The Diary of Romeo Montague
I do not know what has come over me. I feel a humour of drowsy disinterest in my life as I have never known before. I have love in the most unrequited form. My dearest Rosaline does not wish to do me the honor of making me a happy man, for she has chosen to be chaste in her doings. A woman of God, I do suppose. Or perhaps I am not fine enough for her. I would not lay blame on her for those thoughts. Wherefore must I be so simple? So undeserving of her? What in this world could I do to make her love me? I lay myself up in my chambers daily, trying to drown away the pain, but it helps not. I do not know what else to do, but give up on my dear rose…..
My dearest relative Benvolio wishes to help me in attempt of getting Rosaline out of my mind. I do not wish to try, but he is my family, and Mercutio will not cease from pestering me to find someone new if I do not go and attempt finding another fair maiden to take my mind off the subject of my deep affections. Lord Capulet is hosting a banquet, and though we are enemies of that house, I am going with my dear friends on their insistence upon having me find another woman, fairer then dear Rosaline. I do not see how this is possible, with love such as mine making me want for her in such ways to drive a man to insanity.
I was wrong, indeed! I did not love until tonight, for love was not worthy for any other woman but her! Juliet. By Cupid's bow, I do swear my love for her. The daughter of mine father's enemy, and yet I wish for every part of her, every moment of every day. I did not live until tonight! I did not know such joy as this until I did see her! I did not know beauty until I gazed upon her, did not hear words worth listening to until she spoke to me. Her holy lips upon mine have taken the place of every sweetness, and I long to kiss her once again. My lips are blushing pilgrims for her to touch with her saintly lips, fingertips. Every part of her is the most glorious thing I have seen in my years. I must see her again. By the heavens above me, I must know she loves me as I love her!
I adore my Juliet, even if she be the daughter of mine sworn enemy. I climbed the great wall around her home, worrying not of the damages, for what am I if not devoted to do anything for my dearest Juliet? I did see her, leaning upon the balcony outside her chambers. I do suppose she was in thought-and of me, to make mine heart soar higher! I am not worthy of her affections, and yet I have them. I had to know that I had them, and assure her she has mine own affection. I longed for her lips, and I long for them all over again, for one moment without her is an eternity. We have agreed to marry, if I may get Friar Lawrence to marry us tomorrow's day. If he says aye, my beloved shall send a messenger to me at the hour of nine, and I shall tell when and where we shall be wed, and I shall have a wife by tomorrow's eve.
As early as I could spare leaving home, I did visit Friar Lawrence. Upon seeing me, he was cheered, for seeing me in good spirits made him delighted. When I told him I wished to be married, though, he did not like the idea. He believes I do not give enough time for my love. I loved Rosaline, and he knew of such affection, but I changed such affections when I did meet Juliet. The dear friar did not know of this, but I believe I have convinced him enough that I am sound in my deciding, for he agreed to marry my dear Juliet and I! By tonight, I shall have the most wondrous of women as my beloved wife.
Upon exit of Friar Lawrence's cell, I came upon Benvolio and Mercutio. They were in as sour a mood as I have not seen before between the two of them, ad Mercutio could scarcely look at me, for I did not leave with them and accompany them home last night after Lord Capulet's banquet. They thought I had given them the slip! I quickly corrected them, telling them of the night I had. I could not tell them of Juliet though, for they would not understand me loving mine enemy's daughter. They are not understanding of such things, especially Mercutio, whose blood boils at the mention of the Capulets.
A woman came to us as we sat in the square. Mercutio decided to tease at her, but methinks that we all were, so I cannot jest. She was a kind enough woman, but she and Mercutio have the same lust unmatched, and I laughed a bit at the expense of my friend making a dunce of him. After he was left of the square, I spoke to the woman, who said she came from none other than her lady Juliet! Oh, how I was relieved to hear that she had sent someone to hear my happy news. Upon hearing news of our future marriage, she rejoiced as much as I, and promised to commend me to her lady. Oh, how I long to be married to Juliet Capulet. I have known her for so little a time, and yet I feel as though I have known her forever.
