Part one of three, I'll add two more chapters like this one when I get around to writing them. These are short moments in time between Kirk and Spock, based on the song the came on as I shuffled Itunes. Read and review, this is my first story so let me know what you think.

Warning: obviously, malexmale attraction. Don't like = don't read.


Thinking (if not song lyrics at beginning of section)

1. "Keep Yourself Warm" ~Frightened Rabbit

Oh, you won't find love in a

Won't find love in a hole

It takes more than fucking someone

To keep yourself warm

They both knew it, the simple truth that neither of them acknowledged as the Enterprise docked for shore leave.

It had been eight months since the beginning of the mission, eight months of Spock's cataloguing the captain's habits so that he may become more familiar with the man he was to serve under on the ship. Friendship was a strange concept in many ways to a Vulcan, but Spock had known immediately after the Narada incident that a captain such as James Kirk would require extra effort to understand.

The once awkward chess games were now an established routine, the steadying hand on his shoulder during the captain's rounds on the bridge was tolerated, and the patterns of Kirk's behavior were understood. This is why Spock knew, could fathom exactly what the captain was going to do with his shore leave. Spock would never admit to noticing or acknowledging this, but privately he conceived what he considered a purely logical question from a Vulcan perspective.

"Is sexual satisfaction all that you seek?"

And even more privately, a question that Spock denied, to his own mind, that he even contemplated in the slightest…

"Do you truly think you'll find anything real in that bar?"

2. "Shut Up" ~Blink-182

I got too fucked up again, and passed out on the bridge

Have to forget you, I can't forget you

No sleep on this flight, I'll think about the nights

We had to get through, how did we get through?

I got too fucked up again, and passed out on the bridge

Have to forget you, I can't forget you

No sleep on this flight, I'll think about the nights

We had to get through, how did we get through?

I'll never ask permission from you,

Fuck off I'm not listening to you

I'm not coming home, I'm never going to come back home

Jim was shitfaced. They'd lost five ensigns on the supposedly uninhabited planet this morning, but to his great luck he had just enough liquor to toast each one of them in his quarters before carrying the rest of the bottle to the empty bridge to down the remaining half. It was very late, most current crew members asleep as they had decked the ship to refuel and repair damage at one of the nearby Starfleet outposts.

Jim was pretty sure he wasn't trying to spin his chair in circles. His feet were on the ground. Had he always had seven fingers on each hand? Wow, strong stuff. He was glad the bridge was empty – if the crew saw how the supposedly unflappable captain dealt with guilt and loss they might make him stay a week with Bones in the medical bay for an intense psych evaluation.


Fuck. The bridge wasn't empty anymore. Of course Spock would be up at this hour, patrolling the corridors or some other professional crap. "Go away Spock, I'm not in the right state to listen to you right now."

"Captain, I judge that leaving you in the current state at this time would be unwise on my part and dangerous on your part." Spock was still a few feet behind him, Jim choosing to stay planted in his chair instead of risking an unbalanced swivel to face the Vulcan.

"Spock, just get out. I'm drinking, not tossing myself into space. Leave already, this isn't sharing time."

His words were slurring almost as much as his vision by now, and Jim slumped a fraction farther into the chair. What a captain he was. Why did Spock feel the need to add to his headache? As if he didn't feel guilty enough for getting crew members killed, Spock was also injured while protecting the remaining party members as they retreated. He had spent only 20 minutes in the medical bay, but causing your first officer to be shot in the shoulder didn't help the guilt he felt mixing with the alcohol in his gut.

Damn it Spock, I came here to forget you, forget this morning and the damage I've done, forget being a captain. "Leave me alone, that's an order."

"I offer my regrets, captain, but as we are not on duty I feel disinclined to follow such an order." As soon as Kirk began to turn his head and retort, Spock spoke again: "Additionally, captain, I don't believe I asked for your permission to stay."

Now Kirk did spin carefully around to stare incredulously at Spock: what was that? Spock had sounded almost challenging, something Jim hadn't experienced since the Nero incident almost a year ago. Spock never spoke to him like this, even if he was being 'illogical.' Since then they'd grown to be friends, spending a fair amount of time together off duty (especially now that Spock's time wasn't taken up by Uhura anymore).

"Fine." Spock raised an eyebrow at the captain, watching as he slowly picked himself up and took an unsteady step toward the lift. "If you won't leave then I will." The bottle Jim had brought was empty, meaning his night was over anyway. Now the only challenge left was to maneuver successfully through the halls and back to his chambers.

"You'll find that I've used a complex security code on the doors to prevent you from accidentally tossing yourself into space on the way to bed, so I would advise you to sit back down . Your blood alcohol level is far beyond what is appropriate or safe at this point."

"And what would be appropriate, Spock? What would be the logical thing to do now? What would you have me do?"

Spock approached the irate captain calmly, unblinking as he spoke. "I would have you sleep, captain, and I would suggest you remember that it wasn't your error that caused the incident this morning. Our report was faulty and no one was properly prepared."

Kirk softened slightly, directing his glare to the floor as he collapsed back into the captain's chair and put his head in his hands. He could only imagine what Spock thought of his weak moment. "You know I'll never listen to you, right?" Kirk looked up at his first with a small drunken smile, resigning himself to the bridge and to Spock's company for the evening. This wasn't the first evening Spock had found him here, although he'd never been this drunk before.

Just before he fell into unconsciousness, Spock still standing by his side, he heard "I know."

3. "Heartbeat" ~The Fray

Oh you gotta fire and it's burnin' in the rain.

Thought that it went out, but it's burnin' just the same.

And you don't look back, not for anything.

'Cause you love someone, you love them all the same.

If you love someone, you love them all the same.

Oh I feel your heartbeat.

And oh, you're comin' around, comin' around, comin' around

If you can love somebody, love them all the same.

You gotta love somebody, love them all the same.

I'm singing, Oh, I feel your heartbeat.

I know the memories rushing into your mind.

I want to kiss your scars tonight.

I'm laying here,

'Cause you've gotta try, you've gotta let me in, let me in

It was the one year anniversary of Vulcan's destruction. Kirk had arrived at Spock's quarters for the chess game as he would normally, unaware of the date and jovial as he punched in the security code to override the lock. "Spock, this time I'm gonna beat-" he stopped short.

Spock was in the far corner of the room, dressed in his black formal uniform and meditating on the floor. His eyes were closed and his brow was furrowed. Next to him was a small framed photo of his mother. He hadn't noticed Kirk yet.

Kirk set down the chess board in his hands and crossed the room, the door sliding shut behind him. Spock's eyes didn't flicker open until Kirk had put his hand on the Vulcan's shoulder, feeling immediately the tense muscle under his fingers. By now, Spock and he didn't always need to speak to communicate. As much as Spock could read the emotional human, Jim could tell when the emotions kept under wraps in Spock's head were overwhelming the man in front of him.

He sat down across from Spock, a few inches between their knees as they faced each other, cross-legged and motionless.

"I'm sorry."

"I know."

Spock couldn't look away from the captain's face. How badly he wanted, needed, a distraction from the painful remembrance of today. Jim, his eyes never breaking the gaze, tentatively reached out and placed his hand on the back of Spock's neck, pulling their foreheads together and allowing Spock to get a glimpse of the sorrow and affection and uncertainty the other man felt at this instant. Suddenly the pain was a lighter burden to bear, because he could finally share it with someone. Spock closed his eyes, allowing his head to slide down into the captain's shoulder as both sets of arms wrapped around the other. This was the first hug he'd ever given, or received.

It was exactly what he needed.