Thranduril sighed as he looked at his rather annoying young son. "Legolas", he said, "have you any idea how much this is going to cost me?"

"Cost him?" Frodo whispered to Elrond.

"Of course. Thranduril's always having to pick up the legal bills for Legolas."


"Father..." Legolas's mind raced as he tried to think of a way to make this really bad situation a little better. "Um, ah- wait! I know! We can donate him to the Middle Earth Museum of Natural History! They can stuff him and make a nice display!"


"What? Or, um, we could preserve him in amber! You know, like the bugs from the prehistoric era!"


"Or we can make collectible baseballs! Instead of putting a single string from a famous baseball, we can put one of his hairs or something."



~~ ~~~ ~~ ~~~ ~~ ~~~ ~~

Meanwhile, sensing that their turn for punishment would come soon, Merry and Pippin had wandered away from the havoc. They made their way onto the main road out of Rivendell.

"Well, Merry, what do you say? Should we get back to the Shire for a while, until this all blows over?" Pippin was already dreaming of food, some nice fresh weed, and the pretty girls down at the pubs.

Before Merry could reply, the hobbits heard a clop-clop-clop sounding on the road. They immediately dived into some bushes. Soon the figure came into view- Arwen.

She was about to ride into the gates when the horse stopped by the hobbits' hiding place, sensing something was wrong. Arwen frowned and leapt down from the horse. She looked around, but there was nothing unusual to be seen (Hobbits are good at hiding, you know). On a hunch, she pulled out a sugar cookie from the basket she was holding and waved it back and forth a few times. Pippin gave a small squeak. In an instant, Arwen was upon them. She lifted Merry and Pippin out and placed them on her horse.

"What are the two of you doing out here?" she asked suspiciously. Merry shook his head in alarm, but Pippin was already saying, "oh, Mister Legolas is in trouble because he accidentally-" Merry clapped a hand over his friend's mouth.

"What?" Sensing trouble, Arwen took the horse by the reins and led them into Rivendell.

~~ ~~~ ~~ ~~~ ~~

Elrond watched as the elves laid Aragorn onto a funeral pyre. All the folk of Rivendell were present, including Gimli, who was sobbing into a handkerchief in remorse, and Boromir, who couldn't quite suppress the huge grin on his face.

Elrond sighed once again as he thought of his daughter. What the heck was he supposed to say to Arwen? It didn't help that it had been Legolas that killed him. Where was Legolas anyway? He peered around the crowds. The elf was nowhere to be seen.

Suddenly a great whispering filled the plaza. Elrond turned. Arwen was stalking in with a hobbit on each arm. Legolas was running after her in desperation.

"Please, my sweet, don't go! There's nothing to be done, really, and I don't want you-"

"Get off of me, you leech!" Arwen screeched. Legolas pouted and melted away into the crowd.

Arwen rushed up to Elrond. "It's not really true, is it, Daddy?" Elrond nodded regretfully. Arwen burst into tears and rushed away. Most of the congregation followed after her. Others, after watching Elrond run after his daughter, departed tactfully.

~~ ~~~ ~~ ~~~ ~~ ~~~ ~~

In the deserted courtyard, Merry, Pippin, Sam and Frodo went over to look at Aragorn.

"You've really done it this time," Sam commented.

"Oh, be quiet!" Pippin said. "I bet you I can get him up again."

"Really?" Frodo asked.

"Sure," Pippin bragged, "just watch." He climbed on top of the pyre and thumped on Aragorn's chest vigorously. No response. He lifted open one of Aragorn's eyelids. Nothing.

Undaunted, Pippin continued his poking and prodding as the other hobbits watched in alarm. "Get off of him," Sam advised, "or you'll kill him even more."

Pippin returned to Aragorn's head and thumped it hard. "Strider! Come back!" He thumped again. "Strider! Arwen's back!" Thump. Thump.

"Strider, wake up!" Frodo added. "Someone stole your sword!" Thump.

"Strider!" Merry said, "wake up! Boromir is going to be king!" Thump. Thump.

Pippin climbed on top of Aragorn and looked around. Peering into one of the windows, he exclaimed, "Strider, wake up! Legolas is making moves on Arwen!"

An eyebrow twitched. Oblivious, the hobbits continued trying to resurrect Aragorn.

~~ ~~~ ~~ ~~~ ~~ ~~~ ~~

Later: Arwen sniffed as she plied heaps of flowers on Aragorn. Elrond, the hobbits, Legolas, Tranduril, Gimli, Boromir and all the elves were gathered respectively. Elrond patted his daughter's shoulder and peered at Boromir. Typical. He was already making plans for his new authority.

The elven lord picked up a flaming torch and handed it to Arwen. "Would you like to do the honors, my dear?" he asked. Arwen shook her head and buried her face in his arm.

Elrond shrugged and set fire to the azalea bloom on top of Aragorn's belt buckle. The fire grew to a nice little blaze, snapping merrily on top of the flowers.

At Elrond's signal, Legolas set loose a flock of white mourning doves. The birds flew up into the sky, and away into the sun.

All except for one. That one, obviously, had a bad wing. It flapped pitifully a few times before falling right onto the flowery blaze. Everyone gasped as the bird squawked and fluttered all around, trying to fly away and landing on Aragorn's face.

Suddenly, an unearthly cry filled the air. Aragorn's hands brushed wildly at the dove flambeau on his face, and he leapt up off of the funeral pyre. He opened his eyes, only to find he was covered in flaming flowers.

Arwen looked up. "HE'S ALIVE!" she cried. She raced over to Aragorn and engulfed him in a large and exuberant embrace, therefore smothering the fire that had been growing.

Legolas grinned and poked Boromir. "Hey, steward-guy, you'd better take a look at this."

"Huh?" Boromir snapped out of his daydreams to see Aragorn being beset by Arwen and the hobbits. "He's *alive*?" he asked with tremendous disappointment. Elrond turned and raised an eyebrow. "I mean, ah, he's alive! Yeah! He's alive!"

Aragorn smiled happily, if somewhat confusedly. "Hello," he said to the hobbits. "Could someone please tell me why I seem to be covered in burnt flowers?"

Merry and Pippin looked at each other in exultation. "He's forgotten!" Merry whispered. They did a little jig.

"See?" Pippin told the other hobbits, "I just knew everything would turn out all right."


~~ ~~~ ~~ ~~~ ~~ ~~~

A/N: Wow! Done, at last. Thank you so much, everyone who reviews! That's the only reason I write these things.

All done with this one. more time for other evil LotR stories (check them out! cough, cough). hahahahahaha.