But hours later, I was married to Juliet. And we had the wedding I have dreamed of forever, in the secret of only the two of us and Friar Lawrence. We need not alert our families yet, for how would they think? They would not allow us to be together any longer, and we would not be any better off than being together in secret. I am in such joy over being her husband…..but something grave has happened today….Mercutio is dead, slain by the fiery Tybalt, who resides in the family of mine dear wife. I tried not to engage in the fight, but the two of them….I could not stop them, no matter how Benvolio and I tried to stop the two of them. I attempted to stop the fight, I did, but upon forcing Mercutio to keep his rapier up, Tybalt stabbed him. Beneath my own arm! Mercutio died a painful death, but was resisting it to the last moment, leading us all to believe he was well, and his wound but a scratch.
I was so angry, the fire-eyed fury of my rage being my only direction as I went with all my might to avenge my friend. I have slain Tybalt, just as he did slay my friend. I am fortune's fool, a fool of the worst sort. I fled the square to Friar Lawrence, feeling horrified as to what I did. I cannot imagine the shame my family will have for me when they see what I have done….or the despair mine Juliet's family shall have when they see that I have slain they're beloved relative.
I have been banished. I know not what else to do but die. I have no use for being in the world if I do not have Juliet, and I cannot ever see her again. I am not able to ever be in Verona again. How am I to go on? I cannot go on! But I must. I cannot give up on mine love for Juliet. I know that she would not if it was her in my place. I must not despair. Friar Lawrence says that I must go to Juliet tonight, so we may celebrate our wedding eve together. And after…..I must go. I cannot stay in Verona, and I must go to Mantua until I may come back and reconcile with everyone. My family, friends, the Prince…..everyone shall be able to forgive me one day, I hope. But until then, I cannot.
Today, I make my leave to Mantua. It is morning now, as I leave, and I miss Juliet already. Last night was an experience I shall not soon forgot. I do not believe in telling you what we did, for those experiences are only for she and I, and only God above shall be our witness.
I did not wish to believe that it was morning, but I had to accept the inevitable. I must leave Verona forever, hopefully to return, but I doubt not that this will be the last time I will see my precious Juliet. I shall miss her for every moment until I may see her again.
I go out into the world, with nothing else but myself to care for, and no one I can see again, for everyone I care for is back in Verona, or somewhere above my head in the heavens above.
I find myself in the humour I was once in, over Rosaline, for I know that now, I have neither her, nor my love. I shall have no one until I make my return to Verona.
I miss Juliet terribly, and I do not know what to do with myself without her. I wish to see her, to hear from her, even in the shortest amount, to know that she is alright. I care not in what she is doing. I know there is another man who wishes for her hand. Perhaps she is with him now. But no matter what fate has befallen her, I shall love her lively splendor for forever.
I have heard the most distressing news. Juliet is dead, all life taken from her last night. Balthasar a fine servant for my father's house, came from fair Verona to tell me of Juliet's demise. What horror! Oh, how fate has failed me! Failed her! My love has been taken from life, and thrown to the heavens with her cousin Tybalt, and the many others of her family's fair name.
I shall ride to Verona, and, if she is gone from this life, I shall sleep with her tonight, my perfect Juliet. Poison shall be my ally, if she cannot be any longer.
I have seen my Juliet with mine own eyes. She is dead, and yet, death has not touched her beauty. She looks as beautiful in death as she did in life, but she is not with me in life. Oh, how I miss her. How I adore her! I shall see her soon, now. I have given Balthasar my last words. For shame I am so cowardly to not live without her, but I cannot. I must be with her. I shall be with her.
And with this vial I hold with the last ounce of strength I shall have, I shall away, and never again see this cruel world again without my beloved. And I shall reunite with Juliet again in the heavens above, where we can be together for all time, with no one to ever break us apart. No feud can hold us, for there are no feuds where we go. And I shall away now, and never worry again, for Juliet is there.