posted 10-13-2000 12:25 AM

"Your Creation"
Categories: Monologue, V
Rating: PG
Summary: "Forget what I said about understanding, Da'an" - Liam, "Forge
Warning: DARK!
Feedback: Only makes me better - good and bad welcome

You never knew - none of you did. Maybe my mother did, but she's dead
now, just one of your trail of casualties. You didn't know the real purpose
I was created - not born. *Created.*

The last survivor of a race you bastards destroyed begat a bastard of his
own, and I'm it. Add the memories of two Protectors - one of which is
wrecking you from the inside and you aren't even seeing it. The first
memories? Of violation, hatred...of seeing a homeworld destroyed, and the
horror of realizing what was happening while being anesthetized by alien

You didn't think I was a tool of vengeance, did you? I don't think you even

So, why did I protect you? Why did I fight the urge bred in me to kill you
and instead stand by you and save your sorry blue hide?

* * * *

I was enjoying my childhood - all twelve hours of it. My mother was being
re-implanted and sent back with a time bomb in her head. Renee wondered
why I didn't seem to care at Doors's funeral. Little hard to cry for your
mom's killer. I felt so lonely and scared. A hand reached down, and patted
my shoulder.

"Come on, Liam. Your mom's going to be okay."

She had dark hair and dark eyes. I had the feeling I can trust her. From
another set of my borrowed memories, I clasped my hands behind my
back, looking up at her expectantly. She bent down.

"My name's Lili."

Captain Marquette - Mom suspected her of being a spy. Well, she'd been
right there. Come to think about it, I wasn't the first person you knew to
be Resistance, then betrayed when it was in your best interest to do so.
Guess thickheaded me didn't put it together before. You would have
known from Sharing with her. I had once believed the Sharing was an act
of love and friendship. Well, just add it to the list of beautiful things gone
ugly in your hands.

She took me to a small room and flicked on the TV. She was drained, and
was just keeping an eye on me as I sank next to her on the couch. I knew
she was sad. I didn't have to open my hand and touch hers to know how
sad. I was tired and dozing on her lap as she watched the news on TV.

The anchor on the news was saying something about a Protector being
dead - a Protector like Mom and Dad. I thought I knew him, but the tangle
of memories was too much for my hours-old brain to process.

"Oh, Will would have hated all this attention."

I looked up at her.

"William Boone. He…was Da'an's Protector. Don't suppose you know who
he is - was."

I had to think about it. It's a tangle of things I didn't really understand.
Still don't. I leaned against Lili. I was getting tired, and while she wasn't
Mom, she'd have to do. I could trust her. She shifted me a little onto her
lap as I started dozing off. Part of me still was watching the rapid clip of
newsreel footage announcing Will Boone's life and career. It lingered over
his scenes with a Taelon…you.

"Da'an." She smiled. "Da'an is one of the better Taelons. He actually seems
to like humans, or is trying to at least."

I couldn't take my eyes off you. Ha'gel's voice was so loud and angry,
telling me that you destroyed the homeworld and that I'm the only shard
of Kimera that will ever be. I wanted to hate you, and I couldn't. Because
I saw that you were - or maybe just thought you were - as sad as Lili. My
tiny hand reached towards the screen. I wanted to touch you and tell you
and Lili not to be sad. To comfort you and help in any way I could.

Boone had a lot of reasons to want vengeance, you know? I still
remember, through Sandoval's eyes, the look on his face as he twirled
DeDe's wedding band in front of his eyes, viciously calm as he told
Sandoval that DeDe's dead - by his hands. Eye for an eye, I guess.

"But he never hated the Taelons," Lili reminded me. "Hate wouldn't bring
back his wife, so I guess that's why he didn't. He was always trying to
understand, and I guess that hope to understand dies with him."

She started telling me a story about them, what it was like to serve with
the Taelons and as much as she could tell me about Boone and about you.
She needed someone to talk to, and I guess I was it. I started falling
asleep, dreaming about becoming a Protector. I never met Will Boone, but
I wanted to be just like him when I grew up...

* * * *

So, you wonder why I shoved you out of the way of the Replicant when
part of me would have just as soon let it blast you to bits? Why I've tried
to talk people out of killing you, why I haven't thrown down my badge and
told you to go find another hybrid toy to play with?

You just had to go and use her for your sick little games, explaining it
away by the great Taelon mystery. I have a really hard time swallowing
the idea she loved that Jaridian, and to find out that what my human
father did to her was done with your blessing and that she wasn't the only
one? And don't give me this crap about volunteers, either. I know better.
Your kind seems to get off on causing suffering, especially to the ones
who would have said yes in the first place - like those people in the
Church of the Companions you hold down and siphon kryss from. You told
me that you're no longer harvesting the stuff on Earth - it just means you
moved it from my sight. A year ago, I might have believed you weren't
harming them. Now, I know you are, and I hate you for it.

Tonight I was within a micrometer of blasting Sandoval's head off. You
could be next. The things inside me that held Ha'Gel's vengance in check
are eroding away, and I'm losing my mind in the process. The most
disturbing part is I don't care. I don't give a damn about peace anymore,
or about saving lives. Enjoy the monster you created, Da'an - you and the
others. The Taelons are going to be destroyed.

And I have a bad feeling that I'll lose the rest of my mind and be the one
who will do it.