THE CASTLE, NIGHT

LEGOLAS
Army, assemble now.
What we will not do?

ARMY CHOIR
Leave Laura at Mondor.

LEGOLAS
What do we want?

ARMY CHOIR
Set Laura free.

LEGOLAS
When do we want it?

ARMY CHOIR
Few hours later.

LEGOLAS
Get your weapons and prepare for a long horse ride.
We will go soon.

NARRATOR
Mean while, back in the castle of Milkwood
Legolas was getting the army ready to go and save Laura.

STRIDER
Brace yourselves, a fright is coming
but we will survive the horrors,
both of the Dark Lord and his underlings
and we'll kick the Dark Lord's arse.

ARMY CHOIR
Without a fight we won't give her away.
After all these years she's stayed so cute
because Legolas has protected her.

LEGOLAS
All her life I've cast my shield before her
and protected her cute face.
I won't let her beauty vanish.

LEGOLAS, NARRATOR, STRIDER, GANDALF, ARMY CHOIR
What we want? Set Laura free. When we want? Few hours later. What we wait? Fright from the orcs. Can we fight it? Yes, we can.

MONDOR, NIGHT

The orcs come into Laura's cell.

ORC CHOIR
She is dangerous.
She got a fatal power.
But she's also nice on her lower waist.

LAURA
What do you want from me?

ORC CHOIR
Urge to tie rises.
Urge to stripe rises.
Hold her tight.

The orcs tie Laura up and take some of her clothes off.

ORC CHOIR
Urge to rape rises.
She's got nice biceps.
Those precious thighs.
Hold her for me tight.

One orc rapes Laura.

LAURA
Go away, you bastard!

One orc whips her.

ORC CHOIR
Just be still now
or we'll hurt you.

The orcs gang up on Laura. The Dark Lord enters, carrying a large tube whose label says "Posion".

DARK LORD
Don't bet her to death.
We still must injet into her
the Posion.

The Dark Lord, with help of the Orcs, empties the Posion tube onto Laura.

LAURA
I see blood and scars on my body.
I can only move my right arm
but not my left
and then I can't see very well.
I feel so cold.

Why will nobody save me?
I wave my hand at the window
and give the signs I'm here
but I see no glimpse of Legolas.
For I can't see very well.

It feels so long ago
when I last saw Legolas's hair.
The golden halo on the blonde
fabulous Greenleaf heir.

Legolas, I miss him.
My heart feels heavy from longing
and my tummy goes upside down
when I think of him
and that golden halo on the blonde.

NARRATOR
Laura felt helpless and forsaken
as if everyone had forgot her.
But mean while at the frount gates of Mondor
there was Legolas and the others.

LEGOLAS, STRIDER, GANDALF, ARMY CHOIR
Let Laura go.

DARK LORD
No.

LEGOLAS
Right, lisson.
I'll will clim up to the cell and get Laura
and you and the others will find another way in.

STRIDER
Alright.

ARMY CHOIR
We won't not give in without a fight.
If you don't let her go—

ORC CHOIR
We don't care.

ARMY CHOIR
We start to kill the orcs.

A fight between the army and orcs begins.

GANDALF
I'll will go and kill the Dark Lord
and you and the others go and help Legolas.

STRIDER
Becareful.

GANDALF
I will. Don't you worry about me.

Legolas speaks to Laura from the outside of the cell door.

LEGOLAS
Laura, are you in there?

LAURA
Oh Legolas, you finally came!

LEGOLAS
Are you alright?

LAURA
No, I am not alright.

LEGOLAS
They bet you up and raped you.
Also the Dark Lord gave you the Posion.

LAURA
How did you know that?

LEGOLAS
When I was your age
they did the samething to me.
I also was abducted,
bet up and posioned
and my virginity was taken.

LAURA
Oh Legolas!

LEGOLAS
Oh Laura!
I wanted to keep you warm
I wanted to keep you safe
and I wish they never took you away.

LAURA
Can you get me out of here?

LEGOLAS
Okay, stand back.

Legolas barges through the door.

LAURA
Wow.

LEGOLAS
You body! What did they do to you?
Why they did it to you, not me?

BOSS OF THE ORCS
Because she got a power
and she can distoy us all the bad guys.

Everybody starts screaming/yelling in terror.

