still staring at the ceiling. "Watching Jayden fight you, and listen to some crazy guy talk about how he was trying to take you down?"
"Do you know what it's like knowing that I hurt my friends, hurt *you*?" Kevin snapped back. "I can't even remember most of today - just bits and pieces. And the things I do remember - " He cut himself off, looking away and running a hand over his face.
"Yeah, I think I remember getting backslapped and slashed in the stomach," Mike sneered. "It was definitely a different experience; most guys just punch me in the face."
Kevin stiffened. "Good night," he said flatly, and walked out.
He knew how Mike was, he reminded himself as he paced his room. When Mike was upset about something, he wanted everyone else to be miserable too. He was at his meanest when he wanted to make someone else hurt as much as he did. It was just how he was. He liked to joke that he was 'functionally dysfunctional'.
But even so ...
He dropped to sit on his bed, burying his face in his hands. Something about the spell had blocked most of what he'd done while he was being controlled, but he had flashes of memory here and there. Of Mike looking up at him from the ground, Mia crouched above him anxiously. Of Mike, Emily, and Mia demorphed and cringing in pain. Jayden trying to protect the rest of the team from him. Mike's voice in the distance, shouting "What are you *thinking*, that's Kevin!?"
Coming to with his head in Mike's lap, the girls hovering over him anxiously. The bandages they all wore. Mike smirking at him across the game board like nothing was wrong, even as the DragonZord nudged the top of BearZord's head comfortingly.
Knowing that he'd done exactly what he'd sworn to Mike that he never would when they started dating: he hit him in anger.
He forced himself to his feet. He couldn't sit here anymore. He needed to move - to do something, *anything*. He needed to get out of Shiba House.
He grabbed his running shoes and headed for the door.
It was hard to say how long he ran. It was already dark when he started, and he didn't bother with a watch. All he knew was that he was soaked in sweat and his muscles were screaming from exhaustion.
He fumbled his way through a shower more to get rid of the sweat than anything. After a while he found himself leaning against the shower wall, letting the water flow over him. Maybe it had something to do with his Samurai element, but it was oddly soothing. He closed his eyes, trying to soak in the sensation, and blinked back tears.
"What are you *thinking*, that's Kevin!?"
He grit his teeth, shook his head hard, and turned off the water.
He probably should have been more surprised when his bed was already occupied. Instead he just sighed and nudged the lump of blankets firmly but gently. "Move over."
The bed shifted, making just enough room for him to climb in. He'd barely managed to pull the blankets up over himself before there was a warm body pressed against his side and a face buried into his shoulder. " ... Where were you?"
"S'two o'clock in the morning."
As if that mattered. He still didn't want to sleep, but he was physically too exhausted to keep moving. "Hmm."
"Had a nightmare."
He'd figured as much. "About me?"
"Mm. That ... " Mike paused to yawn. "That Jayden's plan with the disk didn't work, and we had to kill you."
Funny. He'd have expected him to have nightmares of being attacked.
He didn't realize he'd spoken aloud until Mike sat up to stare at him. Surprisingly he didn't glare this time; just stared with a solemn expression that looked strange on his face. "That's not funny," he said quietly.
Kevin looked back at him, too tired and miserable to feel much of anything at the moment. "It wasn't supposed to be."
For the longest time they just looked at one another. Kevin took in the hurt in Mike's eyes, the way he kept the blanket he'd dragged in with him wrapped around his shoulders, hunching in on himself. He looked smaller somehow. Breakable.
And then Mike leaned forward suddenly, sagging against him. "I was scared," he muttered. "That Jayden would listen to Ji. That we couldn't save you."
He wrapped his arms around him, closing his eyes with another sigh. "I keep seeing you on the ground after I hit you," he admitted quietly. His hand came up to brush the Band-Aid on Mike's cheek before he could stop himself.
"You know I was just being a jerk, right? About earlier?"
He didn't answer.
Mike looked up with a frown, still slouched against his chest. "Kev, I know you would never have hit me if you were yourself. You know that, right?"
He closed his eyes.
"Kevin - "
"I don't remember everything," he interrupted softly. "But I remember what it felt like. It was like this ... burning hatred, all the time. Like I hated everyone and everything. The team, Jayden, you ...
"I didn't just hit you because you were my enemy, Mike," he whispered, shuddering. "I *enjoyed* it."
He shook his head, gritting his teeth. "Mike - "
"Bull," Mike repeated loudly. He sat up again, and *now* he was finally back to glaring. "I've done the abusive boyfriend thing, remember? I know how that goes. I know the type. Trust me, there's a *big* difference between a guy with anger issues and someone being mind controlled."
"How do you know?" he demanded. "Abusive people show signs of remorse all the time. How do you know this isn't just the beginning?"
Mike gave him a look. "You've been doing research on the internet again, haven't you?"
He threw his hands up in frustration and turned to get up.
Mike caught his arm. "Woah, hold on. I'm sorry, okay? I've got a big mouth, we've been over this. Just ... don't go, okay?"
Kevin stopped, closing his eyes again, and finally looked back at him even though he knew it would be a mistake. And it was: Mike was biting his lip anxiously. He looked painfully vulnerable, the way he always did when he crawled into Kevin's bed after a nightmare.
The way he'd been doing since shortly after they became Samurai Rangers. It was how Kevin had first learned the story of his ex, and eventually, how they'd gotten together. Mike always insisted there was something dependable about Kevin; something that helped him sleep at night.
He let out a long, reluctant sigh, and slid back into bed. "You can't tell me not to feel guilty," he said at last, his eyes flickering to the Band-Aid again.
Mike snuggled against his side, looking relieved. "Fair enough. I'm still mad at you for shoving me out of the way in the first place."
He snorted, and the corner of his mouth lifted a little. "And you're staying mad forever, right?"
"Yup." There was a yawn, and Mike pointedly moved under his arm.
He smiled reluctantly, moving to drape the arm over him. They fell into their usual sleeping positions almost instinctively: Mike by the wall, curled under Kevin's arm with his head pillowed on Kevin's stomach. Kevin between him and the door, turned so that he could see anyone who came through.
Nothing about them made sense. Mike was still rowdy and abrasive, and had a tendency to put his foot in his mouth. Kevin was serious and dedicated. Mike frequently went out of his way to drive Kevin crazy, Kevin had a tendency to ignore Mike when he was frustrated, they were *constantly* fighting ...
And yet even Jayden had noticed how well they'd connected, enough to hint that he shouldn't feel guilty for what happened.
He wasn't ready to forgive himself for what had happened. In all likelihood, he probably never would. Just as he suspected Mike would never completely forgive him for pushing him out of the way of the attack.
And that was okay. Because Mike could ignore his guilt, and he could accept Mike's anger. And they could both move on.
As long as they could move on, everything would be okay. Eventually.