NARRATOR
Then the fright began!

Legolas shoots arrows towards the orcs. The Boss of the Orcs dies and his corpse is dragged off stage.

NARRATOR
Legolas got out his bow and arrows
andstarted fireing at them.
But it was no use
for the orcs started frightening him back.

Legolas's army comes and starts a full fight against the orcs.

ARMY CHOIR
Let's kill the orcs.
We'll will save the princess
and Legolas, too.

Strider comes in, holding four or five swords in front of his face.

LEGOLAS
Strider, is that you?

STRIDER
Yes, it is.
Let's get this party started.

A fight ensues. Legolas's side quickly gets the upper hand.

ARMY CHOIR
Despite the fright we are not scared.
No orc nor sword can give us goosebumps.
Triumph is ours. Triumph is ours.

DARK LORD
(voice is heard off-stage)
You ludacris fools.

The fighting ceases as the Dark Lord enters.

DARK LORD
Did you think you would bet me?
She may got the power
but I control the forces.

Uses the Force to almost choke Legolas. Luckily, Gandalf comes in and saves the situation.

GANDALF
Just hold your horses!
Legolas and you others, take Laura out of here.
I'll will distory the Dark Lord.

Legolas, Strider and the army retreat, taking Laura along. The Dark Lord tries to run after them.

DARK LORD
Get her for me.
I planed on her killing for weeks.

GANDALF
(casts himself between the Dark Lord and the army)
You shall not pass.
I am have a fun time trying to distory you.

Gandalf and the Dark Lord start dueling.

ARMY CHOIR
Say G, say A, say N.
Say D, say A, say L.
Say F, it's Gandalf but not elf.
He is have a fun time trying to distory the Dark Lord.
Gandalf is such a pro. The Dark Lord's such a ho.

GANDALF
I wish Merry and Pippin
and Frodo and Sam was here.

A sword is thrown on the stage.

FRODO BAGGINS
Some wished us here.

GANDALF
Frodo Baggins, why are you doing here?

FRODO BAGGINS
We came to help you
and also we got rid of the ring.

DARK LORD
Oh no!

Gandalf uses powerful magic: one gigantic flash of light and the Dark Lord is destroyed.

ARMY CHOIR
We won.
Laura is saved and so is Milkwood.

NARRATOR
Fantastic victory.
But all was not well in the kingdom.
The Posion had begun to affect
and Laura was suffering.

Legolas lays unconscious Laura on a stretcher. Strider covers her with his own cape.

LEGOLAS
We must go to Rivendell to get Laura better.

GANDALF
I think you are right.

NARRATOR
And then they turned around
and went to Rivendell.
Miles of rideing, few hours of walking,
and Laura was sleeping… Or so they hoped.

RIVENDELL, MORNING

Laura, still unconscious, is laid on a bed.

NARRATOR
It was few hour later
and Laura still was bruning up.
Her face was pale
but her skin on fire
like after drinking too much ale.

STRIDER
She is getting wose.

LEGOLAS
I know.
Will you please now leave us.
I'll will tell you when she wakes up.
Intill that, I'll will stay at her side every day.

Please wake up, Laura.
I don't know if you can hear me
but since that day I found you whaped
and lying in that brownish woodsand
your eyes have been the leafgreen shade
that blends so well with colour of the woods.

If you opened your eyes one more time
just let me see that forest-coloured shine.
Please don't be dead, Laura.
Please, wake up, angel of mine.

Laura wakes up.

LEGOLAS
Laura.

LAURA
Legolas.
Thank you for saving me.

LEGOLAS
That's ok.

Legolas kisses Laura. They embrace.

LEGOLAS
Are you alright?

LAURA
Yes I am.

LEGOLAS
I am soo happy.

LAURA
Do you want to be my boyfriend?

LEGOLAS
Yes, I will be your boyfriend.

The couple kisses again.

LAURA
What happened to me, Legolas?

LEGOLAS
You got kidnaped by the orcs
and they raped you
and also bet you almost to death
and then the Dark Lord gave you some Posion.

LAURA
Why I can only move one arm?

LEGOLAS
Your left arm is broken.

Strider comes in.

LAURA
Hello, Strider.

STRIDER
I see you are awake.

Everybody freezes into a still image and the music ends abruptly.